Ex wants to split visitation with 5 year old to 6months/6 months??? Help!!

[Silverplum]

got the "official" papers in the mail stating that he is requesting a modification of visitation AND a decrease in child support. He is requesting to split the year (6 months/ 6 months) and to relocate our daughter to Puerto Rico starting 9/1/2015. His reasons, in writing, are 1) she will grow up bilingual 2) will grow up bicultural with a great advantage in this world. His reasons for relocation are giving his daughter every opportunity possible and by her living in Puerto Rico half the school year she will learn another language and culture as well as have diversity in her education. He is CLAIMING, in writing, he has work in Puerto Rico but does not have work in New Jersey (he is collecting New Jersey Unemployment as well). He already lives in Puerto Rico right now and lived there last winter also. I need advice on how to respond, where do I start. I am open for all comments. Thank you in advance.

http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/prose/

http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/prose/#family

Find out if your county has legal help available to you: http://www.judiciary.state.nj.us/ombuds/ombuds_contact.htm

 

[LdiJ]

got the "official" papers in the mail stating that he is requesting a modification of visitation AND a decrease in child support. He is requesting to split the year (6 months/ 6 months) and to relocate our daughter to Puerto Rico starting 9/1/2015. His reasons, in writing, are 1) she will grow up bilingual 2) will grow up bicultural with a great advantage in this world. His reasons for relocation are giving his daughter every opportunity possible and by her living in Puerto Rico half the school year she will learn another language and culture as well as have diversity in her education. He is CLAIMING, in writing, he has work in Puerto Rico but does not have work in New Jersey (he is collecting New Jersey Unemployment as well). He already lives in Puerto Rico right now and lived there last winter also. I need advice on how to respond, where do I start. I am open for all comments. Thank you in advance.

You need to respond that a 6 months/6 months split would NOT be in the best interest of the child at all. That both English and Spanish are core school subjects for each school system and that to have to switch school languages every six months would be a terrible disruption to her education and put her behind in both school systems. You need to make the argument that she can learn to speak Spanish and benefit from cultural diversity by visiting her father during alternating school breaks and some weeks in the summer.

I really do not think that there is any chance that a judge is going to agree to such a lame brained idea but you still need to make those arguments. You also need to point out that dad has not been fully utilizing the parenting time that he has.

 

[Explore]

i am writing a response... have a few questions

As I am writing my response to his request to relocate our daughter to PR for 6 months at a time, Ihave a few questions. Do I include my current living situation and my back story? For example, where I live, work and information about my fiance and our 8 month old daughter? Or do I just get right to the point in answering his request? All critism is taken into consideration! thank you!

 

[LdiJ]

As I am writing my response to his request to relocate our daughter to PR for 6 months at a time, Ihave a few questions. Do I include my current living situation and my back story? For example, where I live, work and information about my fiance and our 8 month old daughter? Or do I just get right to the point in answering his request? All critism is taken into consideration! thank you!

You don't need any of that background. You just need to get right to the point in answering his request...emphasizing the negative impact on her education. I think its truly critical to address the issue that both English and Spanish are core academic subjects and that switching back and forth like that would simply put her way behind in both core subjects. You can learn math, science and many other subjects no matter which language you might be using. The concepts are the same in any language. However the core learning subjects of English and Spanish do not share the same concepts. You cannot take Spanish that you learn in Spanish and translate it into English that you learn in English.

Even if she were to take English as an extra course while she is learning in Spanish, and vice-versa, the language concepts would not be at the same level as they would be in the other school.

 

[Explore]

You don't need any of that background. You just need to get right to the point in answering his request...emphasizing the negative impact on her education. I think its truly critical to address the issue that both English and Spanish are core academic subjects and that switching back and forth like that would simply put her way behind in both core subjects. You can learn math, science and many other subjects no matter which language you might be using. The concepts are the same in any language. However the core learning subjects of English and Spanish do not share the same concepts. You cannot take Spanish that you learn in Spanish and translate it into English that you learn in English.

Even if she were to take English as an extra course while she is learning in Spanish, and vice-versa, the language concepts would not be at the same level as they would be in the other school.

great, thank you so very much for your speedy reply in this matter as well. I ask if they want my current living sitation as well because he is asking to decrease his nomial $45/week child support payment, (his reasons are: we have almost equal parenting time (that he does not excersize,s), that I make more money than him (I am a stay at home mother), that my husband (actually my fiance) supports me and that he buys our daughter everything she needs.

Wouldn't my information about our home life be good to include in addition to the detrimental effects having two different languages in a school?

ahhhh this is freaking hard when you can't afford an attorney and I greatly appreciate the help.

 

[Ohiogal]

great, thank you so very much for your speedy reply in this matter as well. I ask if they want my current living sitation as well because he is asking to decrease his nomial $45/week child support payment, (his reasons are: we have almost equal parenting time (that he does not excersize,s), that I make more money than him (I am a stay at home mother), that my husband (actually my fiance) supports me and that he buys our daughter everything she needs.

Wouldn't my information about our home life be good to include in addition to the detrimental effects having two different languages in a school?

ahhhh this is freaking hard when you can't afford an attorney and I greatly appreciate the help.

Your husband -- no. And definitely not your fiancé. HE is a legal stranger. If you are a SAHM, you should be imputed with an income. YOU NEED to financially support your child. What type of income do you have the ability to earn? You are missing the point about best interests. Best interests is tha tyour child has always known this place, and is stable in school and that changing schools every six month is not in her best interest.

