Constant conflict

[Ohiogal]

clause 4.2 MAJOR DECISIONS

Major decisions regarding each child shall be made as follows:

Education decisions joint
Non-emergency health care joint
Religious upbringing joint
Day Care Arrangements joint




I feel like we need to go back to court to clarify the grey areas (since he's using them to get back at me and cant negotiate) anyway, I just don't know how to file that. What would that be called "enforcement"?

Thanks for your help, I know you're busy.

Multitasking -- I have spent all afternoon engaged in various phone conversations and faxing orders. You are welcome.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Since I'm in a high-conflict situation also, suggest highly that you get this clarified sooner, rather than later. Make sure that EVERY nuance is covered and clarified.

 

[luvisabattle]

court order?

I'm ready to file since he has refused mediation. I just don't know what to file. Is it contempt or not?

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm ready to file since he has refused mediation. I just don't know what to file. Is it contempt or not?

File a motion to clarify at this point. Get it all done at once. There is an argument he can use regarding the fact that it is not contempt.

 

[luvisabattle]

Thanks for your help!

I'll do that

 

[luvisabattle]

communicating with lawyer etc

If I discussed issues with my ex's lawyer and she did not relay that info to him, am I still responsible if it wasn't clearly stated to HIM?

Thanks -

 

[luvisabattle]

Doesnt father need to be present for visitation????

It was my ex's weekend but he was away on a trip, so his wife picked our daughter up (as usual). My daughter got really sick, vomiting repeatedly etc, in the middle of the night. When I found out about it (she called me at 11:20 and left me a message on my phone, but I slept through it) I called my ex and asked him if he would mind if I took her to the doctor since he was out of town. This is only the second time she has ever been sick to her stomach (she's seven) and the time before it was a bladder infection.

My ex's wife said I could come and get her, but that I would need to call my ex and ask him because she "didn't want to get into trouble". When I called and asked he said no "She's fine". My daughter was crying asking me to come and get her. Keep in mind - he (and by he - I mean his wife) only started to follow the parenting plan and have residential time two years ago. Our daughter barely knows her father.

I'm furious. He made the decision purely to spite me and our daughter is suffering for it.

He's rarely in town due to his job, he's been playing musical chairs with the weekends, I don't even think it's his weekend. Because of the holidays and his switching - it's hard to tell.

My question is: Legally can he be absent so much during HIS residential time?

 

[wileybunch]

If I discussed issues with my ex's lawyer and she did not relay that info to him, am I still responsible if it wasn't clearly stated to HIM?

Thanks -

It doesn't really matter because you're doing a motion to clarify and I assume you aren't seeking him to pay your attorney's fees. So just clarify what is gray area or unclear.

As for the medical situation, it's dad's choice whether to go to the doctor or not when a child is sick on his time. Just because she's throwing up doesn't mean she "HAS" to go to the doctor. As for wife spending dad's visitation times with her ... legally I think you can change that since there's no related people in that household when dad's gone (unless there are half siblings that live there?). OTOH, that's also her family there so think hard about whether you want her to feel like a 5th wheel all the time to that family or if you want her to truly feel like she's a part of that family, too, whether or not dad's there. If you decide on the former, motion for a right of first refusal such that if Dad is gone overnight, that he has to give you the opportunity to keep her instead.

 

[luvisabattle]

There are 1/2 sibs, and I would (and have in the past) encourage them spending the time together to form the bond. I used to watch the boys (the step-mother has a son) on Saturdays when she had to work.

The issue is that they have a lot of family problems going on and my daughter is thrown into the mix everytime she goes there. She cried for over 15 minutes on Christmas eve before I said we absolutely had to go to meet her father. Sobbing with real tears. I actually have a theory that it made her physically ill to be there on Friday. I haven't had a chance to talk to her (without her being observed) yet.

When I file the motion (hopefully this week) I'm going to ask that she be allowed to see a family therepist, I'm not sure what else to do to help her deal with the situation.

 

[wileybunch]

There are 1/2 sibs, and I would (and have in the past) encourage them spending the time together to form the bond. I used to watch the boys (the step-mother has a son) on Saturdays when she had to work.

The issue is that they have a lot of family problems going on and my daughter is thrown into the mix everytime she goes there. She cried for over 15 minutes on Christmas eve before I said we absolutely had to go to meet her father. Sobbing with real tears. I actually have a theory that it made her physically ill to be there on Friday. I haven't had a chance to talk to her (without her being observed) yet.

When I file the motion (hopefully this week) I'm going to ask that she be allowed to see a family therepist, I'm not sure what else to do to help her deal with the situation.

Based on what you said, I would not suddenly now try to change the rules and pull her out of the other family just because Dad's not there when she has 1/2 siblings there. Don't do that to her. Beyond you and her father, her siblings are important to her, too. One day you may both be gone and she may really need those relationships with siblings and will be a disadvantage being odd man out of you keep her out of there when Dad isn't there. If they have family strife, so be it. What family DOESN'T at some point? Counseling can be a good thing if the counselor is good and teaches your child how to put things into perspective and gives her good coping techniques. Who couldn't use that? Have you asked Dad about being able to take her to a counselor already? You do not need to go to court about that if Dad agrees.

 

[luvisabattle]

That perspective has changed my mind on my opinion about his residential time. The step-mother is good to her, they just don't sheild the children from the - what I feel is DV between the two of them. The step-mom seems spineless to me and nieve - but that's the worst thing I could say about her.

My daughter's little brother's (3 and 1)(and their dog) run to her when the fighting starts, so if anything she's helping them.

It's just that I want a different life for my daughter than that. One of the main reasons I haven't brought anyone into our home. It would have to be a PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT situation in order for me to do that. And my ex just doesnt seem to care what she goes through.

I ask him about the therapist.

 

[LdiJ]

That perspective has changed my mind on my opinion about his residential time. The step-mother is good to her, they just don't sheild the children from the - what I feel is DV between the two of them. The step-mom seems spineless to me and nieve - but that's the worst thing I could say about her.

My daughter's little brother's (3 and 1)(and their dog) run to her when the fighting starts, so if anything she's helping them.

It's just that I want a different life for my daughter than that. One of the main reasons I haven't brought anyone into our home. It would have to be a PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT situation in order for me to do that. And my ex just doesnt seem to care what she goes through.

I ask him about the therapist.

Kudos to you for the bolded, and for also admitting that stepmom is good to her.

I do think that therapy could definitely help your child. It could help her develope coping skills to deal with the differences between dad's household and yours, which will serve her well in the long term.

 

[luvisabattle]

OK, thanks, I'll definately get started on that today (I've wanted to before, it's just really expensive....). I appreciate your input.

 

[wileybunch]

That perspective has changed my mind on my opinion about his residential time. The step-mother is good to her, they just don't sheild the children from the - what I feel is DV between the two of them. The step-mom seems spineless to me and nieve - but that's the worst thing I could say about her.

But, this is mixing apples/oranges because if you think Dad and his wife have something crappy going on, that has nothing to do with what happens when Dad is not there, though.

 

[luvisabattle]

I agree

Things are better when he's not there. Her step-mom allows her to speak to me on the phone for instance. There's less fighting especially now that he kicked his step-son out (FOUR DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS).

It just doesnt seem right that he is making all of these choices about our residential time - spending money on a lawyer to enforce them even - when he's rarely there.