Court Next Week - Help With Proving Mom Unfit

[meanyjack]

They are still pretty available because employers can add and subtract part time employees at will, as needed, without worrying about unemployment compensation or the cost of employee benefits.

Some employers are hiring only part time employees at this time.

That is true -- but my point was the DEMAND for those part-time jobs at this point. Even temp agencies' offerings are thin.

 

[SingleDadNTN]

YSO?

You're a man of many contradictions... first, you were totally OK with Mom having the kiddo in TX with her for now, as long as you could use lots of stuff against her LATER. Then, you wanted visitation because you couldn't afford to have your child with you. Now, you want full custody and can't understand why Mom might not have the money to get to TN for court and still feed the child you're not helping support (yeah, I know... no court order and you did send checks - but the kid is still eating and it's not on YOUR dime, is it?)

Whatever. If she was granted a continuance by the court, there's nothing you can do but wait for a new hearing date. And no, you'll not get temp custody in the mean time.

OK first off if you read everything I was not ok with the move. I didnt know untill 3 days later. I was under the impression she moved back to enter rehab to get help with her problem. When I learned that was not the case I filed. In that time frame I tried to work out a parenting plan. As an unmarried father I have no rights really. To be quite honest im not trying to get out of child support. if you read I have been the sole provider for her entire life. Mom cant get to court because she has no job and cant keep one. Mom has no money for child because she has refused 2 $300 checks 2 times each. Not my problem

 

[SingleDadNTN]

Update from court today

Ok. So at court today here is what happened. Mother did not show up. Atty/Public Defender that represented her in 07 Dependent and Neglect charge was there on her behalf. Atty stated that mother was never served with subpoena and only knew about court from me and the YSO -Youth Services Officer. YSO responded with Subpoena was refused as written on the envelope and that he had spoken to mom on 2 occasions. 1st was to inform her of court and 2nd was her calling to say she couldnt afford a plane ticket. Atty then asked that this be taken up in TX as that was where child was living. I informed judge that Kaydence's home state is TN and that she had not lived there long enough to establish residency. Judge agreed and TN is where custody will be decided. Atty didn't have much to say after that. I think her goal was to help MOM out and try to get case pushed out of TN and into TX. I informed judge that a total of 4 letters had also been refused and that I had offered to pay for plane ticket. Informed judge about lack of any type of visitation. Judge ordered Phone visitation for 2x week Mon and thurs at 6pm and that I get child for 7 days after Christmas. Court date reset to Jan 12th. So great news for me.

BAD NEWS- Anything I can do?
So I call my daughter as order was effective immediately. Keep in mind she will be 3 in Feb and I have not talked to her in 5-6 weeks. The first 1-2 min of the convo was her asking me why i was hitting mom and hurting mom, why I wasnt nice, etc... Yeah i was floored. Now all previous conversations that my mom and dad and I have had with her in October were nothing like that. So that tells me that they are talking bad about me to my daughter and its apparently rubbing off. I could hear them whisper in the background and then Kay would say something like that. I cant 110% say they were coaching her but I can say that with me not having seen or talked to my daughter for so long, she is not just going to come up with that on her own. I did record it and had my mom listening as speakerphone was on. If my daughter keeps saying those types things, could I file a dependent neglect with the basis being emotional neglect? Emotional Neglect: Failure to provide the support necessary to a child's psychological and social development. If mom is talking bad about me to my daughter it could affect her view of me as her father. I mean I do no like my childs mother but I would never talk bad about her to my daughter nor infront of her.

 

[Humusluvr]

Ok. So at court today here is what happened. Mother did not show up. Atty/Public Defender that represented her in 07 Dependent and Neglect charge was there on her behalf. Atty stated that mother was never served with subpoena and only knew about court from me and the YSO -Youth Services Officer. YSO responded with Subpoena was refused as written on the envelope and that he had spoken to mom on 2 occasions. 1st was to inform her of court and 2nd was her calling to say she couldnt afford a plane ticket. Atty then asked that this be taken up in TX as that was where child was living. I informed judge that Kaydence's home state is TN and that she had not lived there long enough to establish residency. Judge agreed and TN is where custody will be decided. Atty didn't have much to say after that. I think her goal was to help MOM out and try to get case pushed out of TN and into TX. I informed judge that a total of 4 letters had also been refused and that I had offered to pay for plane ticket. Informed judge about lack of any type of visitation. Judge ordered Phone visitation for 2x week Mon and thurs at 6pm and that I get child for 7 days after Christmas. Court date reset to Jan 12th. So great news for me.

Yay! I'm glad to hear you stood your ground and got the judge to rule on proper procedure. Victory for you.

