Custody question

[not2cleverRed]

It's not that he is gone which is what I have said several times. It's that he lies and withholds information. But also when he is here he took our daughter to karate and her therapy which we rotated so he only had to go once a month. But didn't attend our sons appointments or try for the last 5 years except maybe 3 to 5 appointments. This includes tutoring and social skill groups on weekends as they were "inconvenient." Services I paid for. He didn't attend any appointments for both kids up until a few months before he filed for custody. It's not just not attending but that he has fought me every step of the way and everything I've tried to do for our kids. This includes refusing to sign when the school wanted to evaluate our daughter for an IEP. It took almost two full school years between fighting with him and fighting with the school and hiring an advocate before I could get her an IEP while she fell further and further behind in math and reading . Now that she's with his wife all of a sudden he's concerned about her math skills and how delayed she is but there was no concern when I was trying to get her help and paying for tutoring for every weekend and he couldn't be bothered to get her to two appointments a month. This includes arguing and complaining and refusing to meet with our daughter's specialist to learn more about the diagnosis and trying to get her diagnosis declared null and void by another doctor. The neurologist told him that while he may not agree with the diagnosis that the treatment was clearly working so he needed to get over it. This also includes not giving her psychiatric medications as prescribed for a good 6 months until I found out which during that time she was having issues and her doctor and I couldn't figure it out. He has maybe attended a few appointments for our son but what's come of that is he decides he doesn't like his therapist when they see through him and see his abusive behaviors and his dismissive attitude towards our son's issues and when they try to discuss this with him he throws a fit. We are now on the third therapist for our son due to his complaints. He picked this therapist and I actually like this therapist but the same things happening here the therapist is seeing the same stuff and dad's already starting to refuse to follow recommendations. As I said in a previous reply, I'm all for the military. My dad served in the Marine Corps for 22 years and I was with my ex when he was actually deployable and went through three back-to-back deployments and gave birth to my daughter on my own. He doesn't have the type of job now because he's full time support and he's frequently off early and has time to go to all sorts of other activities and take constant vacations and trips out of the area. And yeah I could care a less about his income as we already provide dental and vision and we could easily add the kids to our medical and my current husband has always been willing to support the kids more than their own father. Yes, obviously he's ordered to pay child support but although I only work part-time I make a good hourly wage due to my career and my husband makes very good money. I would rather their father be an involved father and be here than dragging me through court and constant drama and then he's never around even when he's here he's fun dad. When it comes down to the stuff that counts that shapes our kids future he doesn't want to be involved.

I realize your son has "issues", but you have really chosen your son over your daughter, if this is true. You have further victimized the victim - your daughter. Your son has needs beyond your ability to meet, and needs to be elsewhere. He has crossed the line from victim to victimizer, and you are more worried about him than any of his past and potential future victims.