Child's father not allowing medical treatment

[novemberbride]

The temporary orders I filed on Tuesday were denied. Mediation is scheduled at the end of this month.

Her original surgery was scheduled for 9/15, before dad even mentioned his vacation time with our daughter. I called the surgeon's office today to reschedule, they would love to, but can't. Unless I have an order or dad changes his mind. I thought maybe the court would need a surgery date in order to better outline a custody arrangement.....but I can't get one until the custody is worked out. That in itself makes me feel a little unprepared.

Dad claims to have mailed a letter to my parents house about his vacation time. He says he gave a copy of it to the police just incase I try to pick her up tomorrow. I haven't lived with my parents in a loooong time, and he's had my address for a while now.

We were in mediation a few months ago, and dad's suggestion for a parenting plan was 2 weeks with him, and 2 weeks with mom. Mediator lady said they would never recommend that, not even if our child was older. It's not in the childs best interest to be away from either parent for that amount of time. So, he got his 2 weeks with her. I can go file contempt, and cause a big ol' fuss, but in reality it wouldn't be fair to my child. She's with him now, and I know she loves her dad and she is enjoying herself. I miss her terribly and will for the next 10 days, but that's my problem. Her health problems are my upmost concern. As much as I might not like the idea of her being away from me while she is sick for this long, I have to assume her dad would do the right thing for her in the event she fell really sick. Although his most recent behavior is cause for concern. All this other silly stuff can be worked out in mediation.

 

[wileybunch]

Why would you need to MEDIATE getting legal authority to obtain the surgery? Did you have statements from both medical providers with their clinical findings and recommendations? I guess I don't get it. You're not trying to deal with all the custody, vacation time, etc. issues, only this specific health one. I feel like the judge totally passed on doing his job here unless your filing wasn't laser focused enough.

 

[MichaCA]

I am a bit bummed myself, think the legal system fell on its face today. And now, the surgeon won't schedule until mom has sole...

I wonder if surgeon would consider scheduling if he knew what you are going through...so there aren't more delays? If you just explain the situation, and say for the court systems sake (mediation date) it would help immensely if he could please schedule a surgery date so that you can have a date to present at court? That you understand you will need either agreement with dad or the sole legal to continue with the appt?

 

[Ohiogal]

It's being heard in mediation at the end of this month. Mediation is good.

My daughter's surgeon won't reschedule her surgery unless Dad says it's ok, or I have an order either stating I have sole legal custody, or I have the final word on our daughter's medical care.

Does it help my case any more if I am the one who carries medical insurance for our daughter?

And, when we do go to mediation, should I bring other information relating to our daughters health with me? Or is what I put in my filing the only thing they'll read? I've been there plenty of times...sometimes they read stuff...other times they don't.

I just want to prepare myself.....

YOu stated you had received orders granting you temporary sole custody. Now you are saying they were denied. You said the orders were to start yesterday. Mind explaning why you have reversed yourself?
ETA: See that all that you got a few days ago was a HEARING scheduled apparently.
And, no, you carrying medical insurance does NOT make it so that you can dictate. Is the information you have admissible?

 

[wileybunch]

I am a bit bummed myself, think the legal system fell on its face today. And now, the surgeon won't schedule until mom has sole...

I wonder if surgeon would consider scheduling if he knew what you are going through...so there aren't more delays? If you just explain the situation, and say for the court systems sake (mediation date) it would help immensely if he could please schedule a surgery date so that you can have a date to present at court? That you understand you will need either agreement with dad or the sole legal to continue with the appt?

It's not the surgeon's "right" to violate a parent's rights, though. Mom has to take it up with the courts as she is doing. I don't blame the doctor's office AT ALL for wanting clear authority from a parent to act. They are always SUPPOSED to have that, really, they just don't always fully realize who has legal custody and I'm sure there's many times the CP has all kinds of things done even though technically there is a NCP with shared legal custody who isn't in the picture or who's fine with the CP handling things.

 

[wileybunch]

YOu stated you had received orders granting you temporary sole custody. Now you are saying they were denied. You said the orders were to start yesterday. Mind explaning why you have reversed yourself?
ETA: See that all that you got a few days ago was a HEARING scheduled apparently.

Right. She had the PAPERWORK as the courthouse indicated she needed a little more with her motion so she put the sole custody order before the judge, but it was denied.

 

[novemberbride]

The clerk told me on Tuesday when I filed that my temporary orders would be in effect on Thursday, once the judge signs them.

I attached my daughter's medical records, including the assesment from her surgeon which describes her diagnosis, and explains that "surgery is ordered". I also included the letter the office manager wrote describing dads behavior the day he called them making threats.

 

[novemberbride]

Dad was served with my petition.....

I just received 3 concerning emails from dad.

First email ranting and raving about sueing our daughter's doctor for even seeing her in the first place. And stating that I've taught our daughter to call her future stepdad "dad". (I don't, she calls him by his first name)

Second email stating she doesn't have a serious condition. He doesn't care what the "quack doctors" say. He states "i have no idea the legal storm he is about to initiate". Now he's stating that our daughter says her future stepdad is mean to her, and nana, papa and mommy kiss her on the lips, which he says is "completely unacceptable". According to him she told him "mommy doesn't care if I kiss other kids".

Third email he says the doctors are just asking to be sued. And, I have to pay for a second opinion (already have 2).

If I already have had her seen by 2 doctors, why should I make her go see another?

Can I use these emails in court? He has been included in all appointments made for her with doctors in the past, including the most recent. Just because he doesn't recognize her health problems, doesn't mean she shouldn't be seen and treated.

