I'm Beginning to Get Really Nervous....

[casa]

That's part of "Your Body, Your Choice."

Yep. Life Lessons.

 

[Bloopy]

Dad and I agreed to split all the bills 50/50. He will probably reneg. Who knows? Just because I can foot the bill, doesn't mean I should. And when Squirt arrives, there will be a big whomping hospital bill, and I will be on disability insurance. I'm just worried, because I'm not the financially irresponsibile one, I don't do welfare or make the tax-payers pay, and I worry about things like credit scores and actually paying bills. Legally, since he agreed to split the costs with me - what do I do if he doesn't? Just eat it? Like its rum-pudding?

I don’t quite understand the whomping bill. Huge bill, Diabetes, complications I understand. Insurance should have you covered except for a deductible/co pays that would be yours even if you were considered a low risk pregnancy when you suddenly realized you were pregnant at seven months along.

I don’t think trying to establish OH residency at the DMV would fly but it could start the time clock. Are you returning to Texas for work until baby comes? If the child is actually born in OH it helps a lot if no wheel squeaks. You could try to establish OH residency, but Dad could fight it. He’d be more likely to do so if there is a CS order attached.

As for Dad, hopefully he’ll contribute. Otherwise, I recommend cinnamon as a sugar free way to flavour your pudding, sans the rum for now. Sigh.

 

[Ohiogal]

]What is the name of your state? Currently Texas, Moving to Ohio

Hello All,

I have been lurking on the board for the last 6 months of my pregnancy, trying to learn as much as I possibly can about moving from one state to another. My first post 6 months ago was pretty emotional and "newbie," but I've had a long time to think about things.

Okay then you are familiar with me.

Some background... I live in Texas, right on the border of Mexico. I have been living there for 8 years, working as a teacher. I got pregnant by my ex-boyfriend of 2 years. I broke things off with him while I was pregnant because of his cheating, alcohol abuse, and his anger issues. We never lived together, he never supported me, he never gave me money before I was pregnant.

You are an adult. He doesn't have to support YOU!

Since we broke up, I have allowed him to come to the doctors visits when he wants to because my pregnancy has been deemed very high risk. I'm a Type I Diabetic on an insulin pump, and I have some pretty serious nerve damage in my legs. Each of us has been very scared of complications, but so far so good.

That is nice of you.

We had agreed that we would split everything 50/50 in the pregnancy (I have emails, but nothing official in writing). He has done nothing for me financially.

Nor does he have to.

I informed him that I would be moving to Ohio after the baby was born, when my teaching contract ends at the end of the 2008 school year. I had tried to gather a game plan where I would just move to Ohio 6 months ago and have the baby up here, but with my health insurance and disability, and a teaching contract and potentially $100K in medical bills I decided to remain in Texas until the baby is born and I finish out the school year, then move. He has known this is my plan all along, and has said that he won't stop me, and that he knows I'm doing it to provide the most stable environment for the baby.

And the minute you deliver he can file in TX which means that EVERYTHING will be decided in TX and you will be under TX jurisdiction. End of story.

I have been googling long term parent plans, and trying to find a financially plausible solution that keeps him as involved as possible in his child's life. He already has one child who lives 4 hours from him that he sees every other month or so for a weekend or one day. He constantly breaks his holiday visitations with her (He had her for Thanksgiving, left the little girl with his sister all week; He had her for Christmas, told mom he couldn't take her because he had to work; he has her for upcoming spring break, probably won't take her then either).

He exercised his Thanksgiving visitation and his family got to see her, Christmas he had to work (did he work?) and you can't say that he will NOT take her for spring break. You are assuming. NOt going to help.

When we were together, he used to give me a sob story about how the mother was so mean and horrible and wouldn't let him see his daughter, but I have since learned he lied to me about all of that. He wasn't exercising his visitation. This makes me very nervous as to what I have to expect when I have a newborn.

