Contempt or Crazy

[graybeard1952]

What is the name of your state? Texas

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=319066

As far as my CO goes there are no questions. The rights of the NCP and myself are clearly defined. My XW however totally denies any of it. Now I don’t just mean ignores it, she denies the orders exist, truly believes they don’t exist.

She telephoned yesterday and told me she will be in town today to see our children under her terms, which are totally contrary to the CO. She believes the CO does not apply to her.

Even though she is permanently enjoined from doing so, she is coming to the house to “see my children”. Even though she has supervised visitation only, she believes she can legally come here and take our children back to San Antonio for summer visitation. Even though the CO gave me the house and “The wife is divested in all right, title, interest and claim in and to that property”, she claims it is still her house and she came come and go as she pleases. I re-financed several years ago and had her name removed, she wants half the equity.

Question is; at what point does her behavior go from contempt of a court order, to criminal or psychotic behavior?

Thanks for your advice.What is the name of your state?

 

[garrula lingua]

Make sure you have a certified copy of the CO (go down to court & buy a cert'd copy).

When/if she shows up at your door, call the police and show them the order.
Tell them she was told not to come to your house.
At the least, get her 'visit' recorded on a police report to use later, as proof of comtempt in FL or in crim proceedings.
If she's that psychotic, be very careful as to who does the 'supervision' for visitation.

 

[ceara19]

If you know WHEN she will be arriving, go ahead and call the police before she gets there. If the judge issued a restraining, she can only be arrested if the police actually SEE he at your house. If you have a no contact or protective order, she can be arrested after the fact.

 

[GrowUp!]

How about just taking a picture...using a digital camera...cell phone camera and the such. Not only is that a violation of a court order, it's also TRESPASSING, which is a crime.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

6 lb 4 oz Louisville Slugger

 

[garrula lingua]

6 lb 4 oz Louisville Slugger

Most defintely the best form of 'supervision' and 'restraining order'

 

[graybeard1952]

This is clearly about denial and manipulation. I guess she has emerged from her 4-year binge of alcohol and cocaine and is trying to start fresh in San Antonio and all that is missing is a relationship with our children and now that she has her own place and some sort of employment, the last 4 years don’t count. She wants a “do over” concerning the divorce and has literally picked up from the last point of conciseness she remembers.

If I learned anything from all of those Al-Anon meetings it’s that I will no longer enable her to have her own way. She is going to have to deal with the court orders or suffer the consequences of her actions.

I have encouraged her to file contempt charges against me and if her perverted mind desires, file a case with CPS. I have nothing to hide and have no fear of being found in contempt. My main concern is for my children, they have been witness to so much of her insanity and I don’t want them to have to watch their mother dragged off to jail again. But if XW chooses to put her self in that situation then I have no choice but to have her arrested.

For my X, this is a self-imposed case of PAS, my children don’t want to see her, don’t want to talk to her and are afraid my X is going to kidnap them.

 

[ceara19]

This is clearly about denial and manipulation. I guess she has emerged from her 4-year binge of alcohol and cocaine and is trying to start fresh in San Antonio and all that is missing is a relationship with our children and now that she has her own place and some sort of employment, the last 4 years don’t count. She wants a “do over” concerning the divorce and has literally picked up from the last point of conciseness she remembers.

If I learned anything from all of those Al-Anon meetings it’s that I will no longer enable her to have her own way. She is going to have to deal with the court orders or suffer the consequences of her actions.

I have encouraged her to file contempt charges against me and if her perverted mind desires, file a case with CPS. I have nothing to hide and have no fear of being found in contempt. My main concern is for my children, they have been witness to so much of her insanity and I don’t want them to have to watch their mother dragged off to jail again. But if XW chooses to put her self in that situation then I have no choice but to have her arrested.

For my X, this is a self-imposed case of PAS, my children don’t want to see her, don’t want to talk to her and are afraid my X is going to kidnap them.

If mom shows up uninvited and unwelcome, maybe being hauled off in handcuffs by the police would actually give the kids a little piece of mind. If they are concerned that she may hurt them, physically, mentally or emotionally, seeing that YOU will do whatever is necessary to protect them may be comforting to them in a way.

 

[tigger22472]

Here's my thought...

If you know when she's coming... Don't be there. Better yet if you are friends with your neighbors have them take the pictures if they can/will. If you have a cell phone have them call you .... and in turn if she gets out of the vehicle, starts messing around or even just simply doesn't leave, have them call the police. It's even best if they can get her license plate number.

