Husband took 2yo daughter to Hawaii

[hawaiidreams]

What is the name of your state? CA and HI

My husband of four years, myself and our two year old daughter recently moved from Hawaii to California with the intentions of renting a house from his mother. This was six months ago. Our relationship has been falling apart and this move was supposed to give us a fresh start.

When we got here, his mom was horrible and made life difficult to say the least. We split up and I was kicked out homeless and without anything to my name. Two weeks ago my husband came to the place I’ve been staying, had a huge fight, he damaged my friend’s car (for which friend filed a police report) and then he hopped on a plane with our daughter and left back to Hawaii.

He’s telling me that he filed a restraining order, so I’ll be arrested the second I arrive back in Hawaii. He says he’s filing for divorce with full custody and child support and alimony. He’s scaring me with all of this and I don’t know what to do.

He is also in stage four kidney failure so I’m afraid he could drop dead at any moment, and then CPS will have my daughter.

My friend told me that we may have established residency here in California, and I may be able to file for divorce and joint custody here. I have been here for over six months, and he was just shy of six months. I know he can’t get alimony because we haven’t been married over 10 years, but can he just leave with our daughter like that?

Can I file for divorce in CA?
If he died, will Hawaii automatically return our daughter to me, or will it be a fight?
How is 50/50 custody handled when our daughter is so little and we’re separated by an ocean?
His temporary restraining order looks (from the HI court site) like it was filed on 6/12, do I get to respond or is that automatically in place?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? CA and HI

My husband of four years, myself and our two year old daughter recently moved from Hawaii to California with the intentions of renting a house from his mother. This was six months ago. Our relationship has been falling apart and this move was supposed to give us a fresh start.

When we got here, his mom was horrible and made life difficult to say the least. We split up and I was kicked out homeless and without anything to my name. Two weeks ago my husband came to the place I’ve been staying, had a huge fight, he damaged my friend’s car (for which friend filed a police report) and then he hopped on a plane with our daughter and left back to Hawaii.

He’s telling me that he filed a restraining order, so I’ll be arrested the second I arrive back in Hawaii. He says he’s filing for divorce with full custody and child support and alimony. He’s scaring me with all of this and I don’t know what to do.

He is also in stage four kidney failure so I’m afraid he could drop dead at any moment, and then CPS will have my daughter.

My friend told me that we may have established residency here in California, and I may be able to file for divorce and joint custody here. I have been here for over six months, and he was just shy of six months. I know he can’t get alimony because we haven’t been married over 10 years, but can he just leave with our daughter like that?

Can I file for divorce in CA?
If he died, will Hawaii automatically return our daughter to me, or will it be a fight?
How is 50/50 custody handled when our daughter is so little and we’re separated by an ocean?
His temporary restraining order looks (from the HI court site) like it was filed on 6/12, do I get to respond or is that automatically in place?

You can probably file in CA but I would strongly recommend that you get an attorney on board. Him running off with your child was a serious mistake on his part.

 

[hawaiidreams]

You can probably file in CA but I would strongly recommend that you get an attorney on board. Him running off with your child was a serious mistake on his part.

Is there some kind of motion an attorney can file that would force him to bring her back to me? Maybe even to make him come back to figure out some kind of co-parenting plan?

 

[adjusterjack]

Is there some kind of motion an attorney can file that would force him to bring her back to me? Maybe even to make him come back to figure out some kind of co-parenting plan?

That's something you would have to do in HI where a HI court can order local law enforcement to intervene.

I suggest you get a copy of the restraining because I'm sure it doesn't say stay away from HI. I suggest you talk to a divorce lawyer in HI on the chance that you are both already residents in spite of the 6 month hiatus. And if that's the case, he doesn't have to know you are there until you sandbag him with the divorce petition.

 

[justalayman]

http://www.courts.ca.gov/1224.htm
California residency requirements for divorce

For married persons to get a divorce:

You MUST meet California’s residency requirements. Either you or your spouse must have lived in:

California for the last 6 months, AND
The county where you plan to file the divorce for the last 3 months.
If you and your spouse have lived in California for at least 6 months but in different counties for at least 3 months, you can file in either county.

