How do I get a court to order a paternity test on my potential dad as an adult?

[bigheadnick]

There is actually a 3rd possibility

Your Mom could be lying. I know, I know, that's not what you want to hear. But it is a possibility regardless.

Well I find it hard to believe my mother would be lying about the time frame she dated him and then deny that he's my father. She's the one thats always said "i dont see it" while everyone else mentions the striking resemblance between he and I. We even have the same flipping interests for crying out loud. You stick he and my mother in a blender you get me. Anyone could see it. MY mother DOESNT want him to be the guy for whatever reason I dont know but she admits it is a possibility but thats as far as she'll go. You know who she said was my father? paul williams the ice cream man. lmfao Now either she's not very creative or she's just plain cruel I dont know.

 

[Pinkie39]

Google Regina Calcaterra. She's an author, attorney and politician from Long Island, who grew up homeless and in foster care. Her mother had 5 kids, by 5 different men.

As a thirty something year old adult, she took the man she always heard (from her mother - she didn't know him growing up) was her father, to court, and won a Supreme Court case, compelling him to submit to a DNA test. He did turn out to be her father, but still had no interest in having a relationship with her. She did get to know some of her extended family though. She recently published a memoir about her childhood and her search for her father - Etched in Sand.

Personally, I thought it was somewhat selfish of her to force herself into the man's life like that (he was married, and from what was implied in the book, her father was dating her mother and his wife to be at the same time, unknown to either woman), and cause a lot of pain for his wife. His wife never knew he had a child outside of their marriage.

But apparently, in New York State at least, because of that Supreme Court case, an adult child can now compel a potential parent to take a DNA test. I know the OP is in a different state, though.

 

[bigheadnick]

Google Regina Calcaterra. She's an author, attorney and politician from Long Island, who grew up homeless and in foster care. Her mother had 5 kids, by 5 different men.

As a thirty something year old adult, she took the man she always heard (from her mother - she didn't know him growing up) was her father, to court, and won a Supreme Court case, compelling him to submit to a DNA test. He did turn out to be her father, but still had no interest in having a relationship with her. She did get to know some of her extended family though. She recently published a memoir about her childhood and her search for her father - Etched in Sand.

Personally, I thought it was somewhat selfish of her to force herself into the man's life like that (he was married, and from what was implied in the book, her father was dating her mother and his wife to be at the same time, unknown to either woman), and cause a lot of pain for his wife. His wife never knew he had a child outside of their marriage.

But apparently, in New York State at least, because of that Supreme Court case, an adult child can now compel a potential parent to take a DNA test. I know the OP is in a different state, though.

Just an fyi; he hasn't been married to his current wife since I was conceived. If I'm not mistaken they're been together 10-15 years. Also , If I read correctly in massachusetts, there is no time limit to file this. A copy paste from what I was just reading.
>>Age is not a bar to paternity. Paternity can be acknowledged and established even if one or both of the parents is
under the age of eighteen. G.L. c. 209C, § 5(b). Likewise, a child over the age of majority may file a complaint to
establish paternity. G.L. c. 209C, § 5(a).

"over the age of majority" and furthermore it was listed among other states that have no time limit on establishing paternity. So contrary to the consensus here,, unless I'm misreading it, I can fight for this in court. The question then becomes if I go through with it and it works is the state gonna kill him? And thats my main concern if what I'm reading is indeed the case.

 

[longislandguy]

There are 2 possibilities here that I can see. He is so convinced its not him for whatever reason that he's offended by the mention of it., which seems illogical to me when he acknowledges his history with my mother and even the time frame. Or 2 he is afraid that its him and I thought his fear stemmed from financial reasons. Maybe he's unaware that He wouldnt owe me anything or the state I dont know. BUt the fear makes sense as a reason to be so adamant.