 

[Cally O]

Safe Place

Can you take the children to a safe place for the day. Somewhere she does not know about. Then be there with your court order in hand. I would call the police ahead of time and then when and if she shows up call them. Have them watch as you show her the order and then maybe set up a specified time to visit the children. That is reasonable for all involved. I know it must be difficult to raise children with out one of the natural parents present. But the courts favor allowing the natural parent that is non custodial visitation rights. But if she is threatning to take them then this is a potential Amber Alert. I do hope the children are not hearing "My Children" it hurts the kids. Because no matter what children like to have a mom and a dad even if they are not perfect. I always tried to put myself in their shoes. My Ex used to tell me those are "My Kids" and I was the custdial parent and he never provided anything for the kids. Not one dime of support for them and it has been 22 years now. I worked two jobs many times to raise them. I always had a job. Anyway there were many times I wanted to call him every name in the book. Sometimes I did. My oldest daughter told me though that she knew her dad was "Lazy" but that she loved him. I saw the look in her eyes and I pretty much kept my thoughts to myself about him after that and encouraged them to speak pf him, because I wanted them to know they were concieved out of love and they were loved even if he was not perfect. I know I was not perfect either, I was an enabler for a long time afraid of his chaotic ebtry;s into our lifes. I I also had to call the police and deal with him having fits and trying to convince the kids to come live with him when they were teen agers especially. I got to where I would take the kids somewhere safe and then I was free to do what I had to do to keep the kids safe. I wanted them to be safe and feel loved so they did not know about the times it took three or four officers to pull him off of me. Do you understand what I am saying to you about the kids? Good Luck

 

[graybeard1952]

I really wanted our children to have a relationship with their mother, and I don’t want the sight of her being dragged away in cuffs to further alienate them from her. However there is a point of no return and she may have crossed that line.

Oddly there has been no sign of her and it’s 7:00 am. I expected her here when the bars closed and she’s had a couple shots of courage. Either she has re thought the situation and decided to forget it. Or she has hooked up with some of her old “friends” and is making a weekend of it… I think the latter.

 

[tigger22472]

I really wanted our children to have a relationship with their mother, and I don’t want the sight of her being dragged away in cuffs to further alienate them from her. However there is a point of no return and she may have crossed that line.

Oddly there has been no sign of her and it’s 7:00 am. I expected her here when the bars closed and she’s had a couple shots of courage. Either she has re thought the situation and decided to forget it. Or she has hooked up with some of her old “friends” and is making a weekend of it… I think the latter.

What time did she say she would be there?

 

[graybeard1952]

She just said yesterday, so we have been holed up here waiting. But we are not leaving, this is our home and we shouldn't have to runaway. I have had her arrested once prior and she has learned nothing from the episode.

It is to the point of violating my Civil Rights let alone violating a worthless CO.

 

[ceara19]

I really wanted our children to have a relationship with their mother, and I don’t want the sight of her being dragged away in cuffs to further alienate them from her. However there is a point of no return and she may have crossed that line.

Oddly there has been no sign of her and it’s 7:00 am. I expected her here when the bars closed and she’s had a couple shots of courage. Either she has re thought the situation and decided to forget it. Or she has hooked up with some of her old “friends” and is making a weekend of it… I think the latter.

You can only do so much. The only person alienating the children from their mother, is MOM. You should be commended for putting up with this kind of behaviour from mom for as long as you have. Like you said, there gets to be a point where enough is enough and I think she flew past that point a while back. If I remember correctly, your kids are old enough that they know what the situation is. While you should NEVER discourage a HEALTHY relationship between mom and the kids (which I'm sure you would never do), you shouldn't try to encourage a relationship between them that ISN'T in the children's best interests.

While tigg's suggestion about leaving is a good one, unless I thought my kids could possibly be in physical danger, I wouldn't let anyone chase me out of my home either.

 

[tigger22472]

While tigg's suggestion about leaving is a good one, unless I thought my kids could possibly be in physical danger, I wouldn't let anyone chase me out of my home either.

I would have suggested that he have someone else take the kids while he stayed but he didn't mention anyone which is why I suggested him and use a neighbor but all in all I agree with you.

My ex was threatening things. My neighbor had told me things he had told him and warned me to get a RO or I was "going to show up on the 11 O'Clock News." My mom was hysterical about it and begged me and the kids to come to her house. She was convinced that he was either going to kill me or kill one of my children in front of me. I told her to take the kids but I wasn't leaving! She cried and cried telling me that nothing in my house was worth my life. I kept telling her that wasn't the point. The point was I was MY HOUSE and he wasn't going to intimidate me. The point is, I've been there and I do see the point.