But yet you still decide to have a baby with him. You should have known him better BEFORE you became pregnant.

My family has agreed to help me out for a year (or whatever ends up necessary) after the baby is born by providing me a place to live in their house in Ohio, help with medical care and my recovery, and by providing stability for the baby. HIs family and his other child's mother in Texas have called me and harrassed me (think jaxpink.... arg.....) and I don't do drama.

How have they harrassed you? Prove it.

So - my questions are two part:

1. What should I do about setting up long distance visitation with someone who has a track record or last-minute breaking visitation?

If you are lucky you wait six months and file in an Ohio court to set up visitation. There are long distance visitation plans available in Ohio. If he doesn't agree to something YOU will be going by the standard plan for the county.

2. What should I do if he will not help me with child care expenses amd medical bills incurred during pregnancy?

That depends. If he files in TX, TX law guides. In Ohio he would be responsible.

I know his debt load, and his financial record is not good. He is about to have a car repossessed - and he really has bitten off more than he can chew.

And? You are responsible as well. You have insurance. Use it. He may be responsible for the out of pocket -- in Ohio he would be for the pregnancy. However you can't get blood from a stone.

I have planned throughout the pregnancy and can buy the necessary baby items on my own if I have to (I am completely capable of supporting this baby on my own if I have to at this point, barring no serious complications from a C-section or my diabetes after birth).

No one should have a baby unless they can provide for the child.

I will return to work by getting an Ohio teaching certification as soon as I can, and beginning the 2008 school year. I will not let this ruin me financially after all I have worked for, but I don't think the father should get of "scott-free." Would this be a case for small claims court?

Only if you are stupid. Small claims judgments can be discharged in bankruptcy. A family court judgment regarding birth expenses and child support can not be. HOWEVER, you will have to buy diapers. And crib and play pen and changing table and whatever else YOU deem necessary. HE does not have to provide any of it.

I'm just beginning to get really nervous. I'm having my little boy on February 20th, and not only do I have new-mom jitters, but I'm scared of what the father and his family will do (or not do.)

Wrong. YOu are PLANNING to have your child on February 20, 2008. You do NOT know when this child will arrive. His father can petition in Texas up to six months after you have been in Ohio for child support/paternity/visitation. And then you are under Texas law.

 

[Ohiogal]

I thought this sounded familiar, so I stopped reading. Has anything happened that would change the advice you were given in September?

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=378482

Sorry....should have kept reading......

And that agreement matters not. He has no proof that he is daddy. However the emails can be used AGAINST HER in Ohio court so that he does nto have to pay all the pregnancy expenses.

 

[Ohiogal]

Worded poorly. This is her first child.

Dad doesn't owe you money until the child is born. Even then, paternity needs to be established and CS ordered. Anything else is a gift.

Why do you need any contributions during pregnancy? You’re the one with the one with “big girl” insurance. It’s all your body till Squirt arrives.

Good to see you.

Depends on what state's law will prevail. And we won't know that until up to six months after the child's birth. OP needs to come back when something is filed.

 

[Ohiogal]

and he would have to get a plane ticket in advance, so I would know when he is coming. And I would take the child to visit him, because I still have friends in Texas and I want him to see the baby. So, since I'm a teacher, I may try to go every spring break so he can see him for a week and I can visit. I want him to see the baby, but unless I go, I don't think dad will make ANYTHING happen.



he will not do anything PROACTIVE. I have heard all his rantings when we were together about how he was going to get a lawyer and get custody of his other little girl... nada. He didn't even call to inquire. He will huff and puff and call names and cuss, but he will not go out of his way to make anything happen. For me, however, that's just as bad.



Could I establish residency in Ohio NOW to prevent complications down the line? I am in Ohio right now for the holidays, and I could go to DMV and get a driver's lisence and re-route my mail. Don't know if that's leagal or not (help?). But could help for the future plans.

