CPS took husband's child from mother.... advice?

[hire21618]

Thank you. I will tell my husband to have his PD push to not allow stepdad visitation. I imagine it is only more confusing for her.

I also agree that it would be jumping the gun to file for custody right now. My husband was told by the therapist running the visitation that once they hit 4-6 hour visits we (myself and our kids) are allowed to join as well. Those last for 36 hours. After that point he was told they would go to overnight visits.

Our impression is that DCS is hoping to place his daughter with him as soon as she is comfortable. I know her mom has a lot of hoops to jump through before the kids could be returned. It’s hard only being able to be involved to a certain point: me as a third party and him as dad. Granted he could have done more to be involved prior to this all taking place. But now that he is involved, he just wants to make sure he’s doing everything he should be and needs to be doing for her.

And I may be a third party, but he is my husband and she is my stepdaughter and that means I’m invested. I, too, just want to do everything I’m able to help her through this.

Again, your input is greatly appreciated.

 

[cbg]

We all of us understand that you have an emotional investment in this. The reason many of the posters (I am not among them) are reluctant to talk to third parties is that LEGALLY you do not have any position or standing and a lot of posters don't appear to understand the difference. You do, which makes it easier. Thank you for understanding the forum's position.

 

[hire21618]

We all of us understand that you have an emotional investment in this. The reason many of the posters (I am not among them) are reluctant to talk to third parties is that LEGALLY you do not have any position or standing and a lot of posters don't appear to understand the difference. You do, which makes it easier. Thank you for understanding the forum's position.

You're welcome. I've been reading a lot of threads on here today and I see very clearly what you mean and understand the hesitation some have.

 

[Just Blue]

You're welcome. I've been reading a lot of threads on here today and I see very clearly what you mean and understand the hesitation some have.

stepmom4eva (I think that was her "name") was a doozy...she walked into her hubbys ex-girlfriend delivery room and could not understand why that was inappropriate.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you. I will tell my husband to have his PD push to not allow stepdad visitation. I imagine it is only more confusing for her.

Rather than telling your husband to "push" on that issue you might want to tell your husband to simply discuss it with his PD. The sad thing is that CPS has a lot of power and sometimes its not necessarily better to push.

 

[hire21618]

Rather than telling your husband to "push" on that issue you might want to tell your husband to simply discuss it with his PD. The sad thing is that CPS has a lot of power and sometimes its not necessarily better to push.

If legally he has no rights as stepdad, why should he be allowed visitation? Not to mention the children he has with her mother were taken as well and NOT placed with him. There’s a reason for that.

If he was stable in her life, I would happily promote a relationship. But he has been in and out of prison and in and out of a relationship with her mother. Going forward, even if mother gains custody back he has no rights. He would only be allowed to see her on mother’s time if I understand correctly. So what exactly gives him the right to visitation now? Is that not more confusing for the child?

 

[hire21618]

Rather than telling your husband to "push" on that issue you might want to tell your husband to simply discuss it with his PD. The sad thing is that CPS has a lot of power and sometimes its not necessarily better to push.

If I grow an attachment to this child and my husband and I divorce, I would get no visitation. She is not my child. She is not his child. No matter how long he’s been around.

 

[LdiJ]

If I grow an attachment to this child and my husband and I divorce, I would get no visitation. She is not my child. She is not his child. No matter how long he’s been around.

You are absolutely correct. However, CPS has decided to allow him visitation for some reason, and until your husband has actual placement of the child, it might be wiser not to rock the boat. I also wasn't speaking about attachment that an adult might have, but rather any attachment that the child might have. The adults are not important here. The child is whom is important.

 

[stealth2]

If I grow an attachment to this child and my husband and I divorce, I would get no visitation. She is not my child. She is not his child. No matter how long he’s been around.

Quite honestly? He is quite possibly one of the sole sources of stability this child has had in her life. That's more important at the moment than much of anything else. IMO, of course.

 

[hire21618]

Quite honestly? He is quite possibly one of the sole sources of stability this child has had in her life. That's more important at the moment than much of anything else. IMO, of course.

Thank you for your opinion. As I said before, he has been in and out of prison. They also have separated numerous times throughout just the time my husband and I have been together (4 years). They were separated at the time DCS took the children. He has confirmed drug use and a recent domestic with child's mother where they were arguing on the front lawn and he later broke into their house, as well as recent paraphernalia/possession charges. I doubt he has provided much stability.

I do however understand that the child has an attachment and most likely DCS is aimed at easing into this all for the child's sake. I will still have my husband bring it up to the PD and get his opinion on what to do.

 

[hire21618]

You are absolutely correct. However, CPS has decided to allow him visitation for some reason, and until your husband has actual placement of the child, it might be wiser not to rock the boat. I also wasn't speaking about attachment that an adult might have, but rather any attachment that the child might have. The adults are not important here. The child is whom is important.

Thank you for your input. It is appreciated.

 

[hire21618]

Hello!

I wanted to provide an update and ask a couple questions just out of curiousity.

My husband and I currently have placement of his daughter in a trial home visit. They just had court on April 8 and DCS, GAL, and judge all agree to change custody to my husband. Since the mother isn't in agreement with this, they schedule court on August 7th to hold a custody trial.

Mother has two younger children that are still living with kinship placement. At this time, neither of the dads is available for a custody change. According to the GAL, if mother continues to make no progress, the next step is termination of mother's rights.

I'm wondering if that does happen and her rights are terminated for the younger two, does that qualify as a reason to not need consent in a step-parent adoption? At this point, we are holding out hope that mother will get her act together, but she continues to put herself in domestic violence situations and still has no job or house of her own. If we decided to pursue a stepparent adoption, the plan would be to still allow communication between mother and stepdaughter. The plan would be to just make sure she is provided for and taken care of should anything happen to my husband, god forbid.

Thanks again for all initial help with this and any advice going forward. This forum is much appreciated!

 

[Just Blue]

Hello!

I wanted to provide an update and ask a couple questions just out of curiousity.

My husband and I currently have placement of his daughter in a trial home visit. They just had court on April 8 and DCS, GAL, and judge all agree to change custody to my husband. Since the mother isn't in agreement with this, they schedule court on August 7th to hold a custody trial.

Mother has two younger children that are still living with kinship placement. At this time, neither of the dads is available for a custody change. According to the GAL, if mother continues to make no progress, the next step is termination of mother's rights.

I'm wondering if that does happen and her rights are terminated for the younger two, does that qualify as a reason to not need consent in a step-parent adoption? At this point, we are holding out hope that mother will get her act together, but she continues to put herself in domestic violence situations and still has no job or house of her own. If we decided to pursue a stepparent adoption, the plan would be to still allow communication between mother and stepdaughter. The plan would be to just make sure she is provided for and taken care of should anything happen to my husband, god forbid.

Thanks again for all initial help with this and any advice going forward. This forum is much appreciated!

https://forum.freeadvice.com/threads/question-on-calculator.658688/


I thought you and hub's were getting a divorce?

 

[stealth2]

AFAIK, unless Mom's rights to *this* child are terminated, her consent will still be needed. The termination of her rights to the other children may weigh against her favor should Dad file to have her rights terminated wrt his child.

ETA: If you are divorcing Dad, a step-parent adoption would not be in the child's best interests.

 

[Just Blue]

AFAIK, unless Mom's rights to *this* child are terminated, her consent will still be needed. The termination of her rights to the other children may weigh against her favor should Dad file to have her rights terminated wrt his child.

ETA: If you are divorcing Dad, a step-parent adoption would not be in the child's best interests.

I can't see how it would be allowed.


@hire21618 Could you please clarify the situation?