Does it help for her to straighten up now?

[AHA]

That is so off base. My sister's husband has bad teeth, has all his life. Their son, though breastfed and never allowed to have a bottle or anything in his mouth at bedtime - teeth brushed twice a day and regular dental visits - got what is commonly called "baby bottle rot". This childs teeth literally dissolved and the parents could not have taken better care of this childs dental health. I personally went to the dentist with my sister and the dentist told us both (when my sister was blaming herself) that genetics does play a part and nothing could be done.
So, even the best care can be taken and still a childs teeth, hair, skin, whatever, can undergo some type of problems.
So, Dad and mom divorced 9 months ago, child had the teeth thing at 18 months, 4 months after the divorce? The teeth could not have undergone all this in that period.
Dad needs to take some responsibility.

Well excuse me for coming from a place where every one, especially kids have healthy teeth.

And I have already directed the comment about the child's dental caring was both parents responsibility, so everyone can stop nagging about that, thank you.

 

[MrsK]

Well excuse me for coming from a place where every one, especially kids have healthy teeth.

And I have already directed the comment about the child's dental caring was both parents responsibility, so everyone can stop nagging about that, thank you.

Dont feel too bad AHA. In my city, its odd to see children with dental problems, and when you do see it, its usually b/c of lack of dental care and not a genetic/medicine/etc issue. Usually its because the parents arent brushing the teeth properly, letting children go to bed with a bottle or cup of milk, juice, sugary drink or just letting them have too much candy/soda/etc. That sort of thing.

 

[Noelle_71]

Well excuse me for coming from a place where every one, especially kids have healthy teeth.

And I have already directed the comment about the child's dental caring was both parents responsibility, so everyone can stop nagging about that, thank you.

What did I just say? Genetics. Don't make a blanket statement and insists it the truth. Lets see....lets feed our kids organic food. Lets make sure they take their vitamins and avoid unhealthy habits..how do our kids get cancer? Diabetes? Something as simple as eczema or asthma..G.e.n.e.t.i.c.s
Wow, where do you come from? SmileCity USA? Dental health, as a whole, in most of the US is hugely under attended. Regardless...
I have no idea why you are taking this personally, however, you cannot judge something with a tiny bit of information.
Perhaps you don't understand genetics? Brush your teeth, floss, get regular dental care..get a cavity..explain that one. Probably genetics.

Everyone isn't nagging you. No one is nagging you. My point is, don't point a finger when you don't know the facts. This poster has given one point of view, few facts that don't add up. I simply argued another side to you. From a point of experience. Don't get so testy.

 

[jshort1606]

reply to everyone

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for replying. I understand that yes these things do happen and I have tried to have civil conversations with my ex about them.

Here are some more questions to reply to some that have been asked back to me.

1. My son has had several scratches very close to his eyes so is it still just a cat if it scratches his eye out?

2. She has lived in four places since our divorce. One of them she got kicked out of in the middle of the night with our son and claimed that the girl she was living with choked her while she was holding our son.

3. The night in question of her getting drunk I asked her if she wanted me to keep our son overnight and she said no that she wouldn't be out to late and would just come pick him up. Calls at 10:30 at night when our son has to be up early to go to daycare to say she isn't coming. Yea thats real responsible.

4. Our son was already over a year and walking when he was not in shoes or a coat. Yes also he has been to the doctor several times more than normal. If she read that article than why was she sending him other times.

5. As far as the doctor goes. He has missed 2 well child visits including his one year shots which he did not get until he was 15 months old. She tried to tell me that the doctor said he didn't need and 18 month old visit but when I called they said yes he did because he missed his 12 month visit and the doctor recommended it at his 15 month visit.

6. She has denied and been threatening to myself and my family with regard to spending time with our son. I have this all on tape and the judge has already talked to her about this at our temporary hearing.

 

[ceara19]

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for replying. I understand that yes these things do happen and I have tried to have civil conversations with my ex about them.

Here are some more questions to reply to some that have been asked back to me.

1. My son has had several scratches very close to his eyes so is it still just a cat if it scratches his eye out?

There are more children that are seriously injured in school EVERY year than there are children that have their eye scratched out in 5+ years. It's a cat, not a rabid pit bull. Dwelling on this point will most likely lead the judge to believe that you are being petty and vengeful, thereby hurting your credibility on the other matters.

