What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio
I'll try to be brief. It's a long and sordid story.
In October 2012, I was awarded sole physical and legal custody of my son, R. He is my only child. He was my ex's third, by the third mother, and he was not given custody of either his other son nor his daughter for the same reasons I was given custody of R- he is not stable, hops from "self employment" to "contracting", has a history of domestic violence (including against me), and is hostile and rude in parenting exchanges or any attempt at discussing matters related to our son. While I have sole legal and physical, he has the court ordered visitation schedule. This amounts to every other weekend and 3 hours Wednesday nights, with rotating holidays. There is a child support order in place that he does not pay, which has accrued over the months to an arrearage now of over $10,000. I did not initiate litigation. To be honest I hoped he would not, and that he would lose interest and go away. But alas, my son is a valuable tool in trying to maintain control over me, and so he pressed the issue, to his disadvantage in this case. I always let him have our son as was age appropriate and did not ask for anything outside of medical bills before court. He inflated his income falsely in a bid for residential custody and it backfired spectacularly- to the tune of $893/month. I was never married to R's bio dad and he lives 2.5 hours away from where R and I live, and where our court order was established.
He is still angry and bitter that I was granted custody and he "got the shaft" in his words. However, I try always to put myself in his shoes in terms of parenting decisions, and I keep him involved to what I feel is an appropriate extent. I do have a fear lurking in the back of my mind that he could drag me back into court to try to modify custody for whatever reason he can dream up. Our first court battle cost me over 35k and I JUST finished paying it off. So to assuage myself, I have a few questions I am seeking insight and perspective on.
Firstly, how much should I involve him in medical decision making? On a basic human level, I think he should know how R is doing and so I keep him informed. I tell him of appointments and invite him to come when I feel it is appropriate. But the last time I invited him, he lied to the doctor 10 ways from Sunday about observations that are patently untrue about R and things he could not know given the limited amount of time he spends with him. At R's most recent appointment (he has eczema/allergy issues) I did not invite him, only emailed a summary of the visit, and he is VERY angry. Am I doing the wrong thing by not inviting him? Should I not tell him? What would be the best course of action? He has NO legal custody. I am named sole decision-maker. But, I am worried about how these things would look in court if ever I were dragged back.... how should I handle it?
Secondly, in the midst of all this, I met and married my husband, who is a wonderful father and shouldered supporting us with no questions asked. R, who is almost 20 months old, started to call him Daddy not long after after we were married and R and I moved into his home. This did not happen with prompting by me; however, after he started I did not nip it in the bud. My husband is who is in the "Daddy" role for R... he does not see his bio dad nearly as often, and since I found a full time job, my husband is who he wakes up to and who puts him to bed two nights a week. My ex is FURIOUS that R does this, because R does it right in front of him, often leaping out of his bio dad's arms to get to my husband. Again I think this is just a natural byproduct of the time spent, and also of their relationships. My husband is more nurturing and caring by nature than my ex, who does love his kids, but it is a tough love, and also at times very selfish. I always got the impression he sees them as things that belong to him, not as his children, you know? Anyway, am I doing the wrong thing allowing this to go on? Should I correct R?
Lastly, I recently got full time employment. This means a pretty hefty salary, full benefits, the works. Our CS order still has me imputed minimum wage as a student, which I was at the time it was established. What duty do I have to tell him (my ex) of my new employment? Do I need to inform CSEA? I know my ex has an inkling since I involved him in picking daycare for R, as I felt that was fair, since I would want to know who my son was with. But he has no idea of my pay, etc. Additionally, I am just double checking, but my husband's income does not affect CS, right? Our salaries together add up to quite a hefty household income....
thanks for any and all input!
I'll try to be brief. It's a long and sordid story.
In October 2012, I was awarded sole physical and legal custody of my son, R. He is my only child. He was my ex's third, by the third mother, and he was not given custody of either his other son nor his daughter for the same reasons I was given custody of R- he is not stable, hops from "self employment" to "contracting", has a history of domestic violence (including against me), and is hostile and rude in parenting exchanges or any attempt at discussing matters related to our son. While I have sole legal and physical, he has the court ordered visitation schedule. This amounts to every other weekend and 3 hours Wednesday nights, with rotating holidays. There is a child support order in place that he does not pay, which has accrued over the months to an arrearage now of over $10,000. I did not initiate litigation. To be honest I hoped he would not, and that he would lose interest and go away. But alas, my son is a valuable tool in trying to maintain control over me, and so he pressed the issue, to his disadvantage in this case. I always let him have our son as was age appropriate and did not ask for anything outside of medical bills before court. He inflated his income falsely in a bid for residential custody and it backfired spectacularly- to the tune of $893/month. I was never married to R's bio dad and he lives 2.5 hours away from where R and I live, and where our court order was established.
He is still angry and bitter that I was granted custody and he "got the shaft" in his words. However, I try always to put myself in his shoes in terms of parenting decisions, and I keep him involved to what I feel is an appropriate extent. I do have a fear lurking in the back of my mind that he could drag me back into court to try to modify custody for whatever reason he can dream up. Our first court battle cost me over 35k and I JUST finished paying it off. So to assuage myself, I have a few questions I am seeking insight and perspective on.
Firstly, how much should I involve him in medical decision making? On a basic human level, I think he should know how R is doing and so I keep him informed. I tell him of appointments and invite him to come when I feel it is appropriate. But the last time I invited him, he lied to the doctor 10 ways from Sunday about observations that are patently untrue about R and things he could not know given the limited amount of time he spends with him. At R's most recent appointment (he has eczema/allergy issues) I did not invite him, only emailed a summary of the visit, and he is VERY angry. Am I doing the wrong thing by not inviting him? Should I not tell him? What would be the best course of action? He has NO legal custody. I am named sole decision-maker. But, I am worried about how these things would look in court if ever I were dragged back.... how should I handle it?
Secondly, in the midst of all this, I met and married my husband, who is a wonderful father and shouldered supporting us with no questions asked. R, who is almost 20 months old, started to call him Daddy not long after after we were married and R and I moved into his home. This did not happen with prompting by me; however, after he started I did not nip it in the bud. My husband is who is in the "Daddy" role for R... he does not see his bio dad nearly as often, and since I found a full time job, my husband is who he wakes up to and who puts him to bed two nights a week. My ex is FURIOUS that R does this, because R does it right in front of him, often leaping out of his bio dad's arms to get to my husband. Again I think this is just a natural byproduct of the time spent, and also of their relationships. My husband is more nurturing and caring by nature than my ex, who does love his kids, but it is a tough love, and also at times very selfish. I always got the impression he sees them as things that belong to him, not as his children, you know? Anyway, am I doing the wrong thing allowing this to go on? Should I correct R?
Lastly, I recently got full time employment. This means a pretty hefty salary, full benefits, the works. Our CS order still has me imputed minimum wage as a student, which I was at the time it was established. What duty do I have to tell him (my ex) of my new employment? Do I need to inform CSEA? I know my ex has an inkling since I involved him in picking daycare for R, as I felt that was fair, since I would want to know who my son was with. But he has no idea of my pay, etc. Additionally, I am just double checking, but my husband's income does not affect CS, right? Our salaries together add up to quite a hefty household income....
thanks for any and all input!
