Disinherited

[catipper]

Good info

I went on line and got a form downloaded. Could be that here in CT a conservator of person is the same thing, but trust me now that you gave me that info I will follow thru and find out for sure. Perfect time too as we are going to court on Tue and that is the place to find out.

We have had a lot of help for many people who have knowledge so we have been lucky, and we are open to all info. You first started me off with good info and I just kept going. I would have not thought of all the things you told me about. I was just trying to put up road blocks to get control sister to do what is best and did not think of actually steping in since I did not know there was a way once the conservator had the paperwork from the court.

The most important thing is that we do not back off from the court if they should for some crazy reason give her one more time to do right. We know she will only feel the need to push mother into a quick health problem in any way she can. We are not going to stand for that. Well time will tell and after Tue I guess we will know just what chance we have at all.

Did not know about the Bush admin. saying they would push disability thru, did think I heard just a bit about it but did not actually get into it. Let hope that is true but I do not get my hopes up yet.

Once again thank you for so much info and explainations, it has helped more than you think. Talk to you after Tue. Let hope for the best.

 

[catipper]

Happy Thanksgiving

Things have taken a very surprising turn. Control sister has decided that she wants to give up conservatorship completely, she is too busy and does not have the time. That was a big surprise to us. At first when we mentioned that we would like to take over mother's health care she said no way but then after we said that what she had done for mother was not in the best care of mother, she just changed her mind, just like that. And that was lucky as we had all things set for court and mother's attorney was also set. Now it will be much smoother and things will not be so stessed.

We had mother moved to a floor where it is more lively and she loved it, was up and around, talking and having fun. Once we get the courts approval then we are going to look into home care (the attonrey gave us really good info on where to go) and also assisted living. But one thing at a time, first the court date has to be over which is in Dec now. Then we will have the right to get a complete medical history of what she is on and have her evulated. We know from the attorney that they have already said she is doing very well on meds and should be able to be at home with good care of course. She gets around well and loves to socialize, her only thing still is the short term memory and of course mixing up some things on a time of when it actually happen but still they say overall she is still very good. She already knows that if she even had thoughts of not taking meds she could end back right where she is now and that she would need to answer to someone everyday at home, if fact she is the one who brought that up. We still need to talk with more people who are connected with that type of care and the hospital in town has a program just for that for home care help and info. The attorney gave us the program name and who to talk with. The attorney handles many elderly clients who need care and their families, and was a great help in getting things resolved. Listened to what was said and went to visit mother and talked with her as well as the social worker on staff at the home.

As for disabled sister, well so much for Bush's government pushing things faster, they have sent us the same exact questioneer to fill out as we did over the phone interview. So we go back to step one again. But I did it and will continue to do so until the end of time, we are not backing off.

So having said all the positive things, I will not feel sure until such time as the papers are final. But the court clerk said the judge is all set to sign them over immediately upon the court date. He is in complete approval and has already spoken to the attorney on it. Still makes me surprised to have contol sister give up so quickly. From the past I have found she only gives up if she gains from it and she wanted the money, which she did not get. Well I guess I better just be happy and not look for that possible problem right?

May you and yours have a healthy and happy Thanksgiving. Our health is the most important thing in life, not even jobs or money are more. I just got sick and thought "oh my I can not get sick, I have no time", but I saw the doctor right away and feel much better today already. I just tend to forget how important health is and how I have to be careful to stay on a certain path to maintain that health. Thanks for all your help and I will keep you posted on things. Please feel free to offer any advice or knowledge and we have not forgotten about finding out on the health care as you had said altho I believe in CT it is the same as conservator of the person, will check tho for sure.

 

[BlondiePB]

catipper,
I looked around a bit in CT's statutes. What I saw was that conservator of a person can consent to a ward's care and can consent to a ward's treatment. Consenting to medical treatment for a ward verses making medical decisions for a ward is what you need to get clarified by your attorney so that this does not come back and "bite" you. Most of the time, you will find yourself just consenting to these things. However, there may come a time that you just have to take action and make a medical decision.

Since your mother is enjoying the social stimulation of the activities, consider what would be her availability to these fun and stimulating things for her at home verses an ALF. Control sister's gain from giving up conservator is her not having to appear in front of the judge anymore.

