Ex wife now threatening to go back for sole custody

[NotSoNew]

She is claiming he is unfit because when he has her he doesn't set up play dates, doesn't put her to bed at 8pm and sometimes they sleep by his mothers house.

none of that constitues unfit even if it were all true! she does not have a leg to stand on if thats all of her arguments.

 

[worriedIL]

It is. She's just not right. Thats why i have put these questions up. For our own sanity. THERE IS NO HARM DONE TO THE CHILD. The little girl asks for sleepovers by his families houses and even mine. We all play and have a great time. She's not used to that. Her mom has her signed up for every god given activity so they dont even spend time together. I dont care about that though. I just care about my bf's rights. THank you all for your help. It goes very much appreciated. Maybe i can start sleeping at night!

 

[CJane]

It is. She's just not right.

You're not going to want to hear this, but perhaps since the divorce was only final 6 months ago, you should back down a bit. I understand that you think you're only helping your boyfriend, but the mother is clearly feeling threatened for whatever reason, and that can't be having a positive effect on the child.

No, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything really 'wrong'... but 6 months is a pretty short amount of time. It's not really enough time for mom to have adjusted to all of this, not time for dad to have adjusted, not time for the kid to have adjusted, and certainly not time for you to be so incredibly involved.

New relationships are stressful, even when they're essentially positive. Give everyone a break and maintain a lower profile for awhile.

 

[worriedIL]

I respect your opinion. Yes the divorce has only been finalized for 6 mnths. Yet i think the mother is well adapted to the changes. She had a 2 year affair w/ her boss whom she is marrying in June. Her and the new husband to be (whom is still legally married) are trying to have a baby. The issue is not anyone adjusting to anything. The daughter and I have a great time together. I new her before her father and i officially started dating so we already had a relationship. I am not the issue here, except in the mind of the ex because she doesn't want to see my bf happy. We dont care though, this is not about US its about the child! Either way, my and my boyfriends concerns are what he should and can do. The reason i am asking all of this is because he has asked me to help him. I am not sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. He is actually with his daughter right now, his only day off, so we discussed me trying to find a list of lawyers and advice. There's nothing wrong w/ that. And my bf and i have been together for over a year.

 

[NotSoNew]

well i would just sit back and give her enough rope ot hang herself, has she offically filed anything yet or just threatening?

 

[LdiJ]

She is claiming he is unfit because when he has her he doesn't set up play dates, doesn't put her to bed at 8pm and sometimes they sleep by his mothers house.

She plays all the time w/ my nephews and cousin, her cousin and her aunts neices whom she loves. She's bathed, fed, and dressed in clean clothes, (unlike the way she's sent). Yea we dont put her to bed at 8pm because it's the weekend! Why shouldn't she have some fun? The point is the mother hates me and hates the fact that i get along w/ the child and my bf's family. Thats why this is all so aggravating. She should be happy that her child is in good hands and cared for very well by her father. I can't see her getting sole custody by a judge over her own jealousy. The point here is the child. The child is happy, cries when she has to be home by a certain time. But this is the fact of life and it's explained to her.

If that is truly all, and truly all that is in her petition, then the judge is going to rip her a new one**************.IF she can even get an attorney to agree to take it in front of a judge.

If she does it without an attorney then your boyfriend certainly wouldn't need one.

However, I do think that getting her a daybed would be a good idea. Dad could still sleep on the couch so that she would have the privacy of a bedroom, but surely he could squeeze a daybed in there.

As far as the rest, its simply absurd.

 

[worriedIL]

Just got off the phone with him. He is taking her to get a day bed right now.

 

[Zephyr]

Just got off the phone with him. He is taking her to get a day bed right now.

GREAT! good for daddy!

 

[worriedIL]

YOu guys will laugh at this. She hasn't filed anything. She sent him a certified letter. At the top it said EXHIBIT A.

