helping my husband get custody of his daughter

[casa]

This seems to be the biggest question that 'kind of step mom' can't answer.



I wouldn't have explained to my ex either. Maybe mom feels it's best to NOT have conversations with dad because he's likely to use anything against her.

I disagree...if your 9 month old had ligature marks or was suddenly afraid of the bath (taking into consideration that at 9mos it's unusual to be afraid, but at other ages/stages of development more normal)...you would talk to your X! And your face would look like this:

 

[casa]

My ex tried to get me for not explaining things that had happened when we went to court, all I had to do was bring up the fact that he never asked me for any explanations or about anything at all.

If it's something worth explaining (like school, or a cut/injury etc.) I drop the nuttyX an e-mail. He doesn't have to respond and I don't have to talk to him. Win-Win AND, he can never say I didn't keep him informed.

 

[xKellyx]

If it's something worth explaining (like school, or a cut/injury etc.) I drop the nuttyX an e-mail. He doesn't have to respond and I don't have to talk to him. Win-Win AND, he can never say I didn't keep him informed.

welll NOW, that I know he is supposedly so interested, I leave a voicemail message telling him if something is going on. (He doesn't have an email address)

Of course, I never get a return call making sure if everything is alright or anything. But at least I've done my part.

 

[diana.pussehl]

Excuse me? Your excuse for sitting on you A$$ while you supposedly believe this child had ligiture marks on her legs is that until her name is changed you can't take her to the doctor. (oh and just to note, even with a name change YOU might not be able to take her to the doctor FYI). That is the lamest excuse I have seen from someone who is implying they BELIEVE child neglect or abuse is going on.

You are looking for reasons to find this mother unfit yet if you truly believed these marks were marks of abuse your husband would have done something about it, like call the police or DFS...

No I am not looking for reasons to find her unfit. But i am only third party. There is NOTHING that I can do. I can't sue the mother. I cant go to the courts and say what I see or know. They won't listen to me. I don't believe anything except that things are not looking right. I can't say neglect or abuse because I don't know. That is why i didn't say it before. My husband is getting a lawyer. What else are you going to peg me for???? If i didn't care about anything I wouldn't be asking what to do.

 

[CJane]

I disagree...if your 9 month old had ligature marks or was suddenly afraid of the bath (taking into consideration that at 9mos it's unusual to be afraid, but at other ages/stages of development more normal)...you would talk to your X! And your face would look like this:

Kind of step-mom isn't saying that mom can't/won't explain ligature marks. I'm still not so sure that's what she saw anyway, because if it WAS and dad didn't call DCFS, he's JUST as guilty of abuse/neglect as mom is.

SMom didn't give the details of the kid being afraid of the water. I'm not saying it's RIGHT, I'm just saying that it's possible that mom isn't giving details because she thinks that the kind-of-step-mom is out to get her... or that dad is.

 

[diana.pussehl]

THANK YOU!!!!!!

This is another one of those posters who's going to keep claiming more and more 'abuse' and 'neglect' and 'drug use' on mom's part and perfection on her and dad's part (what the hell is a 'kind-of step-mom anyway?) until she hears what she wants to hear.

My opinion is just to have you back off. My husband is not perfect. No one is but you may be one of those mothers who actually just want the money out of the man instead of understanding that maybe, just maybe, YOU are the one at fault. My husband has taken more and better care of that child than the mother ever has and the mother flat out court ordered that we cannot take her to the doctor until her last name is changed. and I stated "kind-of stpmom because I cat mor of a REAL mother than the real birthmother does. I don't leave that child sitting on the floor to screem and cry while I am too busy talking on the phone or doing other things that are not important. I don't tell my child that she frustrates me so much that I just want to throw her. YES THE BIRTHMOTHER TOLD ME THAT TO MY FACE IN COURT. Therefore BACK OFF until you understand that MAYBE my husband is not the one totally at fault. Yes he may have sat back and tried to do things out of court but until you know the facts , you have no reason to post that kind of response to anything that I have posted. I don't hear what I want to hear. I question everything until I am sure of what is going on and for the last 3 months that we have been allowed to see her (which has only been a total of 12 days in 3 months)..... never mind... you wouldn't understand how many night my husband has cried over that little girl.... yeah... keep on that its always the man's fault. It may have been in your situation but not everyone is just like you.

 

[CJane]

There is NOTHING that I can do.

Bullsh*t. If YOU or DAD or ANY MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL (you claim a nurse was present) saw actual LIGATURE MARKS on a 9 month old BABY, you CAN and SHOULD HAVE reported it to DCFS. And the NURSE is possibly LEGALLY REQUIRED to report it.

And yet, according to you, y'all haven't done anything except contact an attorney and worry about the child being afraid of water.

 

[diana.pussehl]

Explain in more detail the 'ligature' marks please. If they were marks from socks they would be indented, if they were actual ligature marks they'd have swelling/puffing around the outside of the lines which do not subside quickly.

If the child was bound, or you suspect the child was bound...WHY IN THE H#LL didn't Dad contact Child Protective Services? Did Dad take photographs?

Dad should be asking Mom what the issue is re; baths. The mother admitted it was 'something' but didn't explain? That reaction gives me cause for concern, as most young mothers or mothers of young babies OVER explain their children's injuries. Meanwhile, put very little water in the bath- put a lot of bath toys in the bath and try not to react to any panic, but remain calm and soothing. If it is transitional- the child will eventually calm down.

