Childsupport and custody

[majomom1]

Thanks for the replies. I dont expect anyone else to take care of the kids, but she does not want to let me have a regular father and child relationship with them. The Ex is also saying im making her life misserable since I wanted to have joint child custody with them, she wants full. But I see that what she wants doesn't really matter, its whats best for the kids.

She says that I should not be allowed to have overnight stays with them since they are to small. They are 2 and 1 year olds. She will allow them to have overnights when they are five. Is there something wrong with that picture?

Yep, there is something wrong with this picture. She is not in charge. You have equal rights to your children. You have a right to a 'regular' father/child relationship and your children have the right to know you. The courts will grant you fair custody. If she interferes, then she could find herself losing custody... One of the biggest factors in most states is the parent most likely to facilitate a relationship with the other parent will prevail in custody issues.

Don't let her push you out. No matter how difficult she is, you do have rights and a court order will help you obtain those rights. Read up here. Learn. And fight for your children.

 

[MrsK]

Thanks for the replies. I dont expect anyone else to take care of the kids, but she does not want to let me have a regular father and child relationship with them. The Ex is also saying im making her life misserable since I wanted to have joint child custody with them, she wants full. But I see that what she wants doesn't really matter, its whats best for the kids.

She says that I should not be allowed to have overnight stays with them since they are to small. They are 2 and 1 year olds. She will allow them to have overnights when they are five. Is there something wrong with that picture?

Yes, there is something wrong with that picture.

Listen- you have to either fight for as much time as you get with those kids, or not. You dont have to pay support if she doesnt want it, unless she gets govt benefits (and that happens a lot...). If she gets married, the guy can adopt the kids and ONLY THEN can you not see & kids & not pay support. Until then, you will likely pay support & if you want to see the kids, you can, but if you dont, you dont have to.

 

[thedenzo]

Did you ever live in the house with your kids?

How long since you've had any visitation with them?

We lived together for about 3 years. Had two children and 5 months ago she left the house after me calling the police on her for getting out of control. I've seen them about 4 times since she left. She doesn't want to allow for overnight stays and since she took them to another state (from NJ to NY) it gets hard for me to get there on the days she wants to allow visits. It also seems like every weekend I ask to see them there is always a excuse, either her parents want them to go to a b-day party or she wants to go out with them somewhere Im not allowed.

She recently called me asking me to sign papers allowing her to take the children to Dominican Republic. Should I sign them? I dont even get a chance to see the children but she gets to take them to another country for an entire week?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You need to get to court to establish a parenting plan - like ASAP.

If it were me, I wouldn't sign any papers until there was a parenting plan established. You both have a right to the children. Technically, you could just go there and take the children. You both have equal rights to the chlidren. Court orders protect both parties.

 

[Neal1421]

Are you all actually divorced or are you in the process of a divorce? How long has she actually been gone? Where you married in NJ?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

When were you divorced(since you called her your "ex-wife")?

Also, 5 months should not be enough to establish residency in NY, so file in Jersey ASAP. You can also petition to have her return the kids. As for the overnights, the fact that untill 5 mos ago you lived with the kids works in your favor. Do NOT agree to her taking the kids out of the country until this is settled.

As a side note, man-up and do what you need to do to stay in your kids life. Sometimes, inconvenience or not, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...

 

[LdiJ]

Did you ever live in the house with your kids?

How long since you've had any visitation with them?

I think that those are important questions to answer...which it appears that you did.

However, after reading the whole thread I am going to make some comments.

If you are hoping for immediate joint legal and physical custody, with 50/50 placement and no child support. That's probably not going to happen. Its not 100% impossible, but its not very realistic. What's more likely is that you will have to deal with a phased in plan, that will eventually morph into something approaching 50/50 over the long term.

However, unless you simply roll over and play dead, mom isn't going to get what she wants either...no judge is going to put off overnights until age 5. That simply is NOT going to happen unless you are leaving out a WHOLE lot of information about yourself and your lifestyle.

I am disappointed that you are considering giving up your children so easily because they need you just as much as they need their mother. I hope its based on frustration rather than on money.

Go to court, get visitation established and take every opportunity you have to spend time with your children. In the end you will be glad that you did so, and so will they.

 

[thedenzo]

When were you divorced(since you called her your "ex-wife")?

Also, 5 months should not be enough to establish residency in NY, so file in Jersey ASAP. You can also petition to have her return the kids. As for the overnights, the fact that untill 5 mos ago you lived with the kids works in your favor. Do NOT agree to her taking the kids out of the country until this is settled.

As a side note, man-up and do what you need to do to stay in your kids life. Sometimes, inconvenience or not, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...

We'll I call her my ex because we will no longer be together and sometime this week I will be going to file for a divorce in NJ. I woud like the kids to come back to NJ but she has no job or family here in NJ. Also after speaking to a couple of lawyers they say it will be close to impossible having her move to NJ without a place to stay and no job or help. I wont be signing any papers for her either allowing the children to go out of the country.

If you are hoping for immediate joint legal and physical custody, with 50/50 placement and no child support. That's probably not going to happen. Its not 100% impossible, but its not very realistic. What's more likely is that you will have to deal with a phased in plan, that will eventually morph into something approaching 50/50 over the long term.

However, unless you simply roll over and play dead, mom isn't going to get what she wants either...no judge is going to put off overnights until age 5. That simply is NOT going to happen unless you are leaving out a WHOLE lot of information about yourself and your lifestyle.

I am disappointed that you are considering giving up your children so easily because they need you just as much as they need their mother. I hope its based on frustration rather than on money.

Its sad to say that from every lawyer I've spoken to they say I'll be allowed visitation and joint custody but not residential custody unless I can prove she is a unfit mother. She claims that I'm so called "crazy" and need to get evaluated. Her mother which is a general doctor says that I need help to adjust my behavior. But her family has always been against me since I don't listen to them or allow them to make decisions in my life or my kids life. I love my kids and all but its just really hard dealing with my ex. Its almost as if her family has brain washed her and turned her totally against me.

We went to court a couple weeks back.. The judge was a no show so they had a mediator there to speak to us. I asked if I could atleast get them to sleep over for Christmas and she disagreed. The mediator then suggested she drop them of on the 25th at 9am and I return them at 10 at night. I dont think its fair these kids to grow up like two rag dolls people are fighting for. Its just not right. Being the fact that shes saying im crazy and cant be trusted makes it really hard to even deal with her. She wont even allow me at times to speak to them over the phone. It just feels like im fighting for nothing at times. I love the kids but cant even be a father to them because of the mother. She tells them Im working thats why they dont see me. She agrees not to take me to child support if I give her full custody of them. But I told her I dont care about child support so she's taking me for child support unless I surrender my rights.

 

[Just Blue]

We'll I call her my ex because we will no longer be together and sometime this week I will be going to file for a divorce in NJ.

Soon to be ex = Not divorced yet.

STBX for short.