BAD NEWS- Anything I can do?
So I call my daughter as order was effective immediately. Keep in mind she will be 3 in Feb and I have not talked to her in 5-6 weeks. The first 1-2 min of the convo was her asking me why i was hitting mom and hurting mom, why I wasnt nice, etc... Yeah i was floored. Now all previous conversations that my mom and dad and I have had with her in October were nothing like that. So that tells me that they are talking bad about me to my daughter and its apparently rubbing off. I could hear them whisper in the background and then Kay would say something like that. I cant 110% say they were coaching her but I can say that with me not having seen or talked to my daughter for so long, she is not just going to come up with that on her own. I did record it and had my mom listening as speakerphone was on. If my daughter keeps saying those types things, could I file a dependent neglect with the basis being emotional neglect? Emotional Neglect: Failure to provide the support necessary to a child's psychological and social development. If mom is talking bad about me to my daughter it could affect her view of me as her father. I mean I do no like my childs mother but I would never talk bad about her to my daughter nor infront of her.

When you talk to daughter, steer the conversation towards your daughter, and away from what mom says.

Tell daughter only positives.

If She says "Why do you hit mommy." say, "Oh goodness, dear, you know I love you so much and I miss you. I can't wait to see you. Do you have a favorite stuffed animal? Do you like puppies?" and so on and so on. Make the conversations fun and cute and direct them. Don't even give mom's manipulations the time of day.

And start working on your case ASAP for January 12th!!!

 

[SingleDadNTN]

[/QUOTE]When you talk to daughter, steer the conversation towards your daughter, and away from what mom says.

Tell daughter only positives.

If She says "Why do you hit mommy." say, "Oh goodness, dear, you know I love you so much and I miss you. I can't wait to see you. Do you have a favorite stuffed animal? Do you like puppies?" and so on and so on. Make the conversations fun and cute and direct them. Don't even give mom's manipulations the time of day.

And start working on your case ASAP for January 12th!!![/QUOTE]

Well I am glad that I did it right. I was in shock at first but I kept trying to do as you said and asking her questions about her favorite things and what not. She finally got off that but I was still mortified that it was coming out of my almost 3 yr olds mouth.

I did some research and found that this stage in a Toddler's development is very crucial. I also found PAS - Parental Alienation Syndrome. Some of the signs include:

*The PAS-inducing parent refusing to communicate or co-operate directly with the targeted parent.

*Where the PAS-inducing parent talks of, or shows disrespect of the targeted parent in the child’s presence.

*Where little regard is paid to the importance of Contact with the other parent.

If this kind of enviroment continues and it's not only the mom but her family members she lives with as well, how do I deal with that. I mean I know I can try to divert conversation but if thats stuff that she is hearing on a daily basis that could have long term effects and damage my relationship with my daughter. It's honestly like the mom is obsessed and is doing anything possible to completely cut my daughter out of my life

 

[Ohiogal]

When you talk to daughter, steer the conversation towards your daughter, and away from what mom says.

Tell daughter only positives.

If She says "Why do you hit mommy." say, "Oh goodness, dear, you know I love you so much and I miss you. I can't wait to see you. Do you have a favorite stuffed animal? Do you like puppies?" and so on and so on. Make the conversations fun and cute and direct them. Don't even give mom's manipulations the time of day.

And start working on your case ASAP for January 12th!!!

Well I am glad that I did it right. I was in shock at first but I kept trying to do as you said and asking her questions about her favorite things and what not. She finally got off that but I was still mortified that it was coming out of my almost 3 yr olds mouth.

I did some research and found that this stage in a Toddler's development is very crucial. I also found PAS - Parental Alienation Syndrome. Some of the signs include:

*The PAS-inducing parent refusing to communicate or co-operate directly with the targeted parent.

*Where the PAS-inducing parent talks of, or shows disrespect of the targeted parent in the child’s presence.

*Where little regard is paid to the importance of Contact with the other parent.

If this kind of enviroment continues and it's not only the mom but her family members she lives with as well, how do I deal with that. I mean I know I can try to divert conversation but if thats stuff that she is hearing on a daily basis that could have long term effects and damage my relationship with my daughter. It's honestly like the mom is obsessed and is doing anything possible to completely cut my daughter out of my life

Stay away from PAS -- it is discredited. Search for the thread that was started regarding PAS. The crackpot who came up with the idea committed suicide. He also believed that pedophilia is acceptable. Do you really want to side with someone like that?

 

[Humusluvr]

Stay away from PAS -- it is discredited. Search for the thread that was started regarding PAS. The crackpot who came up with the idea committed suicide. He also believed that pedophilia is acceptable. Do you really want to side with someone like that?

Here's the PAS thread.

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/pas-custody-cases-441548.html

Dad, stay away from that.

Yes, you are being alienated from your child. But, its not a "syndrome." So don't use the words PAS.