I don't think she was "bound" but I believe something happened. Yes we have photographs. I made sure to do that. Dad did ask about it but again, she didn't explain. I did the best I could to give her a bath as quickly as possible. I already put very little water in and toys and still it was so sudden that my husband had to leave the room to calm a bit. but once out of the bath she was in a panic until her daddy heldher. I don't know if he called about the marks. The marks were puffy and red . The puffiness went away in 2 days but the marks never did. I wish there was more that I could do.

 

[diana.pussehl]

This seems to be the biggest question that 'kind of step mom' can't answer.



I wouldn't have explained to my ex either. Maybe mom feels it's best to NOT have conversations with dad because he's likely to use anything against her.

Well if there was nothing to hide then telling the father shouldn't be a problem right???? yes my husband asks her everytime he sees her but gets nothing and that's just plain wrong.

 

[diana.pussehl]

I think mom is more likely to be worried about the new "kind of" wifey-poo. After all, dad has done nothing, obviously this isn't an issue for him.

I never said he didn't do anything.... I was never with him when he went to all the court hearings and such.... obviously he is doing something. BUT WHEN YOU DON"T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO WHY DOES HE GET BLAMED!!!!

 

[xKellyx]

My opinion is just to have you back off. My husband is not perfect. No one is but you may be one of those mothers who actually just want the money out of the man instead of understanding that maybe, just maybe, YOU are the one at fault. My husband has taken more and better care of that child than the mother ever has and the mother flat out court ordered that we cannot take her to the doctor until her last name is changed. and I stated "kind-of stpmom because I cat mor of a REAL mother than the real birthmother does. I don't leave that child sitting on the floor to screem and cry while I am too busy talking on the phone or doing other things that are not important. I don't tell my child that she frustrates me so much that I just want to throw her. YES THE BIRTHMOTHER TOLD ME THAT TO MY FACE IN COURT. Therefore BACK OFF until you understand that MAYBE my husband is not the one totally at fault. Yes he may have sat back and tried to do things out of court but until you know the facts , you have no reason to post that kind of response to anything that I have posted. I don't hear what I want to hear. I question everything until I am sure of what is going on and for the last 3 months that we have been allowed to see her (which has only been a total of 12 days in 3 months)..... never mind... you wouldn't understand how many night my husband has cried over that little girl.... yeah... keep on that its always the man's fault. It may have been in your situation but not everyone is just like you.

First off, don't write like that ever again....JEEEZ

Second, don't make false remarks about other posters, AT THE VERY LEAST, do your research first.

Third, you have failed to answer many questions that several posters have asked you, therefore causing the common response of people just not believeing you.

SO if you want to even try to validate yourself, you have some questions to be answering.


OH..... and you will never be this darling 9 month old child's REAL MOM. In fact I think BB needs to find a statistic showing how normally kids end up disliking their step parents.

 

[Mbarr77]

If I thought that my husbands child was in danger, I would have immediately called CPS/DCFS especially if I thought they were actual, valid ligature marks!! It makes NO sense to me that you would think these were ligature marks and NEVER called, and nor did father. Or the fact that you do not even know if father called! Something doesn't sound right. Even if I had to call anonymously, I still would have filed a report IF I actually believed there was some form of neglect/abuse/ or anything that could put the child in harms way!!

 

[Fairy4]

I don't think she was "bound" but I believe something happened. Yes we have photographs. I made sure to do that. Dad did ask about it but again, she didn't explain. I did the best I could to give her a bath as quickly as possible. I already put very little water in and toys and still it was so sudden that my husband had to leave the room to calm a bit. but once out of the bath she was in a panic until her daddy heldher. I don't know if he called about the marks. The marks were puffy and red . The puffiness went away in 2 days but the marks never did. I wish there was more that I could do.

Wait a minute...

#1 You're giving this little girl a bath

#2 You made sure Dad took pictures of the marks

#3 You even know that he contacted an attorney


It seems that you're very "involved" with the Dad and the little girl, BUT... you don't "know if he called about the marks?" You mean to tell me that Dad & you talk about everything under the sun concerning this little girl, yet you're clueless to something as HUGE as calling DCS??

Something just doesn't add up Lady!

I have 4 kids and 3 of them were fine one day in water, and screaming the next. My ex tried to stand up in court and say I'd tried to drown them!

 

[diana.pussehl]

My response to have people understand**************

I don't telll everyone everything on a website full of people I don't know. I don't know if the authorities were called on the marks on her ankles because all I asked him was if someone was notified. He has a lawyer and I trust my husband to do what needs to be done. I am a step-mom. I was already informed by the judge that I have to stay out of some of the issues or it would look horrible for my husband so NO, We talk about most everything under the sun but I am pregnant too so I don't ask at times and he won't tell me at times to save me from the stress.

HOWEVER - To make you happy, since the last time I posted, I found out that YES social services was called and an investigation is being done based on the pictures that I took. But you have to remember AGAIN that it becomes a "he said-she said" situation regardless and it is up to the judge to decide.

ALSO - I posted my angry message because other do not realize that yes, there is another side to the story. But no one is here to see what not only my husband and I see but what family, friends and the courts have seen of this woman. Michgan state law is slow, as I am sure it is in many other states, but again, as most already know, I am a step mom. But DO NOT bash me for trying to understand or for looking for advice. If I knew and understood everything I wouldn't have bothered to post here. Yell at me if you like but if you are a birth mother bashing me because I am trying to do what I can please don't post to me....asking questions is one thing but to call me names as in the earlier posts is uncalled for on your part as well. I apologize for my lash-out but post civilly or don't post at all. All I am doing is asking questions If something is unclear, ask, but don't go into how horrible you think I am, please keep that to yourself... Thank you.