I need a shoulder to cry on or i dont know what I'll do

[starbud99]

What is the name of your state? CO
Well.... I need a shoulder to cry on....

Today- 9am-Hubby went out of town, and I am supposed to go and pick up the kids from their BM. Never has been a serious problem before, though she hates me- she usually hands over the kids and thats it.


Today 10am- I show up to pick the kids up like the court order says and it even states that if I have to go instead of him, then its allowed. to sum it all up, she tells me "I would never give the kids to you, you are just a young girl that knows nothing about taking care of children, youre a slut, your a bit#h, youre not worth my time."

I stood there in disbelief. I didnt even get out of my car, didnt even say a word to her. She was the one who walked over to me opened my door and started in on her crap. We are supposed to have the kids for 3 weeks. And EXCUSE me if Im young, that hasnt hurt the fact that I have been the one taking care of HER and HIS kids for 5 years when they visit. I am so sick of all of this BULL.

I did go to the sherrifs office, and they didnt do anything, I had the court papers with me of course, and that didnt matter.

NOW- I am sitting here crying my eyes out, cause I had to call my husband and tell him I couldnt get the kids. Now, some people might say- why didnt your husband just call in sick... well he cant.

I just dont feel like living anymore. I know it sounds stupid, but Im sick of the whole thing. she does this any time, i know I shouldnt listen, but I dont know what to do. we dont have anyone else to go pick up the kids, or I would have just done that. Everything is my fault, Everything.

 

[stealth2]

Why is everything your fault?

 

[BL]

Today 10am- I show up to pick the kids up like the court order says and it even states that if I have to go instead of him, then its allowed.

If the Court Order allows you to pick up , then your hubby should return what she dished out , and file Contempt against her , ASAP.

 

[starbud99]

thats just what she says. I shouldnt listen, but how can I not.

 

[starbud99]

We dont have an lawyer cause we cant afford one. I just cant do anything right. I know its all my fault, and its getting pretty damn old. The last time this happened ( where she wouldnt give us the kids) we filed a contempt of court, and it was denied. Im about ready to give up

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? CO
Well.... I need a shoulder to cry on....

Today- 9am-Hubby went out of town, and I am supposed to go and pick up the kids from their BM. Never has been a serious problem before, though she hates me- she usually hands over the kids and thats it.


Today 10am- I show up to pick the kids up like the court order says and it even states that if I have to go instead of him, then its allowed. to sum it all up, she tells me "I would never give the kids to you, you are just a young girl that knows nothing about taking care of children, youre a slut, your a bit#h, youre not worth my time."

I stood there in disbelief. I didnt even get out of my car, didnt even say a word to her. She was the one who walked over to me opened my door and started in on her crap. We are supposed to have the kids for 3 weeks. And EXCUSE me if Im young, that hasnt hurt the fact that I have been the one taking care of HER and HIS kids for 5 years when they visit. I am so sick of all of this BULL.

I did go to the sherrifs office, and they didnt do anything, I had the court papers with me of course, and that didnt matter.

NOW- I am sitting here crying my eyes out, cause I had to call my husband and tell him I couldnt get the kids. Now, some people might say- why didnt your husband just call in sick... well he cant.

I just dont feel like living anymore. I know it sounds stupid, but Im sick of the whole thing. she does this any time, i know I shouldnt listen, but I dont know what to do. we dont have anyone else to go pick up the kids, or I would have just done that. Everything is my fault, Everything.

This isn't your fault. If the court orders have a "right of first refusal" clause in them then its the fault of the court orders...and mom may have had a valid right to refuse you (since your husband is out of town).

If the orders don't have a "right of first refusal" clause, and allow for others to pick up the kids then mom is in contempt.

None of that makes it your fault....and you cannot let mom's words hurt you.

 

[MaxinesMom]