There is a third possibility, this man believe already that you are his child and knows, if he takes a DNA test and finds out that you are not his child it will wreak his life....I know if after 33 years of treating a child as my own and thinking he was mine, i found out through a DNA test that he wasn't....I know that i would not be able to recover from that....

You said you are a father, how would you feel if when one of your child is 33 you take a DNA test and find out he isn't yours? Do you really want to risk putting this guy in that much pain? Is your curiosity worth that much more to you then he is to you?

Just think about that for a little while....What the effects will be to ALL involved if its negative

 

[Pinkie39]

Just an fyi; he hasn't been married to his current wife since I was conceived. If I'm not mistaken they're been together 10-15 years. Also , If I read correctly in massachusetts, there is no time limit to file this. A copy paste from what I was just reading.
>>Age is not a bar to paternity. Paternity can be acknowledged and established even if one or both of the parents is
under the age of eighteen. G.L. c. 209C, § 5(b). Likewise, a child over the age of majority may file a complaint to
establish paternity. G.L. c. 209C, § 5(a).

"over the age of majority" and further up it was listed among other states that have no time limit on establishing paternity. So contrary to the consensus here,, unless I'm misreading it, I can fight for this in court. The question then becomes if I go through with it and it works is the state gonna kill him? And thats my main concern if what I'm reading is indeed the case.

I don't know. In the Calcaterra case, the court ruled that it was too late to go after child support from her father (which would have gone to the state, due to her having been in foster care).

You really need to consider all the pros and cons of trying to force this man to take a dna test. Will it dredge up old hurts for your mom? Cause problems with her current relationship? And what if he is found to be your father, but still wants nothing to do with you? Will you be able to deal with that?

What if his extended family isn't interested in a relationship with you? I found out recently that my deceased dad may have had a daughter with a woman he had an affair with 40 something years ago, while married to my mom. I honestly don't have any interest in meeting her (if she really is my half sister). I have 6 siblings who I grew up with. I wouldn't feel a sense of family towards a half sibling who I were to meet as an adult, who didn't grow up in the same home as me. I don't mean it to be cruel, just that she likely would never feel like a real sister to me.

 

[Proserpina]

And now for the CORRECT information pertaining to Mas. New York case law has absolutely no relevance whatsoever.

http://masscases.com/cases/sjc/420/420mass735.html

 

[Proserpina]

I don't know. In the Calcaterra case, the court ruled that it was too late to go after child support from her father (which would have gone to the state, due to her having been in foster care).

You really need to consider all the pros and cons of trying to force this man to take a dna test. Will it dredge up old hurts for your mom? Cause problems with her current relationship? And what if he is found to be your father, but still wants nothing to do with you? Will you be able to deal with that?

What if his extended family isn't interested in a relationship with you? I found out recently that my deceased dad may have had a daughter with a woman he had an affair with 40 something years ago, while married to my mom. I honestly don't have any interest in meeting her (if she really is my half sister). I have 6 siblings who I grew up with. I wouldn't feel a sense of family towards a half sibling who I were to meet as an adult, who didn't grow up in the same home as me. I don't mean it to be cruel, just that she likely would never feel like a real sister to me.

I suggest you read up on Mass. case law.

 

[bigheadnick]

I don't know. In the Calcaterra case, the court ruled that it was too late to go after child support from her father (which would have gone to the state, due to her having been in foster care).

You really need to consider all the pros and cons of trying to force this man to take a dna test. Will it dredge up old hurts for your mom? Cause problems with her current relationship? And what if he is found to be your father, but still wants nothing to do with you? Will you be able to deal with that?

What if his extended family isn't interested in a relationship with you? I found out recently that my deceased dad may have had a daughter with a woman he had an affair with 40 something years ago, while married to my mom. I honestly don't have any interest in meeting her (if she really is my half sister). I have 6 siblings who I grew up with. I wouldn't feel a sense of family towards a half sibling who I were to meet as an adult, who didn't grow up in the same home as me. I don't mean it to be cruel, just that she likely would never feel like a real sister to me.

