Custody and time with a child

[justseparated]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

My ex-husband and I are separated. There's no custody order at this time. Our child has been spending 5 nights a week with me and 2 nights most of the weeks with her father per our verbal agreement. He is insisting on keeping her for another night a week in order for a possible child support amount modification according to his words. The issue is, the extra night a week is a work night for him when he doesn't get off until 11:00pm and doesn't get home until midnight. Therefore, he will have to have a babysitter take care of our daughter and put her to bed while he's at work and I'm at home and perfectly capable of taking care of my own child. I disagree with this arrangement. What should I do?

Any insight is appreciated.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

My ex-husband and I are separated. There's no custody order at this time. Our child has been spending 5 nights a week with me and 2 nights most of the weeks with her father per our verbal agreement. He is insisting on keeping her for another night a week in order for a possible child support amount modification according to his words. The issue is, the extra night a week is a work night for him when he doesn't get off until 11:00pm and doesn't get home until midnight. Therefore, he will have to have a babysitter take care of our daughter and put her to bed while he's at work and I'm at home and perfectly capable of taking care of my own child. I disagree with this arrangement. What should I do?

Any insight is appreciated.

Is he your husband or your ex-husband? In other words, if the divorce is not final, then he is your husband. Offer him another night a week. At this juncture, if still married, you have equal custodial rights over the child.

 

[justseparated]

The divorce is not final, we're still married. I have no problem with him spending more time with our child, my issue is that, in fact, our daughter will have to be taken care of by another person while he's at work instead of actually being with him. He articulated the fact that he's doing it for a child support amount modification to me.

 

[stealth2]

And he could argue that you are resisting it to avoind a modification. What's more important? The kid or the money? Seriously, be a good coparent - offer him a different night.

 

[justseparated]

And he could argue that you are resisting it to avoind a modification. What's more important? The kid or the money? Seriously, be a good coparent - offer him a different night.

He already has her during his two night off, and again, I have no issues with that.

 

[stealth2]

He already has her during his two night off, and again, I have no issues with that.

Okay. So since he works nights, have you offered that he keep her during the day? Or does she go to day care while you work? (I assume that you work...)

 

[justseparated]

I work and she goes to daycare while I'm at work. I offered him to pick her up as soon as she wakes up in the morning as he doesn't go to work until later in the afternoon. He doesn't do that, and is insisting on keeping her another night.

 

[stealth2]

I work and she goes to daycare while I'm at work. I offered him to pick her up as soon as she wakes up in the morning as he doesn't go to work until later in the afternoon. He doesn't do that, and is insisting on keeping her another night.

Okay - so the child spends tie with a babysitter on YOUR time, too. How is that different? Dad could come hoe fro work, kiss her goodnight (even if she's asleep) and then see her in the morning.

Seriously - you can't argue his using a sitter while he works when you use one, too.

What proof do you have that he's just looking to reduce CS? Besides his telling you that?

ETA - who would actually be watching kiddo? A random stranger? Or a family member?

 

[justseparated]

Okay - so the child spends tie with a babysitter on YOUR time, too. How is that different? Dad could come hoe fro work, kiss her goodnight (even if she's asleep) and then see her in the morning.

Seriously - you can't argue his using a sitter while he works when you use one, too.

What proof do you have that he's just looking to reduce CS? Besides his telling you that?

ETA - who would actually be watching kiddo? A random stranger? Or a family member?

As far as I know, he's still in the process of finding a babysitter, so more than likely it would be a random stranger. Our daughter is in a preschool while I'm at work.

I have no proof of his reason for doing that expect for his words and there were no witnesses at the time.

I'm certainly not trying to keep our child away from him, I'm just trying to see where I stand on her time being spent with me vs. a third party (babysitter).

 

[stealth2]

As far as I know, he's still in the process of finding a babysitter, so more than likely it would be a random stranger. Our daughter is in a preschool while I'm at work.

I have no proof of his reason for doing that expect for his words and there were no witnesses at the time.

I'm certainly not trying to keep our child away from him, I'm just trying to see where I stand on her time being spent with me vs. a third party (babysitter).

You use a babysitter on your time, too. So I don't see much strength in your argument, myself.

 

[justseparated]

You use a babysitter on your time, too. So I don't see much strength in your argument, myself.

Thank you for sharing your opinion.

 

[stealth2]

Thank you for sharing your opinion.

Expect tougher in court.

 

[justseparated]

Expect tougher in court.

Will do! Trying to prepare myself for the worst...

 

[Ohiogal]

As far as I know, he's still in the process of finding a babysitter, so more than likely it would be a random stranger. Our daughter is in a preschool while I'm at work.

I have no proof of his reason for doing that expect for his words and there were no witnesses at the time.

I'm certainly not trying to keep our child away from him, I'm just trying to see where I stand on her time being spent with me vs. a third party (babysitter).

You have a thousand excuses. Seriously. He is allowed to hire a babysitter just like you are allowed. Quite frankly, you are acting petty and selfish. The preschool teacher was most likely a random stranger as will all her teachers be before she meets them.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

My ex-husband and I are separated. There's no custody order at this time. Our child has been spending 5 nights a week with me and 2 nights most of the weeks with her father per our verbal agreement. He is insisting on keeping her for another night a week in order for a possible child support amount modification according to his words. The issue is, the extra night a week is a work night for him when he doesn't get off until 11:00pm and doesn't get home until midnight. Therefore, he will have to have a babysitter take care of our daughter and put her to bed while he's at work and I'm at home and perfectly capable of taking care of my own child. I disagree with this arrangement. What should I do?

Any insight is appreciated.

This answer is not going to be popular with the rest of the posters. There is no reason for your child to be with a babysitter at night when she can be with you. I personally doubt that a judge would go along with that either. If dad really wants to spend more time with the child then ways can be found for him to do so. If its all about child support to him why don't you calculate it both ways (two overnights a week vs three) and then calculate what he would have to pay a babysitter. I bet he wouldn't end up saving any money.