Custody and time with a child

[Ohiogal]

OG - since they are still married and have equal rights, wouldn't she be able to go pick up the kid from the babysitter? The babysitter has no right to refuse to turn over the child to one of her parents.

And dad could do the same thing to her which means the child ends up in a tug of war between two immature parents. But yes, she could do that. The strictly legal answer is Yes, she can pick up the child from the babysitter. And that would be true even if they were divorced. Of course if there were court orders, mom could be found in contempt unless the court orders allowed it but even then the babysitter could not refuse to turn over the child to a parent.

 

[justseparated]

You could learn a lot with a one hour consult..just have your questions prepared beforehand.

Thank you. I have paid a lawyer for a consultation before. I am now in need of full representation so I can file for custody, and do it the correct way.

 

[justseparated]

And dad could do the same thing to her which means the child ends up in a tug of war between two immature parents. But yes, she could do that. The strictly legal answer is Yes, she can pick up the child from the babysitter. And that would be true even if they were divorced. Of course if there were court orders, mom could be found in contempt unless the court orders allowed it but even then the babysitter could not refuse to turn over the child to a parent.

I would only do that as a last resort, of course. But it certainly helps to know what my legal rights are.

 

[Ohiogal]

I would only do that as a last resort, of course. But it certainly helps to know what my legal rights are.

The fact that you would even consider doing that says a lot. The child should NEVER be a toy, weapon or otherwise used against the other parent in some sort of deranged game of keep away.

 

[justseparated]

The fact that you would even consider doing that says a lot. The child should NEVER be a toy, weapon or otherwise used against the other parent in some sort of deranged game of keep away.

I agree, but what other means do I have to keep my child while we can't agree and there's no court order at this time? How can I NOT consider any means to make sure my child is safe when she doesn't get returned to me or I don't know where and who she is with when there's only one thing certain: she is not with a parent?

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree, but what other means do I have to keep my child while we can't agree and there's no court order at this time? How can I NOT consider any means to make sure my child is safe when she doesn't get returned to me or I don't know where and who she is with when there's only one thing certain: she is not with a parent?

You could consider the fact that you are threatening dad with the same thing you don't want done with you. You could consider the fact that since you are separated you have NO RIGHT to know where your daughter is every moment she is with dad. Dad is the man you chose, the man you slept with, the man who impregnated you, the man whose child you birthed and he is considered just as fit and appropriate as you.

You agree the child should not be a toy or weapon but yet you won't prevent yourself from acting like she is to spare YOUR feelings and make sure YOU are in control. You sound like a petulant four year old who got ticked off and because the other kids won't play YOUR game the way YOU want it, you are going to take their ball and go home with it to prevent them from doing anything you don't want.

The best advice you can be given and that you can follow: GROW UP. Realize this is not about you. It is about the child who has a right to a relationship with both parents without either micromanaging or controlling the other.

 

[justseparated]

You could consider the fact that you are threatening dad with the same thing you don't want done with you. You could consider the fact that since you are separated you have NO RIGHT to know where your daughter is every moment she is with dad. Dad is the man you chose, the man you slept with, the man who impregnated you, the man whose child you birthed and he is considered just as fit and appropriate as you.

You agree the child should not be a toy or weapon but yet you won't prevent yourself from acting like she is to spare YOUR feelings and make sure YOU are in control. You sound like a petulant four year old who got ticked off and because the other kids won't play YOUR game the way YOU want it, you are going to take their ball and go home with it to prevent them from doing anything you don't want.

The best advice you can be given and that you can follow: GROW UP. Realize this is not about you. It is about the child who has a right to a relationship with both parents without either micromanaging or controlling the other.

Thank you for your input. Although I did not threaten the father with anything and my only goal is my child's well-being, it's understandable how the described situation can be viewed in the unfavorable light without knowing the whole story and all participants. However, I had no idea that "since you are separated you have NO RIGHT to know where your daughter is every moment she is with dad". So thank you again for your opinion.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you for your input. Although I did not threaten the father with anything and my only goal is my child's well-being, it's understandable how the described situation can be viewed in the unfavorable light without knowing the whole story and all participants. However, I had no idea that "since you are separated you have NO RIGHT to know where your daughter is every moment she is with dad". So thank you again for your opinion.