I'm not going to stay out of his wallet, but I'm not looking to completely screw him either. There has to be some kind of orderfor child support and visitation, and I am just coming up with what to plan to tell him - since he will never take the initiative to do it on his own.

YOu know what -- I believe I have answered you before. YOU* CANNOT establish residency in Ohio until you decide to freaking move your butt here. Grow up and take responsibility for your choices. And deal.

 

[Ohiogal]

You can't make him responsible for your medical bills. You can only file to establish CS after the baby is born & Paternity is established.

If you are asking if you can pursue him in Civil Court...that's another forum altogether.

IN OHIO the father is responsible for the pregnancy expenses (medical expenses) however I have no idea what TX law is NOR what state will have jurisidiction.

 

[Ohiogal]

That's part of "Your Body, Your Choice."

NOT IN OHIO!

 

[casa]

IN OHIO the father is responsible for the pregnancy expenses (medical expenses) however I have no idea what TX law is NOR what state will have jurisidiction.

Jurisdiction won't be answered until either there is an actual filing in TX...or unless she moves to OH & establishes residency there BEFORE Dad files anything in TX.

Either way, even if OH ends up with Jurisdiction...by the time she establishes residency the baby will already be born, and the pregnancy costs could be argued as not having been incurred in OH.

 

[Humusluvr]

I don’t quite understand the whomping bill. Huge bill, Diabetes, complications I understand. Insurance should have you covered except for a deductible/co pays that would be yours even if you were considered a low risk pregnancy when you suddenly realized you were pregnant at seven months along.

I don’t think trying to establish OH residency at the DMV would fly but it could start the time clock. Are you returning to Texas for work until baby comes? If the child is actually born in OH it helps a lot if no wheel squeaks. You could try to establish OH residency, but Dad could fight it. He’d be more likely to do so if there is a CS order attached.

As for Dad, hopefully he’ll contribute. Otherwise, I recommend cinnamon as a sugar free way to flavour your pudding, sans the rum for now. Sigh.

Yes, I'm planing to return to work in Texas until February 15th. The less time I am off, the less pay I lose. I can only move when the school year has ended, summer begins.

I don't know if my insurance has a cap. I hadn't thought about it, but I will definitely inquire. I thought, "$100K medical bill in Texas - I pay 10%, $10K bill in Texas. $100K bill in Ohio, I pay 40% in Ohio (out of network), $40K bill in Ohio." See why I'm freaking out? Maybe I have a $2000 cap per year.... that would be super! Thanks for the thought!

To Ohiogal, thank you for the info about Ohio. Can you point me towards the standard plan for the county? The long-distance state-to-state plan?

Also, could you further explain, "And that agreement matters not. He has no proof that he is daddy. However the emails can be used AGAINST HER in Ohio court so that he does nto have to pay all the pregnancy expenses" How could he use emails against me so he doesn't have to pay?

Ohio is going to have jurisdiction, because that is where I am going to file. He won't file. I am just trying to be prepared. I don't want to do something illegal or improperly, then have to go back and fix it later. I want to have the plan down and presented to the father so he knows what to expect. And I want to know what to expect to cut down on my pre-birth jitters. Once the baby is here, I will be very involved with that and I would like to plan ahead as much as possible.

 

[Bloopy]

Also, could you further explain, "And that agreement matters not. He has no proof that he is daddy. However the emails can be used AGAINST HER in Ohio court so that he does nto have to pay all the pregnancy expenses" How could he use emails against me so he doesn't have to pay?

In some states, Dad doesn't have to pay a dime of your pregnancy bills. In Ohio, Dad has to pay all of it. If you successfully get jurisdiction in Ohio, you could try to get him to pay all your out of pocket. Those emails show an agreement to split the cost.

Until baby is born and paternity is established you have no one to ask support from in any state. Dad has no rights and no say so in your pregnancy. Think of it as Taxation without Representation.