Well as I said a few posts back, I'm ok with after finding out if he is my father him not wanting to have a relationship with me. I might just as well tell him off anyway but like I also said its not just about him and I and our relationship. Though not knowing who my father is and being all but convinced this is the guy it leaves a pit in my stomach that I feel everyday. Maybe its a bit much to you or others but to me I think everyday what happens when its too late and the guy dies without either of us ever knowing. If you're not in the same position I dont think you can understand the feeling. It sux. Aside from that its also about not knowing half my family, my kids not knowing half their family. How many cousins are they potentially missing out on hanging out with? Also what if I have a life or death medical situation? family medical records are a key part in diagnosing and treating problems. What about my family tree? Knowing where I came from or at least half of me. Theirs just so much more to it. I dont think it would dredge up "old hurts" for my mother atleast no more than me talking to her about it and prodding for answers. Which i deserve!. She was the one that was getting around and not thinking of the consequences, not me. I didnt ask to be born fatherless. If anyone is the selfish one here its her and him. From some of these responses you would think that they're victims. Theyre not. That being said I dont wish to cause either of them harm but nobody can convince me that bringing this up is hurting them anywhere near as much as the void i have in my gut and my life has hurt me.

 

[Proserpina]

Well as I said a few posts back, I'm ok with after finding out if he is my father him not wanting to have a relationship with me. I might just as well tell him off anyway but like I also said its not just about him and I and our relationship. Though not knowing who my father is and being all but convinced this is the guy it leaves a pit in my stomach that I feel everyday. Maybe its a bit much to you or others but to me I think everyday what happens when its too late and the guy dies without either of us ever knowing. If you're not in the same position I dont think you can understand the feeling. It sux. Aside from that its also about not knowing half my family, my kids not knowing half their family. How many cousins are they potentially missing out on hanging out with? Also what if I have a life or death medical situation? family medical records are a key part in diagnosing and treating problems. What about my family tree? Knowing where I came from or at least half of me. Theirs just so much more to it. I dont think it would dredge up "old hurts" for my mother atleast no more than me talking to her about it and prodding for answers. Which i deserve!. She was the one that was getting around and not thinking of the consequences, not me. I didnt ask to be born fatherless. If anyone is the selfish one here its her and him. From some of these responses you would think that they're victims. Theyre not. That being said I dont wish to cause either of them harm but nobody can convince me that bringing this up is hurting them anywhere near as much as the void i have in my gut and my life has hurt me.

Many people try use the medical records as a reason to compel a DNA test in these situations.

However, these days it makes little if any sense; if you're sick you'll know about it and the doctor/s will proceed with any testing deemed appropriate.

It's not about deserving to know. It really is about the privacy of the "defendant".

 

[TheGeekess]

Well as I said a few posts back, I'm ok with after finding out if he is my father him not wanting to have a relationship with me. I might just as well tell him off anyway but like I also said its not just about him and I and our relationship. Though not knowing who my father is and being all but convinced this is the guy it leaves a pit in my stomach that I feel everyday. Maybe its a bit much to you or others but to me I think everyday what happens when its too late and the guy dies without either of us ever knowing. If you're not in the same position I dont think you can understand the feeling. It sux. Aside from that its also about not knowing half my family, my kids not knowing half their family. How many cousins are they potentially missing out on hanging out with? Also what if I have a life or death medical situation? family medical records are a key part in diagnosing and treating problems. What about my family tree? Knowing where I came from or at least half of me. Theirs just so much more to it. I dont think it would dredge up "old hurts" for my mother atleast no more than me talking to her about it and prodding for answers. Which i deserve!. She was the one that was getting around and not thinking of the consequences, not me. I didnt ask to be born fatherless. If anyone is the selfish one here its her and him. From some of these responses you would think that they're victims. Theyre not. That being said I dont wish to cause either of them harm but nobody can convince me that bringing this up is hurting them anywhere near as much as the void i have in my gut and my life has hurt me.

