How much should I share? What do I need to? (Ohio)

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I'll try to be brief.

That didn't work out.

It's a long and sordid story.

I read it, looking for sordid-ness. Didn't find any, and can only assume you've wanted to use that word for a while.

He inflated his income falsely in a bid for residential custody and it backfired spectacularly- to the tune of $893/month.
{snip}
However, I try always to put myself in his shoes in terms of parenting decisions, and I keep him involved to what I feel is an appropriate extent.
{snip}
Firstly, how much should I involve him in medical decision making? On a basic human level, I think he should know how R is doing and so I keep him informed. I tell him of appointments and invite him to come when I feel it is appropriate.
{snip}

I'm heading somewhere with the snips and bolding, but then you went and said this:

Secondly, in the midst of all this, I met and married my husband, who is a wonderful father and shouldered supporting us with no questions asked. R, who is almost 20 months old, started to call him Daddy not long after after we were married and R and I moved into his home. This did not happen with prompting by me; however, after he started I did not nip it in the bud. My husband is who is in the "Daddy" role for R... he does not see his bio dad nearly as often, and since I found a full time job, my husband is who he wakes up to and who puts him to bed two nights a week. My ex is FURIOUS that R does this, because R does it right in front of him, often leaping out of his bio dad's arms to get to my husband. Again I think this is just a natural byproduct of the time spent, and also of their relationships. My husband is more nurturing and caring by nature than my ex, who does love his kids, but it is a tough love, and also at times very selfish. I always got the impression he sees them as things that belong to him, not as his children, you know? Anyway, am I doing the wrong thing allowing this to go on? Should I correct R?

Your child has two parents. If Dad marries someone, should that new person be called "Mommy," especially since she will be in a "Motherly" role, cooking and making birthday cakes and such? You know the answer. You know what you are doing is wrong. You wouldn't appreciate being called "biomom," so why do you do it to Dad?

Lastly, I recently got full time employment. This means a pretty hefty salary, full benefits, the works. Our CS order still has me imputed minimum wage as a student, which I was at the time it was established. What duty do I have to tell him (my ex) of my new employment? Do I need to inform CSEA? I know my ex has an inkling since I involved him in picking daycare for R, as I felt that was fair, since I would want to know who my son was with. But he has no idea of my pay, etc. Additionally, I am just double checking, but my husband's income does not affect CS, right? Our salaries together add up to quite a hefty household income....

thanks for any and all input!

Why are you asking internet strangers to tell you what is right?

You go on and on about how compassionate and thoughtful you are, how you would want to know if you were in Dad's shoes, etc. etc.

Well, lady, you're currently receiving $893/month from Dad. Those calculations are now incorrect. What's the right thing to do? You know the right thing to do.

 

[CSO286]

That didn't work out.


I read it, looking for sordid-ness. Didn't find any, and can only assume you've wanted to use that word for a while.


I'm heading somewhere with the snips and bolding, but then you went and said this:


Your child has two parents. If Dad marries someone, should that new person be called "Mommy," especially since she will be in a "Motherly" role, cooking and making birthday cakes and such? You know the answer. You know what you are doing is wrong. You wouldn't appreciate being called "biomom," so why do you do it to Dad?



Why are you asking internet strangers to tell you what is right?

You go on and on about how compassionate and thoughtful you are, how you would want to know if you were in Dad's shoes, etc. etc.

Well, lady, you're currently receiving $893/month from Dad. Those calculations are now incorrect. What's the right thing to do? You know the right thing to do.

But it's only the right thing to do if the new numbers mean the other parent has to pay MORE support!!!!!!!




(I'll take my cheese now.)

 

[single317dad]

But it's only the right thing to do if the new numbers mean the other parent has to pay MORE support!!!!!!!




(I'll take my cheese now.)

With the recent budget cuts, those applying for wine and cheese will now be served cottage cheese and Mad Dog.

Sincerely,
MGMT

 

[Mnemosyne]

I read it, looking for sordid-ness. Didn't find any, and can only assume you've wanted to use that word for a while.

< spit-take >

 

[cpeter22]

Did you read my post? My son's dad doesn't pay his support. Never has. Owes over 10k. I agree on the name. I just don't know how to change it delicately now. And there is still a huge difference between who he is with 85 percent of the time and 15. Stepmom wouldn't spend near the amount of time with him that my husband does. But I should try to correct I have come to believe.

CSEA told me today I only have to tell them about health insurance. Not salary. My lawyer also told me not to share salary and that I do not have to by law.

 

[ecmst12]

Eventually, a CS review will be done and you will both have to give updated numbers.