Ohio is going to have jurisdiction, because that is where I am going to file. He won't file. I am just trying to be prepared. I don't want to do something illegal or improperly, then have to go back and fix it later. I want to have the plan down and presented to the father so he knows what to expect. And I want to know what to expect to cut down on my pre-birth jitters. Once the baby is here, I will be very involved with that and I would like to plan ahead as much as possible.

As SURE as you are that Dad won’t file in Texas it remains POSSIBLE. He has the right if not the willingness to do so. I strongly recommend keeping quiet until you’ve been in Ohio for 6 months and have standing for jurisdiction. That is your biggest priority.

Alternatively, you could file in Texas, asking for the courts permission to move. You have a good shot at getting that. You have a reasonable argument for best interests of the child and probably not much resistance from Dad.

 

[Ohiogal]

Jurisdiction won't be answered until either there is an actual filing in TX...or unless she moves to OH & establishes residency there BEFORE Dad files anything in TX.

Either way, even if OH ends up with Jurisdiction...by the time she establishes residency the baby will already be born, and the pregnancy costs could be argued as not having been incurred in OH.

If the baby is born in Ohio then Ohio will automatically have jurisdiction over custody and child support issues. Hence Ohio will also have jurisdiction over the costs associated with pregnancy.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes, I'm planing to return to work in Texas until February 15th. The less time I am off, the less pay I lose. I can only move when the school year has ended, summer begins.

I don't know if my insurance has a cap. I hadn't thought about it, but I will definitely inquire. I thought, "$100K medical bill in Texas - I pay 10%, $10K bill in Texas. $100K bill in Ohio, I pay 40% in Ohio (out of network), $40K bill in Ohio." See why I'm freaking out? Maybe I have a $2000 cap per year.... that would be super! Thanks for the thought!

Okay but if these expenses are NOT reasonable for pregnancy then an Ohio court will not make dad pay them.

To Ohiogal, thank you for the info about Ohio. Can you point me towards the standard plan for the county? The long-distance state-to-state plan?

It is county by county. And I don't know what county MAY have jurisdiction.

Also, could you further explain, "And that agreement matters not. He has no proof that he is daddy. However the emails can be used AGAINST HER in Ohio court so that he does nto have to pay all the pregnancy expenses" How could he use emails against me so he doesn't have to pay?

I won't repeat Bloopy. But I will add that it depends on how much is due strictly to the pregnancy and how much is due to the diabetes.

Ohio is going to have jurisdiction, because that is where I am going to file. He won't file. I am just trying to be prepared. I don't want to do something illegal or improperly, then have to go back and fix it later. I want to have the plan down and presented to the father so he knows what to expect. And I want to know what to expect to cut down on my pre-birth jitters. Once the baby is here, I will be very involved with that and I would like to plan ahead as much as possible.

That is a gamble and no one can tell you otherwise. HE COULD file. You do not know he won't.

 

[Accountable]

IN OHIO the father is responsible for the pregnancy expenses (medical expenses) however I have no idea what TX law is NOR what state will have jurisidiction.

I am fairly certain that while researching my own case I found that Texas code would hold father responsible for half of out-of-pocket medical expenses for the pregnancy and delivery. I don't have time now, but will look for it when I can. In any event, if you will have a WHOPPING bill because of your pre-existing medical conditions, there may be a limit to which portions of your expenses he is responsible for. After all, while he may have impregnated you, he did not give you diabetes.

 

[Mariel]

my advice about the medical expenses and other smaller expenses of having a baby? Start thinking strategically. Do not ask dad to pay for those things. Think of other small things that you may be entitled to but that you can figure out on your own.

Do this because there is a possibility that dad is going to be ticked over child support. If you do not ask for every single thing the law says you are entitled to, then you can remind dad later of all of the financial items you didn't ask for. Possibly this reminder could be used to cool him off at a later date. This is a stratagy that I used in my own case and it worked wonders.

Which county in ohio will you be moving to?