I'm Beginning to Get Really Nervous....

[Accountable]

my advice about the medical expenses and other smaller expenses of having a baby? Start thinking strategically. Do not ask dad to pay for those things. Think of other small things that you may be entitled to but that you can figure out on your own.

Do this because there is a possibility that dad is going to be ticked over child support. If you do not ask for every single thing the law says you are entitled to, then you can remind dad later of all of the financial items you didn't ask for. Possibly this reminder could be used to cool him off at a later date. This is a stratagy that I used in my own case and it worked wonders.

Which county in ohio will you be moving to?

Huh?

 

[Ohiogal]

my advice about the medical expenses and other smaller expenses of having a baby? Start thinking strategically. Do not ask dad to pay for those things. Think of other small things that you may be entitled to but that you can figure out on your own.

Do this because there is a possibility that dad is going to be ticked over child support. If you do not ask for every single thing the law says you are entitled to, then you can remind dad later of all of the financial items you didn't ask for. Possibly this reminder could be used to cool him off at a later date. This is a stratagy that I used in my own case and it worked wonders.

Which county in ohio will you be moving to?

I second Accountable -- HUH? The law in Ohio states that dad will pay for medical expenses. What other smaller expenses are you talking about? Diapers? Breast pads? A pump? Diaper bag? Good grief -- those come from child support. Dad is only responsible in OHIO at least for medical expenses, part of mom's out of pocket for day care and child support.

 

[Just Blue]

my advice about the medical expenses and other smaller expenses of having a baby? Start thinking strategically. Do not ask dad to pay for those things. Think of other small things that you may be entitled to but that you can figure out on your own.

Do this because there is a possibility that dad is going to be ticked over child support. If you do not ask for every single thing the law says you are entitled to, then you can remind dad later of all of the financial items you didn't ask for. Possibly this reminder could be used to cool him off at a later date. This is a stratagy that I used in my own case and it worked wonders.

Which county in ohio will you be moving to?

Are you and your ex 5?

If Dad is legally obligated for cs, that he is LEGALLY obligated to pay.

If Dad is legally obligated to pay for a portion of the medical expenses then he is LEGALLY obligated to pay. Period. No games.

 

[Humusluvr]

Are you and your ex 5?

If Dad is legally obligated for cs, that he is LEGALLY obligated to pay.

If Dad is legally obligated to pay for a portion of the medical expenses then he is LEGALLY obligated to pay. Period. No games.

I don't want there to be any games here. With dad's temper, I would prefer to do things as equally and fairly, but still legally as possible. If I piss him off royally, he may choose not to be involved in his soon-to-be-son's life at all.

So I realize you can't squeeze blood from a turnip...

Back to the long term visitation plan. Any suggestions from anyone? Anyone have one that works well that I can use to reference? To get from Ohio to Texas is 1700 miles. It takes two airplane exchanges and then a 150 mile drive through the desert to get where dad lives. I've googled the basics, but any suggestions?

Thanks

 

[LdiJ]

I don't want there to be any games here. With dad's temper, I would prefer to do things as equally and fairly, but still legally as possible. If I piss him off royally, he may choose not to be involved in his soon-to-be-son's life at all.

So I realize you can't squeeze blood from a turnip...

Back to the long term visitation plan. Any suggestions from anyone? Anyone have one that works well that I can use to reference? To get from Ohio to Texas is 1700 miles. It takes two airplane exchanges and then a 150 mile drive through the desert to get where dad lives. I've googled the basics, but any suggestions?

Thanks

Honestly? Its an impossible situation. If you truly believe that dad won't fight your move, then you can pretty much count on dad not being any real part of the child's life. Or, that dad won't be any real part of the child's life through infancy and toddlerhood, but will then try to force the issue.

A parent that doesn't live in the same community as his/her infant and toddler child has a harder than heck time forming a real bond with the child. When travel is as difficult/complicated/expensive as you have described, its pretty much impossible.

You have already told us that dad rarely exercises his visitation with another child who lives within a reasonable distance. What makes you think that he will make the effort that it will take to form a bond with your child?

Or, in the alternative, since you plan on remaining in the area for several months after the child's birth, its possible that dad WILL bond with the child, WILL realize what he will be missing out on, and WILL change his mind and fight your relocation. That is a very REAL possibility.

I am sorry to be hitting you with this when you are so close to giving birth and are already dealing with the stresses and strains of late pregnancy...but its reality. You should have gone home before this school year started. You may still be able to go home, but you have to be realistic about what kind of relationship is possible between dad and the child.

 

[escape2paradise]

Honestly? Its an impossible situation. If you truly believe that dad won't fight your move, then you can pretty much count on dad not being any real part of the child's life. Or, that dad won't be any real part of the child's life through infancy and toddlerhood, but will then try to force the issue.

A parent that doesn't live in the same community as his/her infant and toddler child has a harder than heck time forming a real bond with the child. When travel is as difficult/complicated/expensive as you have described, its pretty much impossible.

