irresponsible ex

[tylersmom]

[
Mom on the other hand feels that magic is something that was created by the devil and doesn't allow it in her house.


Your kidding, right? Uh, it's just a movie. There is magic in virtually every disney movie ever made, not to mention Shrek, The Santa Clause, Fairly OddParents . . . I could go on forever. Does she ban those movies too?

My son and I both love Harry Potter. It's something we can both enjoy together.

 

[stealth2]

Take Harry Potter for example. My kids love Harry Potter and watch the movies about every other day when they are here. I don't mind one bit as long as they are happy. Mom on the other hand feels that magic is something that was created by the devil and doesn't allow it in her house. Sooo, when my kids go back and she asks them if they watched Harry Potter one of two things will happen...

1) They will admit to it and she will get mad in front of them for wanting to watch the movies after she told them they couldn't.

2) The children will feel forced to lie to her in order to ensure that they are allowed to do what makes them happy out there and keep mom from calling dad and yelling at him.


That is just one example, no two parents raise their kids the same and it is best to not put the kids in the above situations.

And this is quite different from taking an interest in what the kids do on their time elsewhere. Whether Mom's, school, a friend's, etc.

 

[CJane]

Not really. They can talk to me about it if they wish but it is none of my business and seeing how I don't aprove of her hypocritical ways I have a hard time keeping a smile on my face when I hear about some of the stuff that goes on at her house.

You're kidding, right? My ex and I couldn't be more opposite in our approach to parenting, religion, lifestyle, emphasis on material things, diet, etc. And yet... EVERY TIME I pick my kids up, or he drops them off, I ask them if they had fun, what they did, what they learned at Sunday school... all those things. I pretend I'm excited that they went to the indoor water park yet again, while I roll my eyes internally at the amount of money he spends to 'keep them busy'.

It your (mine, everyone's) job as a parent to be interested in your children's lives whether you agree with the parenting style of the other parent or not.

 

[tylersmom]

I think it is important to stay involved and interested in your child's life. Like I said, I ask him how his weekend was and if he had fun, and if he offers more information, that is fine. I just don't want him or his father to feel like I'm pumping him for information on what's going on at Daddy's house. To a certain extent I feel like my ex's time with our son is their business and it's something I shouldn't intrude on. I can't explain it, it's just such a weird situation. As common as divorce and split custody is, nobody has really ever been able to figure out exactly how to handle it. Just the best way you can.

Anyway, when I asked my original question, I didn't really have a specific agenda. I was just curious if anyone else could relate and if I should be handling the situation differently (via legal means), what I should do if future incidences occur, and if anyone had any advice on it in general. I like to be aware of my rights, what the law is, and get some opinions on whether or not I'm overreacting or not doing enough before I open up a can of worms.

Thanks!

 

[ceara19]

Kids tend to overexagerate a lot too which is why it would have been a good idea for mom to simply call dad on the issue. What might have seemed like a long time to a scared child might have been a minute to a parent that was watching their child through the window of their camper.

The problem is that if the parent DID neglect or harm the child, 99.9% of the time they are not going to just come out and tell you. In this situation, even if he was watching through the window, it's still unacceptable. The child wasn't play on a swing set in the back yard, dad left a 6 year old child unsupervised at a POOL.

 

[tylersmom]

The problem is that if the parent DID neglect or harm the child, 99.9% of the time they are not going to just come out and tell you. In this situation, even if he was watching through the window, it's still unacceptable. The child wasn't play on a swing set in the back yard, dad left a 6 year old child unsupervised at a POOL.

Exactly, thank you very much! He's only 6 years old! Some may call me an overprotective mom, but I do what I have to do to keep him safe, that's it. My ex has an inground pool at his house and this whole thing got me wondering if our son is being supervised when he's swimming there.

 

[ceara19]

Exactly, thank you very much! He's only 6 years old! Some may call me an overprotective mom, but I do what I have to do to keep him safe, that's it. My ex has an inground pool at his house and this whole thing got me wondering if our son is being supervised when he's swimming there.

That's not overprotective at all. I have a friend that lost her son in a swimming accident. He was 11 and both parents were very close by. They only took their eyes off of him for a minute. Unfortunately, that's all it takes.

Since there is a pool at dad's house, you might want to consider buying a "floating swimsuit" to wear at dad's.

 

[Inquiry123]

you might want to consider buying a "floating swimsuit" to wear at dad's.

Those suits look gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

OP: IMO, communication is key. Ask Dad if you two can agree to Jr. being supervised at all times that he's swimming. Ask Dad if you two can agree to seek medical attention for Jr. if he is ill (a temp over ??? degrees, fever lasting more than ?? hours, continuous vomiting, etc.) Etc. Etc. If you two can't agree on an issue that borders on negligence, than take the next step. Maybe if everyone has the same expectations/guidelines some improvement (ignorance, laziness) will be noticed. Good luck.

 

[ceara19]

Those suits look gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

OP: IMO, communication is key. Ask Dad if you two can agree to Jr. being supervised at all times that he's swimming. Ask Dad if you two can agree to seek medical attention for Jr. if he is ill (a temp over ??? degrees, fever lasting more than ?? hours, continuous vomiting, etc.) Etc. Etc. If you two can't agree on an issue that borders on negligence, than take the next step. Maybe if everyone has the same expectations/guidelines some improvement (ignorance, laziness) will be noticed. Good luck.

I agree, they are not very stylish. But I would much rather my child look "gay" in a swimsuit then dead.

