Change in custodialship

[Zigner]

And my mom. And my pastor... do you not have those that love you and support you when you are treated unfairly?

1) Your PASTOR is trying to "change his custodial abilities"?

2) I thought this was about the kids?

 

[kbeans1980]

When you proposed a different schedule to dad on this BS after school time, what was his answer to that?

It is ridiculous, but's it in your order. Have you offered dad something else that would stop that everyday crap, but gave him the time back elsewhere? I believe LdiJ posted to offer him a full evening for not doing it every day. Or perhaps you can split mon, tues, wed and fri, and he get 2 full evenings and you the other 2. Pick the kids back up on those days after dinner time or their activity.

He tells me that he isn't giving up the power to pick them up when he wants from school. He wants them with his wife intead of my fiance if he isn't available. That she represents him and that she is their real mother anyways. Blood and biology don't matter as much as the commitment of marriage...(coming from a divorced man) I have this in an email from him. I read it in disbelief. He's not willing to compromise.

 

[Just Blue]

I don't want him to have more overnights with the kids if possible. The more access he has, the more he does things like with the school and whatnot. I am hoping to stop the bullying or minimize it a little. I don't think an extra night with him would do that.

Honestly y'all, if I'm barking up the wrong tree and no judge will see my side, that's all anyone has to say.i don't need rude stupid smiley faces. a simple "no, I think it would be a waste of time and money. Try another route" is all anyone has to say if they don't agree with me.

Ok. You are barking up the wrong tree. Doubt a Judge will see your side. Probably a WOM. TAR.

Blue

 

[kbeans1980]

1) Your PASTOR is trying to "change his custodial abilities"?

2) I thought this was about the kids?

OMG NO!!! no. I was saying 'we" as in myself and those that support me and want me to persue it. Obviously I have my church family and my mom that want me to take him to court, but they are feeding off emotions. Not looking at the whole picture. I have them in my ear yelling at me that what he is doing is wrong, but just because it's messed up, it doesn't mean that things could change. the only "we" was in reference to the support team behind me. I realize that i'm on my own with this.

now HIS pastor... he lied under oath about my ex threatening me. And kicked me out of the church after the intervention they held at my house. And then he was the best man at my ex's second wedding. it's been a FUN few years.

 

[kbeans1980]

Ok. You are barking up the wrong tree. Doubt a Judge will see your side. Probably a WOM. TAR.

Blue

Thank you for your honest opinion.

 

[Ohiogal]

He tells me that he isn't giving up the power to pick them up when he wants from school. He wants them with his wife intead of my fiance if he isn't available. That she represents him and that she is their real mother anyways. Blood and biology don't matter as much as the commitment of marriage...(coming from a divorced man) I have this in an email from him. I read it in disbelief. He's not willing to compromise.

Regardless of the parenting schedule, the SCHOOL cannot stop him from picking them up.

 

[stealth2]

I don't want him to have more overnights with the kids if possible. The more access he has, the more he does things like with the school and whatnot. I am hoping to stop the bullying or minimize it a little. I don't think an extra night with him would do that.

You cannot stop his behavior. But you CAN mitigate it with the kids. I alwaus told mine that people say a lot of things when they are upset/angry that they may not mean, and that there are many different ways of seeing the same situatio - my way, their Dad's way, their way - and the truth is somewhere in between. It does not mean any of us are lying; we just see it differently.

 

[Just Blue]

Thank you for your honest opinion.

ROTFL,,,

But You Are Welcome

Have fun with the Attorney(s).

 

[kbeans1980]

You cannot stop his behavior. But you CAN mitigate it with the kids. I alwaus told mine that people say a lot of things when they are upset/angry that they may not mean, and that there are many different ways of seeing the same situatio - my way, their Dad's way, their way - and the truth is somewhere in between. It does not mean any of us are lying; we just see it differently.

Thank you. There are a lot of people on here making light of the situation, but this... thank you. It hurts so badly to have years of this ahead.

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you. There are a lot of people on here making light of the situation, but this... thank you. It hurts so badly to have years of this ahead.

