Ex and his girlfriend are living together...

[TeriDactyl]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

The father of my child is living with his new girlfriend and possibly other roommates. We have a four month old child together. I know that his girlfriend uses drugs, and the father is on probation for possession of marijuana. She is 21 and drinks a lot. I am extremely uncomfortable with the fact that they are unmarried living together and do not want my child around that. More than that, however, I am afraid of leaving my child in an environment in which there are drugs and alcohol. The father vehemently denies any drug or alcohol use (I do have pictures taken of him in bars breaking the terms of his probation that he himself posted on the internet). He can not be trusted.

I am afraid of what will happen if the courts deny supervised visitation for the father. What can I do??

Please, help me. The neglect he shows in everyday life will most certainly be reflected in the care which he would show his child.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

The father of my child is living with his new girlfriend and possibly other roommates. We have a four month old child together. I know that his girlfriend uses drugs, and the father is on probation for possession of marijuana. She is 21 and drinks a lot. I am extremely uncomfortable with the fact that they are unmarried living together and do not want my child around that. More than that, however, I am afraid of leaving my child in an environment in which there are drugs and alcohol. The father vehemently denies any drug or alcohol use (I do have pictures taken of him in bars breaking the terms of his probation that he himself posted on the internet). He can not be trusted.

I am afraid of what will happen if the courts deny supervised visitation for the father. What can I do??

Please, help me. The neglect he shows in everyday life will most certainly be reflected in the care which he would show his child.

The court won't order that Dad cannot cohabit with his girlfriend. That's not going to wash.

He's also allowed to drink, and so are his friends and his girlfriend. If you can prove that she uses drugs, and is doing so around the child, and the child is being harmed, you may be able to convince the court to order either supervised visitation or that she not be around the child during Dad's visitation.

The courts tend to look on it as, you chose him as Dad - hence he's good enough Dad material to parent his child as he sees fit. If that means hanging with his girlfriend and having a couple of bottles of zin, that's up to him.

Again unless you can PROVE that he and/or his girlfriend are a danger to the child you will not get supervised visitation.

 

[TeriDactyl]

So, even though the terms of his probation forbid him from frequenting bars or drinking alcohol and there are many pictures to prove it.. it will not matter?

 

[Proserpina]

So, even though the terms of his probation forbid him from frequenting bars or drinking alcohol and there are many pictures to prove it.. it will not matter?

Not when he denies it and/or promises that he'll stop, no.



And Teri - please stop starting new threads. Keep your questions together in ONE thread.

 

[TeriDactyl]

hmmm.. ok. I have never used one of these so now I understand.

And, that sucks.

What are the legal ramifications if I pack up my child and move to another state?

 

[Proserpina]

hmmm.. ok. I have never used one of these so now I understand.

And, that sucks.

What are the legal ramifications if I pack up my child and move to another state?

Dad marches down to court and requests that the child be returned to his home state.

So, what's the real reason you're trying to keep kiddo from Dad? The new girlfriend? He shacked up with her pretty early, so I'm wondering if he left you for her. If that's the case, I can understand that you're hurt - but you've got to realize that you're stuck with this guy for the next 18 years.


Trust me, possession of pot and drinking alcohol are NOT going to convince a judge to order long-term supervised visitation. At worst, it would be supervised for a short period while Dad perhaps goes counseling/therapy.

Once that's completed, if all goes well, it would be back to unsupervised visitation according to the usual standard parenting plans.

Now, even if you're allowed to move - do you understand that YOU will be paying for ALL transportation costs to and from Dad's place?

 

[TeriDactyl]

Oh I tried not to post much information about the situation with him.
I actually left him. He proposed and tried to get back with me several times, but it was quite clear by that point that he would not quit his bad habits. And, after that, he went off the deep end. He can not keep a job, he refuses to quit smoking, or doing lines of coke, or drinking excessively. He lies all the time. Refuses to pay child support, and is running from being served his papers.

I have known him and his family for 19 years (his sister is my best friend), and the only reason I agreed to put him on the birth certificate was so our son could know his side of the family.

He seems to be trying to "get back at me" for what, I do not know. I have offered him every opportunity to see his child, over at his parents house, and he has declined. He yells at me saying I am keeping him from his child, but everyone in the world knows it is not the case.
When he does come visit his child, he picks him up late, calls me many horrible names, then drops him off early.

Even after going through and paying for my pregnancy alone, I still have given him chance after chance to be a good father. Instead, he goes to bars.

I gave him the option to watch his son while I went to class at night (I get out at 9), and he declined since it would make his new girlfriend uncomfortable seeing as how that is so late at night. That is my problem with her. My problem with them living together rests on the fact that yes, they are unmarried. And also that she kicks him out often. It is an unstable environment and if the two of them got into a fight and he was kicked out it would potentially put him and my child with nowhere to stay. Also, he told me that she gets violent with him. If she does not respect the father of my child, how can she possibly respect his child with a woman towards whom she has shown no respect?

At this point, he has made it clear he will do anything to make me miserable. He goes out of his way to be places I will be. He feeds his son the wrong foods to upset me (regardless of the fact it makes our boy sick). He refuses to abide by any bedtime or feeding schedule (even feeding him 6 oz more than he is supposed to eat at times).
He tries to keep his son in the hot TX sun after telling me "children regulate heat better than adults" while his son is getting heat rash.

