I need a shoulder to cry on or i dont know what I'll do

[MaxinesMom]

Rushia, that sounds like the kind of relationship I had with my stepdaughters BM, but my now ex husband hated it, and used to throw it in my face all the time that he felt I was on her side more then his, this happened whenever I tried to stand up for the child and tell them they needed to work together for her sake.

I too loved my stepdaughter and treated her as if she was my own, in fact, at christmas time, against my ex's wishes, me and the kids would go buy gifts for her kids, with my stepdaughter picking out gifts to give to her half brother and sister. On mother's day, my stepdaughter ALWAYS had something crafty we had made for her mother for mother's day. I personally don't really like her BM, but for the child's sake, I would swallow my personal opinons of her and kept them to myself or between my ex and I, and presented myself in front of the child that I really liked her. If there was something that needed to be discussed concerning how she cared for the child, me and the BM would discuss it out of earshot of the child, sometimes even going so far as to talk online with each other, just to keep the child from hearing the negative issues that we had with each other.

I am now being accused of abusing my stepdaughter by my ex in our custody battle over our baby, and although his testimony has only been based on 3 weeks of info that the school was supposed to have told him about, needless to say he hasn't gotten very far with that! In fact, the abuse has been going on at the BMs house, the child stated that herself to social services when they came out to investigate the complaint from the school, and that's where the child was sexually molested by a child older then her. Me and the BM (because my ex wouldn't confront the issue with her) had a nice VERY long discussion about it, and again, although we had our disputes with each other, we kept it from the child. While I fought for the child, trying to get my ex to do more to protect her, get the mother back on supervised visits, etc, I was told that I was picking on the child by my ex, and he did absolutely nothing about the BM and what was going on at her house with the child. In fact, the BM told me she would give me visitation rights to the child when she has her after my ex left me.

I applaud you Rushia, it is hard to be a "decent" stepparent in a situation where heart strings, emotions, and not to mention, pasts with others, are involved. I think it's AWESOME that for the children's sake, you guys have a good relationship and are mature enough to understand how important that is to foster into the kids! Keep up the good work!

 

[Rushia]

Rushia, that sounds like the kind of relationship I had with my stepdaughters BM, but my now ex husband hated it, and used to throw it in my face all the time that he felt I was on her side more then his, this happened whenever I tried to stand up for the child and tell them they needed to work together for her sake.

I too loved my stepdaughter and treated her as if she was my own, in fact, at christmas time, against my ex's wishes, me and the kids would go buy gifts for her kids, with my stepdaughter picking out gifts to give to her half brother and sister. On mother's day, my stepdaughter ALWAYS had something crafty we had made for her mother for mother's day. I personally don't really like her BM, but for the child's sake, I would swallow my personal opinons of her and kept them to myself or between my ex and I, and presented myself in front of the child that I really liked her. If there was something that needed to be discussed concerning how she cared for the child, me and the BM would discuss it out of earshot of the child, sometimes even going so far as to talk online with each other, just to keep the child from hearing the negative issues that we had with each other.

I am now being accused of abusing my stepdaughter by my ex in our custody battle over our baby, and although his testimony has only been based on 3 weeks of info that the school was supposed to have told him about, needless to say he hasn't gotten very far with that! In fact, the abuse has been going on at the BMs house, the child stated that herself to social services when they came out to investigate the complaint from the school, and that's where the child was sexually molested by a child older then her. Me and the BM (because my ex wouldn't confront the issue with her) had a nice VERY long discussion about it, and again, although we had our disputes with each other, we kept it from the child. While I fought for the child, trying to get my ex to do more to protect her, get the mother back on supervised visits, etc, I was told that I was picking on the child by my ex, and he did absolutely nothing about the BM and what was going on at her house with the child. In fact, the BM told me she would give me visitation rights to the child when she has her after my ex left me.