I also agree that communication is key. However, I would never be willing to risk my child's life just to keep the peace. Dad has made several irresponsible choices. I don't think that they were intentional, but he's not just going to change overnight. Until he grows up, mom needs to take whatever options are available to keep the child SAFE while trying to maintain a good relationship between the child and dad.

 

[Ohiogal]

The problem is that if the parent DID neglect or harm the child, 99.9% of the time they are not going to just come out and tell you. In this situation, even if he was watching through the window, it's still unacceptable. The child wasn't play on a swing set in the back yard, dad left a 6 year old child unsupervised at a POOL.

Actually you dont know that Ceara. Dad's trailer could have been parked poolside. The child could have stepped out the door of the trailer to get to the pool. And a tree falling is NOT dad's fault. You also don't know if the child was unsupervised. I say this because some families go to campsites yearly and know the other campers and are friends with them. So junior may have gone to the pool area with a neighbor that dad and junior knew. Just because dad wasn't right there doesn't mean dad was not having the child supervised or neglected him.

 

[tylersmom]

Actually you dont know that Ceara. Dad's trailer could have been parked poolside. The child could have stepped out the door of the trailer to get to the pool. And a tree falling is NOT dad's fault. You also don't know if the child was unsupervised. I say this because some families go to campsites yearly and know the other campers and are friends with them. So junior may have gone to the pool area with a neighbor that dad and junior knew. Just because dad wasn't right there doesn't mean dad was not having the child supervised or neglected him.

This is the first time he's ever taken our son on vacation (with the exception of visiting his family, which this was not) and he just bought the camper and this was the first time they used it, so he doesn't do this often enough to make other camper friends. I did ask my ex just casually to make conversation before they left if they were meeting anyone there or going with anyone else and he said no. As for the location of the camper and the pool, they are in completely seperate areas. The pool area has large slides and is like a waterpark. The campsite is on the property but not poolside or anywhere close enough to properly supervise him. By the way, this place is not far from where we live, which is why I know about the place.

Like I said, I don't have an agenda here, and to be honest I really don't want to have to do anything to hurt my ex. However, he has proven to be irresponsible in the past, and this appears to be just one more time that he didn't use good judgement. It truly is about my son's safety and wellbeing, not something personal. If it was, I would have already tried to do something legally after the dehydration, but like I said, I truly wanted to believe that he would never let something like that happen again or be that irresponsible.

 

[tylersmom]

Actually you dont know that Ceara. Dad's trailer could have been parked poolside. The child could have stepped out the door of the trailer to get to the pool. And a tree falling is NOT dad's fault. You also don't know if the child was unsupervised. I say this because some families go to campsites yearly and know the other campers and are friends with them. So junior may have gone to the pool area with a neighbor that dad and junior knew. Just because dad wasn't right there doesn't mean dad was not having the child supervised or neglected him.

I really do appreciate your input and actually I'm glad when anyone offers a different perspective. Opening up a can of worms like this is very serious, and if I ever made the decision to do something legally, I'd rather have looked at it from every possible angle. I think that I will be better off simply discussing my concerns with my ex and hoping we can work things out on our own. If another incident occurs (like the dehydration) then I'll take legal action immediately.

 

[tylersmom]

I agree, they are not very stylish. But I would much rather my child look "gay" in a swimsuit then dead.

I also agree that communication is key. However, I would never be willing to risk my child's life just to keep the peace. Dad has made several irresponsible choices. I don't think that they were intentional, but he's not just going to change overnight. Until he grows up, mom needs to take whatever options are available to keep the child SAFE while trying to maintain a good relationship between the child and dad.

Thank you. I try to keep the lines of communication open, but I'm sure most everyone on here knows that it's hard to do that without the other parent becoming defensive.

 

[tylersmom]

Those suits look gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

OP: IMO, communication is key. Ask Dad if you two can agree to Jr. being supervised at all times that he's swimming. Ask Dad if you two can agree to seek medical attention for Jr. if he is ill (a temp over ??? degrees, fever lasting more than ?? hours, continuous vomiting, etc.) Etc. Etc. If you two can't agree on an issue that borders on negligence, than take the next step. Maybe if everyone has the same expectations/guidelines some improvement (ignorance, laziness) will be noticed. Good luck.

Thank you so much!

 

[Ohiogal]

I really do appreciate your input and actually I'm glad when anyone offers a different perspective. Opening up a can of worms like this is very serious, and if I ever made the decision to do something legally, I'd rather have looked at it from every possible angle. I think that I will be better off simply discussing my concerns with my ex and hoping we can work things out on our own. If another incident occurs (like the dehydration) then I'll take legal action immediately.

here is the thing -- I can understand your concern and you have things that you should discuss with dad. But also look at it this way -- you are hearing from your son second hand what happened. You weren't there when it happened. And children distort things. All children distort things. The tape when they played mummy -- kids do stupid things. My daughter shoved 4 m&ms up her nose to see what would happen. She found out. they eventually melt and they run out the nose after causing pain. It is not lasting pain. It is just stupid things kids do. The tree is an act of God. Should dad make sure the child is supervised -- yes. Talk to dad about it. Dehydration -- not a good thing but kids do get sick and they can get dehydrated quickly in the heat. If they don't want to drink because they want to play -- well you can't necessarily force them to drink. That is not an excuse but rather a different view. If dad was purposely putting junior in harm's way -- as in go play in traffic, or ignoring any and all of his needs, that would be a problem.