 

[LdiJ]

That's something you would have to do in HI where a HI court can order local law enforcement to intervene.

I suggest you get a copy of the restraining because I'm sure it doesn't say stay away from HI. I suggest you talk to a divorce lawyer in HI on the chance that you are both already residents in spite of the 6 month hiatus. And if that's the case, he doesn't have to know you are there until you sandbag him with the divorce petition.

I think this is questionable advice AJ. I think she needs to be talking to an attorney in CA. Yes, it may be that some court action will also have to take place in Hawaii to enforce any CA court orders, but it certainly appears that CA would have jurisdiction at this point and that would be in the OP's favor.

 

[HRZ]

I would also suggest that you get immediate input from a CA attorney ...it may well be that if you all relocated from HI to CA with intention of residing in CA and did reside in CA for at least 6 months you may be residents of CA .".and there may be a tactical advantage of being the first to file for divorce and securing CA jurisdiction , if that is where you want to be ?...I'd be on sorting it out ,Monday

 

[hawaiidreams]

I would also suggest that you get immediate input from a CA attorney ...it may well be that if you all relocated from HI to CA with intention of residing in CA and did reside in CA for at least 6 months you may be residents of CA .".and there may be a tactical advantage of being the first to file for divorce and securing CA jurisdiction , if that is where you want to be ?...I'd be on sorting it out ,Monday

Yes, California is where I want to remain. I will start making calls on Monday. Also, I have little to no means, so hiring an attorney is going to be near impossible... and I don’t know if I can take out a loan. But I will check into that as well. But any advice or understanding you can share with me would make a world of difference to my peace of mind and broken heart. Thank you all.

 

[hawaiidreams]

If he died, will Hawaii automatically return our daughter to me, or will it be a fight?
How is 50/50 custody handled when our daughter is so little and we’re separated by an ocean?
His temporary restraining order looks (from the HI court site) like it was filed on 6/12, do I get to respond or is that automatically in place?

Also, what about these questions?

 

[LdiJ]

If he died, will Hawaii automatically return our daughter to me, or will it be a fight?

You should be able to go pick her up without any problem.

How is 50/50 custody handled when our daughter is so little and we’re separated by an ocean?

It would never be ordered in this instance. Someone is going to have primary physical custody.

His temporary restraining order looks (from the HI court site) like it was filed on 6/12, do I get to respond or is that automatically in place?

You should get a chance to respond.

 

[HRZ]

Does Dad. Have a job/incme/assets? You might seek a temporary support order .

 

[Mass_Shyster]

He’s telling me that he filed a restraining order, so I’ll be arrested the second I arrive back in Hawaii.

That’s not how restraining orders work. You don’t get arrested unless you are accused of violating the order.

 

[Zigner]

Just for clarification. How long had the child been residing in California before returning to Hawaii with dad?

As a note - there's nothing illegal about dad taking his child to Hawaii. LdiJ's post implied that there may have been. Could it cause him problems in court? Possible...but by mom's own account, she is living on the streets. How would she have cared for kiddo? It's quite possible that the proper place for kiddo is with dad. Just sayin'

 

[LdiJ]

Just for clarification. How long had the child been residing in California before returning to Hawaii with dad?

As a note - there's nothing illegal about dad taking his child to Hawaii. LdiJ's post implied that there may have been. Could it cause him problems in court? Possible...but by mom's own account, she is living on the streets. How would she have cared for kiddo? It's quite possible that the proper place for kiddo is with dad. Just sayin'

I did not imply at all that it was illegal. I said that it was a serious mistake...and it was. Its going to put him at a serious disadvantage in court.

Also, its not very likely that its in the child's best interest to be in the primary custody of a parent with stage four kidney failure and an ocean away from the other parent.

 

[Just Blue]

I did not imply at all that it was illegal. I said that it was a serious mistake...and it was. Its going to put him at a serious disadvantage in court.

Also, its not very likely that its in the child's best interest to be in the primary custody of a parent with stage four kidney failure and an ocean away from the other parent.

Yeah...Much better to live under a bridge.