I was never "making light" of your posts. If you didn't have your head so far up...well, you might see that your plans are not necessarily going to be rubber-stamped.

It's a pity you only listen to your bf and mom and those who pet you. Try an attorney.

 

[gam]

He tells me that he isn't giving up the power to pick them up when he wants from school. He wants them with his wife intead of my fiance if he isn't available. That she represents him and that she is their real mother anyways. Blood and biology don't matter as much as the commitment of marriage...(coming from a divorced man) I have this in an email from him. I read it in disbelief. He's not willing to compromise.

If you take it to court then your risking a Judge siding with you, however he also might side against you and give dad extra overnights or extra weeknights. Me I would risk it because no way would I be doing that BS everyday crap to my kids or myself. In my head the other options are better.k

Once custody and a parenting time are ordered, it's very hard to change either. So to fix something that is not working well, you have to give up something else or the court usually won't do it. You do not have good reasons or proof to have the court taking time from dad. You have a lot of BS that dad is doing, that you should have filed contempt on if it is in your order. If it is not you should have modified your order and added things in it.

So that is what it boils down to, either your stuck with this schedule or you fix it, but your going to have to give him time elsewhere or the court is not going to do it. On the rest of the stuff, you should really have things in your order so you can file contempt when he pulls some of this or start filing contempt if it is in your order already. It may never stop, however many quit the games when the other side stops putting up with them by getting them in their order and filing contempt on them.

You made the mess and yes you could be stuck for a long time with a horrible situation with someone who will not co-parent. Look up different types of parenting online when one side won't co-parent, by using a different one yourself you can make it less stressful.

 

[kbeans1980]

I was never "making light" of your posts. If you didn't have your head so far up...well, you might see that your plans are not necessarily going to be rubber-stamped.

It's a pity you only listen to your bf and mom and those who pet you. Try an attorney.

I'm not going to be paying the money to find an attorney if I don't have a leg to stand on. Which is why I came here to begin with. I am supported very little financially by my ex husband. I don't have a lot of money to throw around on a lawyer that will end up making zero change in the quality of life we have. If I wanted to hear a bunch of people tell me to nail his arse to the wall in court, I would talk to my friends. I didn't want to hear that. But eye rolling and smart comments don't help me either. Do any of you know how badly it hurts to have to carry around birth certificates to change paperwork at any given moment because my ex has removed me off of things? And to not be given information because school docs are removed when he picks them up from school. And for the kids to cry that they don't want to drive all the time. To hear threats from him that he wants me out of the kids lives and will stop at nothing to get it done? His mother in law is a cop. When I told him I would report him for harrassment, he laughed. And I cowered. I have lived scared.It's been hell. I have felt these thinsg have been wrong for a long time, but out of fear that nothing would change and it would be a waste, I have sat by and done nothing. Tell the kids, "It's ok if daddy says he hates mommy. You're not going to like everyone all the time, but you have to be nice."... it's a VERY hard life. Would life be easier with extra child support since it was based off a posession schedule that is WAY different than it is now? Yes. Would the kids be happier if they weren't driving everywhere every day? Yes. Am I trying to keep their dad from them? NO. But every dollar I make is precious. And I don't want to waste it for no change and just to anger my ex even more. I came for other opinions. And y'all don't think that a judge will change anything just because he refuses to co-parent...even though we are supposed to work together. And that's fine. I'll just keep waiting. And I'll wait to have something more concrete.

y'all have a nice evening. And thank you again.

 

[Zigner]

