I need a shoulder to cry on or i dont know what I'll do

[dad2005]

I have not yet stood before a judge and when I do... I'm sure it won't be pretty. But truth be known, the battle is 97% between the parents... not the law... or what is best for the child/ren. It is a he said/she said game. Yes, it is sad to come to that conclusion, but more often than not, it is the TRUTH.

 

[Rushia]

I have not yet stood before a judge and when I do... I'm sure it won't be pretty. But truth be known, the battle is 97% between the parents... not the law... or what is best for the child/ren. It is a he said/she said game. Yes, it is sad to come to that conclusion, but more often than not, it is the TRUTH.

Actually if you're the wife chances are you won't be standing in front of the judge anyway. Whenever I went with my x, I sat in the back and kept with my mouth shut. The ONLY time I ever spoke to the judge is if the mother or father said something and the judge turned around and asked me, I usually had to reply with a yes or no answer.

 

[stealth2]

I have not yet stood before a judge and when I do... I'm sure it won't be pretty. But truth be known, the battle is 97% between the parents... not the law... or what is best for the child/ren. It is a he said/she said game. Yes, it is sad to come to that conclusion, but more often than not, it is the TRUTH.

And that is what you need to counter in court. No one's going to be making it all comfy for you (there's only so much your lawyer can do). At the end of the day, when you're sitting in that witness stand and the opposing lawyer is going for the jugular, I can guarantee that you'd rather have been prepared by people giving you a taste of it than getting stroked every which way 'til Sunday.

 

[Rushia]

And that is what you need to counter in court. Noone's going to be making it all comfy for you (there's only so much your lawyer can do). At the end of the day, when you're sitting in that witness stand and the opposing lawyer is going for the jugular, I can guarantee that you'd rather have been prepared by people giving you a taste of it than getting stroked every which way 'til Sunday.

Hee hee, sorry couldn't resist....

 

[stealth2]

Hee hee, sorry couldn't resist....

LOL Thanks! I fixed it!

 

[starbud99]

I called the police back, and they are writing up a report of the incident. The police also left a message on her voicemail (which now states that they are driving to CA) and yet she still hasn’t called either the police or us back.

I am fine now; I was just losing it earlier. Thank you all for your kind words of comfort, and wisdom. I will be fine. .

You guys would be proud of me though, I didn’t cry or yell or do anything to her, and I kept my head held high in front of her. I didn’t lose it until the ride home. We are heading out to her home town tonight... *hubby somehow managed to get out of working the longer hours* and we will get yet another police report stating that she was not home.

And I am going to do what you guys said and just have him file the contempt papers. It was pretty hard for me not to get involved in this one, and I did what I thought was legally correct. I’m sorry to start such fights between the members.

 

[stealth2]

I called the police back, and they are writing up a report of the incident. The police also left a message on her voicemail (which now states that they are driving to CA) and yet she still hasn’t called either the police or us back.

I am fine now; I was just losing it earlier. Thank you all for your kind words of comfort, and wisdom. I will be fine. .

You guys would be proud of me though, I didn’t cry or yell or do anything to her, and I kept my head held high in front of her. I didn’t lose it until the ride home. We are heading out to her home town tonight... *hubby somehow managed to get out of working the longer hours* and we will get yet another police report stating that she was not home.

And I am going to do what you guys said and just have him file the contempt papers. It was pretty hard for me not to get involved in this one, and I did what I thought was legally correct. I’m sorry to start such fights between the members.

Good job - it sounds as though you handled things just fine. And don't worry about the rest of us - we're all more than capable of taking care of ourselves.

 

[Jessleeeliz]

Yes it is hard, but please don't give up either. There are some nice BM's out there. I am one of them. I went out of my way to get to know my kids stepmom. I love her. She's almost 10 years younger and I can't attest for her taste in men (LOL), but she's wonderful. She came over to babysit ME when I had a minor surgery and help me with the kids cause my hubby couldn't take off from work. We all consider the children ours including their new little one. They come over to our house for dinner and when we go to one of our son's sporting events I pick them up and we all go together. Sometimes it happens right away, sometimes it takes awhile to get there. Don't give up. Good Luck!!

Nice BM's exsist but your the first one I have ever heard of. I absoultely commend you on being able to get past all the anger and resentment felt on either end and to welcome the stepmom in like you have - YOU should have a website!!! A teaching guide for crazy abusive BM's who hate stepparents. It should be court ordered. I would give my right arm for bfriends kids mom to be "civil" to me. But she can't. I honestly believe that if the water is calm, she's trying to drown and needs to pull others down with her. I have tried to step outside myself, I have tried to talk with her on the phone and in person, it makes no difference - she is the DRAMA MAMMA!

 

[Rushia]

Nice BM's exsist but your the first one I have ever heard of. I absoultely commend you on being able to get past all the anger and resentment felt on either end and to welcome the stepmom in like you have - YOU should have a website!!! A teaching guide for crazy abusive BM's who hate stepparents. It should be court ordered. I would give my right arm for bfriends kids mom to be "civil" to me. But she can't. I honestly believe that if the water is calm, she's trying to drown and needs to pull others down with her. I have tried to step outside myself, I have tried to talk with her on the phone and in person, it makes no difference - she is the DRAMA MAMMA!