Its a fact. You have no right to know where your daughter is every moment she is with dad or in dad's care. The same way he has no right to know where she is every moment in your care. Do you report to him every second of her day? Should you have to tell him EVERY time she goes to the bathroom, takes a nap, goes with you to the store/daycare/park... I could go on but consider that the way you expect him to act towards you, you should act towards him. If you want him to have to report every detail, you should do the same. Keep a detailed second to second journal of every time your child blinks, coughs, burps, sneezes, farts, etcetera. Then make sure you tell him each and every person she is around each day every day she is with you. Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it. Now realize that is what you are expecting from him. Why should you be allowed to use day care or a babysitter if you don't want him to do so? What makes you so special? Hint: Nothing. Both parents stand equal before the court.

 

[stealth2]

You sound like a petulant four year old

Okay... I actually read this a "flatulent four year old"...

 

[Ohiogal]

Okay... I actually read this a "flatulent four year old"...

You must have been thinking of my sentence where I mentioned that mom should record every fart -- among other things -- for dad. Hmmmm...

 

[justseparated]

Its a fact. You have no right to know where your daughter is every moment she is with dad or in dad's care. The same way he has no right to know where she is every moment in your care. Do you report to him every second of her day? Should you have to tell him EVERY time she goes to the bathroom, takes a nap, goes with you to the store/daycare/park... I could go on but consider that the way you expect him to act towards you, you should act towards him. If you want him to have to report every detail, you should do the same. Keep a detailed second to second journal of every time your child blinks, coughs, burps, sneezes, farts, etcetera. Then make sure you tell him each and every person she is around each day every day she is with you. Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it. Now realize that is what you are expecting from him. Why should you be allowed to use day care or a babysitter if you don't want him to do so? What makes you so special? Hint: Nothing. Both parents stand equal before the court.

Actually, it does not sound ridiculous for any parent (mother or father) to know where and whom their child is with at any time, especially if a child is young. Bu that, of course, is just my opinion as a mother.

 

[anearthw]

Actually, it does not sound ridiculous for any parent (mother or father) to know where and whom their child is with at any time, especially if a child is young. Bu that, of course, is just my opinion as a mother.

Yes, it is ridiculous. Part of getting married and choosing a father for your child is determining that they some wits and judgment. Just like he did when he married and impregnated you. Part of being a parent is learning to let go and let the other parent make decisions for the child. You are only one of two parents and you have equal rights to pick "random strangers" to watch your child (you seem to overestimate the depth of preschool background checks compared to babysitters). And yes, I am a mother of a child that is half your child's age... and I find you to be unreasonable.

The reason these 'rules' exist is because parents are biased, angry, and often spiteful without the child's best interest in mind. They THINK they know the child's best interest but are so blinded by their anger that they don't see things straight.

Perhaps you should strongly consider marital counseling if you want to be this bossy, you can continue in your own home without a court involved. Otherwise, welcome to separated and divorced parenting.

 

[InfantCustody]

I see a simple solution. When he finds a babysitter, ask to meet the sitter. My CO requires the parents agree on sitters and daycare. Then he wont be leaving her with a stranger. I would feel different if he worked third shift, but he is home overnight and can then share the morning with her.

Your argument would hold more water but each year, you leave your daughter with strangers in her preschool class. If you never used daycare it would be one thing but since you do you kinda sound like a hypocrite.

 

[nextwife]

Actually, it does not sound ridiculous for any parent (mother or father) to know where and whom their child is with at any time, especially if a child is young. Bu that, of course, is just my opinion as a mother.

Honestly? If a couple is "together" do you think they need to call each other when the child is in their possession and report every stop they make and where? Because if my child was with her dad or me for a few hours, and the other parent knew that, we certainly did not feel the need to keep reporting our itineraries to each other. And when I was a child, there were no cel phones, and we'd be gone with dad for the whole day, or even off by ourselves with friends and not talk to our parents until we returned home. We'd take off on our bikes on summer days and just explore around- and no, our parents didn't know where we were all the time. From age 4 on, it was not uncommon to be "in the neighborhood" but not in touch for long stretches of time