child abuse...do/can I do anything legally?

[mistoffolees]

After filing for restraining order, do I also file an exparte for suspending visitation?

I would.

And I would also request that the restrictions on time to see a counselor get lifted.

 

[birdbrain53]

MichaCA

I'm in California also. My sister, who used to live in CA, also had problems with an ex who physically intimidated and hurt the children but didn't leave visible bruises. On the 2 occasions he did, CPS believed him and not the child, and pooh-poohed the bruises, saying they weren't that bad. Towards the end of her residency in CA the police were called regularly for domestic disturbances at his house when the children were visiting and the Ex always lied and tried to blame the children.

So I believe you when you say CPS drops the ball. Yes your daughter needs counseling and it shouldn't be restricted to certain days. And the ER doctor, as a mandated reporter, should have made the call.

Every time your daughter gets hurt, take her in to the doctor. Let them know her father hit her. Let them call CPS and the police, because if your ex is like my sister's ex, he'll try to turn it on you and say that you're calling the police on him because you want to destroy his relationship with your daughter. Be very careful with this.

You *can* go back to court and ask that Dad be required to take anger management classes with proof that your daughter needed medical care after visiting her father.

HTH

 

[The_Non-Mom]

I just wanted to say that I am absolutely flabbergasted by the lack of attention your daughter's injuries received. "No visible injuries"?

Around these parts (and perhaps in other parts of the country), EVERY TIME you go to the ER for ANYTHING, the nurse must ask if your symptoms were caused by domestic violence and if you feel safe in your home. They did it to my husband when he came in with a cat bite (sent me out of the room to ask him ) and they did it it to my friend when she went in with pancreatitis. Makes me mad to think that they will blow off someone whose injuries truly were caused by domestic violence and doesn't feel safe in her dad's home.

 

[stealth2]

Out of all the times I've taken #2 to the ER, she was never asked that. Of course, it could be that she's always been in sports gear, obviously just come from practice/game, and the injury was consistent with what each of us told them happened.

 

[LdiJ]

Out of all the times I've taken #2 to the ER, she was never asked that. Of course, it could be that she's always been in sports gear, obviously just come from practice/game, and the injury was consistent with what each of us told them happened.

I have never had it been asked either.

 

[The_Non-Mom]

Out of all the times I've taken #2 to the ER, she was never asked that. Of course, it could be that she's always been in sports gear, obviously just come from practice/game, and the injury was consistent with what each of us told them happened.

Yeah, it might just be something that the hospitals in our local network do. It always made me feel a little like they would over-report an incident, KWIM? In OP's case, I wish they would....

 

[MichaCA]

Well, I'm back home after going to the city to 1st - legal aid clinic...thinking I might get help with EMO and exparte...she said I shouldn't be there, to go to the sheriffs' office and INSIST I do not feel safe with her going back to dads this Thursday. She said then to go to the family facilitators office to file for the emergency order.

Went to the sheriffs office...receptionist had to be talked into calling a sheriff to come in. When he came in, we talked he had his mind made up - NO EMO. He said I should talk to the same duputy that was at the hospital Friday night...and she doesn't come in til after 4 pm tomorrow. He said then I can "ask" her for one. It seems to go against me I didn't insist on one Friday night. I was truly clueless.

Went to the family facilitators office next...my turn she gave me papers to fill for the exparte. I brought them home (no way I could have had him served today by 4) so I could put some time into the declaration. I'll take it back tomorrow am and get it served. Then it will be heard/decided Thursday am...poor kid won't know where she will be from Thursday - Tuesday. Thats why I want the exparte. Actually, I guess I should just act like her schedule is as normal...she has no idea it might change.

I'm feeling bad about this...can't say why. Partly cps did dick me around last time exactly as birdbrain described her sisters case. Exactly. Made it my kids fault. Unimaginable to me and these are professionals. But I'm trying to keep faith, I am praying, asking for lots of support with friends. This is no fun.

Thanks for your time and advice, I'm taking everyone's feedback quite seriously.

 

[birdbrain53]

You are probably going to have to have Lil Kiddo call the sheriff's herself when Dad gets physical. That way it doesn't seem like "Psycho Ex-wife making trouble for Poor Dad" <roll eyes>

Several of those calls and Sheriffs will start getting a clue.

