Disinherited

[BlondiePB]

catipper,

I got to commend you for your tenacity in all this. Without going into detail, you were pointed in the right direction. Thank goodness you will have a hearing. You will post the decision, right?

If you were not so "on top of things," control sister would not have had a Court Appointed Attorney assigned. It is apparent that the Judge, because of you, is suspicious of control sister who is having herself removed farther and farther away from her goal of stealing your mother's estate and living off your mother's estate. I do find it amusing that the attorney told your control sister that she had to do your mom's laundry. Control sister can have the nursing home do mom's laundry. But, why tell her? Let her actually do something other than try to steal from your mom.

You're very welcome for the help. I am blessed that I do not have to deal with such issues with which you are dealing. Furthermore, I wouldn't put up with it anyway. I still do believe, very strongly, that control sister needs to be removed as your mom's conservator. Doing so would eliminate so much stress. Good luck with attorney shopping next week.

 

[catipper]

As the saying goes "Just Keep On Moving"

I was lucky in a fate sort of way for coming across this web site and to receive the help I got from you as I would not have even known about all these things.

Yes we will post the decision of the court on disabled sister, altho from what your experience has told me, it does not look too good I guess. Perhaps they can point us in another direction too. We will explore all avenues as it is a long time before disabled sister can get any income. Your suggestion of an attorney is the right way I know and we will need to do it.

We will not give up because we have no choice, disabled sister has to have a life and she deserves some income, be it from estate, Welfare or Disability.
Currenlty we are trying to take care of her but we do not have the kind of money it takes to support another adult without income. I feel it will work out in some way, we just have to stay on it without getting discouraged. It seems like the law is on the side of the ones who know how to steal, kind of funny in a way.

I was very happy to hear you do not go thru this, I would not wish this on anyone.

We should hear within the next few weeks and I will let you know. In the meantime I am doing research on lawyers. Can not stop for a minute even while we wait for the court.

Thank you again.

 

[BleedingHeart]

Hello from MN.~

It will depend on what program(s) disabled sister is on as to if her
portion of her money will be protected. If she is legally disabled and on
Social Security Disability she will be Ok because it is not Earned income
from a JOB. If she is on SSI her money could disappear through a (back
owing amount.) My 2 sisters set up a trust for another sister so in case
one can't administer it, the other one can. I don't know what kind of trust
this is, you would have to ask an Attorney, if this be your case. They are
only allowed so much income per year before they would lose that
particular benefit and owe from collecting back benefits.
This is just a warning for you in case you may need to protect her money
and future benefits.
SSI can collect kinda like the nursing homes can and do.
I was knocked out of being executor because of being in poor health
and labeled disabled without being legally disabled. I also was my Mom's
caretaker up until she passed away and also had an older sister that
thought she should be in charge of ALL. This got much worse when my
father was in ill health. Now we rarely speak to one another and she is
not allowed in 2 sister's or a niece's homes for Holiday's.

I hope you cherish each moment that you have with your Mother and that
there are many of them. ~Mary~

 

[BlondiePB]

Hello from MN.~

It will depend on what program(s) disabled sister is on as to if her
portion of her money will be protected. If she is legally disabled and on
Social Security Disability she will be Ok because it is not Earned income
from a JOB. If she is on SSI her money could disappear through a (back
owing amount.) My 2 sisters set up a trust for another sister so in case
one can't administer it, the other one can. I don't know what kind of trust
this is, you would have to ask an Attorney, if this be your case. They are
only allowed so much income per year before they would lose that
particular benefit and owe from collecting back benefits.
This is just a warning for you in case you may need to protect her money
and future benefits.
SSI can collect kinda like the nursing homes can and do.
I was knocked out of being executor because of being in poor health
and labeled disabled without being legally disabled. I also was my Mom's
caretaker up until she passed away and also had an older sister that
thought she should be in charge of ALL. This got much worse when my
father was in ill health. Now we rarely speak to one another and she is
not allowed in 2 sister's or a niece's homes for Holiday's.

I hope you cherish each moment that you have with your Mother and that
there are many of them. ~Mary~

This is not what's going on here, Mary.

 

[BlondiePB]

catipper,
BTW, save all receipts for purchases that you make and have made (if you still have them) on behalf of disabled sister. Make purchases for her separate from yours, even groceries. It takes a little more time at check-out; however, you are entitled to reimbursement, via court permission, once funds are obtained for disabled sister.

