Emancipation

[Jymbo]

Rebuttal

Looks like time for a family meeting. Some major work needs doing to get the face to face communication going in that home, and not let strangers be the middlehand and do all the talking.

Good luck

Actually lots of face to face communication occurs in the household. Ky just doesn't like our autocratic style. I now understand why my parents expected me as a child to follow their instructions, as their way was also autocratic. As a parent when you give an order/command/demand/instruction it should be followed by the child, period. If the child wishes to have more information on why or how to accomplish what was ordered that is one thing, but to actively argue, whine and blatantly refuse to perform the expected action that is quite another.
The only reason I have allowed it to become a public forum is since she wished to place her demands in a public forum she gets to see the fallout.
As a parent I have nothing to hide. I love my child, I just have expectations on both behaviour and performance. And I do seek counsel from friends and other professionals in private at times to make sure I am not out of touch with reality. So far so good.
The expectations are nothing out of line with what any future employer will expect of her, or what society expects from all of us currently.

Unfortunately, her mental capabilities far and away exceed her contemporaries, BUT not her emotional ones in my opinion.
Oh, and Ky does know about my posts and that we found out about her postings. Again if she wishes to place it in a public forum, I as the parent, do get the opportunity to rebut and allow any deserved criticism to be posted. At the same time there is nothing wrong with a little public "nose tweaking" if you will.
I reiterate, I will probably never be nominated for Dad of the Year but for those who know all involved they could probably verify that we:
1) Hold no illusions about our child. We do not believe our child is a perfect angel and incapable of doing things outside of societal bounds. SURPRISE!
2) Try and be involved to keep her from straying down paths that lead to destruction, be it physically, mentally, emotionally or morally.
3) Are open to constructive and helpful critiquing.

Jym

 

[thelizzy]

I think this is absolutely the Best. Post. Ever.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

You know jymbo, I had a similar problem with my daughter at age 10. When she thought she was old enough to make her own decisions I said "Well, that's great. Let's take a camping trip to celebrate, just the two of us."

Once we got there we pitched a tent, set up the camp then took a long walk. About dusk I told her to gather firewood and when she was gone I packed up my things and put them in the car.

She came back and asked "What are you doing?" and I told her, "Well, since you're old enough to be an adult I didn't think you needed me anymore." and got in the car and started the engine.

It was the best weekend of my life with that little fart.

 

[Jymbo]

Response

Thank you thelizzy, I am blushing. My next creative writing class will be in 2 weeks.
Belize, I think you should remember one guiding principle when dealing with your children.
Always remember, these are the kids that are going to chose our nursing homes. I would hate to think that I am going to have to look forward to denture cleaning and pudding night down at the ole home.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Thank you thelizzy, I am blushing. My next creative writing class will be in 2 weeks.
Belize, I think you should remember one guiding principle when dealing with your children.
Always remember, these are the kids that are going to chose our nursing homes. I would hate to think that I am going to have to look forward to denture cleaning and pudding night down at the ole home.

They won't be choosing mine. Those details are already taken care of. And teaching children responsibility is never easy. But necessary.

 

[Jymbo]

Slightly disagree

They won't be choosing mine. Those details are already taken care of. And teaching children responsibility is never easy. But necessary.

I feel I must disagree. I believe in an old Asian saying "There are few bad students, just bad teachers" Usually the best teacher is time and personal history.
I keep telling my daughter, "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Generally in the 10th grade."

Jymbo

 

[leavemebe]

Be more specific about home life

If there is abuse (mental as well as verbal) you can go to Child Protective Services or your states Health and Human Resources. I know how it can be to feel alone and and having anywhere to go. As much as you think emancipation is the answer - it's not because you are still a child of 16.
Good Luck

 

[stealth2]

If there is abuse (mental as well as verbal) you can go to Child Protective Services or your states Health and Human Resources. I know how it can be to feel alone and and having anywhere to go. As much as you think emancipation is the answer - it's not because you are still a child of 16.
Good Luck

Did you read the entire thread, including the posts by the child's father?

 

[Jymbo]

Abuse?

If there is abuse (mental as well as verbal) you can go to Child Protective Services or your states Health and Human Resources. I know how it can be to feel alone and and having anywhere to go. As much as you think emancipation is the answer - it's not because you are still a child of 16.
Good Luck

Abuse!?! From whose end?
Can't say that I haven't been tempted, but it would be just too much paperwork to deal with.
If you only knew what has transpired in the last few years.

 

[leavemebe]

Okay I have read it all now - learning site

I suppose there are always two sides to the story - I just give the benefit of the doubt to the child - but I do realize teens tend to stretch the truth....
I haven't gotten to that age with my child yet!
Sorry

 

[b0075001]

I have a 15 year old daughter

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I have a 15, soon to be 16 year old daughter who hates me as a father because among other reasons, I took her cell phone away because she lied about sleeping at a girlfriend's house, and slept at her boyfriend's house. She is forbidden to see this a-hole now, but in today's technological society, I can guarantee they will still communicate, but my kid is grounded indefinately. I can honestly say that at age 15, she has absolutely no concept whatsoever about the real world, and I'm not talking about MTV's version either.

There is a difference between being your daughter's friend, and being your daughter's parent. I started out wanting to be both, but more and more, she took advantage of her privlidges, and whined and complained when she didn't call the shots as she demanded, so now she has no privlidges, and I'm the a-hole parent, no longer a friend. There is no easy way, and it hurts to see your children making mistakes, especially when they just don't seem to learn from them, but I'd rather be the a-hole, and know that she is safe.

All I can suggest to the young lady is that if you are really serious about moving out, then save your money, stay in school, and when you are really ready, both emotionally and financially, make your break. Trust me, at 16, you are not ready. I knew people I graduated in college with who weren't ready at 22. Enjoy 16, because it won't last forever ...

 

[leavemebe]

Ready

My ex-husband is 40 and he isn't ready...
And Pixy - believe me - it seems exciting to be an adult but all it's about is responsibility and bills!!! Enjoy this time when you don't have that burden.

 

[Jymbo]

2sides

I suppose there are always two sides to the story - I just give the benefit of the doubt to the child - but I do realize teens tend to stretch the truth....
I haven't gotten to that age with my child yet!
Sorry

Yes there are two sides to most every argument. I try and give the benefit of the doubt to the truth.
As I have said before, I check with friends, and actual professional persons (counselors, etc) that I know for their counsel. I never assume that I know it all, because I know I don't. To reiterate, I have certain expectations for behaviour and conduct that I do not believe to be unreasonable.
To quote and answer the other person who has responded about trying to be both parent and friend. I have NEVER tried to be my childs friend. She can have plenty of them at school and in her personal life. I am her parent.
Period. That means that I have no choice but to do what I believe is in her better interest, and as a parent with an autocratic (this is NOT a democracy) style my word is law in the household. Period, end of discussion.
When she has her own children, in her own home she can use any parenting style she so chooses. As was the same choice I had once I entered this scary realm called parenthood. Each child is different and different approaches work for different kids.
Fortunately for Ky cattle prods are not considered a proper parenting approach, because I swear I could have considered them on a couple of occasions.
I am also sure my parents considered the same for me...because if you read all the posts previously I grew up to have a child juuuussttt like me. That mothers curse has come true.

Jym

 

[Jymbo]

Well she has read it all

Ky says she has read all the posts and is afraid to respond as she said. I think she did not like the way the posts were running.
Thanks for all the help

Jym

 

[stealth2]

There's no need for her to be afraid. But I'm not surprised that she wasn't keen on the replies.