You simply need to remind your child that your husband is not daddy, he knows who his daddy is, reinforce the appropriate name for your husband. Don't need to make a big dramatic thing about it.

 

[cpeter22]

And R was already covered by my husband' s insurance anyway which I notified them of when it happened. Another thing my husband does for him that his father never has. Yes I will own up to anger toward his dad. The sordid part is where in trial R's dad alleged my father raped me, called an emergency psych hearing to allege I was psychologically incompetent to be R's mother and called me a bitch as I was in labor. He is about to be under CPS investigation due to the fact our son returns from visits with his eczema broken out beyond belief. My pediatrician is about to call him and give him one last chance.

This attracted a lot of helpful posts. But the attitudinal ones were rude and made assumptions about me you couldn't possibly know. And as a reminder. ... he has yet to pay his CS EVER.

 

[Ohiogal]

And R was already covered by my husband' s insurance anyway which I notified them of when it happened. Another thing my husband does for him that his father never has. Yes I will own up to anger toward his dad. The sordid part is where in trial R's dad alleged my father raped me, called an emergency psych hearing to allege I was psychologically incompetent to be R's mother and called me a bitch as I was in labor. He is about to be under CPS investigation due to the fact our son returns from visits with his eczema broken out beyond belief. My pediatrician is about to call him and give him one last chance.

This attracted a lot of helpful posts. But the attitudinal ones were rude and made assumptions about me you couldn't possibly know. And as a reminder. ... he has yet to pay his CS EVER.

Calling in CPS is stupid. CPS puts you on the under spotlight as well. In addition, CPS doesn't have the power to do anything. That requires court. And if court is necessary, you would be better off initiating the suit rather than CPS. Because if your child is found to be dependent, neglected or abused, that is considered that YOU are a parent are unsuitable in the state of Ohio. If you have an attorney, why are you here?

 

[LdiJ]

Did you read my post? My son's dad doesn't pay his support. Never has. Owes over 10k. I agree on the name. I just don't know how to change it delicately now. And there is still a huge difference between who he is with 85 percent of the time and 15. Stepmom wouldn't spend near the amount of time with him that my husband does. But I should try to correct I have come to believe.

CSEA told me today I only have to tell them about health insurance. Not salary. My lawyer also told me not to share salary and that I do not have to by law.

That appears to agree with how the statute reads.

 

[cpeter22]

I already made my lawyer 35k richer. If I can avoid paying more legal bills I would like to. I'm not calling CPS. R's pediatrician tells me she must report it as when he returns broken out I take him to the doctor for treatment to relieve his skin so he can sleep. She says she is a mandatory reporter.

 

[LdiJ]

I already made my lawyer 35k richer. If I can avoid paying more legal bills I would like to. I'm not calling CPS. R's pediatrician tells me she must report it as when he returns broken out I take him to the doctor for treatment to relieve his skin so he can sleep. She says she is a mandatory reporter.

You really don't have to put up with the grief that you are getting here. If you have sole legal and physical custody you were given that for a reason. Courts these days don't award that to one parent unless there is a real reason.

Yes, you were wrong to allow your husband to be given the "daddy" title, and if you can correct that it would be good. However, other than that you have sole decision making rights and all that you are required to do legally is to make sure that dad has the names of all medical providers, teachers, the school the child attends etc, so that dad can get whatever information he wants to receive.

Its good co-parenting if you volunteer information above and beyond that, but you are not actually required to do so.

 

[cpeter22]

Thank you Ldi. I appreciate your statute scanning for me.

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you Ldi. I appreciate your statute scanning for me.

You are welcome.

 

[gam]

I already made my lawyer 35k richer. If I can avoid paying more legal bills I would like to. I'm not calling CPS. R's pediatrician tells me she must report it as when he returns broken out I take him to the doctor for treatment to relieve his skin so he can sleep. She says she is a mandatory reporter.

You and Ped can prove that dad is doing something or not doing something, either on purpose or neglectfully to cause your son's eczema to break out beyond belief? Just what is dad doing to cause this?

What exactly causes your sons eczema in the first place?

 

[Ohiogal]

I already made my lawyer 35k richer. If I can avoid paying more legal bills I would like to. I'm not calling CPS. R's pediatrician tells me she must report it as when he returns broken out I take him to the doctor for treatment to relieve his skin so he can sleep. She says she is a mandatory reporter.

She is a mandatory reporter of abuse and neglect. And if she reports abuse and neglect you are thrown into that. Plain and simple. What I stated was factual. Getting CPS involved is stupid and you can be found an unsuitable parent if this goes to court under their umbrella.