 

[catipper]

Bleedingheart: Thank you very much for your input and yes you are right about the SSI, we have an attorney for the SS disability, even tho I actually applied her, he now picks up the rest of it. I am sorry to hear that you too had a bad experience with family, I do not wish this on anyone. It leaves a dent in your heart to think this can and will happen. I tell you the truth that we hope mother lives for many years and spends ALL the money, that is sister's worse fear, even disabled sister wishes that mother goes on and on. We even now are going to try and find out mother's medical records since sister will not tell us anything. That will be difficult at best but we are going to first try and talk with the home this Friday to express out concerns that mother get whatever she needs. So far we know she is in good physical health but of course the Alzheimer's has taken a toll. I appreciate your input and we check out everything that we are told. We do realize we need to get an Elder attorney by the time disabled sister gets her disability, even before she gets it.

Blondie:

I did know about being able to receive money for doing this for disabled sister but had told the court that I did not want ANY money for this, and it made me so sick to hear control sister speak up and say that she DID want money for doing mother's things, absolutely no shame at all in her. That was all said the first time we were at the court. I would gladly do this for nothing if only she could get some income, it just is so sad to see someone afraid like that.
I did know that I had to keep things separate, as we got a book from the court. I am a bookkeeper so it would be easy for me to work on a spread sheet and I will set up a separate bank account. I will need to submit an asset sheet within two months to the court, but it is kind of funny in a sad way, at this point all I can put down is a very basic "0", so that should be easy right? Once she gets her SS, I will start right away and if she actually gets her back SS money, we will have to find her housing and a small car. All of this of course depends on actually getting income. Dreams are nice and good for disabled sister in a way but we have a long way to go. Just keep your fingers crossed, I ask everyone to do that, at this point we have our whole bodies crossed.

Oh if you wonder why we do not just tell control sister off, well we need to keep things on an even road for now but the day will come when we reach our goal and that will be it.

Thanks,

 

[BlondiePB]

My goodness!! Such an easy accounting report. I'd definitely want someone like you in my corner!! After disabled sis gets the SSD, remember to begin the Section 8 process for her so that she will have very affordable housing. There are some places that are nice that do Section 8. You go girl!!

 

[catipper]

All info accepted

Yes I did already start some research on the subject of section 8, I have one place in mind already. Close by, nice one bedroom. I will do more research on other places too just in case. Just as soon as the disability come thru (hear tho it takes a long time), we will jump on housing. Thank goodness for now she can stay in mother's home but that will end too. Older sister did have thoughts of selling it to a realtor BUT the court asked for the title so that put a stop to that "yahoo" for now.

Well it is easy accounting for one person, but in your case wow! not so easy right? Altho if you were to get quick books and set up each person it would be much easier to keep track and all you do is spit out a report of their activities for the court. If you do, let me know and perhaps I can walk you thru it. I do all the company financial tracking and setting up so I am use to it. That is why it would be easy for me to find an error in older sister's keeping of the check book but she is not stupid enought to let me see.

We all are still moving on and we will soon consult an attorney after the court hearing, whenever that will be.

Will keep you posted.

 

[catipper]

Attorney advice

The attorney stated as follows: we should file with the Probate court to have the control sister removed as conservator of person and we should take that position. It is the job of the Probate Court to monitor what the conservator has been doing and since there have been complaints charged against conservator by the home where mother is then we have a very good position.
Control sister has not been to see mother for 3 weeks now and her reason is that she calls each day just to check on her and that she is too busy to go there. The social worker at the home is very upset with control sister.

The attorney suggested this approach instead of spending thousands of dollars (around $4,000.00), he feels this will work.

The only problem is that control sister does not want mother to do well and if we were to take over we would move her to a social floor as suggested by the home as mother is doing very well with the new meds and the floor she is on is for far advanced Alzheimers, they do not talk or move by themselves. Mother talks to eveyrone and walks by herself, eats like a tropper. We do have fun visits with her and she seems to now be much calmer and is starting to realize she might have to stay much longer. She also realizes she has Alzimeimers. Control sister has stated she does not want mother moved at this time and feels that mother needs to make more of an effort to entertain herself. Can you believe that one!!!! We will have a hearing next week and we have contacted mother's attorney to inform her of what is happening, she is also concerned that control sister is trying to unload mother for a faster end. We will see how it goes.

Wish us luck, we will need it. Thanks :

 

[BlondiePB]

I do not understand what the $4,000.00 is about. For what??

Who did the nursing home employees complain to and what did they complain about?

What is the source of control sister's income??

You have to understand that a guardian/conservator does not have to make weekly visits to a ward. I'm not defending control sister by all means as she needs to be removed as conservator, both of person and estate. The sooner, the better. You are doing a much better job. Now that disabled sister is safe and you are just waiting for her affairs to go through the system, it's time for you to take care of your mother responsibly and properly. Perhaps your mother can get or is well enough to be moved to an Assisted Living Facility. ALF's are better facilities, cost about half as much as nursing homes, and have more and better activities for elders than do nursing homes. Like nursing homes, some are much better than others. Remember to petition for Health Care Surrogate.