2. She has lived in four places since our divorce. One of them she got kicked out of in the middle of the night with our son and claimed that the girl she was living with choked her while she was holding our son.

Moving frequently isn't necessarily harmful to the child. The violence taking place in front of the child is, but can you PROVE that it happened.

3. The night in question of her getting drunk I asked her if she wanted me to keep our son overnight and she said no that she wouldn't be out to late and would just come pick him up. Calls at 10:30 at night when our son has to be up early to go to daycare to say she isn't coming. Yea thats real responsible.

The judge will give you the same answer on this question as you have already received from several people here. Would you have rather had mom pick the child up when she was drunk?

4. Our son was already over a year and walking when he was not in shoes or a coat. Yes also he has been to the doctor several times more than normal. If she read that article than why was she sending him other times.

In what way was the child actually HARMED because he wasn't wearing shoes and/or a coat.

5. As far as the doctor goes. He has missed 2 well child visits including his one year shots which he did not get until he was 15 months old. She tried to tell me that the doctor said he didn't need and 18 month old visit but when I called they said yes he did because he missed his 12 month visit and the doctor recommended it at his 15 month visit.

Had the doctor felt that it was imperative to the child's health to do a check up at 18 months, the doc would have done more than "recommend" it. Have you looked at an immunization schedule? As long as the child's immunizations are up to date, this issue is completely irrelevant. http://www.bronsonhealth.com/content_long.asp?menu=C9

6. She has denied and been threatening to myself and my family with regard to spending time with our son. I have this all on tape and the judge has already talked to her about this at our temporary hearing.

Tell the judge that she is still doing this. I seriously doubt that this alone would be enough to change custody.

 

[jshort1606]

You guys are killing me here lol!

Thanks again for the replys.

I totally understand what you are all saying and I have tried really hard with her. When she did not show up for her contempt hearing my attorney and I agreed to a continuance and offered her a way to settle in that both our attorneys and us get together and have a meeting to try and resolve some of the issues.
Her attorney asked that we exchange calanders right away (she called one night and threatened to have me arrested and said it wasn't my weekend with our son and then called back to say her attorney said I was right) which I did and she wouldn't until I filed for custody.
We have had numerous other problems as well and I have tried to resolve them and have tried to work with her in every way.
As far as the doctor goes I have been to many of my sons appointments with my ex-wife even though she trys to tell me I am not welcome. In his medical records there are records of her calling and getting mad and hanging up on the nurses.
As far as her getting drunk, no I wouldn't let her pick him up but I was willing to keep him overnight and she said no. If she knew she was going to be drinking at all then why would she even want to pick him up and just had me keep him?
She has been controlling and used our custody agreement as a way to try and control myself and my family while not following it herself and it is impossible to put my whole case in here so maybe I am focusing on the wrong issues. I believe we both fail as parents when we have to ask a court to make a decision in his life but I have tried and tried with her and have done everything that both my attorneys, every judge, and even her attorney have asked of us and I have done all this while having a little boy held over my head. She wouldn't do any of it until I filed for custody.
I agree with Noelle 71 that if the parents would work together the child would turn out healthier and happier. As I have said I have tried everything to resolve this without the courts and she has ignored it all until now.

 

[Noelle_71]

You guys are killing me here lol!

Thanks again for the replys.

