helping my husband get custody of his daughter

[diana.pussehl]

ligature marks? is she chinese? japanese? how do you know that these are ligature marks, did you take pictures or seek a medical professionals opinion?


my daughter used to LOVE baths and swimming in the swimming pool, but now she hates both. That is very common.

Yes, I know what ligiture marks are. Yes, I do have pictures and yes, within my husband's family is a nurse. But until her name is changed I cannot take her to any doctor without the mother's consent and she wont let us see her that often.

The issue with the bath is that how does a child switch from loving it so much and having a great time, to, within a matter of days, being in a panic. I was a nanny for 3 children (ages 2 months, 2 years and 8 years) for a total of 3 years and NONE of them ever acted like that when it was bath time.... I understand its normal for them to get sick of baths but to be happy one day and petrified the next is too strange for me. The birth mother admitted to something happening but kept saying not to worry about it.

 

[diana.pussehl]

oh i looked up ligature marks, maybe it was from her socks! my daughter gets that all the time when her socks are too tight!

Yes,my stepdaughter has always been sent in something that was way too tight for her to be wearing. But those marks have ALWAY gone away within a few hours after removing the sock or slippers. These marks looked like birthmarks but were SO puffy that within the 5 days we had her nothing changed.

 

[diana.pussehl]

ligature marks should cover the whole foot, if she was trying to bind them.

lig·a·ture Audio pronunciation of "ligature" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (lg-chr, -chr)
n.

1. The act of tying or binding.
2.
1. A cord, wire, or bandage used for tying or binding.
2. A thread, wire, or cord used in surgery to close vessels or tie off ducts.
3. Something that unites; a bond.




either that or her foot was seperated from her leg and they had to reunite it.....I doubt either

It also refers to things that are meant to hold together or hold tightly to something else. It also means to restrain (according to the medical journals I read and was referred to by my doctor). This is why I am concerned. If it were socks it sowuld have gone away within a few hours but the fact that they were a diffrent color than when her socks did that before AND that it was puffy is why I think something else may be going on.

 

[diana.pussehl]

I have the same thing on my 5 month old. The socks left a mark and I took him to the doctor for his check up. She said it was pretty common and that the mark will soon go away.

I could not imagine the pain and suffering that I would go through if I had lost custody of my baby.

My sister committed suicide when she lost hers.

What a horrid thought, "Oh, lets just take the baby from her." Hah!

Somebody say something!

"There is nothing legally that you can do!"

Tell your husband to try being civilized with the Mom, that is the easier resolution. Treat eachother with respect even if it kills you!

My husband has been trying to keep alot out of the courts because he IS trying to be civil.All she told him was that it was about the money. She has to have more money coming in. My husband is getting a lawyer now that the issues have escalated to this.

 

[diana.pussehl]

Do you realize how hard it is for a 9 month old baby to be away from his/her mother? Her giving you every other weekend is very reasonable. Imagine how hard it is on the mother to let her baby go every other weekend. You haven't stated anything about the mother that makes her an unfit, and your husband most likely won't recieve custody. Leave the woman and her child alone.

The mother is 21 years old and loves to go out an party and drink and smoke pot. We have witnesses to this. Do you know how hard it is on my husband who wants his daughter and makes sure that she is protected and the birthmother wont even give him the time of day????? Michigan state law says that "reasonable visitation AT MINIMUM is every other weekend and AT LEAST one day during the week". We barely get the every other weekend because she shortens the times (against the courts mind you) and absolutely refuses visitation during the week because she says she doesn't have to let him see her (even though the court papers says my husband can). Please understand that THIS situation is not mother is best for the child. I love that little girl as if she were my own. I take care of her and love her and she knows it. When we have her, half the time she want ME to hold her and no one else, the other half she wants only her father. Whe he takes her back to her mother, she cries so hard and doesn't want to let go and the mother practically rips her from my husband and tells her to shut up. Can anyone understand that? Can anyone be on our side????? Maybe this is new to some that the father is NOT the bad guy in this case. In less than 2 weeks he has gone out and bought more than what that little girl will ever need. We were given som much of everything that I don't understand how anyone can tell me to leave her alone. OH - and the marks on her ankles.... this isn't the first time there have been unexplained marks on her. So now tell me, am I to sit back and watch this little girl get hurt and damaged by her mother who obviously just wants money?????

