Is it ok for stepmom to spank my son?

[angelmama]

The sad reality is that you can file all of the police reports that you want, and you can call CPS but its not iillegal for stepparents/caregivers to spank children in most states. You can get a corporal punishment clause put in your custody CO, but absent proof that spanking, etc is occurring the order isn't worth the paper that its written on. Unless you can document abuse, or you can prove that a CO is being violated its all moot. Its just another way that the system fails the children that its supposedly set up to protect, IMO.

 

[StickyFingers]

Were there any marks on the child to prove the spanking?

If you posted it previous...and I missed it...I apologize

 

[demera@planttel]

Hello again, we just got home an im glad to see everyones opinion.

I will check out that thumb guard but if I even suggest it to his dad then he will "remind" me that HE HAS CUSTODY and CONTROL and that I need to spend my 2 days every 2 weeks with himand leave it at that. Thats how he has done anytime I have asked him anything about my sons school or anything else. i sent him a certified letter about 2 months ago very nicely telling him that I would like for him to take piano lessons and that i would pay for the costs and he had his attorney send me a letter saying that "i need to be aware that I cannot dictate to Mr. lewis and I am certainly free to purchase him a piano and arrange for piano lessons on the weekends."

anothet thing that I am concerned about is when he lived with me he always said he wanted to be a fire fighter when he grows up. For the past month or so, he is obsessed with being in Army so that he can drive a tank and blow up the bad guys. His dad was in the army and is a military nut (he even has my sons hair cut like they do in the army) It may be trivial right now, but I dont want him wanting to be in the army.

 

[demera@planttel]

Were there any marks on the child to prove the spanking?

If you posted it previous...and I missed it...I apologize

No I asked him where she spanked him and he rubbed like on the side of his upper thigh but I did not see any marks. I do not see him but every two weeks and i dont know when it happens. I know after I take him back tommorrow Im gonna be so worried. he is such a quiet and sweet boy, he doesnt ever do anything to deserve a spanking. i took him to the amusement park today (along with my other 4 boys) and then we ate at a resteraunt, and i didnt have to spank any of them. I did have to take my 4 year old to the bathroom and "speak" to him b/c he wanted to push the high chair around, but that was it. I just think that if she spanks him with a spoon for sucking his thumb, then what might she do if he really done something bad?

 

[LdiJ]

No I asked him where she spanked him and he rubbed like on the side of his upper thigh but I did not see any marks. I do not see him but every two weeks and i dont know when it happens. I know after I take him back tommorrow Im gonna be so worried. he is such a quiet and sweet boy, he doesnt ever do anything to deserve a spanking. i took him to the amusement park today (along with my other 4 boys) and then we ate at a resteraunt, and i didnt have to spank any of them. I did have to take my 4 year old to the bathroom and "speak" to him b/c he wanted to push the high chair around, but that was it. I just think that if she spanks him with a spoon for sucking his thumb, then what might she do if he really done something bad?

I honestly understand your concerns and your fears. I don't have an answer for you...but I do understand. Your only real option is to ask a judge to order that neither parent is allowed to use corporal punishment (or allow others to use it on their behalf). A judge may or may not agree..and it may or may not be enforceable....but its worth a try.

 

[ceara19]

I honestly understand your concerns and your fears. I don't have an answer for you...but I do understand. Your only real option is to ask a judge to order that neither parent is allowed to use corporal punishment (or allow others to use it on their behalf). A judge may or may not agree..and it may or may not be enforceable....but its worth a try.

I don't see how a judge could ever justify saying that it's okay for anyone other then a parent to spank a child. But, even if there is an order stating no corporal punishment from anyone other then a parent, how would you go about enforcing it if the child isn't old enough to be heard in court?

 

[LdiJ]

I don't see how a judge could ever justify saying that it's okay for anyone other then a parent to spank a child. But, even if there is an order stating no corporal punishment from anyone other then a parent, how would you go about enforcing it if the child isn't old enough to be heard in court?

Children can be heard by other methods than direct court testimony. Counselors, CASA workers, Guardian ad Litems...etc.

