• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Grandmother in NEED of legal guidance.

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

#1
What is the name of your state? Ohio
My grandmother has been forced to take care of two children because the mother of her children ( my cousin ) is her daughter’s child. The reason my grandmother cannot say no to taking care of them when she makes up excuses not to or simply doesn’t want to is because my cousin has diagnosed bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder as well as a few others and often threatens to hurt herself or others ( sometimes even taking action ) .. she has been institutionalized many times throughout her life time and has shown to not be able to take care of her children or her home. We just spent 12 hours cleaning her house and it’s still not clean. She cannot keep a stable job and has worked I would guess a total of 30-40 jobs this past year.
Sometimes not even telling us. I do not understand how she keeps getting hired AT ALL but she is a MASTER of manipulation and is ruining my grandmothers life. It is to the point where we spent hours cleaning her home and no one in my family will stop helping her or stand up to my grandmothers attempts to continue to help her because there are children in the home in which we love and want to protect.. the husband is of sound mind and obviously wants out of the marriage and has even asked for a divorce but because of financial reasons neither can. My grandma will not pay for the divorce although she definitely pays for a lot of my cousins expenses. “All to help the children” my grandmother says ... although .. because my cousin lies and steals from my grandmother to pay for her needs and no one else’s it’s often hard to tell where the money will go. My grandmother cannot handle adopting two kids or fighting over custody with my cousin or her husband especially if they do divorce soon. Neither of them can afford to live alone and even though my grandma has money she will run out if this keeps going. I have no idea what to do. This is so hard for my grandmother. She is such a kind woman and it blinds her because she loves those children. She fears my cousin will put the children’s life in danger but we have no proof and despite everything that my cousin does because my grandmother is so kind she would probably not lock her up. Please help us. Give us ideas. There’s just so much to write down. I’m sorry this is short. Thankyou for reading.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
#2
To be blunt (sorry, but I just woke up and my brain is not yet switched on properly), only your grandmother can help herself. If she chooses to be your cousin's doormat...

It seems to me that it would be best for the children if someone in the family were to help Dad pay for the divorce and an attempt by him to gain custody.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
#3
To be blunt (sorry, but I just woke up and my brain is not yet switched on properly), only your grandmother can help herself. If she chooses to be your cousin's doormat...

It seems to me that it would be best for the children if someone in the family were to help Dad pay for the divorce and an attempt by him to gain custody.
I don't disagree but it seems that he is permitting grandma to take care of the children as well, so I am not sure that he is any better prepared to have custody. After all, dad could be cleaning the home himself. He also let it get so bad that the family couldn't get it clean in 12 hours of work.
 
#4
I don't disagree but it seems that he is permitting grandma to take care of the children as well, so I am not sure that he is any better prepared to have custody. After all, dad could be cleaning the home himself. He also let it get so bad that the family couldn't get it clean in 12 hours of work.
How many hours does dad work? You are making assumptions with no information about dad. If it is actually this bad someone should have called CSb
 
#6
Quote: "My grandmother cannot handle adopting two kids or fighting over custody with my cousin or her husband especially if they do divorce soon. Neither of them can afford to live alone and even though my grandma has money she will run out if this keeps going."

I must ask, but in the midst of all these other details, what age is your grandmother? Yes, who is the husband? Does grandmother have a husband or significant other? Is CSB involved yet? No divorce is in the offing as of yet, we understand.

The bad news for you is that what you're doing is taking up an offense for someone who is most probably totally of age and capability to decide for herself what she will do with her time, energy and resources. Unless your grandmother is so infirm or elderly that her judgment could be called into question and elder abuse may be an issue, you're pretty much a bystander with an opinion. And whether grandma wants to listen to that opinion or not is totally up to her. She, not you or any other family member gets to decide what she can handle. This post sounds like a whole lot of you other guys catastrophizing about what may happen, what Grandma may do or have to do, and quite frankly, Grandma spending all her money on this person. I'm sure you have told her how you feel, very freely.

You and the other grandchildren cannot "stop" grandmother from doing what she wants to do regarding providing care of and help for these children and this granddaughter. If you think the children are actually in danger, you are MORALLY OBLIGATED to follow through on this issue by calling your brand of child protective services in Ohio, whether grandma is "so kind she probably would not lock her up" or not. At that point, grandmother definitely does not get to make that decision.

As long as grandmother is in her right mind and still tending to her own affairs, all you can do is offer assistance and opinions when they are asked for. I would warn you that I agree, your cousin may be a totally unacceptable user and louse, or she may be a very sick person who needs a lot of mental health services. But how much your grandmother wants to be involved is not something you have control over as long as your grandmother is still considered competent to manage her own affairs.

The more you nag at her and protest what she is doing, the more fixed she may become in her determination and the less real help and counsel she will accept from you.
 
Last edited:
Sponsored Ad

Top