Counseling might be more helpful to you than a court case.

 

[bigheadnick]

I suggest you read up on Mass. case law.

Pulled from your link to that particular case. BTW I CAN file the complaint., Which is what I needed to know and in this particular case the plantiff was obviously looking for money I'm not. I mention the financial angle because I think it's his reason for refusing to acknowledge I might be his son. But I do in fact have good "interest the law should recognize" health and healthcare in the event of an emergency is reason enough to establish paternity for doctors access of his medical records. An interest that was not brought up in this example of case law.

We need not decide whether there may be some circumstance in which an emancipated adult born out of wedlock may use G. L. c. 209C to obtain a paternity determination. Even if a support order need not be an object of an action to establish paternity, the complaint must allege some adequate reason for seeking a paternity determination. [Note 6] A determination of paternity in this case made in the abstract cannot be justified. The complaint fails to allege any reason why a determination of paternity would serve any interest of the plaintiff that the law should recognize. Courts have more important business to discharge than providing answers to questions that have no asserted purpose.

 

[Proserpina]

Pulled from your link to that particular case. BTW I CAN file the complaint., Which is what I needed to know and in this particular case the plantiff was obviously looking for money I'm not. I mention the financial angle because I think it's his reason for refusing to acknowledge I might be his son. But I do in fact have good "interest the law should recognize" health and healthcare in the event of an emergency is reason enough to establish paternity for doctors access of his medical records. An interest that was not brought up in this example of case law.

We need not decide whether there may be some circumstance in which an emancipated adult born out of wedlock may use G. L. c. 209C to obtain a paternity determination. Even if a support order need not be an object of an action to establish paternity, the complaint must allege some adequate reason for seeking a paternity determination. [Note 6] A determination of paternity in this case made in the abstract cannot be justified. The complaint fails to allege any reason why a determination of paternity would serve any interest of the plaintiff that the law should recognize. Courts have more important business to discharge than providing answers to questions that have no asserted purpose.

No, you don't have a good reason. At all. Re-read the bolded portion.

Incidentally, even IF the court allowed the petition and even IF the court ruled that this guy needs to comply, it WOULD NOT compel him, or his doctors (and really, how on earth would you verify that?) to release the medical information.

End. Of. Story.

 

[Proserpina]

Afterthought:

What happens when this guy says "Nope, sorry, I never had intimate relations with this woman"? He doesn't have to prove anything.

 

[bigheadnick]

Many people try use the medical records as a reason to compel a DNA test in these situations.

However, these days it makes little if any sense; if you're sick you'll know about it and the doctor/s will proceed with any testing deemed appropriate.

It's not about deserving to know. It really is about the privacy of the "defendant".

And the privacy of the defendant is a farking joke compared to the weight of this in my opinion. His privacy lol as if I'm asking him to pull down his pants and replace his walls with glass panes. I mean seriously. A cotton swab in your flipping cheek is not the same as getting violated for crying out loud. Where is the common sense here? He knows he was with her at the time, she know she was with him at the time, he acknowledges our resemblance but "oh no dont you dare ask me to swab my cheek, I feel so violated! What could possibly make you expect me to take a paternity test?" I have my privacy you know!" Its a joke is what it is being played on me.

 

[longislandguy]

And the privacy of the defendant is a farking joke compared to the weight of this in my opinion. His privacy lol as if I'm asking him to pull down his pants and replace his walls with glass panes. I mean seriously. A cotton swab in your flipping cheek is not the same as getting violated for crying out loud. Where is the common sense here? He knows he was with her at the time, she know she was with him at the time, he acknowledges our resemblance but "oh no dont you dare ask me to swab my cheek, I feel so violated! What could possibly make you expect me to take a paternity test?" I have my privacy you know!" Its a joke is what it is being played on me.

What if its negative? Have you considered the possible effects on not just you, but him and your mother?