Concerned Wife!

[barrett21]

Concerned Wife

Well my Husband just recieved a letter in the mail yesterday from His Lawyer saying there Process Server forgot to get the Temporary Order preventing His ex-girlfriend from leaving the State until the case is over signed. So He has sent a paper to the judge trying to get one signed and get us in Court June 17th to explain to Her what is means and all that. Now my Husband is really feeling like things are starting to go wrong already. We currently have His son right now for our 16 days summer visitation my Husband has never had Him so long I am happy to get to see them get to know each other more. His son's mom calls like 5 times a day though and she is telling My Husband's son about them moving and stuff I don't see how she can just do this she thinks there are no laws over Her. Hopefully we'll hear something soon. I do have a question though can my Husband ask for Joint Physical Custody if she is allowed to move or no?

 

[Zephyr]

he can ask for anything he wants, what the judge will give him is up to the judge. he most definitely should ask for most of the summer and extra time during school holidays if he won't be able to do every other weekends.

 

[barrett21]

Concered Wife

Well He thought about keeping His every other weekend. It is 270 miles. The thing is though He is worried it might be to much riding for His son and it is such a long drive when school is in How will it ever work out. Like on Fridays when He gets out of school How will he ever get to us at a descent time and on Sunday when He has to go to school the next day how will he get home before it is late . My Husband thought about asking for one visit a month and any visits were His son is out of school for Holiday. He wondered though if He gets Him once a month can he still have most of the summer except for maybe two or three weeks? He wants as much time as He can get.

 

[casa]

Well He thought about keeping His every other weekend. It is 270 miles. The thing is though He is worried it might be to much riding for His son and it is such a long drive when school is in How will it ever work out. Like on Fridays when He gets out of school How will he ever get to us at a descent time and on Sunday when He has to go to school the next day how will he get home before it is late . My Husband thought about asking for one visit a month and any visits were His son is out of school for Holiday. He wondered though if He gets Him once a month can he still have most of the summer except for maybe two or three weeks? He wants as much time as He can get.

Definately ask for more summer visitation...16 days is such a small amount of time! Ask for 1/2 or 45 days. Rotating holidays (part of Spring/Christmas break).

The process server's mistake is not likely going to look bad for your husband- it wasn't his mistake. Stay calm and keep on this.

 

[stealth2]

Well He thought about keeping His every other weekend. It is 270 miles. The thing is though He is worried it might be to much riding for His son and it is such a long drive when school is in How will it ever work out. Like on Fridays when He gets out of school How will he ever get to us at a descent time and on Sunday when He has to go to school the next day how will he get home before it is late . My Husband thought about asking for one visit a month and any visits were His son is out of school for Holiday. He wondered though if He gets Him once a month can he still have most of the summer except for maybe two or three weeks? He wants as much time as He can get.

My kids' Dad is 350+ miles away. They go up one w/e a month, alternating holidays/vacations, and the most of the summer. If he chooses to have the kids fly, we split airfare and the kids are (by court order) permitted to miss school as required to make a midafternoon flight. Return is ~6pm Sunday. If he chooses to drive, then the kids are not to be picked up prior to the end of the school day. Pickup is 6pm Sunday at his place. Yes, that puts them home well after midnight on a school night, but they manage as best they can.

 

[barrett21]

Concerned Wife

Well right now my Husband gets every other weekend Friday at 6:30 to Sunday at 6:30 She brings Him to us and we take Him back to Her for now the distance between us now is 109 miles. We would like to keep our every other weekend but His son is only 6 I don't know if a judge would let Him be out so late trying to get back home. His mom says the current order can stay the same all she wants is for us to come all the way and do all the driving one time a month and Her do it the next or split the driving. The problem is though My husband only gets 48 hours it's almost 5 hours one way that would be like all of his time on the road and not fair to Him like He says. My Husbands problem is though she lies about everything. She always tries to hide He's afraid if she leaves the state He will not see His son no more. We just took her to court in March for contempt. We thought about asking for joint physical and legal custody, exteneded weekends when school was out, and if there was no holiday in that month at least one visit per month, split christmas like they do now, ask for spring break, alternate thanksgiving, and ask for some of the other holidays, plus half of the summer is that to much to ask for?

 

[LdiJ]

Well right now my Husband gets every other weekend Friday at 6:30 to Sunday at 6:30 She brings Him to us and we take Him back to Her for now the distance between us now is 109 miles. We would like to keep our every other weekend but His son is only 6 I don't know if a judge would let Him be out so late trying to get back home. His mom says the current order can stay the same all she wants is for us to come all the way and do all the driving one time a month and Her do it the next or split the driving. The problem is though My husband only gets 48 hours it's almost 5 hours one way that would be like all of his time on the road and not fair to Him like He says. My Husbands problem is though she lies about everything. She always tries to hide He's afraid if she leaves the state He will not see His son no more. We just took her to court in March for contempt. We thought about asking for joint physical and legal custody, exteneded weekends when school was out, and if there was no holiday in that month at least one visit per month, split christmas like they do now, ask for spring break, alternate thanksgiving, and ask for some of the other holidays, plus half of the summer is that to much to ask for?