has she given the kids up to just you before without your husband being present? See, this proves what I wrote in my post "blowing off steam and wanting action", those parents who are truely trying, who are being honest, etc, are denied action to protect their children and their rights. Here's a prime example of where a court denied something that is truely contempt and the sherriffs office don't want the bother, if your court papers clearly state that YOU are allowed to pick up the children without your husband being present, then I don't see how the court can say she's not in contempt of court! And, it must say in the court documents that you can pick them up because here's my thought.....if you've picked them up by yourself before and she let them go, then she knows she has to let them go, and, if this isn't the first time you've gone to pick them up by yourself, and the court papers say you can't, then why hasn't she filed a contempt of court against your husband for not coming to get them? Sounds like another one of those headache people who aren't happy with their own lives and has to create chaos and misery for everyone around them, including their own children! And, I would contact the sherriff himself concerning his department not assisting you, and if he won't help, continue going up the chain of command until you find someone who's willing to help and listen! Let me guess, you live in a small town probably like I do, and small towns seem to think they don't have to abide by the same rules as everyone else! I feel your pain, but it's not your fault, I applaude you for your efforts, apparently you care more for those children and them establishing a bond with their father then she does, otherwise you wouldn't have showed up to get them on his behalf!
I've been in your shoes, I was a stepmother myself to a now 5 year old girl, and spent the majority of my time playing mediator to the two parents (who neither one of them know how to be a responsible parent to her) and tried to be a good mother/role model to the little girl, only to get crapped on in the end! Don't give up, and don't take it personally, she doesn't really know you, and if your husband feels your competant to take care of his children, then that's all that counts!

 

[stealth2]

The long and the short of it is that this is a CIVIL issue, NOT a criminal one. Dunno about all y'all, but I kind of look to my town cops to be out dealing with the bad guys who kill people. Situations like this are expected to be resolved by the court that issued the order - NOT by the cops.

 

[Rushia]

It is NOT your fault. Don't give up on those children! When does your husband get back? Can you go and get them then? Don't let her get to you!! I was a stepmom at one point too and so I know how you feel. Have you talked to Bleu yet? She has a great stepmom site (I really don't know, but she talks about it alot), maybe she can get you in touch with a bunch of people who are in the same position. I will try to get ahold of her for you.

Sorry, no real legal advice except that maybe you should file contempt against her.

Lots of hugs!!

 

[dad2005]

I understand

I feel your pain. I am married to a sweet man w/ a beautiful 8 year old girl. Him and I have been together since the child was 3 1/2. My husband and the ex split when the child was 2. Initially I tried as hard as I could to win approval of the mother and went out of my way to be nice to her. It all back fired. She has hated me from day one due to jealousy and resentment. It does wear on you over time. We have now been together for over 5 years and I can't say it has gotten any better. In fact, it has only gotten worse. My husband is to the point of wanting to give up his rights because it is all such a big mess. I used to be real close to the child but the bm has made it a point to drive a wedge between us and the father as well. Obviously the relationship is NOT about myself and the child but, the father and the child. He however doesn't know what to do and avoids conflict at all costs understandably... right??? Not always in my opinion. You did what was w/in your rights and your husband's rights as well. You DO NOT deserve to be treated that way and I hope the father WILL have something to say about it to the mother! My best advice to you would be to not confront the mother in the least. That is what she is looking for and that is what will give her a thrill if she knows she got to you. More importantly, the court will more than scold you if you get involved. I wish I'd been able to contain myself better on many occasions but as you likely know you are emotionally involved w/ the father and the children as well. It is hard to sit back and see them being used as objects of hate. I advise you to just support your husband and love the children when you do have them. I wish you more luck than we have had. It is NOT nice to know we aren't the only ones going through this but it is a comfort to find someone who can relate.

wife of dad2005

 

[MaxinesMom]

cops are there to protect the rights of citizens, and to handle any disputes, where I live, your even told by the court to contact the sherriff if there are any problems with any orders given in a court order, even if it concerns children. And, if she's not letting the kids go, and the court documents state she is supposed to let them go with the husband's wife, then the mother is breaking the law, and I don't know about where you live, but where I live, your told to call the police to have the order enforced if someone is refusing you your court ordered rights, because there is a majestrate on call to handle and inform the cops what steps to take next in trying to resolve the issue. I laugh because you say cops are meant to catch bad guys who kill people, and again, I don't know about where you live but where I live, you find the cops sitting down the street in a parking lot talking to each other or sitting on the highway writing speeding tickets and what not.
The mother verbally assaulted her and she is wise to contact the sheriff about this, in case anything further escalates in the future, she's covered herself. But again, the cops don't want the headache! To say cops are there to cover criminal problems, not civil, then why are they involved in domestic violance? that's civil first, then criminal if someone is convicted or found committing a crime! Why is it when there is a fire (again at least in my area anyway) do the cops show up for a house fire? That doesn't concern them, but there they are! I would suggest filing contempt of court again against the mother, after so many times of this being brought in front of the judge (possibly in front of the same judge) to be dealt with, at some point the judge will have to pay attention and rule something!

 

[stealth2]

I'd suggest you spend some time researching how the law actually works. Then come back. With paragraphs, please.