There are some other things, regarding legal liability, that you do need to consider. When the time gets closer to the court date, let me know. Hope you had a great holiday too. Thank you for the good wishes.

BlondiePB

 

[catipper]

Good information!

I will absolutely ask these questions. The court date is Dec 9th, we have already made any appointment with a program suggested by the attorney assigned to mother by the court. We set up a meeting to talk about our choices and what would serve mother best. Then we are going to try and set up a meeting with the social worker who keeps track of how mother is doing.

You are right that control sister is fed up with the Judge and mother's attorney. In fact she dislikes mother's attorney very much and feels that the attorney is interfering. Crazy thoughts. Mother's attorney was very much concerned on how mother was being taken care of by control sister and actually had a talk with her at one point, but control sister does not take suggestions well at all. This is the best way in the end tho.

There is still much unleft business on mother but this is a slow process and it must go step by step. We are pleased that we have even got this far, we never ever thought control sister would give up conservatorship and still wonder if she will follow thru with it. Altho the court has already drawn the paperwork and the Judge has said he will sign it on Dec.9th. We will see.

If you have any more info on what you had said about legal responsibility please let us know, we are trying to get all info that would be needed. We will bring up the difference of consenting and or making decisions. That is important.

As for disability sister, we just finished filling out yet another set of forms that were almost identical to the last ones we filled out. Such a waste of time and paper, no wonder it costs the govenment so much to process all this. But we are not going away so they might as well just deal with us and let us know where we stand.

Once again thank you for all your knowledge and we appreciate any help as we are not up to court things and requirements. Not that we have not had wonderful help from the court system but still we do not want to be behind on proceedure. Thank You, talk to you later.

 

[catipper]

To Blondie:

It is finally offical I am mothers conservator of health and estate. Control sister is not happy. I have asked her to join us each week end as we go to breadfast and then go see mother but she has declined. She has stated that we were put ahead of her with mother constantly and she is going to let mother know how bad of a mother she was. I told her it is time to move on with life and realize that this is not about her but about mother. She did go visit mother this past week and must have said something to her as mother was upset but then by the next day she had forgotten it all-that is about the only good thing with Alzheimers-they foret what is said if it is bad or good.
Lucky for us control sister only visits every few weeks or so. I have a feeling she will actually taper off her visits even more as time goes on. If there is nothing in it for her she is not interested.

We have much work to do to get mothers things in order and we are not it now so in time it will get done.

Disabled sister too has much going on with doctor visits and more paperwork. You would think they would have it all by now but there is always one more for to fill out. I need to get her into HUD housing list as it takes a long time. Disabled sister is entitled to mother's house but she could never afford it and keep it up. She could sell it but then title 19 would come after the money once mother has used up all her cash money. So we must look at the whole picture. They could not touch the house from disabled sister but then they could refuse mothers care expenses if disabled sister sold it and used part of the money. It is a mess as SS moves very slow.

I want to thank you for all your input and advice on what to do.
We wish you and yours a wonderful Xmas and a healthy New Year.

 

[BlondiePB]

catipper,
Congratulations!! I had no doubt that you would be appointed conservator of your mother and control sister would be removed. Should your mother ever require private duty CNAs, make sure that the CNAs are both licensed and carry their own occupational liability insurance. Ones hired directly through an agency are covered. And, should your mother ever need non-emergency medical transportation, do not allow hired private duty to transport mom. Make arrangements through a company that does this because you are liable to the court for any mishaps to mom.

You're welcome for all the help. Mom and disabled sister are in your good hands. God bless them and you for all you have and will do for them. Merry X-mas and Happy New Year to you and yours too.

 

[catipper]

Need more info again

You rasied another question for me. You said do not hire private duty transportation. I am not sure exactly who that would be.

Mother has had to go to the eye doctor and the home where she is staying has transported her thru a carrier that they use, she will be going to have her teeth checked and they will do that again. Is that who you mean by private carrier? I never asked them who is responsible if mother should happen to get hurt or in an accident. I was assuming that the carrier would need insurance to carry people to places and then she has her own insurance for if she gets hurt. Good question. Is that what you meant?

