Informal support needs modification

[plumdragon]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama!

My ex & I, after a pointless court battle, ended up in mediation, where he insisted that he didn't want to pay ME the money, but rather just would pay it straight to the daycare, as that's where it would be going anyway. Having no more money left to fight him at the time, I was forced into an agreement. We did fortunately add an 'income changes, readjust payment' sort of thing into it.

For summer, he decided that since he has a new baby, he wanted to save some money, and didn't pay the registration fee for the preschool where our daughter attends. This means that without my approval, she's staying home during the days he has custody, with her stepmother, instead of being in school. She stays home all day watching tv instead of learning how to read, etc. The big kicker is that because our support order stated "no child support, instead father will pay daycare", she's NOT in daycare this summer so he feels he doesn't have to pay anything. Also, several months ago I agreed that I would pay a little towards the amount, as stated in the decree, based on my income (I earn substantially less). However I then lost my full time job and went part time, so only ended up doing this for one month. He knew this but continued to pay a lesser amount to the daycare. They now call me on a regular basis wanting the $500 that he shorted them...his response is that "this is your problem now, you deal with it".

I'm working part time and going to school full time, as well as volunteering at a local ambulance service. I can't afford to hire a lawyer again, I'm still paying for the last one! Is it appropriate to write a letter to the judge stating all these facts, and ask for a formal "he pays the state, the state pays me" child support order? I can see that barely a year on that things aren't working out this way, and know in the future when she starts public education it's going to be a serious disaster.

PLEASE help.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama!

My ex & I, after a pointless court battle, ended up in mediation, where he insisted that he didn't want to pay ME the money, but rather just would pay it straight to the daycare, as that's where it would be going anyway. Having no more money left to fight him at the time, I was forced into an agreement. We did fortunately add an 'income changes, readjust payment' sort of thing into it.

For summer, he decided that since he has a new baby, he wanted to save some money, and didn't pay the registration fee for the preschool where our daughter attends. This means that without my approval, she's staying home during the days he has custody, with her stepmother, instead of being in school. She stays home all day watching tv instead of learning how to read, etc. The big kicker is that because our support order stated "no child support, instead father will pay daycare", she's NOT in daycare this summer so he feels he doesn't have to pay anything. Also, several months ago I agreed that I would pay a little towards the amount, as stated in the decree, based on my income (I earn substantially less). However I then lost my full time job and went part time, so only ended up doing this for one month. He knew this but continued to pay a lesser amount to the daycare. They now call me on a regular basis wanting the $500 that he shorted them...his response is that "this is your problem now, you deal with it".

I'm working part time and going to school full time, as well as volunteering at a local ambulance service. I can't afford to hire a lawyer again, I'm still paying for the last one! Is it appropriate to write a letter to the judge stating all these facts, and ask for a formal "he pays the state, the state pays me" child support order? I can see that barely a year on that things aren't working out this way, and know in the future when she starts public education it's going to be a serious disaster.

PLEASE help.

He will NOT have to pay daycare for the time the child is with him if has someone to watch the child. You cannot dictate that. He will also not have to pay daycare for when you are volunteering your time. He may not even have to pay for the time you are in school. Why do you believe you have the right to dictate what dad does with HIS child on HIS time? Where in the court order does it state you have that ability? Please quote it word for word.

 

[Zigner]

And, I'd like to point out that children have been learning to read for quite a few years without going to summer pre-school

 

[plumdragon]

The problem is that he took her out of daycare without my approval, in order to stop paying money at all. By the time the daycare told me the tuition hadn't been paid, it was too late, she wasn't registered for summer. The only reason I agreed to a "pay the daycare instead of child support" order was that she was intended to stay in daycare, not at home with someone who sleeps half the time she's there. I would have never agreed if I knew he would take her out at the first available opportunity.

Also, on days (every other 2 days) when she is with me, I have no choice but to stay home with her or take her to work with me. I'm not exactly "volunteering". Either that, or take her *back* to her fathers house during the day. I can't afford to pay a babysitter 10-15 hours every week. When stepmom has something she has to do otherwise (Dr's appt, etc) they simply tell me "we can't take her today", and I have no choice. The very first week she wasn't in daycare, I had to take her with me to work every day because they were busy.


And yes, Zigner, she can read! I wasn't implying that she can't, just that sitting & watching spongebob all summer certainly won't improve her abilities...

 

[Ohiogal]

The problem is that he took her out of daycare without my approval, in order to stop paying money at all. By the time the daycare told me the tuition hadn't been paid, it was too late, she wasn't registered for summer. The only reason I agreed to a "pay the daycare instead of child support" order was that she was intended to stay in daycare, not at home with someone who sleeps half the time she's there. I would have never agreed if I knew he would take her out at the first available opportunity.