 

[catipper]

Back again

The $4,000 was to fight the sister to get off the conservatorship, which of course she would fight to the death. But we took the first route by approaching the social worker at the home who already knew of a problem with control sister not coming to visit. She has been to visit mother 2 times now in 3 months. The social worker called control sister and was told that control sister was busy at home, did not have the time to come and visit. The social worker did this on her own as we had not yet approached her at the time she was doing all this checking.
They complained to mother's attorney who has a close connet to the home. The attorney was appointed by the court to oversee mother's needs and to make sure she is well cared for.

We did inquire on assisted living but control sister will not hear of any changes.

We have a court date for next week and the attorney will be there as well as all of us. We will see how it goes.

 

[BlondiePB]

With all the info you have on control sister, $4,000.00 to fight and remove her as conservator is ridiculous. The nursing home staff contacting the court appointed attorney for your was the right thing to do. Yes, control sister is neglecting her duty to your mother as her conservator. Good luck next week. I do expect control sister to be removed. Then, you can look at and move mom to an ALF.

 

[catipper]

There is some hope

Yes as you said one step at a time and it is very slow moving when it comes to trying to undo what has been legally done. We honestly believe this is the best for mother. We are only sorry to have to go this far as we all could have made this work out so much easier on everyone of us. Trust me we are not happy to have to do this as it will certainly cause some very hard feelings. It was the attorney who told us to go to everyone and start to tell them what is actually going on instead of spending money on this as the court's job is to oversee this gets done right. If the court for some reason decides to give control sister one more chance, we still will not back off, if something is not done then we will be right back at it.

We are very much interested in Assisted living for her but for now we have to wait and wait. One good thing tho, mother is in qood spirits and the home has helped us as much as they can. Mother knows our schedule now and plans her day around it. She remembers when we are coming and what time, as we have kept it the same so it is constant for her in hopes that builds her security and so far it is working. If we thought that control sister would not steal money, we might have just left it alone and simple locked hornes each time we wanted mother have better care. We usually are able to wear control sister down as she is afraid of the court, but this time someone else went to the court so it just added to our complaints.

We just have to wait and see, but people have been helpful so that is good too.

Thank you for your help.

 

[catipper]

Forgot one thing

Oh I forgot what is Health Care Surrogate? I am going to look in up on line to see what it is too. Never heard of it? There is so much we do not know as all we want is good care and concern for mother, seems so simple.

Thank you for any info you can give us.

Oh just to let you know disabled sister is far from settled, we have been going weekly, and I do mean weekly, to doctors and have yet two more specialists to see. She has a quite a few health problems that were discovered. We have her state hearing to go to also which should be in Dec. That is why we made an agreement with control sister to start with, as we knew we would have our hands full with disabled sister needing money and health care. But that fell apart once control sister got the court to accept her as conservator. Also we give disabled sister money out of our income but that is of course a strain that is why we are going around trying to get her some income, that takes a very long time, likely a year or more. One good thing, disabled sister's doctor is on our side and feels she should have been on disability years ago but as he said now we have to go the full path to get there and that means possible therapy sessions as well, which he feels are not necessary but that is what they do before they will admit to a person needing disability income. The attonrey also agrees that is how the steps are done, if lucky we might catch a break but not likely. Naturally everyone deals thru me as disabled sister is not able to understand the process. With the new added health problems it does add to more weight on our side but not a good thing for disabled sister. Well we will just keep on moving.

Thanks

 

[BlondiePB]

Oh I forgot what is Health Care Surrogate? I am going to look in up on line to see what it is too. Never heard of it? There is so much we do not know as all we want is good care and concern for mother, seems so simple.

HCS is a person legally appointed to make all health care decisions on behalf of an incapacitated person. Some states refer to HSC as Health Care Proxy. In FL, HSC and Health Care Proxy are different. A court appointment for guardian/conservator will state, specifically, whether or not the guardian/conservator is or is not HSC. That's why you must make sure that the order states so. Otherwise,the court order needs to be amended to designated a guardian/conservator to also be the HSC.



Sorry to hear about the additional health problems with disabled sister. Hopefully, things will go smooth with the SSDI etc. and there will not be too many problems. I thought the current administration (Bush Administration) was supposed to expediate decisions (up to 90 days) regarding SSDI. What is said and what are done are two different things though.

I have full faith in you and that things will start to get under control. Looks as though dealing with your mother's issues are going to happen first. For some reason, all is happening in the way things are supposed to happen. Your mom and disabled sister are very blessed to have you. God bless you.

BlondiePB