However you are correct...enforceability is tougher than nails.

At the same time though, a court order may be enough to scare some parents/stepparents into obeying.

 

[ceara19]

Children can be heard by other methods than direct court testimony. Counselors, CASA workers, Guardian ad Litems...etc.

However you are correct...enforceability is tougher than nails.

At the same time though, a court order may be enough to scare some parents/stepparents into obeying.

I hope that's the case here. I don't know how I would handle anyone else laying a hand on one of my kids. Fortunately, I don't think it will ever be an issue. The kids don't even know their own father, much less step mom and my SO already knows how I feel about the whole subject.

That and the fact that my kids know that if I'm gone and they misbehave and give the adult they are with a hard time, they will WISH the other person would have just spanked them and gotten it over with, rather then having to wait for MOM to do the punishing! Taking away privileges and handing out extra chores is WAY worse then a swat on the backside to them!

 

[nicetryadmin]

The sad reality is that you can file all of the police reports that you want, and you can call CPS but its not iillegal for stepparents/caregivers to spank children in most states.

Umm...that is a huge steaming pile of CRAP!!!! Outside of the bio parents, NO ONE has any legal right to physically molest or assault this child. PERIOD!!! All of this bullcrap that "if it's not in the order blah blah blah." Chrissakes people, there are certain things that fall under state statutes that do NOT need to be addressed in an order to be legally binding. So freaking stop with this "if it's not in the order" BS.

OP...I would write a letter to the EX, certified with return reciept AND via regular mail, not accusing the stepparent, but simply reminding the ex that no other person is to physically molest or assault the child in anyway, regardless if permission is given by the bio parent. Then you should include language from the state statute that deals with assault and include it in your letter. Assault is assault whether it's on a child or an adult -- it's ILLEGAL!!!!

In the meantime, file a police report and also take any pictures. The police are NOT lawyers and any attempt at legal advice should be taken with a grain of salt -- if that. The police are there to enforce specific laws and keep order and the such. There are people above them who are responsible for deciding what's abuse, etc.

 

[angelmama]

Sorry, but you are dead wrong here. In almost ALL of the 50 states caregivers/parents/stepparents are allowed to use corporal punishment. And OPs state statute clearly states that "Physical forms of discipline may be used as long as there is no physical injury to the child. Secs. 19-7-5/ 19-15- 1/49-5-180.[Ci.]"

Since the stepparent left no physical marks (that the NCP can prove), legally its not abuse, and its not assault. Not saying that I agree with it, but this isn't a moral site, this is a legal site. Appropriate or not, check the laws. Its very shocking.


http://familyrightsassociation.com/info/spanking_laws.htm

 

[angelmama]

And furthermore Georgia law also goes onto say "Parent or person in loco parentis reasonably disciplining of a minor has a justification for a criminal prosecution based on that conduct. Sec. 16-3-20.[Cr.]" Since SM was the caregiver at the time (in loco parentis), and absent any marks on the childs body/proof of abuse (reasonable discipline in the eyes of the law), SM is protected from criminal charges.

 

[nicetryadmin]

Sorry, but you are dead wrong here. In almost ALL of the 50 states caregivers/parents/stepparents are allowed to use corporal punishment. And OPs state statute clearly states that "Physical forms of discipline may be used as long as there is no physical injury to the child. Secs. 19-7-5/ 19-15- 1/49-5-180.[Ci.]"

Don't backpeddle too fast...you might stumble and fall. A stepparent has NO legal rights to a child, unless that stepparent has adopted that child. If not, they are NOT legally allowed to physically molest and/or assault a child. You said "caregivers/parents/stepparents are allowed..."

First of all, you should not be associating a stepparent and/or caregiver to a parent. A parent is allowed to use corporal punishment, as long as it is within state laws. Any other non-legal party has no legal right to use corporal punishment. PERIOD!!! If my ex's spouse spanked my kid(s), there would be two people in for an ass-whoppin' LOL.

