Communication

[StayGravity]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AL

My son was given a cell phone by his mother last week. He brought it with him during my visitation this past weekend. On Friday he had called his mother 7 times before I ended up calling her from my phone and asking her to tell him to give me the phone and that she was interfering.

Well he called me yesterday and today, and I am afraid that If I try to talk to him more than two days a week as stated in our agreement that she will use it against me in our upcoming child custody case. I am also afraid if I don't answer his calls or call him back he will think I don't want to talk to him.

Help me!!! I don't know what to do.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AL

My son was given a cell phone by his mother last week. He brought it with him during my visitation this past weekend. On Friday he had called his mother 7 times before I ended up calling her from my phone and asking her to tell him to give me the phone and that she was interfering.

Well he called me yesterday and today, and I am afraid that If I try to talk to him more than two days a week as stated in our agreement that she will use it against me in our upcoming child custody case. I am also afraid if I don't answer his calls or call him back he will think I don't want to talk to him.

Help me!!! I don't know what to do.

Your child called his mother, and you told her she was interfering? Now you are afraid that is you speak to your child other than the court ordered time you'll be called on the same carpet?

 

[Zigner]

So, when the boy is with YOU, mom still has to tell him what to do?

Why didn't you just take the phone for the duration of the visit? Return it when he heads back to mom's.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Why don't the coparents work out a calling schedule that works with the needs of the child. They can explain it to the child and all 3 can get along.

 

[Antigone*]

Why don't the coparents work out a calling schedule that works with the needs of the child. They can explain it to the child and all 3 can get along.

Come on OH, that would be way too.... co-parentish

 

[LdiJ]

So, when the boy is with YOU, mom still has to tell him what to do?

Why didn't you just take the phone for the duration of the visit? Return it when he heads back to mom's.

The problem with that is that the child is also using the phone to call HIM, during mom's time...making that awkward for him.

My advice? Let the child use the phone to call either of you as much as he likes. When the newness wears off, its likely to subside to a more reasonable level. If it doesn't, then make "rules" about the cell phone use.

 

[StayGravity]

It is impossible to co-parent with her, I have tried.
I do feel awkward as my custody agreement says "communication between child and parent during the other parent's visitation should not be excessive". I try to call him at least two times a week.

I do not want him to feel like I don't want to talk to him. Its like a catch 22. If he calls me every night, she will say I am having excess communications with him during her time.

If I don't answer his calls, then she will say to him that I don't want to talk to him. Its just so confusing, and the stress of it is really bothering me.

 

[KariKin]

I'm not sure how old your son is or how often you see him; but if he's calling his mom 7 times in one night then are you stimulating him enough while it's your time with him?
Do more things together so he's not fully having to resort to calling his mom all the time; maybe he's just, well... bored.
Even if you're not financially equipped to go and do all the time, sometimes hanging out; watching a movie, playing Madden NFL, stuff like that.
You love your kid right? Make it to where he'd rather call his mom and tell her how great of a time he's having with his dad, rather than 7 times in one night because he's "bored" and wants to talk to his mom.
Don't force him to give up his phone either, just respectfully ask him "son, I don't mind that you have your phone on you, but can we agree to limit the usage of your phone during the time you're with me?"
I'm guessing he's a teenager, compromise works the best with them; you're still showing you respect them as an individual which will in turn gain you their respect.

 

[StayGravity]

I'm not sure how old your son is or how often you see him; but if he's calling his mom 7 times in one night then are you stimulating him enough while it's your time with him?
Do more things together so he's not fully having to resort to calling his mom all the time; maybe he's just, well... bored.
Even if you're not financially equipped to go and do all the time, sometimes hanging out; watching a movie, playing Madden NFL, stuff like that.
You love your kid right? Make it to where he'd rather call his mom and tell her how great of a time he's having with his dad, rather than 7 times in one night because he's "bored" and wants to talk to his mom.

I'm guessing he's a teenager, compromise works the best with them; you're still showing you respect them as an individual which will in turn gain you their respect.

Actually we had friends over and kids around his age over to the house that night. Instead of doing things with us and being involved he hid in his room. He was mainly calling her when things didn't necessarily go his way.

He is 9 and after I took the phone away he loosened up and came out and had some fun.

 

[KariKin]

Dear Lord I need to get with the times... I'd be d*mned if my 9 year old child had a cell phone... but that's my opinion.

Sometimes friends can still take away from getting the time in with you.

Remember 1 good word of advice

How is it considered spending time, when you could do the same thing by yourself and still enjoy it just as much.

 

[dmcc10880]

It is impossible to co-parent with her, I have tried.
I do feel awkward as my custody agreement says "communication between child and parent during the other parent's visitation should not be excessive". I try to call him at least two times a week.

I do not want him to feel like I don't want to talk to him. Its like a catch 22. If he calls me every night, she will say I am having excess communications with him during her time.

If I don't answer his calls, then she will say to him that I don't want to talk to him. Its just so confusing, and the stress of it is really bothering me.

I think the key word is "excessive". Once a day for a 30 minute period would be appropriate.

 

[StayGravity]

Dear Lord I need to get with the times... I'd be d*mned if my 9 year old child had a cell phone... but that's my opinion.

Sometimes friends can still take away from getting the time in with you.

Remember 1 good word of advice

How is it considered spending time, when you could do the same thing by yourself and still enjoy it just as much.

I was the same way when I found out he had the phone. I was never asked for my opinion from his mother.

I understand friends can take away, but I don't want him to be a recluse either and by having friends over it in my opinion shows social skills.

We did do other things that weekend him, just the two of us, but still he could have come sat with me and been a part of the fun, which he did eventually, rather than stay in his room.

 

[StayGravity]

Need some Advice

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama.

I had a deposition scheduled for today to depose my ex. It was postponed again for the third time. Her lawyer sent a message to my lawyer that my ex would not be available due to her being out of town. The first postponement was because her lawyer was unavailable that day. The second because she couldn't get off work and now the third time.

I contacted my son's teacher to find out if my son was in school today. He is not. If she is out of town and taking my son out of school and especially if she is taking him out of state, she is supposed to contact me to let me know.

I have tried to call her this morning and she did not answer nor returned my call which is normal for her. With her taking him out of school you would think she would answer to let me know why she was going out of town and taking him with her.

What are my options? Can I or should I call the police?

 

[Zigner]

If she is out of town and taking my son out of school and especially if she is taking him out of state, she is supposed to contact me to let me know.

On what basis do you make that statement?

 

[StayGravity]

On what basis do you make that statement?

Based off my Visitation Agreement.