 

[Explore]

Your husband -- no. And definitely not your fiancé. HE is a legal stranger. If you are a SAHM, you should be imputed with an income. YOU NEED to financially support your child. What type of income do you have the ability to earn? You are missing the point about best interests. Best interests is tha tyour child has always known this place, and is stable in school and that changing schools every six month is not in her best interest.

Thank you so much for answering so fast while I write the response. Very great information and yes I get that I am missing the point of best interests, I have a better understanding of it now. THANK YOU!!

 

[LdiJ]

Your husband -- no. And definitely not your fiancé. HE is a legal stranger. If you are a SAHM, you should be imputed with an income. YOU NEED to financially support your child. What type of income do you have the ability to earn? You are missing the point about best interests. Best interests is tha tyour child has always known this place, and is stable in school and that changing schools every six month is not in her best interest.

I agree with the bolded, but I also think its important to emphasize the issues I emphasized because dad's main argument is that he thinks that the child should be brought up in a multi cultural situation, speaking two languages. A judge might not realize just how much WORSE that would make changing schools every six months unless it is brought to the judge's attention.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree with the bolded, but I also think its important to emphasize the issues I emphasized because dad's main argument is that he thinks that the child should be brought up in a multi cultural situation, speaking two languages. A judge might not realize just how much WORSE that would make changing schools every six months unless it is brought to the judge's attention.

I was NOT disagreeing with you. The child can be brought up bilingually without changing schools every six months. My point was OP shouldn't play up her new partner who is a legal stranger.

 

[mommyanme]

A judge might not realize just how much WORSE that would make changing schools every six months unless it is brought to the judge's attention.

Actually not every 6 months unless these are both year round schools. If they are traditional 9 month long school years OP needs to make the argument that their child will be switched 3 months before school ends and during State testing times. And if one is a year round school and one is not, then the child will be in a massive conundrum. OP needs to investigate the PR school system.

 

[Explore]

Actually not every 6 months unless these are both year round schools. If they are traditional 9 month long school years OP needs to make the argument that their child will be switched 3 months before school ends and during State testing times. And if one is a year round school and one is not, then the child will be in a massive conundrum. OP needs to investigate the PR school system.

The Puerto Rican school year starts the second week in August. Takes a month long break December to January and conlcudes in mid May. That is what I have gotten towards my research. He wants her to be in school from 9/1/2015 to 3/1/2015. That means she will start school a few weeks after the PR schools have started, have a month of NO EDUCATION during the winter break, and be shipped back to NJ in for the month of March during the NJ school year which runs from 9/1 - 6/20 approximately. That is almost an impossible way to acheive a good education. Am I right? Do i put this in my response???

 

[mommyanme]

The Puerto Rican school year starts the second week in August. Takes a month long break December to January and conlcudes in mid May. That is what I have gotten towards my research. He wants her to be in school from 9/1/2015 to 3/1/2015. That means she will start school a few weeks after the PR schools have started, have a month of NO EDUCATION during the winter break, and be shipped back to NJ in for the month of March during the NJ school year which runs from 9/1 - 6/20 approximately. That is almost an impossible way to acheive a good education. Am I right? Do i put this in my response???

I say yes, but let OG chime in she's a GAL and Attorney that can help you best with the verbiage.

 

[SESmama]

The Puerto Rican school year starts the second week in August. Takes a month long break December to January and conlcudes in mid May. That is what I have gotten towards my research. He wants her to be in school from 9/1/2015 to 3/1/2015. That means she will start school a few weeks after the PR schools have started, have a month of NO EDUCATION during the winter break, and be shipped back to NJ in for the month of March during the NJ school year which runs from 9/1 - 6/20 approximately. That is almost an impossible way to acheive a good education. Am I right? Do i put this in my response???

And this will kill her summer break since she would spend ALL of it trying to "catch up"

 

[LdiJ]

The Puerto Rican school year starts the second week in August. Takes a month long break December to January and conlcudes in mid May. That is what I have gotten towards my research. He wants her to be in school from 9/1/2015 to 3/1/2015. That means she will start school a few weeks after the PR schools have started, have a month of NO EDUCATION during the winter break, and be shipped back to NJ in for the month of March during the NJ school year which runs from 9/1 - 6/20 approximately. That is almost an impossible way to acheive a good education. Am I right? Do i put this in my response???

I think that part is a little immaterial. If a judge were actually going to entertain something as insane as a six month split, the judge could easily set the dates so that the child had one semester in one school, and the other semester in the other.

The whole emphasis needs to be on the fact that any six month split is NOT in the best interest of the child.

 

[Explore]

I think that part is a little immaterial. If a judge were actually going to entertain something as insane as a six month split, the judge could easily set the dates so that the child had one semester in one school, and the other semester in the other.

The whole emphasis needs to be on the fact that any six month split is NOT in the best interest of the child.

I have another question, can I put in my reply that he has missed 9 overnights in October and 10 overnights in November? I mean the guy only gets 12 visitations a month..can i somehow ask for the schedule that we have been doing whenever he goes away for a period of time...for example he has been gone since October 1st, he missed 10/12 overnights and 9/12 overnights in November. He calls her on Wednesday nights and comes home once a month to see her. Can I somehow put that this visitation works for us and he is maintaining a healthy relationship with his daughter while he is away surfing? Am I able to request a different parenting schedule on my reply to his request to have a harsh 6 month/6month split?