HE doesn't have to keep her in daytime during HIS TIME. The fact that you ere IGNORANT to that is not his problem. He is not dictated to by YOUR wants. The court order controls. So where does it state that he has to keep the child in daycare and that is the only one besides the parents who can watch the child? Please post the language.

Also, on days (every other 2 days) when she is with me, I have no choice but to stay home with her or take her to work with me. I'm not exactly "volunteering". Either that, or take her *back* to her fathers house during the day. I can't afford to pay a babysitter 10-15 hours every week.

So why weren't you keeping up on the daycare YOU wanted. Why shouldn't she spend more time at her father's house? It is free care. Why wouldn't you like that?

When stepmom has something she has to do otherwise (Dr's appt, etc) they simply tell me "we can't take her today", and I have no choice. The very first week she wasn't in daycare, I had to take her with me to work every day because they were busy.

Joint custody or visitation?

And yes, Zigner, she can read! I wasn't implying that she can't, just that sitting & watching spongebob all summer certainly won't improve her abilities...

Boy did you miss the point. She can learn to read without PRESCHOOL IN THE SUMMER!

 

[abys32]

I understand why you want your child in preschool for sure. Since it is your preference and not your right, as someone else pointed out, maybe you should communicate that this is your preference. For example, "Do you think we can agree for you to pay this bill? If not, I would prefer to go to court to pursue a standard child support payment and then I will be able to pay for it. That may actually work out best since my salary has decreased and yours has increased since the last order and I anticipate that this may result in an increase owed to me. Which arrangement would you prefer? Oh great, I'm so glad we agree on things. I'll need the check right away. Thanks!" However, even if he pays, he still does not have to send the child anywhere on his time until the child is of mandatory school age. Do you believe he is not acting in the child's interest? Court sucks. Just try to work it out.

 

[Isis1]

I understand why you want your child in preschool for sure. Since it is your preference and not your right, as someone else pointed out, maybe you should communicate that this is your preference. For example, "Do you think we can agree for you to pay this bill? If not, I would prefer to go to court to pursue a standard child support payment and then I will be able to pay for it. That may actually work out best since my salary has decreased and yours has increased since the last order and I anticipate that this may result in an increase owed to me. Which arrangement would you prefer? Oh great, I'm so glad we agree on things. I'll need the check right away. Thanks!" However, even if he pays, he still does not have to send the child anywhere on his time until the child is of mandatory school age. Do you believe he is not acting in the child's interest? Court sucks. Just try to work it out.

abys....her income decreased voluntarily. and if dad wants to watch the child while mom is working, he may be able to win that.

 

[abys32]

BTW, this is the reason I think that the noncustodial parent (in this kind of agreement) should have to pay a certain amount (according to support guidelines) towards the child and then pay the difference as a support payment if they don't spend it all on the child. Most parents would gladly spend money on their child in lieu of spending the same amount on checks to the other adult. Then all know who benefits and how it is spent. What is in the child's best interest?

 

[abys32]

abys....her income decreased voluntarily. and if dad wants to watch the child while mom is working, he may be able to win that.

I agree with you and I think he would surely be allowed to keep the child home if he chooses. I also think that Mom could win a support payment in lieu of the childcare arrangement and then pay for what she wants. I would think that the dad would prefer the former to the latter arrangment. If he gives a little, he will be able to stay out of court. Everyone wins, especially the child.

 

[Ohiogal]

I understand why you want your child in preschool for sure. Since it is your preference and not your right, as someone else pointed out, maybe you should communicate that this is your preference. For example, "Do you think we can agree for you to pay this bill? If not, I would prefer to go to court to pursue a standard child support payment and then I will be able to pay for it. That may actually work out best since my salary has decreased and yours has increased since the last order and I anticipate that this may result in an increase owed to me. Which arrangement would you prefer? Oh great, I'm so glad we agree on things. I'll need the check right away. Thanks!" However, even if he pays, he still does not have to send the child anywhere on his time until the child is of mandatory school age. Do you believe he is not acting in the child's interest? Court sucks. Just try to work it out.

QUIT QUIT QUIT POSTING. Please quit.

If she goes for a standard child support order she will find her income imputed for CHOOSING to be underemployed. She will find that he will NOT be responsible for all the day care and only a portion during the time that she is WORKING and not for her volunteer or social activities.