I applaud you Rushia, it is hard to be a "decent" stepparent in a situation where heart strings, emotions, and not to mention, pasts with others, are involved. I think it's AWESOME that for the children's sake, you guys have a good relationship and are mature enough to understand how important that is to foster into the kids! Keep up the good work!

Thanks for the kudos, however, I do have my moments as does my x. It was VERY hard at first to let go of my feelings to do right by my kids. Add in the fact that I lived with his father and stepmother who tired to encourage me to be nasty, well let's just say that it did not go well. Then I remembered all of the stuff that his x tried to put me through and I decided that I didn't want to be like that. I never took it out on SM though, she never did anything to me, she is good to my kids and loves them as her own. I also knew that I no longer had any interest in him and as such that was never a problem. I am also secure enough in my position as their mother that I know that SM will not try to take my place and that she can love them enough to be there for them. I also love their little one as my own. I LOVE it when I get to babysit. He's so cute!!

 

[stealth2]

MaxinesMom..... As it happens, I've dealt with a lot of situations - personally - involving divorce, custody, stepparents, etc. Yeah. I know that each state differs in its laws. In MOST states, the cops will not involve themselves in civil matters - such as visitation orders. As I said before - go and spend some time educating yourself on the law.

But I do commend you for the paragraphs. Hopefully you can retain that skill.

 

[dad2005]

to stealth2

This is a site for those facing serious issues in their life involving the innocent hearts of young children. From the looks of your responses you are very bitter about something. What is the old saying... "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Maybe you should take that to heart?! I imagine now you will come back with some smart remark for me as well but, if you are here just to speak negatively to those trying to get helpful information then find something better to do with your time like a porn site!

wife of dad2005

 

[MaxinesMom]

whatever stealth, you sound like a person who is always out to prove something to someone and you have a chip on your shoulder (with all of your "witty", smart elec remarks to people, who by the way do have feelings and you could be more tactiful in the way you say things! Obviously you didn't read closely and pay attention to what I said, where I live, the sheriff gets involved, and since I live here, then obviuosly I do know this, there's no research that needs to be done, I didn't quote any law, I simply stated that in my state, my area, this is how things are handled when violated.

I'm just getting confused by the comments you make, because your contradictive in your responses from post to post depending on what the situation is. I get told that I can be arrested (which last time I checked, the police still arrested people) for moving out of the state even though the father isn't using his visitation rights he was granted and that my moving out of state would violate his visitation rights (and theres ALOT more to the story then what you have obviously read concerning my daughter) and would be criminal, but then someone else comes and states where another parent just flat out refused the kids to the other parent when they were right there to pick them up, and yet you say that that's not a criminal offense?

This isn't even worth debating with you, because you obviously don't really care about how your words, even just on this simple forum, can impact someone's life, someone who is already feeling pretty low and helpless. Sorry that not all of us live up to your so high standards in typing and format, and sorry that this forum is supposed to be for people to get advise and support from others who can sympothize, not critisize each other and get sarcastic remarks and that not all of us share the same point of view as you do on some issues!

Sounds like you need to research yourself and deal with some unresolved issues within your life and start working towards being tactful on how you handle your words to people! People are already going through hell on this forum, and the hell in real life is not over for them, coming on here just to hear you sarcastically put them down isn't giving them the advice their looking for! Like my grandmother used to say, if you can't say something nice to someone, maybe you shouldn't say anything at all!

 

[stealth2]

This is a site for those facing serious issues in their life involving the innocent hearts of young children. From the looks of your responses you are very bitter about something. What is the old saying... "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Maybe you should take that to heart?! I imagine now you will come back with some smart remark for me as well but, if you are here just to speak negatively to those trying to get helpful information then find something better to do with your time like a porn site!

wife of dad2005

This is a site that deals with what the law does and does not provide for. Period. It's not Oprah, or Dr. Phil, or Montel.

Bitter? Not at all. I just don't like to waste my time trying to decipher incomprehensible posts. If you do - have at it.

