disciplining a stepchild

[marcus_n_tonya]

Question for stealth2

Hey stealth2, I could be wrong, but I think that the LEGALITY depends on the state. I live in the state of Missouri and it is my understanding that step-parents as long they are legally married to the parent do have the right to discipline the child (including spankings) with the implied permission of the parent residing in their home, or something to that effect. I am not possitive of that but when I was looking up some other stuff I did find something to that effect. I'd have to hunt down the info again to know for sure.

But do keep in mind, this is also another one of those states that it is still PERFECTLY LEGAL for the principal of my child's school or a school teacher to spank my child with a paddle. When I found this out shortly after moving to Missouri the first thing I did was march my happy little ass down to school and let every single teacher and principal know that if my child does something bad enough to deserve a spanking then call me and IIIIIIIIIIII will spank them!!!

 

[jez51]

This subject reminded me of the time when my stepson at the age of 14 raised his fist to strike me, before he knew it, he was flat on the floor. He complained loudly to his father, and found himself on the floor again. His mother thought it was funny, until he did the same thing to her, only she was the one on the floor that time. As for discipline, I really get a good laugh when I'm in the store and you parents are trying to tell your child, who is on the floor kicking and screaming, that they are going to get time out when they get home. Obviously they could care less as they continue to kick and scream, and you have no control over your child. Now don't get bent, but all I see is a generation of little monsters growing up, that's why we have school shootings, and the ones who don't wind up in prison will be running our country, god help us. I think discipline should be individualized, what works with one kid doesn't always work with another, including spanking. I have one kid, that spanking never bothered him, but being grounded did. So next time your kid is pitching a fit at wal-mart think of a punishment that will stop them in mid-scream, the other shoppers will thank you for it.

 

[dakoto70]

Jez I completly agree with the discipline being individualized (sp?) for each and every child. I also laugh at the parents who are trying to control a child who is running all over the store kicking and screaming at the top of their lungs because mommy or daddy told them no and the parent says now child (monster if you ask me) if you be nice mommy will buy you whatever you want, your going to get a time out when we get home if you don't stop, ok you don't want to stop how about we go get icecream when we leave here, you have to stop the crying. Oh please give me a break, I do not beat my kids but they have been spanked and they know better than to act like total idiots when we go some were or when we get home they will get a spanking. I don't care if it is legal, I don't care if society as a whole agrees with me what I do care about is my kids not acting like monsters.

In today's society the children have to power over the parents and that is not how it should be. My son is 12 years old and he stands 5"9 and weighs 175 lbs. he is a very big boy and he drew his fist back at me once and I told him right than and there I do not care how big he thinks he is or how big he gets a baseball bat will bring him down. He had a problem with controlling his anger so we worked on that and he is so much better when he knows he can go to his room and scream or outside and kick the tree.

I will not be afraid of my children, like a lot of parents are, and they will not rule me. I will not be afraid to spank them and I will not have someone tell me what I am allowed to do and what I am not allowed to do with my children. My kids don't know what a beating is but they do know they have been swatted on their butts. My son hates it my daughter could care less so her phone privelages or tv time get taken away from her.

 

[stealth2]

Dunno. My kids have never had a fit in a store, restaurant, or anywhere else out. They have their moments at home, and they're told to take it upstairs 'cause I'm not gonna listen to it. And in over 11 years, I can count the smacks on the butt on one hand. "The look" is all I need.

 

[jez51]

Dunno. My kids have never had a fit in a store, restaurant, or anywhere else out. They have their moments at home, and they're told to take it upstairs 'cause I'm not gonna listen to it. And in over 11 years, I can count the smacks on the butt on one hand. "The look" is all I need.

LOL, yeah..."The look"...that's what my kids call it to, I also never give more than one warning.

 

[stealth2]

Funnily enough, my SIL (childless) once said to me, "I don't understand how you do it. The kids get on the verge of losing it, and then it just stops. You haven't said a word, you haven't touched them, there's nothing discernable that you do. How do you do it?"

The look, sil, the look.

 

[dakoto70]

I can also count on one hand how many times I have spanked each of my children, they also say I have " the look" and will start to tease me about it. Oh no mom is getting the look we better leave her alone. I have been complimented on my kids behavior and use of manners when we are out in public and this goes all the way back to the time they were born. I am not one of those parents who do everything without the kids, grocery shop, library, nails done, clothes shopping, you name it they went every where with me. I have friends who find sitters for their kids so they can clean the house. Oh please learn to deal with the kid and you can do anything.

 

[davidlaska]

witholding stuff

since parents own all the stuff, they can use that as a tool to motivate. It fails if the kid is willing to do without to the point where it would be unconfertable to the parents. But most kids probably don,t. It does tap into management skills though, and mine are not that strong. Just a thought I had.

