Custody and time with a child

[Proserpina]

This answer is not going to be popular with the rest of the posters. There is no reason for your child to be with a babysitter at night when she can be with you. I personally doubt that a judge would go along with that either. If dad really wants to spend more time with the child then ways can be found for him to do so. If its all about child support to him why don't you calculate it both ways (two overnights a week vs three) and then calculate what he would have to pay a babysitter. I bet he wouldn't end up saving any money.

I sort of agree - if it goes both ways. IOW if Dad is home while OP is at work during the day, there's no reason why Dad can't have kiddo instead of kiddo being with a sitter.

But I can see both sides of this and it could either way in court, I think.

 

[LdiJ]

I sort of agree - if it goes both ways. IOW if Dad is home while OP is at work during the day, there's no reason why Dad can't have kiddo instead of kiddo being with a sitter.

But I can see both sides of this and it could either way in court, I think.

That is what I meant. There is time available for dad to spend time with the child during the day. In fact, quite a bit of time, at least until the child starts regular school. I just see no point in the child spending their entire evening and go to bed with a babysitter when the child could be with a parent. I don't see that as in the best interest of any child. I would feel the same way if the genders were reversed.

 

[I'mTheFather]

If dad is willing to watch the child during the day while you work, would you be willing to work with him on the child support issue?

 

[Karmacola300]

I see it both ways. LdiJ has a point, a valid one...but that is only if one believes for sure that he does not plan to spend any extra time with your daughter for the additional overnight. I too would weight out the child support difference between 2 and 3 overnights per week. If it isn't that much of a cost difference you can always propose that you will stipulate to take that amount off his monthly child support and keep the schedule the same. If he says yes then it's pretty clear to me that it's about the money and not really additional time with his daughter. If he says no, then perhaps he truly does want the time...even if it's a few hours in the morning. You could also do what previous poster suggested and compare what it would cost him to have a babysitter vs amount he would get deducted every month from child support.

I will say this. If you can't agree it will cost you more time and more money in court and ultimately lawyers etc. and in the long run a judge may likely grant him an extra night and not care if the child is with him or a babysitter as it's HIS TIME. It is a little suspicious to me however that he is refusing other times (during the day etc) that he could see his daughter and only wanting an overnight when he has admitted that he has to work anyway at night.

 

[justseparated]

If dad is willing to watch the child during the day while you work, would you be willing to work with him on the child support issue?

Absolutely, MY issue is not child support, but my child being with a third party instead of me. The reason I brought up the child support is because the father mentioned this time adjustment after being served with a support order.

 

[justseparated]

I see it both ways. LdiJ has a point, a valid one...but that is only if one believes for sure that he does not plan to spend any extra time with your daughter for the additional overnight. I too would weight out the child support difference between 2 and 3 overnights per week. If it isn't that much of a cost difference you can always propose that you will stipulate to take that amount off his monthly child support and keep the schedule the same. If he says yes then it's pretty clear to me that it's about the money and not really additional time with his daughter. If he says no, then perhaps he truly does want the time...even if it's a few hours in the morning. You could also do what previous poster suggested and compare what it would cost him to have a babysitter vs amount he would get deducted every month from child support.

I will say this. If you can't agree it will cost you more time and more money in court and ultimately lawyers etc. and in the long run a judge may likely grant him an extra night and not care if the child is with him or a babysitter as it's HIS TIME. It is a little suspicious to me however that he is refusing other times (during the day etc) that he could see his daughter and only wanting an overnight when he has admitted that he has to work anyway at night.

That is my point exactly. I have offered multiple times for him to spend his mornings with our child as he basically has every morning off, however, he doesn't do so except on the days he has her already. So the extra night and the morning after was only brought up after the child support petition was filed. Again, he has told me that was his reason for adding an extra night. His work schedule is pretty consistent and can be proven easy by his employer.

 

[justseparated]

One more question: is he doesn't return our child to me on the day he normally does and goes to work leaving her with a babysitter can I call the police and come and take her home with me? I'm assuming the answer would be no, but is there a time limit he can keep her without my agreement?

 

[Ohiogal]

One more question: is he doesn't return our child to me on the day he normally does and goes to work leaving her with a babysitter can I call the police and come and take her home with me? I'm assuming the answer would be no, but is there a time limit he can keep her without my agreement?

Nope. He is her father. There are no custody orders. He has EQUAL rights to you for custody of the child.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Why not have a Right of First Refusal provision?

 

[justseparated]

Why not have a Right of First Refusal provision?

That makes sense, although there's no custody order at this time. Which brings me to my next question: is it possible to file for a custody order without using a lawyer (can't afford one at $350 an hour at this time)?

 

[nextwife]

This answer is not going to be popular with the rest of the posters. There is no reason for your child to be with a babysitter at night when she can be with you. I personally doubt that a judge would go along with that either. If dad really wants to spend more time with the child then ways can be found for him to do so. If its all about child support to him why don't you calculate it both ways (two overnights a week vs three) and then calculate what he would have to pay a babysitter. I bet he wouldn't end up saving any money.

Why is a babysitter at night NOT ok, but a baby sitter during AWAKE hours IS?

Maybe what Dad wants more wake up MORNINGS with HIS child?

 

[PQN]

Nope. He is her father. There are no custody orders. He has EQUAL rights to you for custody of the child.

OG - since they are still married and have equal rights, wouldn't she be able to go pick up the kid from the babysitter? The babysitter has no right to refuse to turn over the child to one of her parents.

 

[gr8rn]

That makes sense, although there's no custody order at this time. Which brings me to my next question: is it possible to file for a custody order without using a lawyer (can't afford one at $350 an hour at this time)?

It's possible you could file without one, but I wouldnt recommend it. Check with the courthouse for a local attorney referral service. Check with your human resources department. It's becoming more common for employers to offer attorney services with a free consult. Ask around and look for an attorney who will accept a payment plan. I found one for $ 100 a month. When you file, ask for right of first refusal which will apply for both of you.

 

[justseparated]

It's possible you could file without one, but I wouldnt recommend it. Check with the courthouse for a local attorney referral service. Check with your human resources department. It's becoming more common for employers to offer attorney services with a free consult. Ask around and look for an attorney who will accept a payment plan. I found one for $ 100 a month. When you file, ask for right of first refusal which will apply for both of you.

Thanks a lot for your advise. My employer does offer a legal consultation but I believe it's just one hour of consultation and no full representation.

 

[gr8rn]

Thanks a lot for your advise. My employer does offer a legal consultation but I believe it's just one hour of consultation and no full representation.

You could learn a lot with a one hour consult..just have your questions prepared beforehand.