 

[Whyte Noise]

And as was stated before... call Child Protective Services if there are strange marks on the child.

If she's denying him court ordered visitation, then HE needs to haul the mother into court for contempt.

I'm sorry... but inaction on the father's part has contributed to this as much as the mother's actions have. He has to ACT on these things, not just sit back and wonder what he can do. If he sees marks, call CPS. They will investigate. Better yet, take her to the ER or her doctor. Medical personnel are mandated reporters of abuse and if they feel anything is wrong then they will report it and dad won't even have to. If he's being denied court ordered parenting time, then he needs to file for contempt based on that fact. The courts can't DO anything if they don't know something is wrong or the order is being violated. It's up to DAD to let them know that with a contempt filing.

 

[tigger22472]

Yes, I know what ligiture marks are. Yes, I do have pictures and yes, within my husband's family is a nurse. But until her name is changed I cannot take her to any doctor without the mother's consent and she wont let us see her that often.

The issue with the bath is that how does a child switch from loving it so much and having a great time, to, within a matter of days, being in a panic. I was a nanny for 3 children (ages 2 months, 2 years and 8 years) for a total of 3 years and NONE of them ever acted like that when it was bath time.... I understand its normal for them to get sick of baths but to be happy one day and petrified the next is too strange for me. The birth mother admitted to something happening but kept saying not to worry about it.

Excuse me? Your excuse for sitting on you A$$ while you supposedly believe this child had ligiture marks on her legs is that until her name is changed you can't take her to the doctor. (oh and just to note, even with a name change YOU might not be able to take her to the doctor FYI). That is the lamest excuse I have seen from someone who is implying they BELIEVE child neglect or abuse is going on.

You are looking for reasons to find this mother unfit yet if you truly believed these marks were marks of abuse your husband would have done something about it, like call the police or DFS...

 

[tigger22472]

The courts can't DO anything if they don't know something is wrong or the order is being violated. It's up to DAD to let them know that with a contempt filing.

You mean that Magical Contempt Fairy didn't find this dad?

 

[CJane]

Excuse me? Your excuse for sitting on you A$$ while you supposedly believe this child had ligiture marks on her legs is that until her name is changed you can't take her to the doctor. (oh and just to note, even with a name change YOU might not be able to take her to the doctor FYI). That is the lamest excuse I have seen from someone who is implying they BELIEVE child neglect or abuse is going on.

You are looking for reasons to find this mother unfit yet if you truly believed these marks were marks of abuse your husband would have done something about it, like call the police or DFS...

THANK YOU!!!!!!

This is another one of those posters who's going to keep claiming more and more 'abuse' and 'neglect' and 'drug use' on mom's part and perfection on her and dad's part (what the hell is a 'kind-of step-mom anyway?) until she hears what she wants to hear.

 

[tigger22472]

(what the hell is a 'kind-of step-mom anyway?)

I wondered that too...LOL

 

[xKellyx]

The mother is 21 years old and loves to go out an party and drink and smoke pot. We have witnesses to this. Do you know how hard it is on my husband who wants his daughter and makes sure that she is protected and the birthmother wont even give him the time of day????? Michigan state law says that "reasonable visitation AT MINIMUM is every other weekend and AT LEAST one day during the week". We barely get the every other weekend because she shortens the times (against the courts mind you) and absolutely refuses visitation during the week because she says she doesn't have to let him see her (even though the court papers says my husband can). Please understand that THIS situation is not mother is best for the child. I love that little girl as if she were my own. I take care of her and love her and she knows it. When we have her, half the time she want ME to hold her and no one else, the other half she wants only her father. Whe he takes her back to her mother, she cries so hard and doesn't want to let go and the mother practically rips her from my husband and tells her to shut up. Can anyone understand that? Can anyone be on our side????? Maybe this is new to some that the father is NOT the bad guy in this case. In less than 2 weeks he has gone out and bought more than what that little girl will ever need. We were given som much of everything that I don't understand how anyone can tell me to leave her alone. OH - and the marks on her ankles.... this isn't the first time there have been unexplained marks on her. So now tell me, am I to sit back and watch this little girl get hurt and damaged by her mother who obviously just wants money?????

