How to prove a "romantic interest" violation?

[bd420]

you are wrong rmet4nzkx, I have Proof, it's just

You need proof and you don't have it, the judge has already considered the proof and made his ruling. Cry all you want, it don't change the facts or that you have no proof that will stand up in court.

not admissable, I'm frustrated, but thru all these maddening posts, I am getting some answers, which is all I want, so thanks for that.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

not admissable, I'm frustrated, but thru all these maddening posts, I am getting some answers, which is all I want, so thanks for that.

The frustration is partually your own. We have to give appropriate advice, not just what you want to hear. Your relationship is over but you are still parents, it is in the best interest of your child to acknowledge that and move forward in a positive way and not try to make your child suffer because you feel betrayed or jilted. It matters not that you SIL is on meth or how long or that you stbx has a relationship with her sister, or what she does on her own time that does not endanger the children's safety. If she has a DUI, goes to a bar but doesn't drive home, that is not your concern, your concern was who drove her home and you would have objected if all she had was diet coke! Remember the story about the boy who cried wolf? YOu really need to get a grip on yourself and get some counseling so you can adjust to being a co-parent.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

YOu really need to get a grip on yourself

Please be specific before we REALLY get trolls and old farts on this thread

 

[ENASNI]

too late

Please be specific before we REALLY get trolls and old farts on this thread

Not an old fart... but a true troll that needs to go back under his bridge.
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=229589

 

[LdiJ]

My hands are tied, I can't grab the drugs out of her house, I can't talk to Bayanet (Bay Area Narcotics) and blow some covert info they have on her bf, my wife won't listen that she's making mistakes and lying, I can't perform a PE on her sister, I can't perform an MRI for brain damage on her sister, I can't prevent her sister from driving or taking care of my kids, I can't bust her for violating her OUIL probation, I can't tell God that she lied to the church, all I can do is be ALONE with my kids during parenting time, and tell them that mom is the greatest parent in the world. This situation just sux.

What you need to realize is that a huge number of parents who make accusations against the other parent are doing it out of spite.....which means that most judges won't listen unless there is hard, cold evidence. Another problem is that if judge's had to take custody away from every parent who may occasionally smoke pot....or know someone who does...or has someone in the family who does..there would be so many kids in foster care that the system would go into overload.

In addition, many parents, out of jealousy, search very hard to find things wrong with a new "interest" of the other parent....and to make it as difficult as possible for the other parent to date.

You come across like someone with those issues. You may not have those issues....or you may not believe that you have those issues. However that IS how you come across and I suspect that you are also coming across that way to other parties as well. That may be why you aren't being taken seriously. Therefore, you need to seriously sit back and examine your state of mind....and your approach.

You are seeing something alarming and suspicious in everything. It is NOT suspicious or alarming that she decided that your children would benefit from joint custody or that her friend brought her flowers.

 

[Kansas4me]

What you need to realize is that a huge number of parents who make accusations against the other parent are doing it out of spite.....which means that most judges won't listen unless there is hard, cold evidence. Another problem is that if judge's had to take custody away from every parent who may occasionally smoke pot....or know someone who does...or has someone in the family who does..there would be so many kids in foster care that the system would go into overload.

In addition, many parents, out of jealousy, search very hard to find things wrong with a new "interest" of the other parent....and to make it as difficult as possible for the other parent to date.

You come across like someone with those issues. You may not have those issues....or you may not believe that you have those issues. However that IS how you come across and I suspect that you are also coming across that way to other parties as well. That may be why you aren't being taken seriously. Therefore, you need to seriously sit back and examine your state of mind....and your approach.

You are seeing something alarming and suspicious in everything. It is NOT suspicious or alarming that she decided that your children would benefit from joint custody or that her friend brought her flowers.

AMEN! You said it perfectly.

 

[bd420]

I will heed your sensible advice and hope you are

What you need to realize is that a huge number of parents who make accusations against the other parent are doing it out of spite.....which means that most judges won't listen unless there is hard, cold evidence. Another problem is that if judge's had to take custody away from every parent who may occasionally smoke pot....or know someone who does...or has someone in the family who does..there would be so many kids in foster care that the system would go into overload.

