Is this fair?

[Alana_Moore]

What is the name of your state? FL

I am a single mom(with a fiance but not the father). I have an 18 month old son. Me and the father of my child have never gotten a court orded child support agreement. We have an agreement that he is to give me xyz amount every 1st and 15th of the month. He has never been late and our arrangement has worked well.
Recently I learned that his ex-wife(they have been divorced for almost 6 years) with whom he has 2 other children is receiving triple the amount in child support (through court ordered)than I am receiving.

I have mentioned to him that I think its unfair that she is getting a larger amount (per child) than I am and that I am considering to file for child support. He has since become very rude and disrespectful. He has gone from begging me not to do it to threatening me. He claims that I will not get what I think I should from the courts because I live in a dual income houseld and she doesnt- does that matter?he name of your state?

 

[seniorjudge]

The answer is: File a lawsuit against him for child support. He will also get visitation, etc.

 

[Ohiogal]

And realize that his first two children come first and they will deduct that child support from his income so your child will NOT receive as much as his first two children of which there is a support order.

 

[TheGeekess]

And a legal stranger's income will not matter (which is what your BF/fiancé is considered).

 

[Alana_Moore]

Thanks, I will exercise your advise.
This a non- legal qestions about the forum. I have a few issues, am I suppose to post per subject or can I put it all in one thread?

 

[texastepmom]

try to keep it to one thread so everyone knows your history...

 

[Alana_Moore]

Blended Family

OK.
Well I am getting married next May. We both have 1 child from previous relationships. His ex has poisoned his son against me. Originally we all got along great but lately the STBH son has turn into a terror.
He is 5 years old and says things like "I dont know what my dad sees in you". That is not 5 yr old talk.He wont let me touch him and he tells me he doesnt like me. The list goes on. He continously says he doesnt want brothers and sisters or a stepmom. However I have a son. Now he is mean to my son and at times is abusive to him as well. He also gets very very upset when his dad attends to my son.
I have started finding excuses to be away from the household when the STBH son is at our house, to avoid arguments or me getting upset because of something he has done to my son. What can I do to make our family unit better? Its almost to the point that I dont know if I should marry under these conditions. My 1st priority is to my child and I feel like my child may suffer or be mistreated every other weekend for the rest of his life. What to do?

 

[seniorjudge]

Q: What can I do to make our family unit better?

A: Cancel the wedding.

 

[Humusluvr]

OK.
Well I am getting married next May. We both have 1 child from previous relationships. His ex has poisoned his son against me. Originally we all got along great but lately the STBH son has turn into a terror.
He is 5 years old and says things like "I dont know what my dad sees in you". That is not 5 yr old talk.He wont let me touch him and he tells me he doesnt like me. The list goes on. He continously says he doesnt want brothers and sisters or a stepmom. However I have a son. Now he is mean to my son and at times is abusive to him as well. He also gets very very upset when his dad attends to my son.
I have started finding excuses to be away from the household when the STBH son is at our house, to avoid arguments or me getting upset because of something he has done to my son. What can I do to make our family unit better? Its almost to the point that I dont know if I should marry under these conditions. My 1st priority is to my child and I feel like my child may suffer or be mistreated every other weekend for the rest of his life. What to do?

You have two choices -

get out NOW! If its bad now, it will be worse when the honeymoon is over. You have to think about YOUR son. (my suggestion) Don't marry someone that you are already thinking you could divorce!

or

Tell dad that if you are going to be a family unit, he has to discipline his child. a FIVE YEAR OLD should not be running the show. Dad needs to put down the law QUICK, before kiddo becomes a nightmare. Establish the RULES for your house ASAP!

 

[texastepmom]

well, this is more of a personal rather than legal question so i will give you my opinion, not any legal advice.

what is dad doing to help his son with this transition? i would really recommend dad and son get some joint counseling that could work its way into counseling to include you.

personally, i would not get married until all of this gets worked out first. I would also look at getting a place of your own so you can have a safe stress free place for you and your son to be when your fiance's son is over.

i am a stepmom and i too would avoid being around the stepkids at first, it was too hard, and while they were always nice enough to me, i just didn't agree with a lot of the things they did and how dad took care of it. i also believed that they needed to spend as much time with thier dad as they could during thier visits, thier relationship with thier father was too important to interfere with. he needed to be focusing on this kids and not on me when he had his visits. my now dh would want me to be very involved and do everything with them, (i call it the "remove wife A and instert wife B" syndrome) but i resisted - i am a also a child of divorce and knew how much i enjoyed time alone with my had (heck i still do) and while dh didn't like it at first, he got used to it and began to understand where i was coming from.

anyway, that's my two cents, take it or leave it.

 

[proud_parent]

You have two choices -

get out NOW! If its bad now, it will be worse when the honeymoon is over. You have to think about YOUR son. (my suggestion) Don't marry someone that you are already thinking you could divorce!

or

Tell dad that if you are going to be a family unit, he has to discipline his child. a FIVE YEAR OLD should not be running the show. Dad needs to put down the law QUICK, before kiddo becomes a nightmare. Establish the RULES for your house ASAP!

As you consider your options, OP, think about which of these two choices is entirely within YOUR control, easier to implement, and most likely to protect your child's best interests.

 

[Alana_Moore]

Dad really does try. He makes an extreme effort to try an accomodate everyone in the situation. He disciplines the son but by then its already out and we all know how he truly feels.

I was thinking, we all need counseling. Me, stbh, stbh's son, and ex wife. The sons behavior stems from his mom brainwashing him so I think she needs to beinvolved since she has him most of the time.

I totally agree there should not be a wedding unitl this is settled. but my fiance thinks its something his son will grow out of and will soon be over. Hmm...:-/

 

[Silverplum]

Dad really does try. He makes an extreme effort to try an accomodate everyone in the situation. He disciplines the son but by then its already out and we all know how he truly feels.

I was thinking, we all need counseling. Me, stbh, stbh's son, and ex wife. The sons behavior stems from his mom brainwashing him so I think she needs to beinvolved since she has him most of the time.
I totally agree there should not be a wedding unitl this is settled. but my fiance thinks its something his son will grow out of and will soon be over. Hmm...:-/

I'd wish you good luck getting Mom to go to joint counseling to help your relationship with Dad and their son...but in my opinion, you don't have a snowball's chance in That Warm Place.

 

[Alana_Moore]

I'd wish you good luck getting Mom to go to joint counseling to help your relationship with Dad and their son...but in my opinion, you don't have a snowball's chance in That Warm Place.

Yeah but maybe if its proposed to her from an angle of the sons mental health. Like he is a completely different child. Or even if it meant that just the three of them go together and work out some resentment issues.

 

[Alana_Moore]

Is there a such a thing as too much blending in the family, could it be considered unhealthy for the kids involved?

I have 1, my fiance has 1. Ocassionally my ex's kids (2) come over to see their brother. Sometimes this is the same weekend my fiance has his son. Totalling in 4 kids. Also my fiance son has a older sister that his son's mom had when he met her. She too has visited. Adding 1 more to the posse. Totaling in 5 inter-related kids.