Counseling and Issues!!!!

[Isis1]

I dont need the mean comments, my son is going through counseling and is depressed and yet i am to blame? I try and keep my kids healthy and this has made him turn upside down. no judge can truly say this is in his best interests. grades have dropped, attitude is not the same, anger depression anxiety, fear of having to go and see this man? really?

you absolutely ARE to blame. geez woman, what is wrong with you? why are you terrorizing the child by scaring him? you are borderline emotionally abusing the child if you haven't already crossed that line anyway.

is the child this way with every human being he meets? i bet when you introduced him to your new boytoy you didn't scare the heebijeebies out of the kid about it did you?

how about when you introduced the child to the therapist? you didn't scare the child then either, did you? his new teacher? a friend of yours?

just dad. they have a name for that. rhymes with witch.

 

[proud_parent]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

As stated in a previous thread, my child is now in counseling due to the issues he is having now that he has to see his absent father. I have the dr report that our child told him he is afraid of his father (he doesn't know him) he is not sleeping at night anymore, his grades dropped dramatically, he gets sick to his stomach and headaches now when we tell him his visits are coming up. I had to reschedule our supervised visit because of this. Is this enough evidence for the judge to see, and even coming from a DOCTOR, that it is not safe nor in the childs best interest to have these visits continue? I have all th documents from the doctor to prove in court.

Is DAD participating in the counseling?

If not, why not?

 

[mistoffolees]

I doubt that you're going to listen to me any more than you've listened to the others, but I'll give it a shot:

YOU ARE CREATING THE PROBLEMS YOU LIST ABOVE. If you tell the child how great it is that he's going to see his dad and how much fun he's going to have, then he'll look forward to the visits. By telling the child how awful the circumstances are, how terrible it is that he must spend time with this awful person (of whom your child is 1/2 BTW) and that he's going to have a miserable time and not be safe and THE EFFING SKY IS FALLING, then he's going to believe what you tell him and suffer from anxiety, anger, depression, and fear.

So, in the end, it is YOU that is not in your child's best interest.

That is 100% clear. OP says that the child is scared of Dad, but has never met Dad. The only way that could be is if OP has put the fear into the child's head.

That alone is pretty solid evidence that OP is doing her best to alienate the child against Dad.

GROW UP.

 

[Hoosyermom]

So, did you also reschedule your other child's birthday party since your son was sick and upset and you rescheduled his father's supervised visit with him? Or did you go ahead and have the party and your son was able to participate due to you doing everything you can to eliminate his father from his life?

 

[Ohiogal]

He has had the doctors visit once when docotr came to diagnose him with anxiety and depression!!!! he has had one counseling session. The child is 7 so he is old enough. The supervised visit was supposed to be sunday. This had to be rescheduled due to all of this!!! This is extremely affecting our child in a negative way when even a doctor is diagnosing him these things.

Anxiety could be due to you. Doctor's appointment was on Sunday? OH ... no, you are playing games. ONE counseling session? Yeah. That doesn't count for anything. (Note to self -- count is NOT a word to mistype by dropping a letter.)

YOU are affecting YOUR child in a negative way. Depression and anxiety because mom is nuts. Makes sense to me.

 

[stepmom38]

I dont need the mean comments, my son is going through counseling and is depressed and yet i am to blame? I try and keep my kids healthy and this has made him turn upside down. no judge can truly say this is in his best interests. grades have dropped, attitude is not the same, anger depression anxiety, fear of having to go and see this man? really?

YOU are to blame because YOU are the one who's telling your son that he should be afraid of his father. He's depressed and anxious because of YOU. As a matter of fact, I think it would be safe to say that ALL the issues he's having are because of YOU and your projecting your obvious hatred for dad upon your son. It is obvious that the only one you care about is YOU and YOUR feelings. Stop trying to find ways to deny dad his visitations...just STOP IT.

 

[stealth2]

In all honesty, OP, the one person who is in severe need of counseling is... you. You are truly hurting your son. His fears are due to your problems dealing with your poor choices. PLEASE seek help before you damage him further or have another child you can hurt similarly damage. I'm serious You are in need of help.

At this point, I really think that is the only advice anyone here can offer. Get into therapy. Now.

 

[Just Blue]

In all honesty, OP, the one person who is in severe need of counseling is... you. You are truly hurting your son. His fears are due to your problems dealing with your poor choices. PLEASE seek help before you damage him further or have another child you can hurt similarly damage. I'm serious You are in need of help.

At this point, I really think that is the only advice anyone here can offer. Get into therapy. Now.

I don't think she will follow this advice. Perhaps when the Judge orders it she might...

 

[InfantCustody]

I dont need the mean comments, my son is going through counseling and is depressed and yet i am to blame? I try and keep my kids healthy and this has made him turn upside down. no judge can truly say this is in his best interests. grades have dropped, attitude is not the same, anger depression anxiety, fear of having to go and see this man? really?

I am going to comment on this, because I can comment from a different perspective. My oldest son is 8. He hasn't seen his father in 8 years, since he was a little baby. If his dad popped up out of the wild blue yonder, I expect he would have a lot of adjusting to do, I expect he would be nervous, I expect he would be anxious, I expect he would need some counseling, perhaps some reintroduction counseling, but he would NOT be fearful of meeting his father. I can say that with complete certainty. Not unless I told him there was a reason to be fearful.

Children are, by their very nature, trusting. That is what makes them so vulnerable. Have you raised your son to be afraid of everyone and everything? Is he afraid of teachers? Is he afraid of the clerk at the grocery store? Is he afraid of the mail man? Most children who are even half way well adjusted may be a little wary of new people, and may take a while to warm up, but they are not fearful without a reason. Last night, I had a client over. My son had never net them. A man and a woman...my son was polite enough and talked to them when they asked, told them about his school work and his love of math, how he likes his brother sometimes and so on. He wasn't afraid of them...

YOU and YOU ALONE are doing this to your son. Why not share some positive story about your ex with him? Why not tell him some quality you once liked about your ex? Surely something other than alcohol made you sleep with him? I hate my ex, but can think of 5 funny stories I could tell my son without even giving it much effort. I could tell him how he can twirl a basketball on one finger for abnormal amounts of time, I could tell him a funny story about a time we were stuck on ice and how we got out of it because his dad was very, very creative. It isn't rocket science.

I think my ex is the largest horses XXX on the planet, but if he showed up, I would do my part because my son would be better off knowing his father than never getting the chance to know him. Even the largest jerk of a parent has SOMETHING positive to offer their child. And if they are in the less than 1% who truly have nothing positive to offer, well, you shouldn't have slept with them because they still have legal rights.

You can choose to whine and make this harder on your son than it has to be, or you can suck it up and encourage your sons relationship with his dad. If he is having difficulty talking to dad, go over some things he could tell his dad about. "Hey little Johnny, why not tell your dad about your favorite sport, favorite pet, favorite kind of clothes, favorite activity." Encourage him to ask his dad questions...no...not the kind that pry into his life. "Dad's name, what's your favorite color, food, actor, music, kind of movie, sport, activity?"

If they truly don't know each other, the world is their oyster to learn and explore.

Try what I suggested and come back in two weeks. I can guarantee you it would work if you would give it a chance. If you won't try, then be quiet and lose custody.