In addition, many parents, out of jealousy, search very hard to find things wrong with a new "interest" of the other parent....and to make it as difficult as possible for the other parent to date.

You come across like someone with those issues. You may not have those issues....or you may not believe that you have those issues. However that IS how you come across and I suspect that you are also coming across that way to other parties as well. That may be why you aren't being taken seriously. Therefore, you need to seriously sit back and examine your state of mind....and your approach.

You are seeing something alarming and suspicious in everything. It is NOT suspicious or alarming that she decided that your children would benefit from joint custody or that her friend brought her flowers.

right.

I believe what you say does have a lot of truth in what's happening with me. I'm just going to have to let this all go and just play itself out, instead of trying to force it to play out. Like the one poster said, I shouldn't care if she's on proby and drinking a coke at a bar, in truth, I wouldn't care at all, but she really rubs me the wrong way when she also won't drop the kids off personally bc she says she doesn't want to violate her probation, kinda like a slap in the face, but yknow, I have to just get used to that.

Consciously, I don't mind if she dates, I just think it could have waited until after the Divorce and not been during parenting time, she's been engaged 3 times and the next will be her 4th and she's only 33, so, I realize men find her attractive, and I told her that she would have no problems with suitors, subconsciously I must have issues with this.

I need to back off and let her 'get herself into trouble all on her own', this is what I've been told, my problem with that is that either way, she has taken herself out of the kids life with poor choices, and I'm utlimately going to be the one to have to explain to the kids why mom is not around, I was hoping to 'wake her up' a little bit, before she gets into a whole heap of trouble.

One thing I'm wondering is how she's planning on purchasing the rent to own property that she's living on know with No established Credit. It's selling for for 126k, she makes 22k, and will be only getting $239 per month in CS. Her alternative at this place is to continue to pay $650 a month, which is almost one of her bi-weekly checks all by itself. Maybe she'll find a co-signer, I'd hate to see the kids in a trailer. Oh well, time to heed your advice, thanks so much!

 

[ENASNI]

Good luck "ken"

Sorry for throwing all those barbie dolls at you.

Just love your kids... Lots and lots.

 

[Kansas4me]

Sometimes that is the toughest thing to do, but it is the best. Let her live her life and fail. I know my brother tried to stick around for the kids or hopeing his wife would change, but in the end he realized no wake up call he could ever give her would be good enough, she was going to have to fall and hit rock bottom. Only then would she stand a chance at seeing her mistakes. And maybe then she can get her life back on track for her sake and the kids.

I will keep you in my prayers and let us know how things go.

 

[bd420]

Thank you so much for those heartfelt words

Sometimes that is the toughest thing to do, but it is the best. Let her live her life and fail. I know my brother tried to stick around for the kids or hopeing his wife would change, but in the end he realized no wake up call he could ever give her would be good enough, she was going to have to fall and hit rock bottom. Only then would she stand a chance at seeing her mistakes. And maybe then she can get her life back on track for her sake and the kids.

I will keep you in my prayers and let us know how things go.

Hearing what you just said lifts my spirits up so much, to know that people at least care. I have to agree with you completely, my hope to wake her up, is/was a false one, I can't beleive I didn't realize that, she is completely the type of person that WILL have to hit rock bottom to EVER wake up. I guess for my own peace of mind, I wanted to at least 'try' to wake her up, but yknow, from reading everyone's posts on here, I've ALREADY tried to wake her up, and that's all I could do .

If my sole mission was to wake her up so the kids were not placed in any unnecessary harm during her care, which I think it primarily was if you put a synopsis on everything, then I DID do that. If she winds up in jail for violating probation, it hurts the kids. Seeing this guy so soon has ALREADY hurt the kids. The drug scene at the house will hopefully not hurt the kids, but the chances are raised, yet, I can't pesonally do more about it than contacting the authorities and let them do their jobs. The kids will eventually figure out her lies too, I don't have to initiate that.

I thank everyone here for this thread, and I will let everyone know what happens in my case down the road.

Thanks once again.

bd420