 

[Rushia]

Attacking Stealth isn't going to get you guys anywhere. She is helpful in legal matters. Nowhere on this board does it say that you have to be sympathetic. Would it be nice, maybe. Does she have to do it, NO. I myself can get real nasty sometimes. Go look on the juvie boards. Pregnant teens/teen mothers really get on my nerves. "I'm 14 and I wanna know if I can go live with my 25 year old bf who is the father of my child." Come on. This is a legal board, you are given legal advice, the end.

 

[dad2005]

to stealth2

So, if you do not like to waste your time replying to incomprehensible posts... why are you spending so much time doing so? As Dr. Phil would say... "How's that working for you?"

wife of dad2005

 

[Rushia]

So, if you do not like to waste your time replying to incomprehensible posts... why are you spending so much time doing so? As Dr. Phil would say... "How's that working for you?"

wife of dad2005

Do you know how hard it is to read those sometimes? It's hard to help people when you can't understand their posts.

 

[dad2005]

To Rushia

I do understand that. I think that most people probably do have VERY confusing and complicated situations and to try to summarize them is very difficult. My only point is that it doesn't help to insult someone who does not deserve the insult. Such behavior doesn't currently help the young woman who posted the orginal request for help. I will admit I Do Not know much about the law but can relate to others and give tidbits of advice based from my experience.

 

[haiku]

This is a forum for the LAW, it is NOT a support site. filling this thread with hugs and kisses, and long posts with no breaks, doesn't help our poster understand, that it is in her husbands hands to see that she never experiences being humilated like that again.

"Maxine", police very rarely handle CIVIL matters and that is exactly what a custody order is, the most they usually can do, is mark the time the non-compliance occured and even then some departments won't be bothered.

you will also learn with experience that "court" workers have no idea half the time what they are talking about. unless a family lawyer tells you something in court you best not always believe what other employees have to say is gospel.

It sounds to me like our OP needs to sit down with her husband and explain to him, that court orders or not, she should not at this time be put in the middle, and that he needs to go down to the court house and file contempt on his ex, so that he gets his summer visit.

 

[Rushia]

I do understand that. I think that most people probably do have VERY confusing and complicated situations and to try to summarize them is very difficult. My only point is that it doesn't help to insult someone who does not deserve the insult. Such behavior doesn't currently help the young woman who posted the orginal request for help. I will admit I Do Not know much about the law but can relate to others and give tidbits of advice based from my experience.

While I admit that Stealth can sometimes be harsh, I don't see it in this post. What did I miss? She can be a heck of a lot meaner when she is pushed. I learned alot from Stealth. I, most times can be harsh, but sometimes there is a post that pulls those old heartstrings and this was one of them. I was there once.

 

[dad2005]

I am there now. I agree with haiku that this should certainly be turned over to the father to handle and hopefully, he will handle it. To starbud99, if you feel overwhelmed and feel as if you are taking too much of the responsibilty of the situation, turn it over. Focus on your relationship with the father and love the children but, don't try to change the situation. You don't have any control over it which, I have learned the hard way. Let him deal with the bm. Hopefully you do have a good lawyer and things won't get insanely out of control.

Maybe I have not read enough of stealth2's remarks but what little I did read were rather rude.

 

[stealth2]

I will admit I Do Not know much about the law but can relate to others and give tidbits of advice based from my experience.

Then go to oprah.com, babes. When you walk into a courtroom, you're not going to get touchy-feely, happy happy joy joy vibes. The whole point is that people need to learn how to operate within the confines of the law and how to best work the system for the sake of their kids. Whining and crying isn't going to get you anywhere. Best to learn that HERE rather than when you walk into a courtroom.

 

[stealth2]

Maybe I have not read enough of stealth2's remarks but what little I did read where rather rude.

Oh believe me - I can be a hell of a lot more rude - generally to parents who try to screw their kids up. Nothing gets my back up quicker. You wanna eff up your own life? Have at it. When you start effin' with your kids - I get pissed. And rude. Extremely so.