Since the stepparent left no physical marks (that the NCP can prove), legally its not abuse, and its not assault. Not saying that I agree with it, but this isn't a moral site, this is a legal site.

No sh*t Sherlock...I know it's a legal site. If a stepparent spanks (for example) YOUR child -- it's assault. It's quite simple.

So, let's stop the freaking song and dance.

 

[CJane]

Umm...that is a huge steaming pile of CRAP!!!! Outside of the bio parents, NO ONE has any legal right to physically molest or assault this child. PERIOD!!! All of this bullcrap that "if it's not in the order blah blah blah." Chrissakes people, there are certain things that fall under state statutes that do NOT need to be addressed in an order to be legally binding. So freaking stop with this "if it's not in the order" BS.

<snip>

There are people above them who are responsible for deciding what's abuse, etc.

Actually, you're wrong. The 'people above them' who have decided what abuse is, define it as such:

(3) "Child abuse" means:
(A) Physical injury or death inflicted upon a child by a parent or caretaker thereof by other than accidental means; provided, however, physical forms of discipline may be used as long as there is no physical injury to the child;

From Here: http://www.legis.state.ga.us/cgi-bin/gl_codes_detail.pl?code=19-7-5

Then there's what others have already posted:

The fact that a person´s conduct is justified is a defense to prosecution for any crime based on that conduct. The defense of justification can be claimed:
(1) When the person´s conduct is justified under Code Section 16-3-21, 16-3-23, 16-3-24, 16-3-25, or 16-3-26;
(2) When the person´s conduct is in reasonable fulfillment of his duties as a government officer or employee;
(3) When the person´s conduct is the reasonable discipline of a minor by his parent or a person in loco parentis;

From Here: http://www.legis.state.ga.us/cgi-bin/gl_codes_detail.pl?code=16-3-20

And then finally, there's this which explains how corporal punishment can be used in the schools, and the only way you can request that it NOT be used on your child (bolded). From the sounds of it, it's nearly impossible to avoid Corporal Punishment in the schools, I can't imagine a court having much problem with a step-parent administering it - especially if the step-parent actually spends more time with the child than the bio-parent.

An area, county, or independent board of education may, upon the adoption of written policies, authorize any principal or teacher employed by the board to administer, in the exercise of his sound discretion, corporal punishment on any pupil or pupils placed under his supervision in order to maintain proper control and discipline. Any such authorization shall be subject to the following requirements:
(1) The corporal punishment shall not be excessive or unduly severe;

<snip>

(5) Corporal punishment shall not be administered to a child whose parents or legal guardian has upon the day of enrollment of the pupil filed with the principal of the school a statement from a medical doctor licensed in Georgia stating that it is detrimental to the child´s mental or emotional stability.

From Here: http://www.legis.state.ga.us/cgi-bin/gl_codes_detail.pl?code=20-2-731

The fact is that it's not illegal, and there is very little mom, as NCP can do about it other than voice her concerns and know that dad can essentially 'do whatever he wants' during his time (including allowing SMom to administer discipline) just as mom can.

 

[fireboat1]

The so called step pare t is ABUSING the child.Hello,he is a kid. Many suck their thumb.No punishment should be administered for thumb sucking.Its a natural act we are born with. The bitch obviously has a problem,like the kids in the way of her and her man.Mom needs to do all she can to get it stopped.Perhaps the kid wants to tank and blow STEPMOM up.Major poop going down here.Mom ,go get help somewhere. DONT IGNORE IT.

 

[CJane]

Fireboat1 : this is NOT abuse according to GA statute. Just because something is distasteful to us does not make it illegal.

***

It might be helpful to define 'in loco parentis'...

The term in loco parentis, Latin for "in the place of a parent", refers to the legal responsibility of a person or organization to take on some of the functions and responsibilities of a parent. For example, state law gives school teachers some areas of responsibility in which they act in loco parentis.

...includes grandparent and guardian, any person acting by, through, or under the direction of a court with jurisdiction over the child, and anyone who has express or implied consent of the parent or parents.

Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_loco_parentis"