Daddy Is FINALLY filing 4 CUSTODY!!!

[WyattJ]

I was never married to my son's dad? So what does that say about me?

True...its harder when having visits at a young age (less then year old) because house holds are not similiar, but if the infant is being taken care of why not have visits?

I never did understand why he is going for full custody? Why not settle for visits?

 

[amarie]

everyone is a little closed minded because our opinions are based on our experiences. I won't have the same as you so lets just say that we are all somewhat closed minded and we agree to disagree and therefor it is over...
amarie

 

[amarie]

WyattJ
It says nothing about you. It is a fact of life in the world today. I am not and have never been married... "shrugs"
Was that for me???

amarie

 

[itsallgood]

amarie; I completly second everything you said.

Before I was judged as a selfish closeminded selfish POS CP; I also am looking at this as a per case situation.

In this case; this father is going to lose this case.

Time will go on; and after the baby is older; the child most likely will be upped to a 50/50 placement.

I also would have given the same opinion had this been a MOTHER who for whatever reasons did not have the baby with her during the 9 months and was trying to take full custody of a 9 month old; the same exact advice.

 

[tigger22472]

I have to wonder if you felt the same when the young college girl lost custody of her child(I believe it was in MI) a few years ago because her child would go to daycare while the father's mother would be able to watch the child? Let me guess.. that decision was just wrong!!

(P.S. I agree that the above situation is wrong but it's the same concept here only reversed roles.)

 

[WyattJ]

WyattJ
It says nothing about you. It is a fact of life in the world today. I am not and have never been married... "shrugs"
Was that for me???
amarie

All I am saying is that just because mothers/fathers were not married is not a good enough reason not be able to have their child or visit the child.

 

[amarie]

All I am saying is that just because mothers/fathers were not married is not a good enough reason not be able to have their child or visit the child.

I never said that..I am just saying that certain visitation is not appopriate when we have a primary caregiver bond to think about.

I have to wonder if you felt the same when the young college girl lost custody of her child(I believe it was in MI) a few years ago because her child would go to daycare while the father's mother would be able to watch the child? Let me guess.. that decision was just wrong!!

Of course it's wrong if this child's primary bond was with that mom.

amarie

 

[itsallgood]

Yes; I do feel that was wrong.

I know nothing of this case; but; you say it was a young mother.....was this a teen mother?

So; she lost TOTAL custody of her child to the dad; when it was not even the dad keeping the child; but the child's parents?

How old was the child?

I can see a court saying well the dad's parents can keep the child; thus lowering CS payments; but I don't understand how custody was reversed based on child care arrangements soley.

 

[WyattJ]

I never said that..I am just saying that certain visitation is not appopriate when we have a primary caregiver bond to think about. Of course it's wrong if this child's primary bond was with that mom.
amarie

All I can say is even though I wasn't married to my son's dad he still got visitation. Which okay fine, its better when their younger. But what I didn't like about it was that grandma was and still taking care of my son more then father, but nothing I can do about that. Now the last few weeks dad finally moved in with girlfriend and they have a one year old, my son is between grandma and girlfriend taking care of him..sad but true.

 

[tigger22472]

It was a very controversal case.. I dont' remember the specifics for it was 3-4 years ago but the child was less then a year old I believe and mom was enrolled in a community college. The child would be going to day care where as dad had his parents help watch the child.. and YES it was based SOLELY on the fact that mom was putting her child in day care.

Married or unmarried should not matter, it's the type of parent you are.

I also do not understand the whole "in the limelight' perception of the OP. He's come here stating what is going on and updating from a previous thread he posted. MANY people do this.. why is it wrong for him?

 

[itsallgood]

Sure he should update the situation; but nowhere does he talk about how this will affect his daughter; but how it affects HIM. His rights; his needs; wants; and desires.

I don't see him doing this for his daughter; but for him. And he likes the attention he is getting for doing it.

I know and understand the downtrodden father perception; and think he is playing it well.

I see it as he is simply trying to take away the child from her mother; to simply do it. Not to better the child's enviroment; but to better HIM; for going against the system.

I would feel totally different if this was a bad mother. But even from his accounts; she has done nothing wrong; and even complained so when she wouldnt' let child go with him; and i don't blame her. He is trying to take her away from her. I would hang on tightly too for my daughters sake.

It is not wrong for him to post about it; but I don't see his case as compelling; don't see where he has his daughters best interests at heart; talking about documenting; playing this as if there is this horrible mom out there he is trying to save his daugther from; just to admit to us he is going to hire someone to watch her anyway....so WHY is he trying to take her in the first place after 9 months; why can't he get his liberal visitation; and joint legal custody; and be a very involved parent; play an active role for the next few years; then get 50/50 custody? The way he is handling this is he is going to RUIN whatever amicable relationship possible with the mom and her family; and even when he LOSES; he LOST the opportunity for a working relationship with the mom. Now he will have to fight tooth and nail for anything he wants. Instead of working together for an amicable solution he served a mom of a 9 month old baby girl with SOLE CUSTODY PAPERS. I find that UNREASONABLE; and downright mean.