Don't make this battle more complicated than it needs to be. Sure, he can ask for joint legal/joint physical, but that won't give him any extra protection.

Here is a suggestion for a visitation schedule:

September - Labor Day weekend (3 day weekend)
October - Fall Break (usually 4 day weekend)
November - Thanksgiving (rotate the actual day, but he gets the rest of the weekend (3 day weekend) every year.
December - 1 week of Christmas break
January - Martin Luther Kind Day weekend (3 or 4 day weekend)
February - Presidents Day weekend (3 or 4 day weekend)
March/April - Spring break
May- Memorial Day weekend
Summer - 1/2 the summer

This does tend to give him most of the holidays....which is why I suggest not asking for more than half the summer, but it gives him time almost every month, that is longer than just a normal weekend. The only other potential problem is that work schedules might make transportation complicated. It might be necessary for the parents to need to take time off work to facilitate pickup or dropoff on some of the holidays....the ones where some of the days off school don't result in corresponding days off work.....you should alternate that responsibility.

 

[barrett21]

Concerned Wife

Thanks alot that schedule looks really good. Right now my Husband does not work He was hit head on by a semi truck in March of this year and it fractured His hip and He had to have plates put in his hip so he is in therapy trying to recover and I do all of the driving for Him in about three more weeks He will be allowed to put weight and try to start walking on it again. She is about 5 months pregnant or maybe a little more so we don't know if she is even still working she does not tell us those things. You know she called Her son the other day because He is with us right now and when He got off the phone He asked me if I would come to His mom's baby shower keep in mind He is 6 I thought that was cute kids are so innocent I feel bad for the ones that go through all these things we don't mean to hurt anybody it's just my Husband wants His son to know Daddy loves Him too. But how should He do transportation my Husband thinks He should not have to drive because He should not be responsible every time she moves but I tried to explain to Him it's for His son it would be worth meeting Her to a certain point to make things go smoother or am I wrong?

 

[barrett21]

Concerned Wife

Well my Husband spoke with His Lawyer today they finally got the Temporary Order signed. We have a hearing set for Tuesday it's just to explain to My Husbands ex what the Order means because She still thinks She can go even with that signed. Hopefully it will all work out in the end.

 

[barrett21]

Concerned Wife

My Husband got a copy of the TRO Order. On the back it's got My Husband's court date for tommorrow what does to determine if the terms of the ex parte temporary restraining order shall be extended to and incorporated into a temporary injunction, pendente lite mean? Does that mean to see if this order can stick? Sorry for sounding so stupid.

 

[barrett21]

Concerned Wife

Well today my Husband goes to court at 1:00 over the TRO Order. His summer visit with His son is going good. The only problem is His Son's mom keeps calling like every other day and sometimes 5 times a day. And when She calls She puts like four or five other family members on the phone to talk to Her Son and Her Husband. She has Her Husband get on there and tell my Husband's Son that He loves and misses Him and He calls Him son. Lastnight She called and was having my Husband's son talk about what to get Her Husband for Father's Day I could tell it hurt my Husband's feelings. When She does call and talk She makes the child feel bad because She says She misses Him so much and that it is breaking Her heart for Him to be gone and stuff. The Lawyers said don't answer the phone but my Husband is afraid if He does that She will do Him that way She does most of the time now anyways. My Husband knows why She has Her Husband do that they are trying to replace My Husband as far as the Father role with Her new Husband and it's not right. My Husband loves His son so much we are confused what to do I just hope it goes well today.

 

[stealth2]

Do y'all realize that answering the phone is optional? I am sure there is no court order that states Dad must answer 5 calls a day from Mom. So quit picking up!

 

[barrett21]

Concerned Wife

Yes we know it's optional. It's just He doesn't want Her to do Him that way when He calls which that happens most of the time anyways. I guess my Husband is just being to nice sorry if I upset anyone over this petty situation.
Thanks!

 

[casa]

Yes we know it's optional. It's just He doesn't want Her to do Him that way when He calls which that happens most of the time anyways. I guess my Husband is just being to nice sorry if I upset anyone over this petty situation.
Thanks!

This is what I recommend in situations like yours:

Prior to any visit/vacation etc. have your hubby send a certified mail letter stating something along the lines of: "We want to make sure you keep in contact with <Jr> during visit/vacation- so we have arranged X time on X day (or each day) for him to phone you. That way you won't miss him if calling while we are out/camping/swimming, etc. etc." Takes the wind right out of those sails.

Also, get caller ID- it's worth it.

 

[barrett21]

Concerned Wife

Thanks that is a great idea I will make sure to tell my Husband about that so He can use for any of His extended visits which is just x-mas and summer. We do have caller ID She calls on my cell phone alot also I keep records of that just in case if She tries to say she don't get to talk. I think that's just to bother me by using up my minutes but I don't let it get to me lol..