Inter-District Transfers

[RubyPrynne]

When more than one person accuse you of being offensive, it's... because you are acting in a way that they find offensive.

In fact, your attitude here, if at all similar to how you are in person, might be the reason for your problems. You come across as condescending and dismissive.

Personally, I try to be careful when dealing with my school district, because it is hicksville with pretentions (not literally, because Hicksville is actually far more urban). It seems to yield better results.

You are an adult. As an adult, you get to choose where you live. There is no law forcing you to live where you are living. Surely you could qualify for emigration to Canada under the point system.

Additionally, you chose to have a child. Yes, chose. I do not know if you gave birth to her (and chose to keep her) or adopted her, but you chose to have a child.

There are consequences to these choices. One, apparently, is that you are not able to enroll your child in the school you think would be best of for her.

I don't care about your 5 year plan and its various nuances that are beyond my low level of sophistication.

Good grief. I did not imply any of you are unsophisticated, uneducated, unintelligent, or anything else. That's how you chose to interpret my words. I understand that a couple of people here are offended by that, but I can't make anyone choose to interpret it differently. There are better school systems. Does that mean you don't know a better system? Certainly not, but it is possible--hence the word "if." I didn't tout a foreign upbringing to put myself on a pedestal in my initial post. I brought it up so that any differences of opinion in a post that did have ranting could be easily explained by cultural differences and keep out conversations assuming this is about one or a even a few certain schools. I get that there are many parents who complain online about their child not getting accepted into their dream school, or the "best school," and speak as though it is their right to put their child in the school they pick and that is NOT what my post is about. It is similar, but it is not about the school, it is about getting out of the district. I want to explore the policies and laws regarding school attendance, transfers, and rights of the parent/child. I am not asking you guys to tell me how to cheat everyone else and put my kid in one school.

That is not the case in my post, and adding my own personal history was meant to help credit my statement that our home district is not an acceptable option not because I just don't like it for being a poor community, but because I have had enough experience to recognize when something is not right. It was NOT to state that I'm so much better and because I'm better my kid gets better without any fair consideration. I am not the parent complaining my child didn't get the school I wanted, I am complaining that our home district won't let us explore the possibility of enrollment in other districts and it is angering.

I apologize if you found my words pretentious. That was not my intention, neither was it to be condescending. Reading someone else's words vs. hearing them say it to you can make a world of difference in how it comes across.

I do not speak to people nor even the school district the way you are suggesting. I say they're not helpful or accountable because 70% of the time nobody pivks up the phone and they don't return voicemails or their mailbox is full, I say it because they do not respond in a timely manner (they are required to respond to IDAs within 30 days and two out of three times they did not--I received the approval for one IDA after school started already--I say they are not accountable because when I ask them about policies, they don't know what they are or read the same vague statement I read on the applications, half the time I receive conflicting information about the enrollment process, or they don't know the right person or resources I should seek, and it goes on.

No I am not being forced to live where I am, however moving is not a simple nor fast process. The dilemma I have needs a more urgent resolution than the time it takes to move.

I chose to have my daughter and have never regretted the path she has brought me on because she's not a "choice with consequences," and having her in a specific school is not the issue.

 

[Just Blue]

I would also like to state that just because I agree with the OP about the Canadian schools doesn't mean I don't find her just as condescending and pretentious as everyone else here.

Thank You for saying that. I totally get wanting the best education possible for your children. I have gladly sacrificed a LOT so that both my kids had the best school system I really can't afford. (not a type-o...it is a struggle)

 

[cbg]

Ruby, if everyone here is having the same reaction to your words, then perhaps you might want to consider that the problem is not with our interpretation, but with your presentation. You may not intend to be condescending or offensive but you may rest assured that intent or not, you are.

ETA: I see that you have acknowledged such in your response to Red.

 

[RubyPrynne]

Ruby, if everyone here is having the same reaction to your words, then perhaps you might want to consider that the problem is not with our interpretation, but with your presentation. You may not intend to be condescending or offensive but you may rest assured that intent or not, you are.

ETA: I see that you have acknowledged such in your response to Red.

Okay. I apologize apologize for coming off that way. I did not mean that your interpretations are wrong or that there is no fault in how I typed. I made a few attempts to rectify my words and my story, most of which are still unacknowledged so I don't know if anyone has actually read those posts or not and still has an issue with what I say after that, or they just didn't know what I meant to say.