You have already told us that dad rarely exercises his visitation with another child who lives within a reasonable distance. What makes you think that he will make the effort that it will take to form a bond with your child?

Or, in the alternative, since you plan on remaining in the area for several months after the child's birth, its possible that dad WILL bond with the child, WILL realize what he will be missing out on, and WILL change his mind and fight your relocation. That is a very REAL possibility.

I am sorry to be hitting you with this when you are so close to giving birth and are already dealing with the stresses and strains of late pregnancy...but its reality. You should have gone home before this school year started. You may still be able to go home, but you have to be realistic about what kind of relationship is possible between dad and the child.

I second what LDIJ says. What makes you think that dad won't fall in love with your child and fight your move? His relationship with his other child is an indication of how he might behave, but it is not a certainty. There are tons of men out there who have multiply children from different relationships and for whatever reason some of the children they are involved with and others they are not.

I understand some of your reasoning here, but what you are doing is taking a huge gamble on what you "think" dad will do. Not very smart at all. I would check into your insurance and find out if there is a maximum out of pocket for expenses. Maybe there is and the expense of an Ohio birth wouldn't be as bad as you think. You might think that you are saving yourself some medical expenses by staying in TX, but what happens if dad decides to fight you? You may very well be stuck in Texas and unable to work due to your condition. On top of that you will have to fund litigation which can cost 10's of thousands of dollars. You think you would be at a financial disadvantage by leaving now? If dad does end up fighting you, you will be SCREWED!

 

[Humusluvr]

Honestly? Its an impossible situation. If you truly believe that dad won't fight your move, then you can pretty much count on dad not being any real part of the child's life. Or, that dad won't be any real part of the child's life through infancy and toddlerhood, but will then try to force the issue.

A parent that doesn't live in the same community as his/her infant and toddler child has a harder than heck time forming a real bond with the child. When travel is as difficult/complicated/expensive as you have described, its pretty much impossible.

You have already told us that dad rarely exercises his visitation with another child who lives within a reasonable distance. What makes you think that he will make the effort that it will take to form a bond with your child?.

I believe what you re saying is exactly what I need to hear.. even if its not pleasent. I can't force him to have a relationship with EITHER child, just because that's what *I* would do. It just isn't what *he* will do. I am going to check on the maximum out-of-pocket expenses, so that I could leave Texas a little earlier than planned and have the baby in Ohio.

Or, in the alternative, since you plan on remaining in the area for several months after the child's birth, its possible that dad WILL bond with the child, WILL realize what he will be missing out on, and WILL change his mind and fight your relocation. That is a very REAL possibility.

I am sorry to be hitting you with this when you are so close to giving birth and are already dealing with the stresses and strains of late pregnancy...but its reality. You should have gone home before this school year started. You may still be able to go home, but you have to be realistic about what kind of relationship is possible between dad and the child.

You know, I either need to hear it now, or I'll wont be prepared for what will happen after the birth. Your alternative is completly forseeable. It is a real possibility. I think that dad doesn't believe that I am going to do what I say I am. He doesn't believe that I make plans for things, and that I prepare for wost-case scenarios. He doesn't make things happen in his life.... but I'm not going to let this child suffer for that. Whether I get any help from him at all, whether I get any money, whether he makes a relationship or not - I will provide the best, most stable environment I can.

Thanks for your help.

Still open to any suggestions about setting up visitation, even if dad refuses to take it. I can always hope that he will.

 

[CJane]

Still open to any suggestions about setting up visitation, even if dad refuses to take it. I can always hope that he will.

Know what? Based on MY experience of having a child with a man who chooses not to be involved and whom if it wasn't for the wonderfulness of my child I would regret ever getting mixed up with... leave it up to HIM to file for visitation if and when he ever wants it.

Some cans of worms should be kept closed until someone else opens them. KWIM?

 

[special mom]

Know what? Based on MY experience of having a child with a man who chooses not to be involved and whom if it wasn't for the wonderfulness of my child I would regret ever getting mixed up with... leave it up to HIM to file for visitation if and when he ever wants it.

Some cans of worms should be kept closed until someone else opens them. KWIM?

I agree with Jane, MDB is 7 now and hasn't seen NCP in ages. He has the opportunity to see her now and did see her when she was little but then just stopped. There was never a court order regarding visitation and I'm so thankful for that now that all her medical issues are so complicated. MDB missed out on having her make a wish granted but I ultimately decided it was better to leave sleeping dogs lie than to push it and wind up with her having to go where she really wasn't wanted and where her medical needs would not be met. If NCP really wants relationship with child, all they have to do is go to the courthouse and file. And as the old saying goes, past is a good predictor of the future.

 

[Humusluvr]

Know what? Based on MY experience of having a child with a man who chooses not to be involved and whom if it wasn't for the wonderfulness of my child I would regret ever getting mixed up with... leave it up to HIM to file for visitation if and when he ever wants it.

Some cans of worms should be kept closed until someone else opens them. KWIM?

Thank you CJane, that seems to be a wise suggestion for me.... let him make the effort to be involved, rather than to force him.