When I can't find a compelling reason WHY someone does something; I always figure it is for the attention. He is getting loads of attention and encouragment here; and I just can't understand the encouragement. I bet all the money I own in the world he is not going to get sole custody. And how is he affording this? Last I checked; a custody case is very expensive; did he say he was doing this himself;..??..??..?? in that case; I bet DOUBLE all the money in the world he is going to lose.

Assumptious of me; but that is how it spells to me.

 

[amarie]

Married or unmarried should not matter, it's the type of parent you are.

Its not about the fact that they are not married. if you where married and lived together with this child the same applies as in any divorced situation. It is when you have never lived together with that child. Sometimes life just does not work out the way we want it to. And our situations and circumstances play a big role in that.

The way he is handling this is he is going to RUIN whatever amicable relationship possible with the mom and her family; and even when he LOSES; he LOST the opportunity for a working relationship with the mom. Now he will have to fight tooth and nail for anything he wants. Instead of working together for an amicable solution he served a mom of a 9 month old baby girl with SOLE CUSTODY PAPERS. I find that UNREASONABLE; and downright mean.

Yep! That was probably the wrong thing to do, there is nothing wrong with asserting your rights but when those documents say Sole Custody she is going to get down right defensive, allright she is going to flip!.. Now he is going to have to definately fight tooth and nail fpr everything. Where before he had a chance of negotiating things. Everything he does from now on will be seen as him trying to take the child away...

I know he won't get Sole custody unless something is really wrong with the mom. But the least he will get is joint legal.

The worst part is that, the ability to have a friendship co-parenting relationship is probably lost forever. I hope they can salvage it for the child's sake.

Although I do understand this concept in custody cases. Fight for the stars and land on the moon. Fight for full custody and settle for 50/50. Well.. Good luck!
amarie

 

[FJ1200guy]

It'sNOTallgood!

But if you're saying he won't get sole custody... you're right. He'll get visitation, and joint legal, maybe joint physical if he tries hard enough, but that's iffy.

This is irrelevent. Men MUST fight for everything they can get. GO for FULL custody simply because you are as much a parent as she is. Keep in mind you won't get it, though. But if Dads would stand up and fight more often we may one day play on a level field.

Dude, don't drain your finances for sole custody. TRY for it, but don't ever stop fighting for joint physical and joint legal (which is pretty much a gimme, from what I've read... you're not a mass-murderer are you?)

Not sure how Itsallgood read so much into all this... LOL... but I like a good debate.

 

[itsallgood]

I'm accused of reading too much into everything ALL the time.

Can't help it.

Now; for the record; I am not saying; (nor ever said); that a father is less of a parent.

What I am saying is; I was astounded at the number of folks that were advocating this child be uprooted from her home; and for a 9 month old baby; that would be very emotionally distressing; and seriously could cause LASTING attachement disorders.

I am all for the OP gaining joint custody of his daughter.

I am totally against him EVEN TRYING for SOLE custody. And in all honesty; nowadays; SOLE custody is typcially ONLY given when one parent is proven unfit.

So; by petitioning the court for SOLE custody; he is telling the courts he is going to prove the mom unfit.

Which she isn't.

Which will make him look bad.

And ruin the potential for a working realtionship between the two households.

And in the end; I feel the OP shot himself in the foot.

And sure; in the end; we all speak from what we know. I have a very amicable relationship not only with my son's father; but with my son's stepmother.

CS; Custody; and visitation was all handled through ourselves; and/or mediation with no lawyers.

Our child is very happy to be able to have both his parents together at events; in the other's house; etc; etc.

If he were to just UP AND SUE ME FOR SOLE CUSTODY; there would be a HUGE mess.

I think he just hurt his relationship with his daughter more than helped it.

He commented that he kept seeing visions of his daughter coming to him and saying "daddy you just didn't try hard enough"

How dramatic. As long as HE MAINTAINS his realtionship why would his daughter ever come to him with this statement. In fact; I would bet if she got older and learned that dad tried to take HER AWAY FROM MOM: it wouldn't sit well with her.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Oh c'mon... you could put that kid with a homeless man and it wouldn't have any "LASTING attachment disorders"! LOL...

So are you saying Mom has to prove dad is unfit for her to get sole custody? That's silly... both should be able to try for sole custody without offending each other. He may be just as good a parent as her...

You seem awfully pro-mother here. Biased even... is that the impression you want to give?

As for his relationship with his daughter being hurt... well, the kid is what, 9 months old? Even though Dr. Feely-touchy may dis-agree, that kid isn't going to be hurt in any relationship for awhile yet. LOL

Why aren't you as concerned about the MOM TAKING THE CHILD FROM THE DAD?!?

I'll tell you why. You are biased. Nothing wrong with that, but you have to be honest about it and admit you can't see this posters points no matter if he was right or wrong.