I totally understand what you are all saying and I have tried really hard with her. When she did not show up for her contempt hearing my attorney and I agreed to a continuance and offered her a way to settle in that both our attorneys and us get together and have a meeting to try and resolve some of the issues.
Her attorney asked that we exchange calanders right away (she called one night and threatened to have me arrested and said it wasn't my weekend with our son and then called back to say her attorney said I was right) which I did and she wouldn't until I filed for custody.
We have had numerous other problems as well and I have tried to resolve them and have tried to work with her in every way.
As far as the doctor goes I have been to many of my sons appointments with my ex-wife even though she trys to tell me I am not welcome. In his medical records there are records of her calling and getting mad and hanging up on the nurses.
As far as her getting drunk, no I wouldn't let her pick him up but I was willing to keep him overnight and she said no. If she knew she was going to be drinking at all then why would she even want to pick him up and just had me keep him?
She has been controlling and used our custody agreement as a way to try and control myself and my family while not following it herself and it is impossible to put my whole case in here so maybe I am focusing on the wrong issues. I believe we both fail as parents when we have to ask a court to make a decision in his life but I have tried and tried with her and have done everything that both my attorneys, every judge, and even her attorney have asked of us and I have done all this while having a little boy held over my head. She wouldn't do any of it until I filed for custody.
I agree with Noelle 71 that if the parents would work together the child would turn out healthier and happier. As I have said I have tried everything to resolve this without the courts and she has ignored it all until now.

Everything else aside, you have to remember something. Judges see this type of thing day in and day out. The issues you outline aren't unusual. And personally, the drunk issue? Let it go. She may have not intended to have a couple of drinks, but look at it positively, at least she had the presence to call you and tell you. The child was probably asleep, right? No big deal and you got extra time to watch your little one. She moved out suddenly from a friends house? Would you rather she stayed? I'm sure the answer to that is no.
There's a couple things you can do if you really want to work together. First off, there was a reason for the divorce. Whatever that reason was, it sounds to me like she and probably you are still harboring issue's over that. What you need to do is ask the court for a Social Study into both your lives, that will put a proffesionals opinion into the mix. Next, ask the court to order you both into some type of co parenting counseling. Third...reevalute yourself and ask...is the child *really* in some bad place, or are you trying to hurt your ex. Honestly evalute yourself. You might be surprised at the answer.
The things you have brought up are things that most judges are going to say "okay, what else"? You said at the first hearing, she wasn't there but her attorney was. Okay, fair enough, let it go. How do you know that the child went without shoe's, coat? Did the child take them off at the place they were left and tell you they didn't have any shoes? Did you get a letter from the care giver?
With my ex, he would say all kinds of things from his point of view that had very simple explanations that - when presented to him - caused him to be very embarresed in the court room and he ulitmatly lost the case he tried to bring. He ended up with less than he had before he did all this. He also was lectured by the judge about bringing "parenting" issues into the courtroom.
My point is that..are you sure this is about your child? Or is it about something else? If you truly want to work with mom, tell her so. If I had to guess..and I may be off base here, I'd guess that another woman was involved in all this at some point or presently and that is fueling mom's fire.
And if the cat is such a big deal? Go to the shelter, adopt a declawed kitty and take it to her. Could work two fold. She gets a present from you that makes her go "aww", your fears are put to rest and kitty gets a new home. *smirk*

 

[AHA]

What did I just say? Genetics. Don't make a blanket statement and insists it the truth. Lets see....lets feed our kids organic food. Lets make sure they take their vitamins and avoid unhealthy habits..how do our kids get cancer? Diabetes? Something as simple as eczema or asthma..G.e.n.e.t.i.c.s
Wow, where do you come from? SmileCity USA? Dental health, as a whole, in most of the US is hugely under attended. Regardless...

I have never heard or seen kids that have had to pull out multiple teeth, so I don't feel I should be jumped at just because I don't have the bad dental experiences as some others. I pointed it out because in this case it wasn't necessarily due to genetics, mommy dearest didn't even take the kid to the doctor when she was supposed to.


I have no idea why you are taking this personally, however, you cannot judge something with a tiny bit of information.

I make an observation and question it, then you pretty much, directly to me, claim there's nothing to question, how is that not personal?

Perhaps you don't understand genetics?

Don't be a fool

Brush your teeth, floss, get regular dental care..get a cavity..explain that one. Probably genetics.

A cavity sure, pulling out 4 teeth in a kid that's less than 2 years, yeah, I wanted to know IN THIS PARTICULAR CASE, why that happened

Everyone isn't nagging you. No one is nagging you.

3 people started the "it's the dad's fault too", even though I had said nothing else, so yeah, that's nagging for zero reason

My point is, don't point a finger when you don't know the facts.