We do not take mother as she would be wild if we took her out of there in our car and then brought her back. She believes that if she can get in our car and we take her home then no one can come and get her. So we do not ever go there so to speak. She behaves very well when taken by transport she actually enjoyes it, they put her in a wheel chair and off she goes.

 

[BlondiePB]

What I meant was that NEVER have a private duty CNA or HHA or any other person that you hire for private duty for your mother to transport your mother in their own vehicle. Transport by a nursing home's or ALF's own bus/van or hiring a non-emergency medical transport company is fine and the right thing to do.

We do not take mother as she would be wild if we took her out of there in our car and then brought her back. She believes that if she can get in our car and we take her home then no one can come and get her. So we do not ever go there so to speak.

Good thinking.

She behaves very well when taken by transport she actually enjoyes it, they put her in a wheel chair and off she goes.

They do enjoy the rides.

 

[catipper]

Thanks again

Once again thank you for the information. I have learned so much from your input. We were so unprepared for all the crazy things that went on from the start and how mother was rushed off into an area that was so depressing we were like fish out of water. But with the home's help as well as great advice from people like yourself, we are now not so easily lead and more in control.

Mother is actually quite happy now. She does grumble some but we are seeing a side then seems more settled. She is especially happy to see that disabled sister is being looked after. Mother has no idea what a mess of paperwork and problems are assoicated when you try to get someone help. She always thought that her money would take care of disabled sister. She never dreamed that control sister whould have tied it up like she did. Mother does not really know the full extent of what was done by control sister tho. Of course control sister thought that what she was doing is getting the money for herself so at least one good thing happen out of it all-she locked it out of her own hands. That is a good lesson for anyone out there, prepare ahead with your family needs as this is what can happen, a disabled person can be left out in the cold very easily and your money is not your own once the court get into it.

Mother has been approved for assisted living BUT she said she is not ready to make any moves and that she actually loves her room at the end of the hall like it is now with the sun coming in on her. Plus she loves her room mate who is there for life as she has a back injury too but does not have
Alzhemiers. The room mate has been there for 2 years and plans on staying for her whole life, she is in good health otherwise and yonger than mother. So they do get along well. The home seems to know who to place with who, they have done a great job for mother and we have no complaints.

So I guess we can say that things in the end have worked out ok even tho we were so backwards in the beginning. Needless to say control sister is not happy with us and currenlty is not talking with us and not going to see mother as punishment to us knowing that we would like her to make an attempt to see mother so mother does not worry as to why control sister is not visiting. So on it goes but better than before.

Thank you again for your help and enjoy your holidays. Us

 

[BlondiePB]

She is especially happy to see that disabled sister is being looked after.

That must be very comforting to mom.

Mother has no idea what a mess of paperwork and problems are assoicated when you try to get someone help. She always thought that her money would take care of disabled sister. She never dreamed that control sister whould have tied it up like she did. Mother does not really know the full extent of what was done by control sister tho. Of course control sister thought that what she was doing is getting the money for herself so at least one good thing happen out of it all-she locked it out of her own hands.

All the paperwork is amazing. It's best mom doesn't know. All mom needs to know is that all is in order and safe.

That is a good lesson for anyone out there, prepare ahead with your family needs as this is what can happen, a disabled person can be left out in the cold very easily and your money is not your own once the court get into it.

The biggest misconception people have is that a ward's property and money does not still belong to the ward. It does, indeed, still belong to the ward. Conservators/guardians have to answer to the court for all a ward's property and every penny of the ward's money in addition to the well being and care of the ward. When one has someone as you, one will not be left out in the cold.

I really hope you have closed the accounts that had control sister as conservator and opened new accounts with you as conservator. If you have not, call your attorney for directives. The private message feature here has been disabled. These are not directives to disclose on an open forum.

Mother has been approved for assisted living BUT she said she is not ready to make any moves and that she actually loves her room at the end of the hall like it is now with the sun coming in on her. Plus she loves her room mate who is there for life as she has a back injury too but does not have
Alzhemiers. The room mate has been there for 2 years and plans on staying for her whole life, she is in good health otherwise and yonger than mother. So they do get along well. The home seems to know who to place with who, they have done a great job for mother and we have no complaints.