 

[kel4377]

"The look".....that's what I have with my stepdaughter. She's knows that if she gets that look it means no, and sure enough she listens. Why she doesn't listen to her mother or father is beyond me.....that's because they let her get away with things, and I don't. I mean, of course there's always a time when they can get away with certain things, but not all. That's why her mother hates her being over our house so much, because she knows I discipline her and she knows she listens to me. That "look" is all I have to give her and she knows. As far as spanking her, I haven't done that since last year sometime, I can't even remember, and that's because I don't have to, she listens to me. She doesn't throw fits in stores, unlike when she's with my husband or his mother, her grandma. Like you all said, ways to discipline your child are different with every family.

 

[jennerina]

NC- ex's g/f spanking my 3 yr old for peeing his pants

long story short as possible...my ex is allowing his g/f to spank my 3 yr old and now 8 yr old. She is spanking my son (3 yrs old) for peeing his pants...and now is popping my 8 yr old daughter for aggravating my 3yr old. She has been told numerous times by me to not lay her hands on them. My ex denies her doing it and she responds to nothing. My ex claims my children are lying and that she never touches them. She is even threatening my son that if he tells me she spanks him, because it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS, that he is going to get more spankings. I even contacted DSS about this and their response was "insufficient evidence". Supposedly they spoke with her and my son and found no reason to believe there was a problem. Saying I should contact my ex FIRST (which I did and he just denies it) before contacting them. UGHHHHH....you just don't know the FULL story behind all of this.

Any advice on what should be done next??
DSS has let me down, dear ol' ex is totally oblivious to it all....(well not oblivious, just flat out doesn't care) he's a case all in itself....

Concerned in NC

 

[stealth2]

How about starting your own thread instead of dredging up one that's over a year old?

 

[howamidoing]

long story short as possible...my ex is allowing his g/f to spank my 3 yr old and now 8 yr old. She is spanking my son (3 yrs old) for peeing his pants...and now is popping my 8 yr old daughter for aggravating my 3yr old. She has been told numerous times by me to not lay her hands on them. My ex denies her doing it and she responds to nothing. My ex claims my children are lying and that she never touches them. She is even threatening my son that if he tells me she spanks him, because it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS, that he is going to get more spankings. I even contacted DSS about this and their response was "insufficient evidence". Supposedly they spoke with her and my son and found no reason to believe there was a problem. Saying I should contact my ex FIRST (which I did and he just denies it) before contacting them. UGHHHHH....you just don't know the FULL story behind all of this.

Any advice on what should be done next??
DSS has let me down, dear ol' ex is totally oblivious to it all....(well not oblivious, just flat out doesn't care) he's a case all in itself....

Concerned in NC

NEW YORK

Neglecting a child includes unreasonably inflicting or allowing the infliction of harm or substantial risk thereof, including excessive corporal punishment. Fam. Ct. Sec. 1012.[Ci.] Parent/guardian/other person with care and supervision of person under 21, can use non-deadly physical force when and to the extent he reasonably believes necessary to maintain discipline or promote welfare of person force performed upon. Penal Sec. 35:10.[Cr.]

Would she not be a person with care and supervision?

 

[stealth2]

NEW YORK

Neglecting a child includes unreasonably inflicting or allowing the infliction of harm or substantial risk thereof, including excessive corporal punishment. Fam. Ct. Sec. 1012.[Ci.] Parent/guardian/other person with care and supervision of person under 21, can use non-deadly physical force when and to the extent he reasonably believes necessary to maintain discipline or promote welfare of person force performed upon. Penal Sec. 35:10.[Cr.]

Would she not be a person with care and supervision?

NY law doesn't apply in NC. You're thinking of the OP (who IS in NY) - and this is exactly why it's confusing when someone hijack's a thread.

 

[howamidoing]

NY law doesn't apply in NC. You're thinking of the OP (who IS in NY) - and this is exactly why it's confusing when someone hijack's a thread.

NORTH CAROLINA

Abuse includes infliction of a serious physical injury by other than accidental means; creating a substantial risk of such injury by other than accidental means; and using cruel or grossly inappropriate procedures or devices to modify behavior. Juvenile Sec. 7B-101(1). [Ci.]
Im sorry...

 

[davidlaska]

True at times

I am a cp and a ncp and my daughters father was with a woman for 6 years. This woman took care of her Like I did and my daughter also called her mom and I told this woman, who had every thing to do with helping raise my daughter that if my daughter needed to be spanked than she could spank her. I can count on one hand how many times either one of us spanked her. Maybe you people had a bad experience with Step parents and your children but I didn't and don't see a problem with her discyplining my daughter and her step daughter.

I assume you feel she is doing the job just as well as you do. (whether better is a hard call since it is beyond experience and you are doing your best). When I found out I had a son long after, My instinct was to step in and declare my rights and so on, but I saw that I could not offer what he was allready getting so I did not try to change his environment. Therefore I support the way he is being raised. I don,t like hitting because of risk (though slim but not worth the risk) of accidents that can disable. Some parts of the body are tender and I don,t know where they all are. Nor do I want to remember where if I knew, cause I could forget.