Has the poster said that both parents were taking care of the kid's teeth? Until he does, YOU don't know the facts OF THIS PARTICULAR CASE any more than I do

This poster has given one point of view, few facts that don't add up. I simply argued another side to you. From a point of experience. Don't get so testy.

Fine, but since you don't know for a fact what happend in this case, your point of view is no more correct than mine. I'm not "testy", I just wondered why the kid's teeth were all pulled out, and since OP hasn't said that the kid was born with rotten dental genetics, none of us can argue the absolute fact.

We all don't have to agree here, so lets just leave it at that.

 

[Noelle_71]

Originally Posted by AHA
The fact that an 18 month old child had to have 4 teeth pulled out due to rot or whatever else that was equally bad, is horrendous child caring by the mom/parents though.

And as I said, you saying this is just s..never mind. What if the child fell down and had to have the teeth pulled because they all got chipped, root damaged or something else. The OP is assuming an awful lot.
My point is don't make a blanket statement that having teeth pulled for "whatever" as you said above is horrendous. Figure the time line. If he wasn't there to take care of the childs teeth, and he's only been divorced 9 months, the child is 22 months now, he was 18 months when they were pulled, teeth don't "rot" in a few months..where was he before that? Not taking care of the child in some way, shape or form. Well child checkups...are just that and recommended, not essential. And if the child missed one? Well, dang, why didn't Dad take the child. It's not all on mom now is it? And further, dad never did explain why mom was able to get a protective order either, lets hear some more about that.....
Whatever, say what you want but you've been here long enough to know not take get so defensive when called to the mat over a statement such as the one you made.

 

[AHA]

Originally Posted by AHA
The fact that an 18 month old child had to have 4 teeth pulled out due to rot or whatever else that was equally bad, is horrendous child caring by the mom/parents though.

And as I said, you saying this is just stupid. What if the child fell down and had to have the teeth pulled because they all got chipped, root damaged or something esle.
My point is don't make a blanket statement that having teeth pulled for "whatever" as you said above is horrendous. Figure the time line. If he wasn't there to take care of the childs teeth, and he's only been divorced 9 months, the child is 22 months now, he was 18 months when they were pulled, teeth don't "rot" in a few months..where was he before that? Not taking care of the child in some way, shape or form.
Whatever, say what you want but you've been here long enough to know not take get so defensive when called to the mat over a statement such as the one you made.

I have yet to hear from OP that the kid fell or that the kid had rotten teeth despite dental care, so until I hear what the reason for pulling out all those teeth, I still think it's an horrendous situation. I am entitled to an opinion just like you, and you are not the only one that has the right to defend that opinion.

Lets move on from this, because you'll never turn me.

 

[littlebug]

Get the facts

I wanted to respond to some of you bashing the situation. There are Dad's out there that are screwed over everyday because the mom's always think they can get away with it. SOME do not care about anyone but themselves, and USE the child. It sounds to me this dad is doing everything he can and is up against a woman who is not working with him and doesn't take any responsibility as the custodial parent. If this was a good mom don't you think she would do whatever it takes to make sure the child is first and foremost the priority and not her. It sounds to me he has done everything to work with her for the benefit of the child and she is doing NOTHING. It sounds to me she has some issues not the father. Being the custodial parent is a blessing and a privlage and she uses that against this father instead of working with the father for the best interest of the child. There are always two sides to a story, but there are great fathers out there that get screwed and it looks as if this is one dad who cares for his son and has a crazy mom!!! Wait till the child can talk I am a mom of two kids, and no matter what they come first. I say you go dad and fight for your child because you are his voice for now and it sounds to me this mom has major issues.

 

[MrsK]

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for replying. I understand that yes these things do happen and I have tried to have civil conversations with my ex about them.

Here are some more questions to reply to some that have been asked back to me.

1. My son has had several scratches very close to his eyes so is it still just a cat if it scratches his eye out?

2. She has lived in four places since our divorce. One of them she got kicked out of in the middle of the night with our son and claimed that the girl she was living with choked her while she was holding our son.

3. The night in question of her getting drunk I asked her if she wanted me to keep our son overnight and she said no that she wouldn't be out to late and would just come pick him up. Calls at 10:30 at night when our son has to be up early to go to daycare to say she isn't coming. Yea thats real responsible.

