Contempt or Crazy

[LdiJ]

I would have suggested that he have someone else take the kids while he stayed but he didn't mention anyone which is why I suggested him and use a neighbor but all in all I agree with you.

My ex was threatening things. My neighbor had told me things he had told him and warned me to get a RO or I was "going to show up on the 11 O'Clock News." My mom was hysterical about it and begged me and the kids to come to her house. She was convinced that he was either going to kill me or kill one of my children in front of me. I told her to take the kids but I wasn't leaving! She cried and cried telling me that nothing in my house was worth my life. I kept telling her that wasn't the point. The point was I was MY HOUSE and he wasn't going to intimidate me. The point is, I've been there and I do see the point.

Tig...I agree with you and have done the same (another forum) However, sometimes taking that stance could make someone a "statistic". In fact, it made some clients of mine a "statistic". Seven people in Indy died (an extended family), and one of them was a beautiful 5 year old boy that charmed the heck out of me. Their case wasn't DV, but it was still a case of people refusing to be chased from their home during a situation that could have been avoided.

 

[tigger22472]

Tig...I agree with you and have done the same (another forum) However, sometimes taking that stance could make someone a "statistic". In fact, it made some clients of mine a "statistic". Seven people in Indy died (an extended family), and one of them was a beautiful 5 year old boy that charmed the heck out of me. Their case wasn't DV, but it was still a case of people refusing to be chased from their home during a situation that could have been avoided.

K.. this is a bit off topic but I have to ask. How do you know that they refused to leave the home. The way I understand it they were pretty much ambushed... parents/grandparents and the 3 younger kids and then the 2 older kids/adults walked in during it.

 

[tigger22472]

Oh and at the risk of sounding sexist... this would be a man taking a stance at his house and a woman coming to his home... I know it doesn't matter if there is a weapon involved but there was no indication of that.

 

[LdiJ]

K.. this is a bit off topic but I have to ask. How do you know that they refused to leave the home. The way I understand it they were pretty much ambushed... parents/grandparents and the 3 younger kids and then the 2 older kids/adults walked in during it.

I know because I have talked to the remaining family....and attended the funeral. The whole thing was just awful. One thing that the new articles didn't say was that these weren't illegal aliens. They were hispanic, but they were all american citizens.

 

[LdiJ]

Oh and at the risk of sounding sexist... this would be a man taking a stance at his house and a woman coming to his home... I know it doesn't matter if there is a weapon involved but there was no indication of that.

Heck...he would probably be safer than the reverse....but stuff happens.

 

[tigger22472]

I know because I have talked to the remaining family....and attended the funeral. The whole thing was just awful. One thing that the new articles didn't say was that these weren't illegal aliens. They were hispanic, but they were all american citizens.

That I understand... I never believed them to be illegal aliens. What I have understood is that this was a situation in which the thiefs believed there was a lot of money in the house (which turned out to be false) but I've not heard of any indication that they even had the opportunity to escape. And I cannot see where anyone else, other than the killers, would know this considering that all the victims involved died.

 

[LdiJ]

That I understand... I never believed them to be illegal aliens. What I have understood is that this was a situation in which the thiefs believed there was a lot of money in the house (which turned out to be false) but I've not heard of any indication that they even had the opportunity to escape. And I cannot see where anyone else, other than the killers, would know this considering that all the victims involved died.

No...that wasn't it at all...at least as far as the remaining family is concerned. It was an ongoing dispute between neighbors....possibly related to money issues, but predominantly a cultural/racial dispute....and the family members who owned the house KNEW that it was an "at risk" situation....but dug in and refused to be intimidated.

Tig...this is Indy....big city...big stupidity sometimes.

 

[graybeard1952]

As of this posting, she has not called or come over. I don't know which is worse, waiting for the showdown or the showdown itself. I can't help but feel that someone had a bunch of coke and she is probably too buzzed to remember the purpose of her trip. It certainly wouldn't be the first time she put drugs before her kids. But wouldn't ya'll agree that behaviour like hers could be considered criminal, maybe terroristic threats or stalking.
I

 

[ceara19]

I would have suggested that he have someone else take the kids while he stayed but he didn't mention anyone which is why I suggested him and use a neighbor but all in all I agree with you.

My ex was threatening things. My neighbor had told me things he had told him and warned me to get a RO or I was "going to show up on the 11 O'Clock News." My mom was hysterical about it and begged me and the kids to come to her house. She was convinced that he was either going to kill me or kill one of my children in front of me. I told her to take the kids but I wasn't leaving! She cried and cried telling me that nothing in my house was worth my life. I kept telling her that wasn't the point. The point was I was MY HOUSE and he wasn't going to intimidate me. The point is, I've been there and I do see the point.

I would advise OTHERS to leave the house too. I would probably even send my children to spend the night with the GP's. But I would have a hard time leaving MY home because the ex is making threats.

I would also advise others not to tell the Judge presiding over their case that they don't give a damn what the COURT orders and that they will continue to raise their children as they see fit and that protect them from harm even if it means violating the court order. But I wouldn't necessarily take my own advise on that matter either.

I'm not worried about my ex actually inflicting any physical harm on me or the kids though. The only person he ever threatened to harm was himself and that was just a play for sympathy. I even offered to loan him a garden hose, gun, bullets, pills, poison, sharp knives, etc. I was willing to HELP him in anyway that I could, even though he was being an SOB to me and the kids, but he didn't take me up on the offer.

