Actually it does NOT have to come out at the custody hearing. That is a CHOICE you are making.
Yes, it is a choice and I feel it is important to bring up that my 15 year olds Mother is allowing her to spend the night with her lover and have sex.
Really? You KNOW that your daughter would engage in sex with this person? You know that she would have a sexual relationship with this person? You know that that has happened in the past AND you can PROVE it? If not then you cannot say that.
Yes, I KNOW that my daughter is having sex with this person because she has told me.
Good opinion. And the law supports you. But rather than using this as a point of attack, have you talked to your daughter about this?
Of course I have talked with my daughter about it. I have told her that spending the night with her girlfriend will not be allowed if she lives with me. She is fine with that however, she's certainly going to take advantage of her Mother allowing her to do it. I am not using this as a "point of attack" rather one of many issues in why it is in the best interest of my children to live with me instead of their Mother. Custody cases are ugly, I didn't make them that way. From what I've been told, I'm the one that has to PROVE why living with me is in their best interest.
You were a teenager. You know what you felt like. You can't TALK to your daughter? But you can announce it in open court?
I really don't understand how you JUMPED to the conclusion that I can't or don't talk to my daughter. The fact is, we have great communication. I have no intention of ANNOUNCING in court that my daughter is being allowed to spend the night and have sex with her lover. I do feel however that it is one of many important factors that will be brought up.
What exactly is going on?
Let's see...the Mother of my 15 year old is allowing her to spend the night with her lover knowing that they are having sex. I can't make the answer to this question any more clear. The sad thing here is that this has become a thread about my daughter's sex life instead of focusing on the two basic questions that I initially asked.
You are 100% positive that your daughter has a 14 year old lover? You are 100% definite about that/ Truthfully that is not important for the judge to know so much as it is something that is important for YOU to deal with. You sound like someone who cannot deal with it and expects the court to parent. Back up about 10 paces and determine what it is you actually KNOW. Then determine what it is you are afraid of. Then determine how you can approach your daughter for an adult conversation about this entire subject. And then make decisions based on fact, not fear or assumptions.
YES, I am 100% positive my daughter has a 14 year old lover. Yes, I feel very strongly...100% that this is something that the judge should know. It will be dealt with if my daughter lives with me. I can't possibly do anything about it if she is living with her Mother and her Mother is allowing it to happen. What would you suggest I do? After backing up 10 paces this IS what I know. I don't jump to conclusions, I talk to my kids . The only fear I have is that this issue could negatively affect my daughter. I don't believe that me being concerned for my daughter makes me wrong or validates ripping my post apart.
What if this was your child and the other parent was allowing them to spend the night with their lover knowing they were having sex? What would you do? Would you think it was important in a custody case then? Please enlighten me as to what you would do if you were standing in my shoes because regardless of any opinion you may have, it's not an easy situation to be in. My daughter is not a baby but she's not a grown woman either and she does need guidance...that's supposed to come from her parents.
I came to this site for help because I didn't know where else to turn. Unfortunately, I've found very little help here at this point. What I have found seems like just another chat with a whole lot of people giving opinions on specific things they pick out of a post and not a whole lot of helpful opinions, brainstorming or advice on how to deal with certain situations. This has become a thread about my daughters sex life which was most certainly not my intention and yes, it frustrates me.
At this point, thank you to the few that have offered anything helpful. As for the rest, I would rather walk through this on my own and ignorant than to come here and have people make me feel like I'm a horrible Father because I love my children and believe that the Mother of my children is WRONG and SICK for allowing my daughter to spend the night and have sex with her lover. No one, and I do mean no one will change my opinion of that. I want what is best for my daughter and I do NOT believe at 15 she can make that kind of mature decision. I am their Father and it is my responsibility to keep my children safe, teach them good values and help them become caring, responsible adults.
For those of you out there dealing with the stress of custody issues and taking care of your children; I wish you luck and hope you find the help & support you need to get through this difficult time.