Custody Visitation - Ex moved away

[adjusterjack]

Whine? Are you kidding me?

I'm supposed to drive an hour (two hours total round trip) a day to and from school each day and that's whining. Court order says I get weekdays and weekends. That is not a reasonable possibility.

What part of my post suggests I'm not taking my child's emotional development into consideration?

The part where the child gets ripped out of two homes two times a week. I'm not the only one who commented on how horrible that schedule for the child.

If you think driving back and forth is stressful for you, imagine what it's doing to a 5 year old.

Is she in school? Kindergarten or 1st grade next month? The schedule will be so much worse for her.

Yeah, whine. Think of what's best for your child, not what's best for you and how you can get one over on the mother.

A better schedule for a school-aged child is weekdays and weeknights in one home and weekends, holidays, and vacations in the other.

 

[Just Blue]

Just Blue, that was not addressed to you.

That was intended for Adjuster Jack.

I was aware that that was not addressed to me.

I asked relevant questions (post #2 on this thread) and was requesting that you answer those important questions.

 

[LdiJ]

The part where the child gets ripped out of two homes two times a week. I'm not the only one who commented on how horrible that schedule for the child.

If you think driving back and forth is stressful for you, imagine what it's doing to a 5 year old.

Is she in school? Kindergarten or 1st grade next month? The schedule will be so much worse for her.

Yeah, whine. Think of what's best for your child, not what's best for you and how you can get one over on the mother.

A better schedule for a school-aged child is weekdays and weeknights in one home and weekends, holidays, and vacations in the other.

I disagree a tad with the bolded. The child needs at least a little bit of weekend and vacation time with the other parent. So, 3/4th of the school holidays with dad and three weekends a month, with dad. Unfortunately though, the kid is likely to object to that once she reaches the age where friends are more important than parents, unless dad is prepared to invite friends along for the weekend too at least part of the time. I still think that dad needs to consider moving closer to mom.

 

[stealth2]

1. How old is the child?

First post. The child is five.

@Stoic - so what did the lawyer say?

You might want to start educating yourself. Here's a place to start: https://law.justia.com/codes/maryland/2015/article-gfl/title-9/subtitle-1/section-9-106/

 

[Ohiogal]

I disagree a tad with the bolded. The child needs at least a little bit of weekend and vacation time with the other parent. So, 3/4th of the school holidays with dad and three weekends a month, with dad. Unfortunately though, the kid is likely to object to that once she reaches the age where friends are more important than parents, unless dad is prepared to invite friends along for the weekend too at least part of the time. I still think that dad needs to consider moving closer to mom.

Why is dad relegated to weekends only? Truthfully, mom chose to move so mom should be left with weekend time only and dad should get the child during the school week.

 

[adjusterjack]

mom should be left with weekend time only and dad should get the child during the school week.

And Mom pays child support to Dad?

Let's get real. There is still a double standard in this country where Mom gets the kids and Dad pays child support. The reverse doesn't happen very often.

 

[Ohiogal]

And Mom pays child support to Dad?

Let's get real. There is still a double standard in this country where Mom gets the kids and Dad pays child support. The reverse doesn't happen very often.

Some states are making changes. Ohio for instance where equal time should be preferred. Shared parenting. And yes mom should pay child support to dad. Unless there is a huge disparity with dad earning outrageously more, then he may have to pay a minimal amount with shared parenting.

And I am real about this -- I have run these cases and won primary for dads when mom has moved.

 

[adjusterjack]

I have run these cases and won primary for dads when mom has moved.

Progress. Good to know.

 

[LdiJ]

Why is dad relegated to weekends only? Truthfully, mom chose to move so mom should be left with weekend time only and dad should get the child during the school week.

It depends on what dad wants. We had one dad on here (or it might have been down the street) who had three weekends a month and most of the holidays who fought for the opposite schedule and then seriously regretted it. He and his daughter seriously missed their weekend activities. So, what dad should go for is what dad thinks will be best in the long term.