Thanks, but once again, I can't take all the credit. She's a great girl too!! You should have seen her face when they started dating and I walked up to her and introduced myself and told her "Hi, I'm the evil xwife!" She didn't know what to do at first and then decided that I was funny. That was that.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Oh believe me - I can be a hell of a lot more rude - generally to parents who try to screw their kids up. Nothing gets my back up quicker. You wanna eff up your own life? Have at it. When you start effin' with your kids - I get pissed. And rude. Extremely so.

I'm wondering if we can come up with a animated ICON for this exact thing., for Stealthy.

I can trade liver snaps.

 

[legalcuriosity]

cops are there to protect the rights of citizens, and to handle any disputes, where I live, your even told by the court to contact the sherriff if there are any problems with any orders given in a court order, even if it concerns children. And, if she's not letting the kids go, and the court documents state she is supposed to let them go with the husband's wife, then the mother is breaking the law, and I don't know about where you live, but where I live, your told to call the police to have the order enforced if someone is refusing you your court ordered rights, because there is a majestrate on call to handle and inform the cops what steps to take next in trying to resolve the issue. I laugh because you say cops are meant to catch bad guys who kill people, and again, I don't know about where you live but where I live, you find the cops sitting down the street in a parking lot talking to each other or sitting on the highway writing speeding tickets and what not.

What the cops do in a relatively Small Town, USA is completely different than what they WILL do in a major metropolitan city. The police is major cities simply don't have the time or people to deal with civil matters -- like family stuff. I know in the city I live in, if I called the police, they'd be like "are you serious?" because they simply don't have the staffing to do it. They have priorities and a child visitation issue is not even close for them.

Police SHOULD be writing speeding tickets. That is how a city brings in money. Speeding is a CRIMINAL act.

To say cops are there to cover criminal problems, not civil, then why are they involved in domestic violance? that's civil first, then criminal if someone is convicted or found committing a crime! Why is it when there is a fire (again at least in my area anyway) do the cops show up for a house fire? That doesn't concern them, but there they are! I would suggest filing contempt of court again against the mother, after so many times of this being brought in front of the judge (possibly in front of the same judge) to be dealt with, at some point the judge will have to pay attention and rule something!

Are you serious? Listen, if you're going to try to make a case, stick to ONE subject.

First you start talking about visitation stuff. Then you jump on the "domestic violence" path. That is a completely different animal. That is assault, which is a criminal act. Period. Then you mention a house fire. Police show up at all fires in every city. They have to take statements, etc.

I don't know what city you live in, but it must be pretty small. Obviously the police there have time and manpower to deal with visitation stuff.

 

[legalcuriosity]

Attacking Stealth isn't going to get you guys anywhere. She is helpful in legal matters. Nowhere on this board does it say that you have to be sympathetic. Would it be nice, maybe. Does she have to do it, NO. I myself can get real nasty sometimes. Go look on the juvie boards. Pregnant teens/teen mothers really get on my nerves. "I'm 14 and I wanna know if I can go live with my 25 year old bf who is the father of my child." Come on. This is a legal board, you are given legal advice, the end.

You should be providing links to the "Maury" show! They can also get the DNA testing knocked out in the same program!

 

[legalcuriosity]

I do understand that. I think that most people probably do have VERY confusing and complicated situations and to try to summarize them is very difficult. My only point is that it doesn't help to insult someone who does not deserve the insult. Such behavior doesn't currently help the young woman who posted the orginal request for help. I will admit I Do Not know much about the law but can relate to others and give tidbits of advice based from my experience.

No one's being insulted. In fact, YOU are the one who started the "bitter", "chip on your shoulder" and other ridiculous statements.

You should know the definition of words before you use them. Like "insult."

It must be nice that the OP lives in such a small town where the police do have the time and staff to help enforce visitation issues like this. In a bigger city, where there are real problems, they simply don't have the power to do so. That IS a fact. It's not our problem you don't agree with the answers you see.

 

[phillybug]

Been there, done that

I feel for you believe me. We went through the same things. You did the right thing by going to the police station. I hope you filled out a police report. Even though the police won't technically get involved in a domestic dispute, document, document, document. It has saved out butts more that once and we now have custody of my husband's oldest son and we are going back to court in a few weeks to get custody of his daughter because of his ex pulling the same stuff. Kids get wise to that crap, just rise above it and be the bigger person and you'll come out the hero. Believe me. Enjoy your free time, and when your husband gets home, go (with a police escort, and they will do that) to pick the kids up and enjoy some family time. the law is on your side. Like I said though, keep track of all this stuff she does, judges love stuff in black and white and you may eventually be lucky like us and end up with custody of your husband's kids and his ex will end up alone. My husband's ex tried the same stuff with getting it court ordered that I couldn'd keep the kids overnight (my husband works third shift) and the judge wouldn't even let her bring it up in court. She was informed that I was a legal guadian, period. I live in indiana, so I don't know for sure if it's the same in your state, but I would be surprised if it wasn't. Keep your chin up. As long as you keep your emotions out of it and do what's best for the kids you will always win, believe me.