At this point, I am seriously wondering whether or not he did one line too many and can honestly take care of a child? I am thinking not. I do understand what you meant about the courts saying I chose him as father... but he is not the man he was. I am legitimately concerned for the well-being of my child when he is with him.

Also, there is no need for supervision to be permanent. I am requesting it for the term of his probation and *hopefully* a year after to show that he can pass drug testing.

 

[Proserpina]

Is he actually ordered to pay child support?

This is going to come down to what you can prove versus what you're alleging.

Two different animals.

You weren't married to him either, were you?

 

[TeriDactyl]

We were never married, thank God. And I am attempting to have the courts order him to pay child support. (Like I said, he is running.) He keeps changing addresses and telling me that he "has no address". I got his new work address and I am hoping that they will be able to track him down there, even though he goes to different job sites.

I do understand that I got myself into this situation, but I am doing my best to fix it. I am not sure how to prove most of these things??

I have the pictures he posted online where he is breaking his terms of probation.

His sister (who sides with me on most things) could possibly be called to the stand to prove all that I am saying?

 

[Proserpina]

We were never married, thank God.

Then it's a tad hypocritical criticizing Dad for shacking up with someone

(Yes, that's how the court will see it)

And I am attempting to have the courts order him to pay child support. (Like I said, he is running.) He keeps changing addresses and telling me that he "has no address". I got his new work address and I am hoping that they will be able to track him down there, even though he goes to different job sites.

Until ordered to do so, he's not obliged to pay a cent in child support. Not paying won't be held against him at this point.

I do understand that I got myself into this situation, but I am doing my best to fix it. I am not sure how to prove most of these things??

I have the pictures he posted online where he is breaking his terms of probation.

His sister (who sides with me on most things) could possibly be called to the stand to prove all that I am saying?

Again, the pictures could have been taken and posted at any time. Quick question though - is his PO aware of this? THAT might get you somewhere.

His sister is not going to be an objective witness.

 

[TeriDactyl]

The pictures are time-stamped.

I am trying to figure out who his PO is to get that part taken care of. He already has one violation of his probation on record (for drinking, what else?)

And I am not criticizing him "shacking up". There is a difference in sleeping with someone and living with someone when a child is involved. I will not live with a man unless we are married out of courtesy to my child. I know not everyone feels the same way about that. Stability is best, but of course its so much more convenient to get children closer to someone and then break their hearts when those people leave.

If it were possible to not get child support from him and for him to leave.. I would take that opportunity. I know he isn't responsible for paying just yet. He will always have an excuse not to pay. I am prepared for that.

And yes, I know that I would be responsible for all the fees incurred with moving away. But, it seems the best option since it would cut down on the amount of time spent with the father.

This is all so frustrating. I hate the legal system as it pertains to kids. They give deadbeat and dangerous parents (of both sexes) too many chances.

 

[Proserpina]

The pictures are time-stamped.

I am trying to figure out who his PO is to get that part taken care of. He already has one violation of his probation on record (for drinking, what else?)

And I am not criticizing him "shacking up". There is a difference in sleeping with someone and living with someone when a child is involved. I will not live with a man unless we are married out of courtesy to my child. I know not everyone feels the same way about that. Stability is best, but of course its so much more convenient to get children closer to someone and then break their hearts when those people leave.

If it were possible to not get child support from him and for him to leave.. I would take that opportunity. I know he isn't responsible for paying just yet. He will always have an excuse not to pay. I am prepared for that.

And yes, I know that I would be responsible for all the fees incurred with moving away. But, it seems the best option since it would cut down on the amount of time spent with the father.

This is all so frustrating. I hate the legal system as it pertains to kids. They give deadbeat and dangerous parents (of both sexes) too many chances.

Don't blame the legal system for your crappy choices and subsequent regrets. Hate to sound harsh, but that's the long and short of it.

What makes you think overall time would be reduced? If you move away, Dad may get at least 3/4 of the summer, most school holidays.....if anything, Dad would end up with MORE "long periods" with kiddo than a regular parenting plan would provide.

Your job as CP is to facilitate the relationship between your child and NCP.

That is of course assuming you want to keep being primary custodian?

 

[TeriDactyl]

Hahah you do not hate to sound harsh. In fact, you seem to rather enjoy it!



Basically, what you have told me is that I have no chance getting anything that I, personally, see is in the best interest of my child.

So, should I just fire my lawyer and take it as it comes?

 

[Proserpina]

Hahah you do not hate to sound harsh. In fact, you seem to rather enjoy it!



Basically, what you have told me is that I have no chance getting anything that I, personally, see is in the best interest of my child.

So, should I just fire my lawyer and take it as it comes?

It's not just YOUR child. It's HIS child too. And what he wants is equally important. This is a concept that you really need to get ahold of, and quickly.

And..uh...harsh? Wait until you get to court. Try reading through older posts here first though.

Stick around. Learn. Find out how custody really works, and what actually happens in court.

Prepare yourself for co-parenting with your ex for the next 17+ years.

 

[TeriDactyl]

Yeah... I know what happens in court. Almost every one of my girlfriends and their children have been screwed taking into account what a deadbeat dad wants because a judge was angry on a hot day.

I was hoping for reassurance from this place but no such luck!

I really do appreciate all your feedback!

And I am more than prepared to be miserable the rest of my life hahahah
He will make sure of that!