Thank you all for the suggestions. I’ll look at applying through the state. I have no idea about this whole process and what’s actually out there, but I’ve been looking. At this time I just needed some guidance as I’m not thinking clearly. I am seeing a psychiatrist which my husband pays for at this time. He’s trying, but I know this is hard for him and I HATE being a burden. There’s a lot more I didn’t share and I know this is not like cancer or being paraplegic, another reason I hesitated in going forward. I feel ridiculous and cannot understand why I can’t just get over it like I always have before. I just need time and thought after working for more than half my life it wouldn’t be so difficult. I feel like a useless nothing, I miss teaching and helping kids, but I have nothing to give them right now. It takes so much out of me. I’ve applied to teaching jobs because I thought I’ll just force myself to the interview and be ok. That backfired at the last job I had and it was awful. I can’t be guiding kids in this state. That’s not fair to them. I can’t even think straight. I’m doing little online tasks here and there and am trying to learn new skills so I can possibly make enough online to contribute. I’m trying everything I am capable of doing at this moment in my life, but having no support is difficult and I am not going to burden anyone else with my problems. It’s bad enough my husband has to deal with this. I help him every day though. I do everything around the house. Everything. Still I feel like a waste of space. Mental health still has such a stigma and people like to think you’re lazy or exaggerating things. That also sucks and it is always in the back of my head. Ugh. Anyway, thank you all for the advice. I’ll try to start on my own.