I am truly excited to meet my baby in February, and I hope everyone prays for his healthy arrival.

Thanks to all

 

[wileybunch]

I don't know if my insurance has a cap. I hadn't thought about it, but I will definitely inquire. I thought, "$100K medical bill in Texas - I pay 10%, $10K bill in Texas. $100K bill in Ohio, I pay 40% in Ohio (out of network), $40K bill in Ohio." See why I'm freaking out? Maybe I have a $2000 cap per year.... that would be super! Thanks for the thought!

Insurance has been on my mind and I thought of your sitch .....

When checking your out of pocket cap per year, make sure you are taking into account whether you will be seeing preferred network providers in OH if you have a PPO plan b/c the out of pocket caps are different if they are not.

 

[Humusluvr]

Insurance has been on my mind and I thought of your sitch .....

When checking your out of pocket cap per year, make sure you are taking into account whether you will be seeing preferred network providers in OH if you have a PPO plan b/c the out of pocket caps are different if they are not.

Thank you for thinking of me!

Y'all were correct - I do have a cap on my medical.

If I stay in Texas and have the baby I pay $250 deductible plus $2000 out-of-pocket cap.

If I go to Ohio - since it will be out of network - I pay $500 deductible plus $2000 cap.

So I put my rear in gear today and wrote my maternal/fetal medicine specialist and received her OK to transfer my records to Ohio. She is going to release me on February 1st to fly to Ohio (that is the last possible date as I can't fly after 35 weeks). I will go on bed rest once I am there. I also got the OK from my Assistant Principal to begin my leave Feb 1st. I told him that I will come back to finish out the books and paperwork for the end of the school year some time in April, barring any medical concerns or hospital stays. That keeps me legal within my teaching contract so I don't lose my certification. And it keeps me getting paid and having health insurance.

Things are looking up for me, but I'm still a nervous wreck. It was hard today going back to school after the holidays, and I'm not sleeping at all - but I guess I'm not gonna be sleeping for 18 more years, right?

 

[casa]

Thank you for thinking of me!

Y'all were correct - I do have a cap on my medical.

If I stay in Texas and have the baby I pay $250 deductible plus $2000 out-of-pocket cap.

If I go to Ohio - since it will be out of network - I pay $500 deductible plus $2000 cap.

So I put my rear in gear today and wrote my maternal/fetal medicine specialist and received her OK to transfer my records to Ohio. She is going to release me on February 1st to fly to Ohio (that is the last possible date as I can't fly after 35 weeks). I will go on bed rest once I am there. I also got the OK from my Assistant Principal to begin my leave Feb 1st. I told him that I will come back to finish out the books and paperwork for the end of the school year some time in April, barring any medical concerns or hospital stays. That keeps me legal within my teaching contract so I don't lose my certification. And it keeps me getting paid and having health insurance.

Things are looking up for me, but I'm still a nervous wreck. It was hard today going back to school after the holidays, and I'm not sleeping at all - but I guess I'm not gonna be sleeping for 18 more years, right?

Good job working it out. It's fairly normal to be a nervous wreck when your new baby is due soon...and you WILL sleep~ eventually.

 

[Bloopy]

Thank you for thinking of me!

Y'all were correct - I do have a cap on my medical.

If I stay in Texas and have the baby I pay $250 deductible plus $2000 out-of-pocket cap.

If I go to Ohio - since it will be out of network - I pay $500 deductible plus $2000 cap.

So I put my rear in gear today and wrote my maternal/fetal medicine specialist and received her OK to transfer my records to Ohio. She is going to release me on February 1st to fly to Ohio (that is the last possible date as I can't fly after 35 weeks). I will go on bed rest once I am there. I also got the OK from my Assistant Principal to begin my leave Feb 1st. I told him that I will come back to finish out the books and paperwork for the end of the school year some time in April, barring any medical concerns or hospital stays. That keeps me legal within my teaching contract so I don't lose my certification. And it keeps me getting paid and having health insurance.

Things are looking up for me, but I'm still a nervous wreck. It was hard today going back to school after the holidays, and I'm not sleeping at all - but I guess I'm not gonna be sleeping for 18 more years, right?

Brilliant!

I’m glad things worked out to have Baby in OH while keeping things tidy for your teaching license.

Dad can still file, but you have simplified things.

Do you plan to file papers when Baby is born? Or will you bide your time until 6 mo. or so to establish residency in OH?

 

[escape2paradise]

Brilliant!

I’m glad things worked out to have Baby in OH while keeping things tidy for your teaching license.

Dad can still file, but you have simplified things.

Do you plan to file papers when Baby is born? Or will you bide your time until 6 mo. or so to establish residency in OH?

Unless I misunderstood, she doesn't have to wait 6 months if baby is born in Ohio? I believe OG said if baby was born in Ohio, that Ohio had jurisdiction.

If the baby is born in Ohio then Ohio will automatically have jurisdiction over custody and child support issues. Hence Ohio will also have jurisdiction over the costs associated with pregnancy.