Why should dad agree to pay for MOM's PREFERENCES? Good grief. Mom could find she would get LESS money. Oh and dad could also argue for a right of first refusal or that his wife could watch sweetie and therefore save them BOTH money. Get it? You need to quit.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree with you and I think he would surely be allowed to keep the child home if he chooses. I also think that Mom could win a support payment in lieu of the childcare arrangement and then pay for what she wants. I would think that the dad would prefer the former to the latter arrangment. If he gives a little, he will be able to stay out of court. Everyone wins, especially the child.

And maybe dad wants to go to court because it would show the idiocy of mom if mom wants to be ignorant and follow your advice. This poster is someone attorneys would LOVE to go against -- especially if she follows your advice.

 

[plumdragon]

I don't get ANY other child support. With him not paying daycare, if I want to have her in care so that I can go to work I have to not pay for something else (gas, the power bill, etc). I'm not ignorant of the fact that he can do whatever he wants with his time, but the support order is that he's supposed to pay daycare expenses. If he refuses to pay tuition and registration as he has and takes her out, that means that it's not available for my time as well, meaning I can't get a full time job in case they are 'busy'. Her preschool isn't available as a drop in center, she's either there or not, there is no part time option.

We share joint legal and physical custody. I object to her being at her fathers house because I wasn't given any choice in the matter. It is in our decree that we both have equal rights to decide on her education, no one is allowed to 'force' the other without a discussion or further mediation.

And my income didn't decrease voluntarily. I had my hours cut from full time to part time, was forced to get a second job, and when the first one decided they weren't going to work with my new job's hours (and school) a month later, they decided me it wasn't worth having me there for the 4 hours a week they could schedule me for.


I'm not looking for an tongue lashing on what I'm forcing him to do. He was well aware of what he was doing and made sure I knew why he was refusing to pay. "I have a new child now, so I'm not paying for daycare anymore".

What I need to know isn't what I can make him do with his time, but how to handle the situation with the Judge. How do I make the informal payment arrangement (there's not even a fixed amount set) into a standard child support payment? Again, I don't get squat from him otherwise.

 

[LdiJ]

I don't get ANY other child support. With him not paying daycare, if I want to have her in care so that I can go to work I have to not pay for something else (gas, the power bill, etc). I'm not ignorant of the fact that he can do whatever he wants with his time, but the support order is that he's supposed to pay daycare expenses. If he refuses to pay tuition and registration as he has and takes her out, that means that it's not available for my time as well, meaning I can't get a full time job in case they are 'busy'. Her preschool isn't available as a drop in center, she's either there or not, there is no part time option.

We share joint legal and physical custody. I object to her being at her fathers house because I wasn't given any choice in the matter. It is in our decree that we both have equal rights to decide on her education, no one is allowed to 'force' the other without a discussion or further mediation.

And my income didn't decrease voluntarily. I had my hours cut from full time to part time, was forced to get a second job, and when the first one decided they weren't going to work with my new job's hours (and school) a month later, they decided me it wasn't worth having me there for the 4 hours a week they could schedule me for.


I'm not looking for an tongue lashing on what I'm forcing him to do. He was well aware of what he was doing and made sure I knew why he was refusing to pay. "I have a new child now, so I'm not paying for daycare anymore".

What I need to know isn't what I can make him do with his time, but how to handle the situation with the Judge. How do I make the informal payment arrangement (there's not even a fixed amount set) into a standard child support payment? Again, I don't get squat from him otherwise.

I think that some of the posters were misunderstanding the situation. I don't think that they understood that instead of paying child support to you, that dad was to use the money that should have been child support, to pay the daycare instead.

What you do, is you file a motion to modify child support. You do not have to have an attorney to do that. This time if you get sent to mediation, do NOT agree to any deviations from the guidelines.

 

[plumdragon]

That's correct. He pays for preschool instead of child support, that IS his support. I get no alimony (9 year marriage) or other support from him, and he makes $40K to my $10K.

 

[Isis1]

That's correct. He pays for preschool instead of child support, that IS his support. I get no alimony (9 year marriage) or other support from him, and he makes $40K to my $10K.

how would attendance at the school affect the child in terms of daycare placement?

if dad were order to pay the preschool instead of child support, then dad should be paying the daycare regardless instead of child attending the pre-school. if he wants to spend time with the child, that's fine. but the spot needs to be paid for so YOU can utilize it on YOUR time.


i say take dad to court for contempt. and to re-establish an actual child support amount. this way, if dad wants to spend time with his child, he can do so and still pay child support.

but you will be calculated on a full time earning basis. your school and volunteer work, are not considered.