fathers and custody?

[CJane]

My thing about people trying to get kids for the money is, who really gets enough that covers the entire cost of having the child plus something a little extra for the parent?

It seems to me it would be cheaper to be a NCP and have pay a child support than to take care of the kid on a daily basis.

It's not about it being more expensive to care for the child. At least in my case, my ex has said over and over that the whole point is to avoid writing a check to ME every month. That he'd be more than happy to pay child support if he could set up an account for the kids that all the money would go into and I couldn't touch it - it would be theirs when they turned 18. Since that's not an option, he'll fight me to the death on the custody thing.

 

[Whyte Noise]

I would love to read your book when it is published. How soon?

It's scheduled for a January publication, but I may be asking for an extension because honestly... I add more and more everyday. Started out with a 12 chapter outline, and now I'm up to 23 written chapters.

xKellyX, it may be cheaper on your pursestrings to be an NCP but the price you pay with your heart is immeasurable.

 

[xKellyx]

It's not about it being more expensive to care for the child. At least in my case, my ex has said over and over that the whole point is to avoid writing a check to ME every month. That he'd be more than happy to pay child support if he could set up an account for the kids that all the money would go into and I couldn't touch it - it would be theirs when they turned 18. Since that's not an option, he'll fight me to the death on the custody thing.

I never thought about that....

It wouldn't bother me to write a check to my ex every month as long as I knew my daughter was being well taken care of.....it would bother me that he had custody though.

 

[SITLYNNE]

My thing about people trying to get kids for the money is, who really gets enough that covers the entire cost of having the child plus something a little extra for the parent?

It seems to me it would be cheaper to be a NCP and have pay a child support than to take care of the kid on a daily basis.

After paying my support without any interruption since March 2004, I just recently started to ponder that very thought. I do have to agree with you, however, I would much rather pay 10 times more and get to see my boys. My ex always told the boys when I received support from him that he was my free meal ticket and as soon as I didn't get his money, I would lose everything and when he received my support they would have umpteen different material items and he would set up a college fund and savings account for them. HAH, HAH. I still own every item I had then, plus more. There is still no savings or college fund and my oldest son started a parttime job at 15 1/2 to help out at home. Now, I'm hearing that son will drive in a few months and I'll be taken back to pay his car insurance. I just laugh. He already receives the max per the PA guidelines and thanks to this site, I just found out Monday about the reductions being given come Jan. 2006. I'm still thinking about filing for a reduction, based on the fact that he refuses visitation and contact.

 

[CJane]

I never thought about that....

The reverse is that I've never asked for support because I don't want him to ever be able to say that I HAD to rely on him for anything post divorce. With the modification, I requested support, but I'm not expecting to get it, and it makes no huge difference to me either way.

 

[xKellyx]

It's scheduled for a January publication, but I may be asking for an extension because honestly... I add more and more everyday. Started out with a 12 chapter outline, and now I'm up to 23 written chapters.

xKellyX, it may be cheaper on your pursestrings to be an NCP but the price you pay with your heart is immeasurable.

I completly understand that, I just couldn't figure out why someone would want a kid only for the money.I thought the biggest reason for ex's to fight for custody was just to be jerks or because they actually cared for the child. CJane has given me a new perspective on that though.

 

[SITLYNNE]

I would be interested in that website as well.

She can PM it to you, if not I will, providing you are also an NCP mom. I can't remember your exact status. I'm not even sure if you are mom or dad.

 

[SITLYNNE]

BB these are great stats, thank you for posting them.

And that means that only 10 fathers out of 17 million have custody. Where did it say that? I missed it.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Up to $41,700 income total cost of raising a child $134,370

$41,700 to $70,200 income total cost of raising a child $184,320

more than $70,200 income total cost of raising a child $269,520

Or, if you're an ex-razorback with two female, pre-teen brats, total cost of raising children is $347,000 to-date.

 

[xKellyx]

After paying my support without any interruption since March 2004, I just recently started to ponder that very thought. I do have to agree with you, however, I would much rather pay 10 times more and get to see my boys. My ex always told the boys when I received support from him that he was my free meal ticket and as soon as I didn't get his money, I would lose everything and when he received my support they would have umpteen different material items and he would set up a college fund and savings account for them. HAH, HAH. I still own every item I had then, plus more. There is still no savings or college fund and my oldest son started a parttime job at 15 1/2 to help out at home. Now, I'm hearing that son will drive in a few months and I'll be taken back to pay his car insurance. I just laugh. He already receives the max per the PA guidelines and thanks to this site, I just found out Monday about the reductions being given come Jan. 2006. I'm still thinking about filing for a reduction, based on the fact that he refuses visitation and contact.

I definetly agree, I rather keep my child and all the costs and responsibilites that go with it even if it is more money.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

And that means that only 10 fathers out of 17 million have custody. Where did it say that? I missed it.

Now you're just being stupid.

 

[NotSoNew]

She can PM it to you, if not I will, providing you are also an NCP mom. I can't remember your exact status. I'm not even sure if you are mom or dad.

well i am a mom and my daughters father and i are together right now, if that means i cant have the link then thats ok

 

[Tweety14]

In TN, very few. It depends on whether or not the mother is unfit in the eyes of the court.

Thank you! That is exactly what I was wondering. What things would a mom have to do to be considered unfit????? Would having never provided a steady home for a child, example.: living with boyfriends and friends , just anywhere she takes a notion. Also, only having the child a day or two when it is her week to have her.She is married but seperated and also has another baby by another guy and the paternal grandparents have that baby( father is not the guy she is still married to) until the mom straightens up and has a place of her own. She has now moved in with another guy. That makes at least 3 BF she has moved in with and numerous friends.The child is just 3 1/2 yrs old.

 

[xKellyx]

The reverse is that I've never asked for support because I don't want him to ever be able to say that I HAD to rely on him for anything post divorce. With the modification, I requested support, but I'm not expecting to get it, and it makes no huge difference to me either way.

Thats also a good thing that came out in court for me, before he was paying me very little support, but I would have to ask for it, and if I didn't ask for it, I didn't get it. I HATED asking for it, especially since we were dating the first year of my child's life. Really makes you feel crappy. Now he has to pay through state agency that deals with child support, and I plan to put 1/2 of it in a savings account once I get all these court battles settled and the lawyer paid.

 

[SITLYNNE]

It's not about it being more expensive to care for the child. At least in my case, my ex has said over and over that the whole point is to avoid writing a check to ME every month. That he'd be more than happy to pay child support if he could set up an account for the kids that all the money would go into and I couldn't touch it - it would be theirs when they turned 18. Since that's not an option, he'll fight me to the death on the custody thing.

Jane, just another thing that is the same for us. My ex suggested that same thing. It was amazing how much his measily $400 paid for each month. The rent, heat, utilities, car payment ( and even my bf truck payment), camper payment, insurance, groceries, gas, and of course all expenses for both children. I am a really good money manager.