Is this fair?

[seniorjudge]

...

I feel bad deciding not to date someone because they have kids, I have a kid, how can I discriminate?

...

Nothing wrong with discriminating. In fact, it is a good idea.

 

[Luckiecatt]

Nothing wrong with discriminating. In fact, it is a good idea.

I have to agree with seniorjudge on that one..

"1 a: to make a distinction <discriminate among historical sources> b: to use good judgment
2: to make a difference in treatment or favor on a basis other than individual merit <discriminate in favor of your friends> <discriminate against a certain nationality>"

I think it would be more of the using good judgement type of discrimination than the second definition. Good judgement should not be a reason for regret.

(Definition is from: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary )

 

[penelope10]

Oh OK I get it. Yeah now I have to reconsider some things. It may just be in my childs best interest to stick to the current arrangement.

I feel bad deciding not to date someone because they have kids, I have a kid, how can I discriminate . I totally understand what your saying because you do take EVERYBODY on in a relationship.

As a divorced parent this is how I view dating in general. My first and top priority at this stage of the game is my child. If I am in a relationship and I see problems ahead, I'm going to very closely examine that relationship. Whatever the cause of the problem.

 

[texastepmom]

Thank you. I definately plan to hold off on the wedding as long as things are this bad. I will check into some stepfamily literature.

I just so want this to work, because I already have a child w/ someone else and I just want to provide a settled household. Oh well

Thanks everyone for the advice!

well, my mom decided not to marry after she divorced because she thought it was more stable NOT to have another man in the picture... many times she has told me that this was the best decsion she made as a single mom, not to expose me to some other man, his family, etc. the last thing you want to do is marry someone just so your child will have a father figure in thier daily life, big mistake.

of course, she's still not married, so maybe she's not the best one to set an example here... but i can tell you as a child of divorce, my dad remarried, my mom didn't... guess where i felt more stable, comfortable and able to grow, learn, and become a well-rounded person?

 

[seniorjudge]

...
I have to agree with seniorjudge on that one.
...

Hope it didn't hurt you none!

 

[jbowman]

.

of course, she's still not married, so maybe she's not the best one to set an example here... but i can tell you as a child of divorce, my dad remarried, my mom didn't... guess where i felt more stable, comfortable and able to grow, learn, and become a well-rounded person?

Wow, did you really?? That is interesting to me--the unmarried mother that has no hope of ever being married LOL

 

[Luckiecatt]

Hope it didn't hurt you none!

lol, nope. I actually had this headache b4 realizing I agreed with u.

 

[proud_parent]

I have to agree with seniorjudge on that one..

"1 a: to make a distinction <discriminate among historical sources> b: to use good judgment...

You're starting to grow on me, luckie.

You've demonstrated you can take constructive criticism.

You have the wisdom to be guided by the right people.

AND...you post links!

 

[wichitafalls1]

i know in our situation we were lucky my step-daughter never remembered her parents being together, but she new that i was her step mom and i was not their to take any parents place at all and that her time with her dad was hers, he unfortunely didn't spend the time with her so i would spend time with her and her half sister just doing stuff that made them both happy. also i was really lucky her mom and i get along great because our relationship was based on her daughter and not her ex husband. my step daughter's mom has even picked up the half sister and brother with her daughter and taken them to get christmas pictures done for me as a gift. i actually like my step-daughter's mom more than my stbx, i would say we really care about each other. its always been about the kids and never the adults with us.

maybe make sure he knows he is with his dad and its his time. maybe he would be excited about being a new big brother even if its step, he can help/play with smaller children and the meaness might go away on its own.

 

[texastepmom]

Wow, did you really?? That is interesting to me--the unmarried mother that has no hope of ever being married LOL

absolutely. I never felt completely comfortable around my step mom and her kids... i could never really let my guard down and just be myself. my step mom wasn't evil, and i got along with two out of three of her kids very well, but it was so much more chaotic in their home, i didn't get half the attention i got at my mom's, and i had to share my dad. i didn't need another mother, i needed my dad. my father took a couple of years to remarry, i really enjoyed visiting him much more before he remarried - it was a whole different ballgame.

my dad is still married and i enjoy visiting him, his wife, the kids, etc. they had a daughter together who is the only one of us to have a baby, he's the center of that side of my family. i don't wish he didn't marry her, but i do know i was better off living with my single mom. she dated, and i knew that, but i didn't meet the guys unless it was serious and i wasn't around them very much. she never lived with anyone. now i wish she would go off and get married!

 

[LdiJ]

well, my mom decided not to marry after she divorced because she thought it was more stable NOT to have another man in the picture... many times she has told me that this was the best decsion she made as a single mom, not to expose me to some other man, his family, etc. the last thing you want to do is marry someone just so your child will have a father figure in thier daily life, big mistake.

of course, she's still not married, so maybe she's not the best one to set an example here... but i can tell you as a child of divorce, my dad remarried, my mom didn't... guess where i felt more stable, comfortable and able to grow, learn, and become a well-rounded person?

I decided to do the same thing as your mother. I also felt it was more stable for my child. Sometimes I feel a tiny regret about not having a partner in life, but most of the time I just cherish my independence.

I would have liked more children, but I wasn't willing to get married to have them, and I didn't want to risk a more complicated situation by having kids without being married. My daughter's father was so good to her, and I was afraid of the "unknown" regarding any father of a second child.

I am also like your mother, still not married, but I am also very content with my lot in life.