 

[MichaCA]

Question; if exparte not granted

birdbrain; I asked her why she didn't call 911 - her dad won't let her close to a phone. He holds it up away from her when she tries.

I am praying literally (a bit rusty there) that a friend can serve my ex by 4 today. Thats the deadline for the judge reviewing emergency custody cases on Thursday. She's supposed to go to her dads after school on Thursday.

I super hope he gets served today and mainly the judge will grant me emergency temporary sole legal and physical. The sole legal so I can get her a counselor.

If the exparte is not granted...I obviously have to let her go to her dads on Thursday right? Or face getting arrested myself (he wouldn't hesitate). Her next visitation time is this Thursday for one full week - lots of alone time with dad as its labor day weekend - no school.

 

[sometwo]

If it were me , and you did send her I would send her with a cell phone dad doesn't know about and advise her to call 911 .

 

[MichaCA]

Good advice, I'll do that.

 

[birdbrain53]

My sister also got at least one of her kids a cell phone just for the purpose of calling 911.

Her Ex actually removed the landline phone and locked it in his bedroom when the children visited.

It could be that the judge will not order sole custody, but also ask for supervised visitation or suspension of visitation until Dad completes an anger management class. Don't let judge give him an option to take a teenage parenting class like the dufus commissioner in my sister's case.

 

[gr8rn]

If it were me , and you did send her I would send her with a cell phone dad doesn't know about and advise her to call 911 .

I did that too until things got better. I had son memorize the address over there because 911 cannot trace cellphones in our area.

birdbrain, great post. I was also told, by a CYS worker that "next time"to take him to the doctor and have the MD document the childs pain level. Not sure why this was important, but I know for future reference if needed.

To be fair, I am in PA, different state, different family services department, but the information could help in this case so I wanted to add it.

 

[milspecgirl]

even a cell phone with no active service will dial 911 if it is charged up. have her hide it in her bag and keep it off unless she needs it

 

[MichaCA]

Thats what I did yesterday, thanks for your advice. Got a prepaid cell phone, imput the local sheriff # in it, she is very clear how to use it. She does know her dads address very well but I told her to get away if there is violence, get her hidden phone and say immediately the address to the dispatcher before she says anything else.

Today the judge decides whether this is an emergency. I find out after 2 pm his decision. She gets out of school at 3:15. I'm on pins and needles. At least I know, one way or the other, there will be a hearing on this. I may get poo-pooed...he may just get ordered to take a parenting class/anger management class. At least I'm putting out the message I will do absolutely anything within my legal power to protect her.

Turning in my exparte papers I ran into my ex-attorney. We are on friendly terms and she gave me advice. One huge piece of advice was whenever mediation happens, to request daughter be able to talk to mediator. There is some new task force called Elkins (haven't had a chance to look it up) where basically when a child is deemed old enough to talk, now mediators "are obligated to talk to the child".

Got an email from my ex asking for "family therapy". Family therapy? With a abuser? That is him to a T, trying to deflect the issues away from himself. She does need therapy - individual therapy. According to this attorney, he also needs his own therapist and at some point a whole different therapist to do reunification therapy type work with the both of them. His whole MO in court is he tries to make these problems look like the result of conflict between me and him. They are not. They are conflicts between the two of them.

Also, took daughter to her regular doctor last night for a appt. It was a appt set up before all this happened, however at the ER they said to follow up with her in a couple of days anyway. The doctor instantly found the lump on her head. I thought it was gone...its on a bone ridge so hard for me to feel. She went right to it, its still there. (This is on a Wed night from an injury that happened Friday morning...six days) She also noted a deep bruise I saw on daughters arm Sat or Sun...that didn't get seen in the ER. She noted it. She said she would make her own call in to CPS this morning and let them know there ARE visible injuries. (However, legally that info should have been sent to the sheriffs office to do her any good).

So its been a learning experience, next time (cause there will be) I will just be more, and more assertive with everyone. Next time a physician examines her, I will be right there looking to make sure she gets thoroughly looked at, will be more assertive as to if injuries are noted, etc.