You apparently know what is best for your mom. Should she go to an ALF, be sure to bring some of her own furniture. Having their own familiar belongings is important and great for them.

Needless to say control sister is not happy with us and currenlty is not talking with us and not going to see mother as punishment to us knowing that we would like her to make an attempt to see mother so mother does not worry as to why control sister is not visiting. So on it goes but better than before.

Maybe in time control sister will get over it. If she does, she does. If she doesn't, that's her problem.

enjoy your holidays.

Ditto.

 

[catipper]

Disabled sister

Finally mother is taken care of properly and her affairs are settled. Alhto the disease of Alzhemier's is just horrible we are taking it one day at a time. Her physical health is excellent.

We are not in the thrust of disabled sister's many problems. I tried to apply her for HUD and did all the necessary paperwork. On the release form for police and credit it said 5 years back records. Disabled sister was rejected due to a police record of passing bad checks in 1993, her and her then boyfriend did that, and disabled sister is easily controled as she is mentally slow. She paid back all the money and it was settled. I want to ask for a hearing but do we stand a chance since they went back 12 years and she has had no problem since then or do we yet need to obtain another lawyer?
She has only $50.00 monthly income from the state and we are helping her out. But money is tight for us now too. I was considering contacting legal aid on the HUD issue and was wondering if that was a good move?

Also disabled sister was seen by a doctor to determine her mentally abilities. The doctor was picked by SS and they set up the appointment. He was very supportive of disabled sister saying that he would make sure his report got to them immediately so they could move on the help she needs. Well that was back to 1/21 and I am assuming the SS got the report by 2/7/05 at least. I called them on it to get a copy of the report and they refused to give it to disabled sister saying they needed more time for their doctors to look it over. I need to find out what her legal rights are on medical tests done on her in the way of obtaining reports? I have not tried to contact the doctor direclty on it. Any advice on that type of situtation? I feel they are not happy with the doctors report and that it tends to favor disabled sister but we can not see it.

Please let me know any advice you have on it.

Thank You.

 

[BlondiePB]

Finally mother is taken care of properly and her affairs are settled. Alhto the disease of Alzhemier's is just horrible we are taking it one day at a time. Her physical health is excellent.

Excellent and great job, catipper. You have been in my thoughts the last few days and here you are. To keep your sanity with the Alz., remember this "they know not what they do".

We are not in the thrust of disabled sister's many problems. I tried to apply her for HUD and did all the necessary paperwork. On the release form for police and credit it said 5 years back records. Disabled sister was rejected due to a police record of passing bad checks in 1993, her and her then boyfriend did that, and disabled sister is easily controled as she is mentally slow. She paid back all the money and it was settled. I want to ask for a hearing but do we stand a chance since they went back 12 years and she has had no problem since then or do we yet need to obtain another lawyer?
She has only $50.00 monthly income from the state and we are helping her out. But money is tight for us now too. I was considering contacting legal aid on the HUD issue and was wondering if that was a good move?

Yes, do contact legal aid for disabled sister. I do not deal with HUD, therefore, cannot help you much with that. Have you tried disputing info on disabled sister's credit report in order to clear it up? You'll have to acquire a copy of her credit report to do this.

SS does take time. Hang in there. Get your sister's medical records directly from the doctors. It's the easiest and fastest way. Check your PM.

 

[catipper]

Medical records

According to SS disability, that is not the same department we applied to but the area where they determine if you could do a job and then they report back to the case worker with their findings-we are not allowed to see these medical reports until they are done so I never thought I could contact the doctor as it is a doctor they sent us to. But I will call him up and see what he has to say on the matter.

We do realize that mother is not in a reasonable frame of mind. She is like a kid in a way in fact she mostly talks about her kid days. But she is well taken care off and very healthy. Her sister also has Alzhemiers and is in another home but is completely gone now, does not know anyone and does nothing for herself. She just is there in body. Mother is loosing her short term fast we feel, it seems like when she first went in she did better and now she forgets most things except for getting even with people. Like I said tho she is safe. Disabled sister is not in a good place and needs lots of help.

I will keep you posted as time goes on, it takes a very long time to even get any replies from anyone on SS.

Thanks for the help.