I knew that if I fell for the "I just wanted to come over and say goodbye because I'm going to kill myself" for even a SECOND, he would just make it a habit to come bang on my door at 3AM so drunk that he couldn't walk the 8 feet from the car to the door without falling down at least twice and I really wasn't in the mood to pick up any new hobbies at the time.

I've talked with the OP through PM's a few times because we live in the same state and our cases are very similar. His ex is a lousy parent and more then a little touched in the head, but I think if she was a real DANGER, the OP would see it before she had a chance to actually act.

 

[tigger22472]

I know what you mean...

There is the law and then what we'd really do... An example for me is my ex didn't have anything to do with my kids for several years (they have since been adopted). Legally if he showed up at my door I would have been obligated to allow him visitation. Reality is that I never would have done that and in fact had a plan with a friend that if he were to ever show up out of the blue that I'd get them out the door and to her house in which he would not find them (in fact his own sister told me prior to the adoption if I were to die she would take them and hide them). Of course there were more things going on than just not seeing them etc.... and every case is specific but I wouldn't advice ANYONE on here to break the law in that manner. There are things that should be done and when they aren't we're forced to face the music for them.

 

[ceara19]

As of this posting, she has not called or come over. I don't know which is worse, waiting for the showdown or the showdown itself. I can't help but feel that someone had a bunch of coke and she is probably too buzzed to remember the purpose of her trip. It certainly wouldn't be the first time she put drugs before her kids. But wouldn't ya'll agree that behaviour like hers could be considered criminal, maybe terroristic threats or stalking.
I

Just breaking the no contact order from the family court is a criminal act. Honestly, I think the waiting is far worse. Dealing with an ex is hard enough under the BEST circumstances. When the ex is a practicing addict, it's virtually impossible. If you think she's in your area and out on a bender, she may have already ran afoul of the law. The night I finally got fed up with the ex going out and partying with his friends and coming home drunk at 4-5 in the morning, I had a locksmith come out in the middle of the night and re-key the locks and add keyless deadbolts to all of the doors. When he finally decided to drag his drunk ass home and realized that his key didn't work, he decided he must be at the wrong house and proceeded to try his key at several of the neighbors houses!

 

[tigger22472]

When he finally decided to drag his drunk ass home and realized that his key didn't work, he decided he must be at the wrong house and proceeded to try his key at several of the neighbors houses!

Oh.. I remember those days! Can't say I miss them!

Again, not to sound sexist but I doubt the OP has slept with the couch against the door with a butcher knife laying next to him for a week (alone by the way, without the kids) because she's threatened him. It's times like that I wish I was a man, as they are less fearfull then us girly girls...lol

 

[ceara19]

I know what you mean...

There is the law and then what we'd really do... An example for me is my ex didn't have anything to do with my kids for several years (they have since been adopted). Legally if he showed up at my door I would have been obligated to allow him visitation. Reality is that I never would have done that and in fact had a plan with a friend that if he were to ever show up out of the blue that I'd get them out the door and to her house in which he would not find them (in fact his own sister told me prior to the adoption if I were to die she would take them and hide them). Of course there were more things going on than just not seeing them etc.... and every case is specific but I wouldn't advice ANYONE on here to break the law in that manner. There are things that should be done and when they aren't we're forced to face the music for them.

I was very aware of what would happen before I opened my big mouth about violating a court order and I did it anyway. And I'd do it again. But if anyone ELSE had the same thing in mind, I would tell them what a stupid move it would be to openly defy the Judge.

My court order actually states that in the event of my death, "any and all custodial rights and responsibilities of the mother will automatically transfer to the maternal grandmother until such time that the father can prove that he should no longer be deemed unfit by this court". My entire order is very specific. The court found him to be unfit to have any RIGHTS to the children, but still kept his parental RESPONSIBILITIES in place.

My favorite part of the order is the no-contact clause. If he comes to my home in Texas, violating the court order, I'm legally allowed to shoot him! I would never subject the kids to something like that unless I was really afraid of him, but I have him convinced that I will.

 

[tigger22472]

My favorite part of the order is the no-contact clause. If he comes to my home in Texas, violating the court order, I'm legally allowed to shoot him! I would never subject the kids to something like that unless I was really afraid of him, but I have him convinced that I will.

And that's really all that matters... what he thinks you'll do

I have my current husband convinced that Lorena Bobbit is my hero and how I feel about cheaters He even asked me one time "Would you have to have solid proof or would you just go on suspicion?"

 

[ceara19]

And that's really all that matters... what he thinks you'll do

I have my current husband convinced that Lorena Bobbit is my hero and how I feel about cheaters He even asked me one time "Would you have to have solid proof or would you just go on suspicion?"

Before I got married, we were at a big family gathering and my dad and uncles had the "talk" with my ex when they were outside. You know the one that starts "If you ever lay a hand on her in anger...."? He interrupted my dad before he finished the sentence and swore that he would never do that, but if he did, he was POSITIVE that he could hold his own against a bunch of "old guys". My uncle looked him straight in the eyes with a very serious look on his face and told him, "You don't need to worry about US. She's the one you need to worry about!" Then my dad pointed to a rise out in the field and told him, "You see that small mound out there? That's where we had to bury her FIRST husband after she took a baseball bat to his head."

He was joking about it later and I told him that he knows better than that and that I would NEVER beat anyone to death with a baseball bat. Then I told him that if I ever wanted to kill him, I'd just have my mother bring me an incommunicable fatal pathogen from the containment lab at her hospital. I think that thought is still there in the back of his mind!