She then went on to state why she's going for full/sole custody. The reasons i mentioned. He doesn't have play dates set up, the bed issue, etc. It is totally ridiculous. She is just grasping for straws. She did send this letter to her attny. She also said that he doesn't answer her calls when he has their daughter, which isn't true. He doesn't answer her calls when she's calling 500 times a day to rant and rave. He lets her leave messages and records them all. If any of the messages have to do w/ their daughter he calls her back. But he always has his daughter call her mother, before bed, when she gets up etc. The child gets irritated w/ it. When the mom calls the daughter says mom, im busy playing i'll see you at 8pm.

 

[LdiJ]

YOu guys will laugh at this. She hasn't filed anything. She sent him a certified letter. At the top it said EXHIBIT A.

She then went on to state why she's going for full/sole custody. The reasons i mentioned. He doesn't have play dates set up, the bed issue, etc. It is totally ridiculous. She is just grasping for straws. She did send this letter to her attny. She also said that he doesn't answer her calls when he has their daughter, which isn't true. He doesn't answer her calls when she's calling 500 times a day to rant and rave. He lets her leave messages and records them all. If any of the messages have to do w/ their daughter he calls her back. But he always has his daughter call her mother, before bed, when she gets up etc. The child gets irritated w/ it. When the mom calls the daughter says mom, im busy playing i'll see you at 8pm.

I may be being a little silly here, but 1) It's dad's time, he is not required to use it with setting up "play dates"....2) What does she think it is when the child is playing with her cousins etc.?...isn't that a "play date"????

 

[worriedIL]

I would think that would be the defination of a play date, yes. Again the worry is what can legally be done to my bf. And it looks like nothing. She's just blowin steam so we should let her until a court order is delivered in the mail.

 

[capric0rn]

My fiance has 2 daughters. He moved in with his brother after his divorce & we are currently starting to build a house. Anyway when he gets his daughters they sleep in his bed and he sleeps on the couch. So I don't think she has any grounds there. Unless the divorce papers stated she must have her own room and bed and all of that.

But yeah I know what you mean by how the ex can be crazy. We had problems with his ex over new yrs, because they was going to be at their cousins for a sleep over. She doesn't like his sister so she pitched a fit and wouldn't let them go.

 

[proudstepmom]

My husband's divorce has been final for almost 8 years. He and ex have two children together-ages 8 and 10. He has 50/50 custody. His ex will not let the kids come to family events on my side when she has them. Actually, she usually won't let them come to something for my husband's family either. My bridal shower was during her week and wouldn't let daughter come. Stepdaughter was our flower girl. She is jealous that the kids and I get along so well and that they behave better for me than they do for her. I have never done anything to hurt the kids in any way and I do not interfere where I shouldn't. Actually, her and my husband discuss things and I stay out of it.

The second time she took him to court, most of her allegations were untrue. She said that he was dealing/using drugs and alcoholic. She also said that kids didn't have own rooms and beds which was true. At that time, husband was living with brother in two bedroom apartment trying to get on his feet. B/c of the divorce, he lost all the money he had been saving since he was a kid and was severely depressed. The judge didn't see why it was such a big deal for them not two have their own rooms when at the same time they were sharing a room at their mom's house when there was an extra bedroom. She also had no proof of drugs and alcohol. The judge left the custody the same.

 

[weenor]

Fees!!!

OP- have b/f make sure that his attorney asks for attorneys fees and expenses. . .Its not a slam dunk, but sounds like you have a good shot.

In addition if she finds a lawyer dumb enough file this thing see if your state has a statute providing for reimbursement of attorneys fees and expenses for the filing of a frivolous lawsuit. These statutes generally provide for recovery against the private party and the lawyer. Judges hate to grant those things, but every once and a while it works.

If ex has to pay she will think twice the next time.

 

[CJane]

His ex will not let the kids come to family events on my side when she has them. Actually, she usually won't let them come to something for my husband's family either. My bridal shower was during her week and wouldn't let daughter come.

And why should she? Sounds like poor planning on your part more than it sounds like she's being a b*tch. My ex planned his wedding/reception/family reunion weekend (all combined) for not just my weekend, but a HOLIDAY weekend. As soon as he told me about it, I told him that I sincerely hoped he hadn't sent the invites yet because he'd known for going on two years that was my weekend. He changed his plans.

Normally, we manage to swap stuff around, but we both know that neither of us is obligated to do so.