Dad left kids alone (?!?!?!)

[killerzoey]

Any input from others on the pluses and minuses of calling CPS and opening that can of worms?

 

[Proserpina]

Any input from others on the pluses and minuses of calling CPS and opening that can of worms?

Are you and Dad relatively amicable at the moment?

 

[killerzoey]

Are you and Dad relatively amicable at the moment?

Yes, we are getting along ok right now, after a rough spot.

 

[Proserpina]

Yes, we are getting along ok right now, after a rough spot.

Okay. I'm wondering if - just IF - you may be able to use this as some friendly leverage to persuade him to attend a parenting class or three.

Unlike some parents, I've never been too fond of threatening the other parent, but a bit of gentle persuasion might just do the trick. If it's even feasible.

 

[killerzoey]

Okay. I'm wondering if - just IF - you may be able to use this as some friendly leverage to persuade him to attend a parenting class or three.

Unlike some parents, I've never been too fond of threatening the other parent, but a bit of gentle persuasion might just do the trick. If it's even feasible.

That's a thought. I know that most approaches to him backfire, but that might work. In the conversation he expressed how stressful these situations were to him and how he used bad judgment as a result, which would definitely excuse me from suggesting that he might need a little help.

 

[Proserpina]

That's a thought.

I also acknowledge that it's very easy for us to encourage a parent to let loose with all weapons at the other parent and let the bodies fall where they may. BUT - if you think he genuinely knows he messed up and might be willing to (gasp!) co-parent with you, then I can't help but wonder if a "softly softly" approach might work out better than having him hung drawn and quartered.

 

[killerzoey]

I also acknowledge that it's very easy for us to encourage a parent to let loose with all weapons at the other parent and let the bodies fall where they may. BUT - if you think he genuinely knows he messed up and might be willing to (gasp!) co-parent with you, then I can't help but wonder if a "softly softly" approach might work out better than having him hung drawn and quartered.

Not to mention I've been bold in the past, assuming the court would be as outraged as I by some occurrences, only to have nothing happen except that he retaliated HARD after the fact and behind the scenes, and to this day he continues to beat me up with my own concerns years later, since no one else seemed to take them seriously. So partly I'm getting wiser and maturing and learning to take the softest approach that works, but also I've kind of given up that anyone at our courts cares. Our courts are known for being very pro dad and his lawyer is in the same law group as the new judge...I have little hope of really being heard. That's how I feel, anyway.

 

[Proserpina]

Not to mention I've been bold in the past, assuming the court would be as outraged as I by some occurrences, only to have nothing happen except that he retaliated HARD after the fact and behind the scenes, and to this day he continues to beat me up with my own concerns years later, since no one else seemed to take them seriously.

There's that, too. You're familiar with how your court views things. Again, what he did was undoubtedly an absolutely craptacular parenting decision. But not only am I not convinced it would actually rise to the level of criminal neglect or abuse, you've also got the added bonus of past history to deal with.

You know this tiger, and you know how he reacts when poked. I'm truly not trying to downplay the seriousness of it, or saying that you're wrong to be concerned (you're certainly not wrong!). But maybe a more measured approach would work better than hauling out the guns at this point.

Ultimately you'll do what you think is the right thing to do. And that's pretty much all any of us can do.

 

[Ohiogal]

I did...I just got a recording. He called all happy asking me to let the kids know the car was running again, talking about how stressful it was that they broke down that day. He nursed it home, though, and I was due to get the kids from him in a few hours, after which he wouldn't have them for days, and could focus solely on the car repair. But instead he went home, set up cartoons (as he put it) and went to the auto repair store. He admitted doing this. He said when he came back they were still just vegging in front of the TV. I said that the oldest reported otherwise, but that the bottom line was that he was not to leave children that young home alone. He admitted that it was a lapse in judgment, said he was stressed and that he doesn't do well under stress. (This man's definition of stressed reveals just how pampered he has been in life, of course).

So I got him admitting it, and also being apologetic and acknowledging that it was a bad idea and that it won't happen again. Still take it to the cops? Court? Both? Neither?

Let me repeat:
Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class.
Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class. Call the police and let them hear the tape. Motion the court to suspend his visitation until said time as he takes a parenting class.

 

[Ohiogal]

I also acknowledge that it's very easy for us to encourage a parent to let loose with all weapons at the other parent and let the bodies fall where they may. BUT - if you think he genuinely knows he messed up and might be willing to (gasp!) co-parent with you, then I can't help but wonder if a "softly softly" approach might work out better than having him hung drawn and quartered.

And if he gets stressed again? If he needs to run to the store again and the three year old doesn't want to go? Mom would be just as negligent as HE is.

 

[CdwJava]

Ohiogal, I think you are conferring a lot more power upon the police then they would actually have in this situation. About all the police might be able to do would be to refer the matter to child services. He would appear to have broken no laws that would allow the police to act on this. The OP's best decision would likely be to go first to child services as well as the court. Involving the police might very well be unnecessary.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal, I think you are conferring a lot more power upon the police then they would actually have in this situation. About all the police might be able to do would be to refer the matter to child services. He would appear to have broken no laws that would allow the police to act on this. The OP's best decision would likely be to go first to child services as well as the court. Involving the police might very well be unnecessary.

I don't know Hawaii laws but you raise a good point -- they would be able to refer the matter to child services but may not be able to do much else. She can definitely call CPS. Depending, the police may be able to at least make a report stating that this situation has happened so there is an official record.

She definitely needs to attempt to modify the visitation however due to dad's actions. Because if something did happen to the children because he does this again, CPS can hold her culpable for it as well as dad.

 

[Awake07]

What about just plain ole safety?

I read a lot of the responses, not every one, so sorry if redundant. But my thing about leaving kids alone is their safety too. What if someone breaks in while alone, what if they eat and choke. My kids are 13 and 11 and leave them to go to grocery store, short errands and they know not to eat while I'm gone or answer phone or door. I make them eat a snack or ask them if they're hungry before I leave, stuff like that. I agree with others, let CPS know. Doesn't mean he will lose visitation, just drive home the point to him in no uncertain terms to never do that kinda stuff again. Hope this helps.

 

[killerzoey]

Any input from others on the pluses and minuses of calling CPS and opening that can of worms?

I really want to know the skinny on this. I have friends allude to "CPS horror stories". Should I be afraid to call them?

 

[killerzoey]

Well, I called CPS anonymously and asked them what they would do about a situation like this. They said they would not investigate, as there is no minimum age for children to be left alone in the State of Hawaii.