 

[LdiJ]

Stay away from PAS -- it is discredited. Search for the thread that was started regarding PAS. The crackpot who came up with the idea committed suicide. He also believed that pedophilia is acceptable. Do you really want to side with someone like that?

I am repeating this because it is so very important.

Alienation is real and credible. PAS is NOT.

 

[SingleDadNTN]

Ok so thanks for the advice to avoid the PAS path. Appreciate the advice very much. So instead of using PAS, should I try to focus on the alienation itself? In TN there are 11 factors used to determine the child's best interests and I think 2 of them I could tie into the alienation.

36-6-106. Child custody. —

(9) The character and behavior of any other person who resides in or frequents the home of a parent or caregiver and the person's interactions with the child; and
(10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child.

It seems that if she continues this behavior with my daughter I believe I could argue that that kind of enviroment is not healthy and instead of encouraging a father-daughter relationship she is trying to destroy it. If a child has been alienated from a loving parent, me dad, that parent-child relationship may be irretrievably broken. If not, it certainly will have been damaged to a great degree.

Do you guys think thats a good path to take?

 

[Ohiogal]

Have you ever hit your ex? Kicked her? Thrown things at her? Done anything else that could be construed as violence towards her? Have you ever had a police report filed about you being violent? Has there ever been a CPO against you?

 

[SingleDadNTN]

Have you ever hit your ex? Kicked her? Thrown things at her? Done anything else that could be construed as violence towards her? Have you ever had a police report filed about you being violent? Has there ever been a CPO against you?

As I have stated previously I have never put my hands on my ex with the intention to harm her. I have unfortunately had to restrain her at times because her level of intoxification was to a point where I had to assume that she was not able to properly think for herself and her decisions would danger herself or others. Basically she would try to drive drunk or after getting slammed at the house, walk to bars. I would hold her down in attempts to get keys. None of this was done infront of child.

Never punched, kicked, slapped or threw anything. No police reports and no CPO. Basically no I never put a bruise on her from way of physical violence. at times she did get like a thumb print or marks on wrists and biceps from trying to restrain her. Retrospect I wish at times I would have just let her walk out and go but I was not able to do so as she would be highly intoxicated (slurred speech, not able to stand/walk straight kinda thing) and I couldnt imagine having to explain to my daughter why her mom wasnt around and knowing that I did nothing to stop her.

 

[Ohiogal]

As I have stated previously I have never put my hands on my ex with the intention to harm her. I have unfortunately had to restrain her at times because her level of intoxification was to a point where I had to assume that she was not able to properly think for herself and her decisions would danger herself or others. Basically she would try to drive drunk or after getting slammed at the house, walk to bars. I would hold her down in attempts to get keys. None of this was done infront of child.

Never punched, kicked, slapped or threw anything. No police reports and no CPO. Basically no I never put a bruise on her from way of physical violence. at times she did get like a thumb print or marks on wrists and biceps from trying to restrain her. Retrospect I wish at times I would have just let her walk out and go but I was not able to do so as she would be highly intoxicated (slurred speech, not able to stand/walk straight kinda thing) and I couldnt imagine having to explain to my daughter why her mom wasnt around and knowing that I did nothing to stop her.

Well that is your truth. MOm's truth is different. YOu have put your hands on her illegally. Which could definitely be considered domestic violence. You are NOT legally allowed to touch her.

 

[Isis1]

As I have stated previously I have never put my hands on my ex with the intention to harm her. I have unfortunately had to restrain her at times because her level of intoxification was to a point where I had to assume that she was not able to properly think for herself and her decisions would danger herself or others. Basically she would try to drive drunk or after getting slammed at the house, walk to bars. I would hold her down in attempts to get keys. None of this was done infront of child. .

dude. you had no business touching her in that manner. none whatsoever. you are not to grab, not to restrain and not to push or shove in any direction any other human being. ever. it's called assault. i don't care what your intention was, the courts don't care what your intention was. shame on you. don't do it again. hopefully you will recognize yoru actions and learn from it. you are very lucky and your ex is very stupid for not reporting you.

like humus said, divert the conversations.

 

[Ohiogal]

dude. you had no business touching her in that manner. none whatsoever. you are not to grab, not to restrain and not to push or shove in any direction any other human being. ever. it's called assault. i don't care what your intention was, the courts don't care what your intention was. shame on you. don't do it again. hopefully you will recognize yoru actions and learn from it. you are very lucky and your ex is very stupid for not reporting you.

like humus said, divert the conversations.

And what he said, changes things. Anyone understanding why mom left the state? Why the public defender came to her defense on a CUSTODY case? Should we continue?

 

[mommyof4]

So, we finally get to the root of this little saga.