I feel bad for this baby as well. No one wants to grow up with parents that never were together. She has no job, and it seems like this pregnancy is her whole life. I looked up her court records online. She has a credit card company after her for not paying, her ex-husband is still taking her to court over dividing their property. I have no idea how she plans on raising this baby with no income. I've started asking simple questions about visitation, and her living arrangements since she said her and her ex-husband will have to sell the property where she is currently living. She brushes me off with "we'll figure something out" and "we'll will be fine". She uses a lot of "we" and "us" in her texts to me, so I finally told her that I was not interested in her, just visitation of my son. I told her she is not my type, our encounter was a one time event, and that I hoped we could be amicable friends while coparenting. And as I predicted, she immediately got angry, and bitchy, and said don't text me until the due date. Which is fine with me, she's the one blowing up my phone with constant texts and it was stressing me out how she's was acting like we'll be a family together. I've been looking for a family lawyer but haven't scheduled a consultation yet. I read something about signing a VDOP at the hospital when the baby is born, but am I only able to sign this if the mother allows? So far she has not gone back on her offer for me to be there when the baby is born. The DNA test results are notarized and look legal as promised.
She also asked if I would stay with her at her house and take care of her after the baby is born since she has a scheduled c-section.
You should have thought about her parenting qualifications before having sex with the woman who will be the other of your child. Right now she is incubating a whole person. She is not raising a gerbil. It is affecting her physical and mental health. It will affect her financially for the rest of her life. You should have considered the impact of pregnancy before impregnating someone.
This is how you handle visitation and support. Go to court to establish support and visitation. Expect to pay support - it is your child's legal right to be supported. You are not supporting the mom - you are supporting the child. And along as your child's basic needs are met- food, clothing, health care, etc, you will have ZERO say in how the child support is being spent.
Mom asking you if you would stay with her to help postpartum has to do with her asking for help to care for your mutual child while she recovers from major surgery. Do it. It will take weeks or months to go through court and you will miss those precious newborn days, Set boundaries of where you will sleep, and be there to help as much as possible. That will mean getting up several times a night, even if mom is nursing. That will mean doing laundry, grocery shopping, changing diapers, cleaning the kitchen., etc. If this seems too heavy a burden for you to handle, then you will be incapable of imagining what it is like recovering from childbirth, major surgery, hormonal roller coaster, etc.
As far as how mom is answering your inquisition, realize that "we" and "us" may be about mom and baby. And she may be getting tired of you fixating on your perception that she wants you back. If you feel otherwise, try using some tact, and turn it into something for the child. "I plan to be an active co-parent. We will work together to give our child the best possible life. "
Finally, it is far better to be raised by unmarried, uninvolved parents than to be raised in am environment of constant anger and fighting.