4. Our son was already over a year and walking when he was not in shoes or a coat. Yes also he has been to the doctor several times more than normal. If she read that article than why was she sending him other times.

5. As far as the doctor goes. He has missed 2 well child visits including his one year shots which he did not get until he was 15 months old. She tried to tell me that the doctor said he didn't need and 18 month old visit but when I called they said yes he did because he missed his 12 month visit and the doctor recommended it at his 15 month visit.

6. She has denied and been threatening to myself and my family with regard to spending time with our son. I have this all on tape and the judge has already talked to her about this at our temporary hearing.

You should realize this now- you may not think its OK to parent the way she does, even that her actions are unacceptable, but for some reason, unless there is some SERIOUS stuff going on, the courts are unlikely to do ANYTHING. Even if she is neglecting the child's medical care. I've seen cases where CP mom has been arrested for drugs & is an ADMITTED drug user & it took YEARS for NCP dad to get custody. For some reason, in certain places, they claim they work "in the best interest of the child" but they dont. So they will just look @ this stuff as probably petty, even though a lot of people WOULD NOT (I, as a mother, think the teeth & medical stuff is pretty serious, and I'd never keep an animal that hurt my child, but thats just me...) and you probably wont get much of anywhere.

Sorry

 

[jshort1606]

I really didn't post this for everyone to argue about it.

As far as his teeth are concerned. Much of the decay was due to being put to bed with a sippy cup in his mouth. There was mention on his records that his teeth were also broken due to trauma and a short note that he fell down chipping his teeth causing pain. I spent the weekend with him just before his consultation and watched him not eat or hardly sleep the entire weekend and was not aware that he had fallen, I guess with her, due to her knowing this. I tried to call and make him an appointment and was told the custodial parent would have to because of a hippa (I don't know if that is how you spell it) law. I was at his consultation but decided to leave after my ex in front of other kids and parents in the waiting room kept making rude comments such as "what do you have a hot date" among other things when I had went there to be there for our son and had taken the day off so he could go home with me afterwards instead of going back to daycare.
During when they numbed his teeth and then pulled them she went out into the hallway and would not help me and I had to lay over on our sons legs and hold his arms down. She also did this again when they took the culture for his staph infection. I am sure she did not want to see our son go through this but neither did I but since we are talking about taking responibility I do and I stayed in there with him and tried to talk to him and give him what little bit of comfort you can to a child going through that when they don't understand what is going on.

Noelle I will give what you said some thought---thanks

 

[Noelle_71]

I really didn't post this for everyone to argue about it.

As far as his teeth are concerned. Much of the decay was due to being put to bed with a sippy cup in his mouth. There was mention on his records that his teeth were also broken due to trauma and a short note that he fell down chipping his teeth causing pain. I spent the weekend with him just before his consultation and watched him not eat or hardly sleep the entire weekend and was not aware that he had fallen, I guess with her, due to her knowing this. I tried to call and make him an appointment and was told the custodial parent would have to because of a hippa (I don't know if that is how you spell it) law. I was at his consultation but decided to leave after my ex in front of other kids and parents in the waiting room kept making rude comments such as "what do you have a hot date" among other things when I had went there to be there for our son and had taken the day off so he could go home with me afterwards instead of going back to daycare.
During when they numbed his teeth and then pulled them she went out into the hallway and would not help me and I had to lay over on our sons legs and hold his arms down. She also did this again when they took the culture for his staph infection. I am sure she did not want to see our son go through this but neither did I but since we are talking about taking responibility I do and I stayed in there with him and tried to talk to him and give him what little bit of comfort you can to a child going through that when they don't understand what is going on.

Noelle I will give what you said some thought---thanks

Re: holding your son down while pulling them....most responsible dentists will do sedation dentistry at that young of an age. One option is valium (I've seen with children as young as yours), another option is completely sedated (anesthia sp.) You are going to have to be very careful with the dentist from this point forward and make sure your child doesn't have ongoing trauma from that episode. I, of course am assuming that he wasn't sedated. My son, at five, had a cavity and our pediatric dentist sedated him before the cavity was filled.
Regardless, I'd still suggest the study.