I am 21 years old, AGE does not make you a bad mother. My ex said the same BS about me. I've never touched drugs. The mother has a right to go to a party every now and then. My MOM, goes to parties. A party does not mean a bunch of idiots getting drunk and sexing everyone up. You have these so-called witnesses, so did my ex, but somehow not one of them showed up at court time...WEIRD, HUH!

What is the exact wording of the CO on visitation? If she is withholding visitation then you would KNOW that she would be held in contempt. Yet your kind-of husband has not filed for that, therefor I don't believe you.

If you really thought something with the child, with neglect or abuse, you would of call CPS. Nothing is wrong, you have no case to go on, and you need to start learning that this is not your child and NEVER will be your child. Start making your own kids and worrying about them, leave her kids alone.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

I am kind-of the step mom to an almost 9 month old beautiful little girl. The mother of this child has temporary full custody. My husband didn't see his daughter until the paternity test proved she was his daughter. Since that day he has wanted to see her and spend time with her. The mother has been very sporatic in allowing him to see her. It took her over a month before she would allow us to have her overnight. We have never had a problem with this little girl. Lately, the mother has only been allowing us to see her every other weekend and not any time during the week even though in Michigan, "reasonable visitation" means at minimum we can see her one day during the week and every other weekend. My husband has to fight to even get her for the weekend he is allowed. We were able to have my step daughter for thanksgiving weekend and we noticed too many changes in her. We noticed ligature marks on her ankls and a change in her eating habits. Bathtime was never a problem until this past weekend where she was petrified to even go near the tub. The mother stated to my husband that she refuses to do anything civilly and that unless he starts paying for his daughter, he won't get to see her much at all. How can I help my husband fight for custody? What can I do as a third party? My husband is the type to get frustrated and not know what to do so I have helped him do a lot of research and helped him keep track of what he buys for his daughter as well as documenting the marks on her and things that the mother says. What can I do? I feel helpless just sitting around and watching him hurt over his daughter. There is so much more to this that would take too long to post here but where can I begin... PLEASE HELP!!!!!

Explain in more detail the 'ligature' marks please. If they were marks from socks they would be indented, if they were actual ligature marks they'd have swelling/puffing around the outside of the lines which do not subside quickly.

If the child was bound, or you suspect the child was bound...WHY IN THE H#LL didn't Dad contact Child Protective Services? Did Dad take photographs?

Dad should be asking Mom what the issue is re; baths. The mother admitted it was 'something' but didn't explain? That reaction gives me cause for concern, as most young mothers or mothers of young babies OVER explain their children's injuries. Meanwhile, put very little water in the bath- put a lot of bath toys in the bath and try not to react to any panic, but remain calm and soothing. If it is transitional- the child will eventually calm down.

 

[CJane]

If the child was bound, or you suspect the child was bound...WHY IN THE H#LL didn't Dad contact Child Protective Services? Did Dad take photographs?

This seems to be the biggest question that 'kind of step mom' can't answer.

Dad should be asking Mom what the issue is re; baths. The mother admitted it was 'something' but didn't explain?

I wouldn't have explained to my ex either. Maybe mom feels it's best to NOT have conversations with dad because he's likely to use anything against her.

 

[brisgirl825]

Maybe mom feels it's best to NOT have conversations with dad because he's likely to use anything against her.

I think mom is more likely to be worried about the new "kind of" wifey-poo. After all, dad has done nothing, obviously this isn't an issue for him.

 

[xKellyx]

This seems to be the biggest question that 'kind of step mom' can't answer.



I wouldn't have explained to my ex either. Maybe mom feels it's best to NOT have conversations with dad because he's likely to use anything against her.

My ex tried to get me for not explaining things that had happened when we went to court, all I had to do was bring up the fact that he never asked me for any explanations or about anything at all.