I'm not going to be paying the money to find an attorney if I don't have a leg to stand on. Which is why I came here to begin with. I am supported very little financially by my ex husband. I don't have a lot of money to throw around on a lawyer that will end up making zero change in the quality of life we have. If I wanted to hear a bunch of people tell me to nail his arse to the wall in court, I would talk to my friends. I didn't want to hear that. But eye rolling and smart comments don't help me either. Do any of you know how badly it hurts to have to carry around birth certificates to change paperwork at any given moment because my ex has removed me off of things? And to not be given information because school docs are removed when he picks them up from school. And for the kids to cry that they don't want to drive all the time. To hear threats from him that he wants me out of the kids lives and will stop at nothing to get it done? His mother in law is a cop. When I told him I would report him for harrassment, he laughed. And I cowered. I have lived scared.It's been hell. I have felt these thinsg have been wrong for a long time, but out of fear that nothing would change and it would be a waste, I have sat by and done nothing. Tell the kids, "It's ok if daddy says he hates mommy. You're not going to like everyone all the time, but you have to be nice."... it's a VERY hard life. Would life be easier with extra child support since it was based off a posession schedule that is WAY different than it is now? Yes. Would the kids be happier if they weren't driving everywhere every day? Yes. Am I trying to keep their dad from them? NO. But every dollar I make is precious. And I don't want to waste it for no change and just to anger my ex even more. I came for other opinions. And y'all don't think that a judge will change anything just because he refuses to co-parent...even though we are supposed to work together. And that's fine. I'll just keep waiting. And I'll wait to have something more concrete.

y'all have a nice evening. And thank you again.

1) It's not your ex's responsibility to support you (financially or otherwise).
2) I thought this was about the kids.

 

[Just Blue]

I'm not going to be paying the money to find an attorney if I don't have a leg to stand on. Which is why I came here to begin with. I am supported very little financially by my ex husband. I don't have a lot of money to throw around on a lawyer that will end up making zero change in the quality of life we have. If I wanted to hear a bunch of people tell me to nail his arse to the wall in court, I would talk to my friends. I didn't want to hear that. But eye rolling and smart comments don't help me either. Do any of you know how badly it hurts to have to carry around birth certificates to change paperwork at any given moment because my ex has removed me off of things? And to not be given information because school docs are removed when he picks them up from school. And for the kids to cry that they don't want to drive all the time. To hear threats from him that he wants me out of the kids lives and will stop at nothing to get it done? His mother in law is a cop. When I told him I would report him for harrassment, he laughed. And I cowered. I have lived scared.It's been hell. I have felt these thinsg have been wrong for a long time, but out of fear that nothing would change and it would be a waste, I have sat by and done nothing. Tell the kids, "It's ok if daddy says he hates mommy. You're not going to like everyone all the time, but you have to be nice."... it's a VERY hard life. Would life be easier with extra child support since it was based off a posession schedule that is WAY different than it is now? Yes. Would the kids be happier if they weren't driving everywhere every day? Yes. Am I trying to keep their dad from them? NO. But every dollar I make is precious. And I don't want to waste it for no change and just to anger my ex even more. I came for other opinions. And y'all don't think that a judge will change anything just because he refuses to co-parent...even though we are supposed to work together. And that's fine. I'll just keep waiting. And I'll wait to have something more concrete.

y'all have a nice evening. And thank you again.

The members here are going off what YOU have posted. Not all members are Attorneys and you should try for a free consult in the LEGAL state. You should also get a second job to assist you with this. 'cause they are your children and it's IMPORTANT. Right?

Good luck, don't give up and have faith

Blue

BTW

Was that nice without emo stuff?? )

 

[kbeans1980]

1) It's not your ex's responsibility to support you (financially or otherwise).
2) I thought this was about the kids.

OMG It IS! is it okay for the kids to be exposed to that all the time? The hate? The negative talk? the lack of communication? The power struggle over a stupid hour? For a parent to completely try to hide stuff about the kids from me? He would rather force the kids to drive around an hour a day than make life easier for them. It is NOT a good situation for kids. It's how divorced children end up scarred.

The only reason I brought up money is cause I don't have it to spend. I'm nost saying anything else. Don't read into it anymore than I don't have money to pay for an attorney if things aren't going to change. I don't want to throw away cash. period. that said, he is paying child support based off him having the kids 5 hours per day every day and he doesn't have that anymore. he hasn't have that sicne july 12'. but that's a ccompletely different animal. money isn't as important as the kids' happiness. I don't care about going after money. I want to just live a life with out him intimidating me and the children the rest of our lives. That's why i left to begin with.

now please just... stop. you have said your peace. I have the info I need to make a more informed choice.

And gam, thank you for trying to to show pros and cons.