 

[Zigner]

I'm sorry - why not two weeks on/two weeks off???

 

[LdiJ]

I'm sorry - why not two weeks on/two weeks off???

That depends on what they do for school. She is 5 and school is or shortly will be an issue.

 

[single317dad]

Let's get real. There is still a double standard in this country where Mom gets the kids and Dad pays child support. The reverse doesn't happen very often.

While there are still some egregious cases of bias every now and then, as a general rule this has changed a lot in the past couple of decades. For example, 52% of deadbeat (non-payment of currently active support orders) parents in Indiana are female. A lot of that is due to an opioid epidemic that has begun to hit women especially hard, but that's neither here nor there. The days of "the woman always gets custody and the man always pays support" are being relegated to the past, and rightfully so. The worst thing a father can do is go into court with that attitude, as it tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

As pertains to this case, Dad could make a strong argument for exactly what OG suggested: at most, primary custody and child support paid to him; at least, mom footing the transportation bills. Whether the temporary order addresses the issue or not, what has happened certainly qualifies as a change in circumstance and whatever order may be in place would be up for review anyway. Mom probably thought she could get away with this more easily while the divorce was in process instead of waiting, which holds some merit; it's also easier to uproot a child who isn't established in their school yet.

Dad should certainly bring all those concerns to the attorney he (presumably) has paid for and encourage them to represent him properly in court.

At any rate, Mom will not be moving back. Since Mom evidently doesn't hold the child's best interests in very high regard, perhaps Dad could be the bigger parent and do so.

As an aside, it's been quite some time since I posted here. Life is life, and mine took me in other directions. Good to see some familiar faces still mingling around.

 

[Just Blue]

It's @single317dad !! How the heck have you been?? Good to see you posting!

 

[LdiJ]

While there are still some egregious cases of bias every now and then, as a general rule this has changed a lot in the past couple of decades. For example, 52% of deadbeat (non-payment of currently active support orders) parents in Indiana are female. A lot of that is due to an opioid epidemic that has begun to hit women especially hard, but that's neither here nor there. The days of "the woman always gets custody and the man always pays support" are being relegated to the past, and rightfully so. The worst thing a father can do is go into court with that attitude, as it tends to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

As pertains to this case, Dad could make a strong argument for exactly what OG suggested: at most, primary custody and child support paid to him; at least, mom footing the transportation bills. Whether the temporary order addresses the issue or not, what has happened certainly qualifies as a change in circumstance and whatever order may be in place would be up for review anyway. Mom probably thought she could get away with this more easily while the divorce was in process instead of waiting, which holds some merit; it's also easier to uproot a child who isn't established in their school yet.

Dad should certainly bring all those concerns to the attorney he (presumably) has paid for and encourage them to represent him properly in court.

At any rate, Mom will not be moving back. Since Mom evidently doesn't hold the child's best interests in very high regard, perhaps Dad could be the bigger parent and do so.

As an aside, it's been quite some time since I posted here. Life is life, and mine took me in other directions. Good to see some familiar faces still mingling around.

Dad has some room for negotiation on the transportation. It would probably be more practical for them to meet half way most of the time unless mom doesn't work. Since they would be driving it would be difficult to make mom pay the costs of transportation. However, if dad is still paying child support when all is hammered out, then dad could ask for a reduction in child support to cover the excess transportation costs. That way, the money is definitely coming out of mom's pocket, without dad having to chase mom for it. If dad ends up receiving child support from mom, then dad could ask for an increase in child support to cover the costs of transporation, which would enhance his abililty to collect on it.

 

[FarmerJ]

Sounds to me like your best bet is to get a atty and ask the court to change the whole thing so that the minor child spends a whole week at a time with one parent then the parents transport on a so called switch houses day and child is with the other parent , Of course you should talk to your atty to see if commutes can alternate too so that way you both share in the mileage for her choice.