With that in mind, I would please like to start over. No matter my intent, my feelings don't belong on a forum like this and it was not an appropriate place to let it go. If I was only looking for an answer I want to hear, then I wouldn't be on this forum anymore. Please understand that I still care about your opinions and advice, and hope that you will brainstorm this process with me. I am overwhelmed by the enrollment process in general, navigating through an institution that is unfamiliar, and not having a supportive administration to reach out to.

 

[RubyPrynne]

Ruby, if everyone here is having the same reaction to your words, then perhaps you might want to consider that the problem is not with our interpretation, but with your presentation. You may not intend to be condescending or offensive but you may rest assured that intent or not, you are.

ETA: I see that you have acknowledged such in your response to Red.

My OP was defensive towards all of you without you guys doing or saying anything against me.

There was apprehension about what you would think so I reacted initially instead of waiting to hear your thoughts.

I'm sorry. I get it now. My last post still stands.

 

[Just Blue]

Okay. I apologize apologize for coming off that way. I did not mean that your interpretations are wrong or that there is no fault in how I typed. I made a few attempts to rectify my words and my story, most of which are still unacknowledged so I don't know if anyone has actually read those posts or not and still has an issue with what I say after that, or they just didn't know what I meant to say.

With that in mind, I would please like to start over. No matter my intent, my feelings don't belong on a forum like this and it was not an appropriate place to let it go. If I was only looking for an answer I want to hear, then I wouldn't be on this forum anymore. Please understand that I still care about your opinions and advice, and hope that you will brainstorm this process with me. I am overwhelmed by the enrollment process in general, navigating through an institution that is unfamiliar, and not having a supportive administration to reach out to.

Stop using the word "caste system". Every time you use that word my teeth grind. The reality is that a lot of funding for a SS is through town/city tax revenue. So it stands to reason that town/cities that generate more $$ have better funded schools. Is it fair? No
I would love for my daughter to go to an A+ school. But as I don't have the money to live in Wellesley (A+ school) I have to content myself with an A- school in a nice city 65 miles from my family. My daughter will end up at Harvard or MIT with a full ride as she is in the top 3% academically in MA. My eldest has graduated from one of the best universities in the country SCL. So even low income children can make it.
So...Go on with the 5 year plan as you are or perhaps change it to aa 8 or 10 year plan and work to supplement your household income.

Good Luck to you and your little one.

 

[Shadowbunny]

I should have expected all this. You guys grew up here, this is your home and this is what you're used to. That's fine. I can't expect you to know better if this is all you've ever known.

Interesting how I'm accused of not understanding the background of the posters here. I don't claim to, but neither do you guys. I didn't say that to be better than anyone, I said that because if that's what you've grown up with and that is the system you are used to dealing with, it is unreasonable expecting others to see this from a different perspective than what people in the U.S. are accustomed to working with--which is also the norm. I am trying to understand and sympathize with your points of view, which is my attempt to acknowledge our different opinions despite the insults and move on with the actual question.

Thanks for suggesting an attorney. Wasn't sure what way to go about this in-person.

But that's EXACTLY what you did. You stated that we all grew up here, and poor us, we just don't know any better. Hence my point: you DON'T know any of our backgrounds. As many, many others have pointed out on this forum (and I'm sure you've heard it many, many, many times before IRL), you're coming across as pretentious, It is no wonder at all that the school district doesn't want to deal with you.

ETA: I see that you've apologized. It's appreciated. I'm keeping my original post ^ so perhaps you'll learn what it is that you're doing that rubs people the wrong way.

 

[HRZ]

Actually one could make a case that some supposedly impoverished districts spend more per pupil than do others, in part because of state funding issues ..and if you get a lot of funding from state capitol it's pretty easy to have a bloated system compared to a neighbor.

Likewise it may be a lot easier for those on bottom rungs of economic ladder to move to a better school district than it is for folks in the middle who own homes and are struggling to keep up and get to work on time while,being hit with a disproportionate share of local school taxes , at the extreme , a child who fits the very very broad federal definition of homeless is all but assured of being able to enroll where he or, she puts their head OR where they previously were enrolled .