 

[Rushia]

I feel your pain. I am married to a sweet man w/ a beautiful 8 year old girl. Him and I have been together since the child was 3 1/2. My husband and the ex split when the child was 2. Initially I tried as hard as I could to win approval of the mother and went out of my way to be nice to her. It all back fired. She has hated me from day one due to jealousy and resentment. It does wear on you over time. We have now been together for over 5 years and I can't say it has gotten any better. In fact, it has only gotten worse. My husband is to the point of wanting to give up his rights because it is all such a big mess. I used to be real close to the child but the bm has made it a point to drive a wedge between us and the father as well. Obviously the relationship is NOT about myself and the child but, the father and the child. He however doesn't know what to do and avoids conflict at all costs understandably... right??? Not always in my opinion. You did what was w/in your rights and your husband's rights as well. You DO NOT deserve to be treated that way and I hope the father WILL have something to say about it to the mother! My best advice to you would be to not confront the mother in the least. That is what she is looking for and that is what will give her a thrill if she knows she got to you. More importantly, the court will more than scold you if you get involved. I wish I'd been able to contain myself better on many occasions but as you likely know you are emotionally involved w/ the father and the children as well. It is hard to sit back and see them being used as objects of hate. I advise you to just support your husband and love the children when you do have them. I wish you more luck than we have had. It is NOT nice to know we aren't the only ones going through this but it is a comfort to find someone who can relate.

wife of dad2005

Yes it is hard, but please don't give up either. There are some nice BM's out there. I am one of them. I went out of my way to get to know my kids stepmom. I love her. She's almost 10 years younger and I can't attest for her taste in men (LOL), but she's wonderful. She came over to babysit ME when I had a minor surgery and help me with the kids cause my hubby couldn't take off from work. We all consider the children ours including their new little one. They come over to our house for dinner and when we go to one of our son's sporting events I pick them up and we all go together. Sometimes it happens right away, sometimes it takes awhile to get there. Don't give up. Good Luck!!

 

[MaxinesMom]

stealth, have you gone through any of this, concerning step children, etc and actually been through alot of what others have gone through? I have a hard time believing that you have experienced EVERYTHING that others on here have experienced, if you have, then I have sympothy for you because you haven't had much of a life! But I have been through some of this, and like I said, according to where I live, we are informed to contact the sheriff, it's a small town area, and trust me, there aren't alot of people running around killing each other here!

You speak to people on here as if they all live where you live, but again, everyone lives in different areas, where federal laws are interpreted differently, where state laws aren't exactly the same as in other states, and just because your police may be too busy catching killers where you live, doesn't mean that that is the case where others live! Obviously, she has been informed by someone somewhere to contact the sheriff, with court papers in hand, or she wouldn't have gone that route!

How is it you can sit here and say that this particular mother hasn't commited a criminal crime by not allowing the children to leave with someone they have left with before, but yet someone else is committing a criminal crime in other posts?

Also, what could it have hurt for the sheriff (they obviously live in a county, a small area if it's the sheriff they call instead of the city police because sheriff's only handle county related things outside of city limits, oh but again, that's how it works in the two different states I have lived in!) to escort her back to the mother's home and find out exactly what the situation is? Maybe next time the husband's wife needs to tell the sheriff that the mother hit her, at least then that would get their attention right???

Abuse is abuse, assault is assualt, no matter whether it's verbal or physical, and the mother verbally assualted her. Now in some courts, that may not be enough to alone for a person to be arrested, etc, of course not, but it's still something that needed to be brought to someone's attention, and the least that the sheriff could have done was make a report, oh but wait, that requires work, and gee, we've become a lazy society! What if this would have excalated further?

She stated that the mother didn't even let her get out of the car, that she came up to her and started in on her, that would have me feeling pretty defensive and nervous as well...someone charging at my car and yelling at me like that, I would have been on the phone with the police in the car right away if I had a cell phone! And, where were the kids? Did they hear or see any of this?

Maybe these things should be more criminal related then, because if there's more legal weight on orders, then maybe people would be more likely to follow the orders for fear of what the consequences would be to them for not following them!

Your contradictive from post to post stealth, especially when you don't know all the facts except for what is presented to you in a post! Are you an attorney who practices all over the country? Are you a judge? Where do YOU get your info from? Again, things vary from place to place, and unless you've lived in every inch of this country, you don't know how everything works everywhere!

 

[stealth2]

Sweetheart - I'm not going to read your posts when they're all bunged up like this. Take some time to make it legible, and then I will. If you can't do so with an infant in your arms, then wait until the babe's asleep. Then I'll take the time to read your diatribe.