Now he's making accusations against my fiance, and my parents. This isn't the first time, but he's threatening to use it in court to get sole legal and physical custody of our child. I know he has no proof...but that still doesn't make me feel any better.

 

[LdiJ]

I just received 3 concerning emails from dad.

First email ranting and raving about sueing our daughter's doctor for even seeing her in the first place. And stating that I've taught our daughter to call her future stepdad "dad". (I don't, she calls him by his first name)

Second email stating she doesn't have a serious condition. He doesn't care what the "quack doctors" say. He states "i have no idea the legal storm he is about to initiate". Now he's stating that our daughter says her future stepdad is mean to her, and nana, papa and mommy kiss her on the lips, which he says is "completely unacceptable". According to him she told him "mommy doesn't care if I kiss other kids".

Third email he says the doctors are just asking to be sued. And, I have to pay for a second opinion (already have 2).

If I already have had her seen by 2 doctors, why should I make her go see another?

Can I use these emails in court? He has been included in all appointments made for her with doctors in the past, including the most recent. Just because he doesn't recognize her health problems, doesn't mean she shouldn't be seen and treated.

Now he's making accusations against my fiance, and my parents. This isn't the first time, but he's threatening to use it in court to get sole legal and physical custody of our child. I know he has no proof...but that still doesn't make me feel any better.

Take a big deep breath. If you print out those emails with the full headers showing where they came from, then yes, they can possibly be used in court.

If you do not have an attorney, it really is time to get one. Your daughter's health is at serious risk and you cannot afford to be messing around with this on your own.

You obviously did not get the point across in your paperwork that this was a true emergency...hence the judge not hearing it on an emergency basis and you being ordered to mediation.

Dad cannot sue the doctors...or rather he can, but no lawyer will take his case.

Get yourself an attorney NOW, and get this back into court ASAP.

 

[novemberbride]

Thanks everyone...

I'm used to the accusations. He's made serious accusations in the past, which went nowhere, and the courts saw through them.

I had an attorney last year. Spent a ton of money, and simply couldn't afford it anymore. Plus, dad harassed my attorney constantly, which caused lot's of strain. I was paying for my attorney to respond to harassing emails, and phone calls from him. I couldn't afford it anymore, and as great as my attorney was I don't think anyone deserves that much harassment.

We have a pretty complex case, so I know I will need an attorney.

 

[MichaCA]

I am simply brainstorming here; I wonder if JUST to try again for the emergency hearing, if the surgeon or a medical doctor you've been consulting with, would be willing to write a brief but strong letter stating your childs health condition, and the importance of getting treatment soon. Perhaps that would be enough to get a judge to grant this an exparte order.

Just focusing on the health issues for now, without an attorney.

Have you researched legal aid clinics in your area? Free legal aid, which is hard to get I know, or a agency that offers a sliding scale based for people with incomes?

What kind of accusations/threats is your ex making? Is he threatening to harm anyone?

Thanks, Micha

PS. wileybunch...if you see this, I was not trying to say it was wrong the doctor not pursueing surgery...I totally understand that, I was commiserating and bummed as as a statement of fact, due to the courts decision to not turn this into an emergency hearing, the side effect was the surgeons decision to back off. Of course I understand why he would do that. Thanks.

 

[novemberbride]

Both of my daughter's doctors have stated they are more than willing to write a statement explaining my daughter's medical need for the surgery. Her surgeon didn't think I would need that before, and felt his assesment in writing was enough. The assesment stated her symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment. He recomended a sleep study, however her problem is evident enough. So, in his opinion it would only make her uncomfortable for her doctors to know what they already know. Plus, this would be yet another appoinment that I would have to talk to her dad about, and now he's being so irate with me I can't communicate with him. And, in his opinion there is nothing wrong with her. "Why fix something that isn't broken" is what he says. And, he claims she doesn't have sleep apnea, she's just a "loud snorer" according to him.

His threats to the office staff was "you'll be in trouble", and he threatened litigation. He is now threatening me with more litigation..sueing my fiance, suing the doctors, my old attorney, my parents and our daughters doctors.

He's threatening me with taking my daughter from me. His accusations are that I kiss her on the lips, and my parents kiss her. This is "unacceptable" in his opinion. (remember a year ago he took her to a doctor claiming i gave her herpes) That I allow her to kiss other children, and that my fiance is mean to her, and that she says she never wants to go home becuase he's there. He's threatening to not allow my daughter to be with me on my wedding day because he doesn't want her around any "weirdos". He's threatening to sue the daycare lady because she allowed our daughter to be in her underwear around other small children, and he didn't want the other children to look at his daughter sexually.

All those things aside.....none of which are true....I just wanted to get her surgery taken care of. Not betray his parental rights. I told him about it, and all the appointments...I've followed my order to a T. I just want her to feel better. What other choice, other than filing in court, do I have if he won't agree?

 

[Ohiogal]

Such letters are NOT admissible. They are hearsay. Medical records CAN be admissible if properly done.

 

[wileybunch]

PS. wileybunch...if you see this, I was not trying to say it was wrong the doctor not pursueing surgery...I totally understand that, I was commiserating and bummed as as a statement of fact, due to the courts decision to not turn this into an emergency hearing, the side effect was the surgeons decision to back off. Of course I understand why he would do that. Thanks.

I gotcha. And, it does stink. But, I can see why the surgeon is doing that. I CANNOT see why the judge is doing what he's doing, though. MEDIATING the need for tonsil/adenoid surgery? WTH? I predict a great outcome with that mediation -- not.

 

[kimberlywrites]

I can't believe the temp orders were denied...??? Is there more to this we're not hearing? I just can't believe it. OG, why would this have happened?