OP ..sure your home district may be far short of your visions of a great school,...but get a better job and move to your idea of a better district .

 

[stealth2]

Thanks for your answer. If that's what needs to happen in the end, then I will do it.

Is there anything specific you would suggest to supplement with?

Sorry for not replying sooner, but as the sole (and FT) caregiver to two elderly parents, I've spent a few days dealing with hospital/medical issues. Yay, me!

Supplementing education. Where to begin... Books. Books, books, books. For one thing, there was never any forbidden reading material in my home. For another - there was never a book one of my kids read that I did not. That gave us common ground for discussion, and it also made them more willing to give books that I recommended a try. LOL I did get negative feedback wrt what I allowed them to read (my youngest had a fascination regarding the Holocaust, and many could not understand my allowing her to read "Doctors o Death" in MS. Yeah, tough topic..... Life is tough, though...

Same with music. I'm a 1st Genner, with parents from Europe. "Their" music was/is classical - symphonic, operatic.... They hated "our" music. And I hated theirs. LOL BUT... I understood the value in the cultural literacy involved. Both kids actually really enjoyed going to the Phil, the Opera, the Ballet w/grandma & grandpa. My oldest is a composer. As an added bonus? It was a good way for them to also learn, in a practical sense, how to behave in "society". That certain venues required certain attire, etc. And, as with books.... I made a point of becoming familiar with their music. Did I like all of it? Nope. But I have a clue.

Art. Yep, I took them to various museums, exhibits, etc. I made them conversant enough.

Sports. Even if your child isn't athletic, it's good to be conversant (and that doesn't necessarily mean being able to talk sports). LOL.... the one I was going to make into an athlete? Hopeless. The most inept person ever. But.... they can hold their own on the basics of the "big" sports - football, baseball, hockey, basketball, soccer, tennis, etc.

We always had several newspapers delivered, and we stayed current on current events. I've always felt it important for them to be aware of what is going on - locally, nationally, globally. It's important so that they can form informed opinions. We don't agree on everything, and that's okay. But we can discuss as rational adults. (they're both in their 20s now.)

Condensed? Expose your child(ren) to as much as possible.

 

[quincy]

Sorry for not replying sooner, but as the sole (and FT) caregiver to two elderly parents, I've spent a few days dealing with hospital/medical issues. Yay, me!

Supplementing education. Where to begin... Books. Books, books, books. For one thing, there was never any forbidden reading material in my home. For another - there was never a book one of my kids read that I did not. That gave us common ground for discussion, and it also made them more willing to give books that I recommended a try. LOL I did get negative feedback wrt what I allowed them to read (my youngest had a fascination regarding the Holocaust, and many could not understand my allowing her to read "Doctors o Death" in MS. Yeah, tough topic..... Life is tough, though...

Same with music. I'm a 1st Genner, with parents from Europe. "Their" music was/is classical - symphonic, operatic.... They hated "our" music. And I hated theirs. LOL BUT... I understood the value in the cultural literacy involved. Both kids actually really enjoyed going to the Phil, the Opera, the Ballet w/grandma & grandpa. My oldest is a composer. As an added bonus? It was a good way for them to also learn, in a practical sense, how to behave in "society". That certain venues required certain attire, etc. And, as with books.... I made a point of becoming familiar with their music. Did I like all of it? Nope. But I have a clue.

Art. Yep, I took them to various museums, exhibits, etc. I made them conversant enough.

Sports. Even if your child isn't athletic, it's good to be conversant (and that doesn't necessarily mean being able to talk sports). LOL.... the one I was going to make into an athlete? Hopeless. The most inept person ever. But.... they can hold their own on the basics of the "big" sports - football, baseball, hockey, basketball, soccer, tennis, etc.

We always had several newspapers delivered, and we stayed current on current events. I've always felt it important for them to be aware of what is going on - locally, nationally, globally. It's important so that they can form informed opinions. We don't agree on everything, and that's okay. But we can discuss as rational adults. (they're both in their 20s now.)

Condensed? Expose your child(ren) to as much as possible.

EXCELLENT post, stealth2!!

I would like to see every parent follow your lead.

 

[Shadowbunny]

+1 on Stealth's post.

(And I hope all is well with your parents, Stealth. Caretaking can be exhausting; I hope you're getting some rest.)